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Thread: Will she ever come back to me? Should I give up hope?

  1. #1
    rpizzel
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    Will she ever come back to me? Should I give up hope?

    This is my first post, but its a long one...please bare with me and any advice will be greatly appreciated.

    My ex and I dated for almost 4 years. Its been almost 3 months since we "broke up", but its really been less than that if you count the times we hung out. More like 2 months. We were friends for over 3 years before we actually began dating. For 2 of those years we were best friends and would hang out all the time. I would introduce her to guys, she would introduce me to girls. We knew everything about each other before we dated. I knew about all her past relationships and what went wrong in them. She knew all of mine. Some how we ended up catching feelings for each other and one day after going out, i just grew some balls and went in for a kiss. We kissed it was amazing. We waited about 2 months before we did anything more than kiss, more so cause i wasnt ready and i didnt want to ruin the friendship. After 2 months we began dating.

    She told me she loved me first, after about a month. I knew it from the first kiss, but i was always scared to move things too quickly and be rejected. It was smooth sailing after that. We knew everything about each other so it was so easy to talk to her. After about a year and a half of dating we moved in together. We got a place and at first it seemed great. Looking back at it now, maybe it wasnt that great of an idea. Living with her was great though. We were never the type to fight or break up for stupid reasons. Like other people we did have our disagreements about things. We verbally fought, never physically. We also shared responsiblities at the apartment we had. However, because we were both in college still, and i had a better paying job, i paid rent while she paid utilities and food for us. When we went out i would pay for everything.

    At one point last year around this time we began having some issues. Just didnt connect at all. Dont really know why. We ended up getting past that. Last January though, she ended up going to Brazil with her family, to visit family as she is Brazilian. She went for almost 3 weeks. We talked everyday on the phone or thru email. We talked about how much we loved each other and how much we missed each other. I was planning a big return for her. When she came back things seemed different. She didnt speak to me the whole car ride home from the airport. She seemed colder. Things werent right. Ever since then things went down hill.

    I tried making things right and at times it seemed like we were doing great again. Things went up and down. About 3 months ago at the end of June, after she graduated from college, she sat me down and said we needed to talk. She pretty much said that she wasnt happy, that she didnt see me as husband material and that she didnt see me as being a good father figure for our children if we ever had them. But she did say that she had been in serious relationships since she was 15 (which she was), and she needed time just to find her self and be single. She said to just give her time and she would come back if things were right. I promised to change whatever she didnt like. It wasnt anything crazy, it was just little things that seemed to have added up over the past few months...just stupid little fights and arguments.

    i literally did everything i could to change and make things better. However we did end up breaking up. She ended up moving out of our place and back home about a week later. I stayed at the apartment till the lease ended and then moved back with my parents. Ive apologized for it all. I did make the mistake of calling her and texting her alittle too much. I also would send her messages on facebook too much. She was staying in contact with me but only because we had a few bills still together. I also begged her to go on one date with me...she agreed after some convincing, but when we went out on that date she didnt care and she was mean to me and pretty much just did it to get it over with. Since then we have separated all our accounts and the last time i spoke to her was a little over 2 weeks ago only because we finally separated our final bill.

    Ive talked to a mutual friend and she has told me that my ex isnt seeing or dating anyone nor is she interested in anyone. Her brother messaged me seeing how i was doing and pretty much told me the same thing when i asked. I did saw some pictures of her and some guy that i know out somewhere being alittle too close, which i asked her friend about and she said that the kid likes her but she has no interest in him.

    Last week i wrote her a letter. It was a hand written letter, i expressed all my regrets and i apologized for a few things i thought had helped in breaking us up. I asked to be forgiven, then i asked for her to give us another chance. I ended by saying that my door is open for her and i am keeping a candle lit if she were to come back. Her brother told me that she got it, read it, looked sad, and didnt throw it away. So i dont know if it touched her or not.

    What ive done recently (about 2 days ago) is blocked her from viewing anything on my facebook page. I just cant get the motivation enough to delete her as a friend. Plus my curiosity still kills me and i do want to know what she is doing. I dont want to be a stalker, and i havent. Just check her page out once a day or so. Its getting less and less with each passing day, but the curiosity is still there. Was this a good move? Blocking her from seeing my wall and pictures? should i completely defriend her?

    Also im holding out hope that she will contact me. Ive stopped all contact other than that letter a week ago. Should i just continue to wait and see if she contacts me? I am trying to move on and trying to get her off the pedestal. Im continuing to make myself better, not just for her anymore but also for myself. Im going out with friends, hanging with family, meeting new women. I have my good days, then i have my bad days. I wake up depressed or go to sleep wishing she was there. She was my best friend and i really really am holding onto hope, is there anything i can do? how long should i wait? will she ever come back?

    any more details ill be happy to explain.

  2. #2
    rpizzel
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    We've seen each other out twice in the past few weeks...i usually ignore her and stay away and she has done the same.

  3. #3
    thekid55
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    Quote Originally Posted by rpizzel [Register to see the link]
    We've seen each other out twice in the past few weeks...i usually ignore her and stay away and she has done the same.
    After reading all of that, it seems to me like you are over-analyzing, which is totally normal. Guys do that. However, you have to stop this behavior. I know that's way easier said than done, but women do not want weak men. Leave the facebook the way it is. If you start getting weird with it, it'll freak her out. Just leave it all alone.

    I know that you love and care about this person and in time, she will come back. When will she come back, is the million dollar question. For me, anyway, all of my exes have come back. Most took months, one actually took six years. It'll be up to you decide then what you want to do.

    The bottom line is, you cannot control how anyone else feels, but yourself. You have to be in check of your emotions at all times, at least in public anyway.

    If you see her, say hi and keep walking. Don't make it awkward. The last thing you want to do is break down in front of her in public.

  4. #4
    SA2000
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    rpizzel - I understand what you are going through because I was in the same position. Although there isn't another guy in the picture (like was in my situation) you might want to read the GIGS thread. It sounds like she just doesn't know what she wants and now after graduating feels as though she needs to find out. My best advice to you, although you won't want to hear it just like I didn't, is to give her space. A lot of space. I would unfriend her on Facebook and go NC for a few weeks. Unfriend her so you aren't reading her status updates. Trust me on this one. It will do wonders for you mentally.

    Also I wouldn't ask other people about her that are in contact with her. I know it's hard not knowing what she is up to but also she won't know what you are up to or that you are asking. The idea is that she can't figure herself out or miss you if you are still around. Let the letter be the last thing she hears from you as I am sure it was from the heart.

    She might not come back so you need to prepare for that. I would start thinking along those lines and start working on what you want going forward without her. As they say, if you love something let it go.

  5. #5
    rpizzel
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    she doesnt really put status updates...maybe once a week or once every 2 weeks...nor do her friends write on her wall. she doesnt have to much activity on there.

    The weird thing is that after i blocked her from seeing my wall and pictures, a friend of hers that ive known for years finally decided to add me as a friend. but i put her on a block list too. its weird literally the day after i blocked her from my wall i get a friend request from her best friend that i should have gotten a long time ago. It was as if she told her to friend me maybe to spy...not sure though cause shes not like that.

    Also, its tough to defriend her...i wanna do it. i just dont have the will...i hover over the button but can click on it. I dont stalk her on facebook. Now i dont even think i can unblock her because shes gonna think its weird. Im kinda waiting for her to defriend me. Right now we arent friends. Im trying to give her so much space its crazy. But at the same time i dont want her to find a new guy. That would kill me.

  6. #6
    SA2000
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    How would you feel if her status popped up as in a relationship? Or if she suddenly posted pictures of another guy? I know she isn't active but that could change. My ex would post things like "Looking forward to tonight. " I would read into it and get so upset. Do yourself a favor and unfriend her. She will refriend you when the time is right.

  7. #7
    deanlanders
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    Can someone help me please Wel i was with my ex girfriend for 2 years and 3 months ago i ended the relationship but it was a mistake i was in a very very bad mood, ino i shouldnt of done that she has a new boyfriend but i go to college with her everyday i catch the bus with her i talk to her all the time and she has said she misses me and i make her smile, is this sign she wants me back? but she said she wants time to sort her slf out, her own parents say's to her she should get back with me witch is a good thing to be honest. Shall i wait or shall i leave it i really dont know

  8. #8
    deanlanders
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    Also she doesnt want me to get another girl

  9. #9
    ksh1255
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    Quote Originally Posted by rpizzel [Register to see the link]
    Also, its tough to defriend her...i wanna do it. i just dont have the will...i hover over the button but can click on it.
    It's only as tough as you make it. I deleted and blocked my WIFE instantly, the minute we decided to separate. She stayed up that night and created a new Facebook under her maiden name (psycho). However, right now you have to look out for YOU, and not let her actions control you. Checking her facebook is you allowing her to control you. You want her back? You stay in control. My wife had pictures of another guy from what I hear, the very next night after we split on her facebook. She was drunk as she could be, he was texting her at 5:30 a.m. etc. I never reacted.

  10. #10
    SA2000
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    Dean Landers - You might want to start another thread. My advice: Get another girl.

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