I spend too much time thinking about my ex having sex

... and to my knowledge, she hasn't been with anyone since me. The problem is, we were only ever with each other. So she's never been with anyone else. I don't know why but i can't stop thinking about it. It hurts so much to think about another guy on top of her and in her. I feel like this is the thing that stops me from properly moving on - sort of waiting for that to happen. It's so depressing.

I also spent too long after the breakup watching videos we'd made together. I think it kept me sexually and emotionally involved. I've deleted them now, but i kind of wish i still had them.

Does anyone else feel like this about their ex? It's tormenting me.

Hi, I was just about to post a similar thread about the same topic. I was in a sexual relationship with one of my best mates for over a year and I fell for him. Now we have ended things, but I still haven't moved on completely. He has a girlfriend now and it KILLS me to think of him doing all the things to her that he used to do to me. Even thinking of him kissing her kills me. And I can't help it but fantasize about sex with him still. We had the best sexual chemistry and I've never been so passionate with anyone but him. Occasionally I re-read dirty texts we sent to each other, but I avoid doing this as much as possible. But even when I try to stop I find myself unconsciously thinking about him sexually. It drives me crazy. I'm worried that I wont ever be able to get over him properly because of our sexual connection and the physical fantasies I have as a result.

That's what I'm really worried about... I don't feel i can let go until i forget about sex with her. As we were only ever with each other, it was all so unique. I just hate to think that she'll find someone else and it wont be unique anymore. Every part she thought was so special about me, maybe someone else can give to her. I hate this and i hate how i consciously know that sex is just sex. I've been with someone else since and i know now that it's just a physical act. It was so special with my ex. Now i feel like I'll never get that back.

Matt, here is what I think.. Quit worrying. To me you are sounding very selfish. Everything is about you. I dont know why you two broke up and it doesnt matter, but you must accept the situation now which is she is moving on with her life. You think after you there wasnt going to be someone else? That you were the master of sex for her and she cant touch another guy? Fact is, thats life. Things change. No one likes thinking of their X with someone else. But it does happen. You must stop thinking in terms of Me me me, when you think of your X. You are probably wondering if she misses you or thinks about you, if she wants you still. All of that is irrelevent. And yes, you should move on. You are going to have sex with other girls at some point. She is not with you. I hate to say it, but the longer you stand still looking back at your lost love life, you cant move forward. Its a whole new world out there for you, she is but one girl out of many, and for her, you are one guy out of many. If you are going to be selfish, be selfish about how you are going to treat yourself and not worry about what others are doing. You will not progress until you do.

Yeah, i hear you. It is selfish. We were together for 7 years so it's quite hard to just forget her. Without having someone else myself, I'm just scared to face the thoughts of her being with someone else. It's not just sexually, i fear the idea of being replaced. It's because i still love her and wish she would come back. I know she wont, there's no chance of it. I do hear what you're saying - live for me, move on, stop worrying about what she's doing. I will, eventually. It's only been 2 weeks without contact. I'm sure she's not actually been going out and having sex with people, she's not like that. I'm sure by the time I've moved on she still wont have been with anyone. I just can't get past the thoughts sometimes, no matter how rational I'm trying to be. I want her to be happy with her new life, but i want her new life to include me again.

I'm going to start getting therapy for coping skills. It's been almost 5 months of feeling like this now.

I was in your position, thinking about the sex. I now realise it was my own ego getting me down. When we and the ex initially broke up, the last sex we had wasn't that great it was routine. I was constantly obsessing about how our sex lives had diminished prior to the breakup and I kept thinking why didnt I please her more. Then we got back together and had one really intense sex session and when we broke up again, the sex thing didnt bother me anymore. I realised it was just my own ego at play. Just giving you my perspective.

The last sex i had with her was in the dark and it was functional, probably quite short. I hate that. I usually had really good sex with her, why did that have to be the last time? She never really seemed to care about sex that much either. If she meets someone else, i doubt sex will be a big priority for her. I don't even know why i worry about it. Anyone else? This thread seems to really be helping me get over it, actually!

Its never easy to know that your X is out there with someone else. We like to think there is no one better and we have this thing where we ask ourselves if they think about us. And chances are that yeah, they will think about their us if you were really good to them. And if you were bad to them, they will think about how this new person is so much better than you. As it goes, your mind is playing games with you. 7 yrs is a long time, but you can always take the good from it. It helped make you who you are today. So for that, be thankful you were in a relationship. I dont know why you two didnt get married, either you or her, but yes, its a new chapter in your life now. You are okay, you will be okay. You learn from this and you move on, your love will become deeper the next time around. Just dont rush things, let life takes its course. Eventually, youll find someone.

I was my ex's first love, and she was mine... we lived together... she had sex with me maybe a few days before dumping me... then she started seeing another guy only a couple weeks later.

It sucks to feel replaced. There's no easy way around it, just realize that... do you want to be with someone who would quit on the relationship and replace you so suddenly like that? Especially if you two were each other's first lovers?

I guarentee she is hiding the pain, and that she didn't learn almost anything from the relationship with you and why it failed. Learn what you did wrong, and then move on. People like her become the people that you meet years down the road who tell you about how all of their lovers were tossers and ruined their relationships without realizing that they might have been the problem in a lot of cases.

It's good that you're going to work on your coping skills. It's worth remembering that this is not something you'll benefit from when it comes to dealing with this relationship, but in so many areas. A friend of mine has therapy for her marriage break up, and then found many of the techniques she learned were very valuable when it came to dealing with sudden death of her parents. It's all bereavement in a way.

I don't think you're being selfish. It's natural to want the one you love to want to be with you. Not many people don't worry about their ex having sex with someone else. What you are thinking and posting is not harming her, so it's not like your focus on yourself is impeding her life. Objecting at an ex's wedding ceremony and spoling their big day is selfish, but your thoughts are just that, your thoughts.

The heart wants what it wants, you can't wipe that out, only time (and theraputic activities) can.

x

She doesn't belong to you. Try to understand it. The life is really cruel, but it's true that she doesn't belong to you. Do you think that she should go to the convent after your friendship? Well... her life is going on...

She doesn't belong to you. Try to understand it. The life is really cruel, but it's true that she doesn't belong to you. Do you think that she should go to the convent after your friendship? Well... her life is going on...

The reason you think about it or find it an awful idea etc is because you're emotional and still love her...

At least for me, when I'm not emotional or I'm doing something like homework, I think about things a lot more clearly, including that my ex is in a new relationship and theres nothing wrong etc... when I get emotional, it feels like she may have well just cheated on me.

We need our emotional attachment to die. That's all.

... and to my knowledge, she hasn't been with anyone since me. The problem is, we were only ever with each other. So she's never been with anyone else. I don't know why but i can't stop thinking about it. It hurts so much to think about another guy on top of her and in her. I feel like this is the thing that stops me from properly moving on - sort of waiting for that to happen. It's so depressing.

 

I also spent too long after the breakup watching videos we'd made together. I think it kept me sexually and emotionally involved. I've deleted them now, but i kind of wish i still had them.

 

Does anyone else feel like this about their ex? It's tormenting me.

Nope. The solution is to stop. Stop doing what you are doing.

Just stop? Okay. Done! Easy! It's hard to just stop, that's why I'm here.

Philos, you're right... it's purely to do with still being in love with her. It's a hard thing to just turn off, but I'm getting there. I have moments where i put everything in perspective and I'm entirely rational. It's at 3am when i'm emotional, can't sleep and all the thoughts of not being with her and her being with someone else start creeping in.

Matt... Its not easy to just stop thinking of your X. Some people dwell on it, others can forget very easily. And some it takes a little bit more time. What exactly are you worried about? So you say you think of your X and her having sex, but what is it you are worried of? That she will forget you? She will find someone better? Be honest with how you feel and it will lead you to a path of healing.

The thoughts are there because there is a reason why you are obsessed with this. Find out why you are, and soon enough, the thoughts will fade.

I know where you are. My ex met someone else with 3 months after we split up after 4 years and one weekend a mutual friend threw the curveball at me she had met someone else and was meeting him that weekend. This was 4 months ago. That Saturday night I went into complete meltdown , I suppose I had some sort of mental breakdown and posted on here about ending my life. I got so drunk I honestly did not care if I lived or died. That night in my stupor I looked into the clear night from my bedroom and prayed and asked God to take my life away from me. As it transpires all my worst thoughts were actually happening that night in reality as I now know.

The thing is me and my ex are getting back together and giving it another go.

Why ?. Thats a tough one but sex is sex. I guess as a bloke we hate the thought of another Man with the Woman we love but we are all adults and things happen. If your ex has sex with someone else she has sex. There is not a lot you can do about that and it sucks.

It has taken a lot of thinking to give her another chance but sex although imo is vital in a successful relationship it is only 1 part of what makes it work.

If you are like Rabbits it may take up 4 hours a week , what about the other 164 hours a week ?.

Just try not to imagine it as it will take your heart and soul away from you.

This sounds like a sex addict, with a hint of obsessiveness/jealousy. your mind is our worst enemy now, my friend.

Just think like I do, anyone she's with after me will only make me look better lol I kinda feel your pain bro in a way but let's b honest about it for a min.. If u were her first she will never forget u and if u treated her well and with respect , u will always b special to her .. But life goes on , she's going to be with other guys and u with other women , it happens . I'm 38, my ex is 41 we were together 6 yrs and had the most amazing sex life ever, but it wasn't just physical it was a deep connection we both felt each and everytime for 6 yrs.. Both of us had been with other people b4. We broke up 3 months ago and have actualy hooked up a couple times since , as always it was amazing .. I love her to death and really feel in my heart she's "the one " and Miss her like crazy but simply put she fell out of love with me .. U were with your woman for 7 yrs? Take heart in it bro that u will always mean something to her ..especially if u were a gentleman and always went by the rule, "ladies first" if u get what I mean . She's going to b with other men , same as my ex will , r they going to have the connection we had with them again? Who knows? But life is too short to b worrying about things like whether she's going to b with someone else again, just accept it bro and u will b better off . As long as u treated her with respect loved her and tried to b with her, and things just didn't work out.. U did all u can.

This is effin crazy!!! I swear God intended for me to see this post today. My ex and I broke up 3 months ago and she started going crazy over the thought of her screwing another guy. In fact, she had another guy a few weeks after our BU. I realize that i was being selfish because i truly love her. I was scared that she would forget about me and find someone better. Come to find out that the guy is your typical felon who has done time and stays in trouble. I treated her really good and i know i pop up in her mind often, why? because just a couple of days ago they rebound guy tweeted how she called him my name. He also told me that she still wants me.

But yea. I'm selfish and i need to accept the ex will always find someone else.

because just a couple of days ago they rebound guy tweeted how she called him my name. He also told me that she still wants me.

So, did the rebound guy tell you this because he is done with the rship and was just giving you a heads up??? I can't imagine why he would tell you these things. I hate to sound negative, but it sounds to me like this guy is effing with you. Maybe he and her wanted to see how you would respond to that news?

that's what i was thinking.

but either way, that's sad that there supposed to be together and my name pops up.

but either way, that's sad that there supposed to be together and my name pops up.

Exactly. If they are oh-so-in-love, your name would NOT be in the equation. Methinks this guy is feeling very insecure and was fishing. I've read some of your stores, TF. Be glad you are rid of her. She is seriously TOXIC.

yea she's terrible. shoot heres the twitter convo for you entertainment. I have nothing to hide lol

Him tweeting to my ex's best friend: Your friend just called me Top Five cray cray (he wrote my full name and spelled my last name wrong)

Me: I spell my name the right way

Him: she still wants you

yea she's terrible. shoot heres the twitter convo for you entertainment. I have nothing to hide lol

 

Him tweeting to my ex's best friend: Your friend just called me Top Five cray cray (he wrote my full name and spelled my last name wrong)

 

Me: I spell my name the right way

 

Him: she still wants you

You should have replied:

I wouldn't touch her with a 10ft pole.

or

I had my time with her. I'm not into leftovers.

Seriously, to hell with both of them. I have strong intuition and I'm telling you, this was just a game.