Guess what I found...

You guys have been great help in the past and decided to turn to you all for some opinions..

 

well... i been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. In October were going to move in together. I feel like were a great couple, we work well together, and for the most part we always have a good time and were happy. BUT. when im mad or sad its not good. he says that crying is stupid and pointless.. and usually when in mad about something its just me being stupid. other then that hes a great guy. he likes being with family, bringing me places, and cuddle.

 

so today i was usind his laptop because it was already turned on andthere was a thing that said 16 new e/mails.. and i was like humm i never seen this before. so i clicked it and it brought me right into his e/mail and i was like hummm.. i never thought about going throught his e/mail before.. and i didnt expect to find anything either.. right there i find an e/mail from a website link removed.. and his e/mail address but changed a bit so i instantly knew he was a member.. so i clicked on it and it said he had a message. so i clicked on it and it brought me right into his account. (is this a sign that i was so easily able to access this stuff)... i looked for anything that said how long hes been a member for and i didnt find anything.. he had no "pending boody calls" and only one boody call friend.. but shes from CA and were going to cali next year.. but then i looked and her e/mail is in his address book. he only has 8 people in his address book and i think there was another one that was like truelove395 (just for example).. so i dug deeper and didnt find any e/mails from those people.. im hoping that that was all in the past. his profile info is all there.. like his location, age, body type.. no pics..

 

i dont think he cheated on me.. i also hope to god that he didnt sleep w/ random ppl.. god knows what they have.. and that woman he has as a friend was of course perfect w/ a perfect body and of course she was beautifull... im def not bad looking but i could never ammount to her. it breaks my heart.. im only 22 and i have arthritis in my hips.. sometimes it affects our sex lives.. im just scared that once i cant take the pain anymore that he will resort back to the website..

 

another weird thing is that i was able to just click on the here" to view message link and i was instantly able to get into his account.. like he was just in it.. i dont know what to think.. i thought about making an account and finding him and trying to set up a time to meet up... im just scared hes going to find out that its me and all hell will break loose.. i didnt do it because i want to trst him.. hes never given me a reason not to trust him.. what would you do??

hes never given me a reason not to trust him..

 

So if he's never given you a reason not to trust him, why did you go looking through his email? You could just as easily ignored that "16 new messages" notification.

I think that you really can't confront him with this because then it would reveal you snooped. I think the bigger issue is how he makes you feel and how you communicate with eachother. Why do you say when you get upset its "you being stupid." Emotions are not "stupid." You sound a bit insecure. I am not saying its right for him to be on this website, but I think working on communication skills wiil help you overall. But if he continues to be callous about your emotions unless you fly off the handle all the time, you are just not right for eachother

hes never given me a reason not to trust him.. what would you do??

If nothing else, you just found a reason not to trust him. I am somewhat biased though, I trusted my last ex completely on the net and never thought about looking at anything. Only after we got divorced did I find out she had been messaging an ex-boyfriend, had herself listed as "single" on MySpace while she was actually married. She did come a little cleaner on FB by listing herself as "in a relationship", still while she was married. Since you saw this, you already have some feelings of distrust. I think I would go ahead and get on the site with your own profile and try to see how often he is on there and what he is doing. Other than that, you have to confront him directly with it and be ready for the "what are you doing spying on me" routine as well as the "you don't trust me" spiel. You will not be able to let this sit without doing something.

when i clicked on it i didnt know it was gonna shoot me directly into his e/mail. going into his e/mail was not on my list of things to do..

abitbroken- I know i cant talk to him about this or it wont be good. Your not the first person to say that maybe im insecure.. its just that something stupid like this would happen to me.. and maybe i do get that way at times.. but like today he went work at a store up north and hes been there since 1. he said he would be getting out around 9-9:30.. 9:30 was two hours ago. i still never got a text saying hes on his way.. and im not even thinking anything of it other then hes at work. and as for the emotions.. i have told him that he cant just shunn my emotions. there had to be something in his life that happened to make him this way.. i just dont know what..

Your all missing the point here. He started that website forva reason. The website name is clear as to what its used for. He had intentions to cheat. We don't know if he had cheated or has notvyet but he is clearly thinking about doing it which mean he can not be trusted. Forget you snooped you should be happy you found out now than later. Confront him. He will probably use the you snooped its your fault deal. Don't let him. The point is he basically already cheated by opening up that website.

And this doesn't make her insecure. Ofcourse having the love of your life checking out a prettier girl would form some jealousy. And i can understand why she opened up the email. BECAUSE WERE HUMAN AND HUMANS ARE CURIOUS!

forumguy- Im sorry to hear about what happened. A part of me wants to dig a little deeper and check his phone to see if that girl is in there.. another part of me says no i want to trust him.. i never thought he talks to any other girls.. but after seeing this it makes me wonder.. is there a part of him I dont know? i know im not going to speak to him about it directly.. for now im going to ask some questions. but im not going to say anything about the website.. i mean like i said.. he has no friends and the e/mails were like advertisement type of things... it wasnt a hey lets hook up e/mail. for example, one of them said something like, "new women in your area."

A similar thing happened to me. I was using my bf's computer and saw an email to a similar site. I looked at his profile there. He had created it, though, before we were together. It didn't have any pics or any detail really at all. I too looked through his email to see if there was anything else from the site and it did say that he made the account a few months before me. The site would send him emails on occasion. I did ask him about it and told him what I had looked at, and he said he made the account out of curiosity. He never met anyone on it or anything like that.

Sweetkisses- I hear you but the thing is.. I cant just assume that he signed up for the website while we were together. it might have been something hes thought about doing and never did or something hes done but deleted. i really dont know. and even if i confront him about it he could just say say it was a thing in the past..

Im not jealous of the woman.. it makes me sad.. im not bad looking, i consider myself cute.. i have a face of a child lol. i look like im 17 and im 22 lol.

Tethys- awe well thats good! your lucky.. hopefully my situation is the same.. i just worry about him going back to the website.

I think that you really can't confront him with this because then it would reveal you snooped. I think the bigger issue is how he makes you feel and how you communicate with eachother. Why do you say when you get upset its "you being stupid." Emotions are not "stupid." You sound a bit insecure. I am not saying its right for him to be on this website, but I think working on communication skills wiil help you overall. But if he continues to be callous about your emotions unless you fly off the handle all the time, you are just not right for eachother

 

 

I mis-read what you wrote..

maybe i didnt make myself clear and im sorry. but what I ment was. He thinks crying is useless and has no point. and when I get mad about something according to him what ever im mad about is stupid. we dont really fight a lot. I pick and choose my fights. some things are just not worth getting mad about. lately what i have been doing is, ill get annoyed about something and then ill realize that its not worth it and bounce right back. he calls it mood swings.. no. not when its intentional..

I think clicking on a link in an email can automatically log you into some places, so perhaps he has not been back to the site?