How did you re-build your self-esteem after S/O cheated on you?

My now ex bf (dated four years) cheated on me. I am left with NO self esteem what so ever. He made me feel like I was never good enough for him..... especially after his cheating.

How did you rebuild your self esteem?

Im in the same boat. She cheated many times in our relationship and now we are not together and Im left with NO self esteem and FULL of self doubt.

Cheaters are selfish, so apparently, it isnt us.....its them

Think of it this way...if a person was so wonderful then they wouldn't cheat and they wouldn't make you feel like you are not good enough for them. So now that we have established that cheaters are not wonderful people, why have your sense of self-esteem based on a loser who can't be faithful. Why does this person's opinion of you count so much when they are lower than pond scum! You didn't cheat, you were a good and loyal person, so that makes you the better person, miles above the cheater. Base your self esteem on who you are as a person, not on someone's opinion of you, particularly if that person cheated and made you feel bad.

It honestly takes time. I'm engaged (not to the guy who cheated) but to this day, I'm still working on issues that my cheating ex created. First step though is everything crazyaboutdogs said.

I have been trying to fight this battle myself. My problem is, I don't even know if my marriage was REAL, how about that? Much less if she cheated or not, because I caught her inappropriately with a guy in school with her our whole marriage. Now she is with her ex boyfriend, that I became friends with, in which she always talked about was so inadequate sexually. She placed me and him on completely different ends of the spectrum there, along with everywhere else. Now she is with him, 2 months after our separation.

I will tell you what I am just starting to read, referred to me by Lost. It's called "A New Earth", and it teaches you about your ego, and how its YOUR ego that's allowing you to feel this way, not someone else. Remember the same thing I am trying to remember - NO ONE can hurt you, without your consent.

You need to first realize that you are better than your ex bf.

It was his lost, and good riddance I say.

Never settle for less than you deserve. Know that there are plenty of other people out there who would be willing to give you what your ex never gave you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I know because I've been cheated on a couple of times, and in the end I wound up a lot stronger.

You just have to know that you did nothing wrong and your new life - starts here, right now.

Hang in there.

I have been cheated on. I'm not sure exactly how you 100% get over it, maybe you don't, but I will say this: if you blame yourself for their cheating by believing it happened because you are not good enough, that is playing into the cheater's hands. They want you to feel that way, so they can deflect the blame from themselves.

When a person cheats, it has less to do with the inadequacies of the S/O as much as it does with the low confidence and low self-esteem of the person doing the cheating. When relationships have problems, it's easy for the weaker partner with less morals to re-affirm themselves in the arms of another person. It's not real- just an illusion.

The other side of that illusion is what the victims above seem to be expressing. You have somehow convinced yourselves of the illusion that YOU are inadequate, worthless or lacking something that caused your partner to cheat. It's not true! There is absolutely nothing wrong with you other than you wasted some time with the wrong person. The first step is to forgive yourself, and if you are strong enough....forgive your partner. I don't mean go back with them (heck no), but just forgive them for the pain they caused and just let it go. You will find strength in the power of forgiveness, it's like removing a ton of bricks from your back. Let it go, and move on. People make mistakes and nobody is perfect. That's all there is to it. Your S/O probably did not cheat with the intent of hurting you...they were just weak. Forgive, forget, move on. And stop beating yourself up trying to find logic to the situation or fault with yourself---that is simply an illusion. The power of forgiveness however is quite real.

Do you really think the cheater is the one with the low self esteem??? I think of cheaters as having a huge ego where they think that they can get away with things like cheating. Having his/her cake and eating it too.

You rebuild your self esteem by surrounding yourself with people who are caring, positive, and supportive of you. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that because you were cheated on that something is wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with you. Something is wrong with the cheater. Even Princess Di was cheated on. The most beautiful, powerful, rich, and cherished people can be cheated on, and does that mean there is something wrong with her? Think about what you have gained by leaving a cheater. An opportunity for someone to love you unconditionally and completely. It could happen; this happened to me.