Jump to content

found a condom in his wallet. help


skysthelimit12

Recommended Posts

I don't even know what to say plz help. I found a condon in my boyfriends wallet. I don't feel he is cheating. I don't have that gut feeling but I snooped and found a condom. We don't use them. Been together 5yrs. Live together. He is 22. I am 23. What is the deal? Does this mean he is cheating? When I confronted him he was so angry I snooped. He said he is not cheating but did not give me a clear cut reason why it was there. He said it just was. He said look hard enough and you will find what you are looking for. He has asked me to go in his wallet before for money so I guess I assumed it was ok. I don't know what to think. I went to work and didn't talk to him all day. I hung out with friends n stayed out until 4. When I got home he was asleep and woke me up to talk about it. He said he is not cheating n just wants me to trust him. He is mad bc I always snoop or question him. Im just so worried things will mess up. Its like a self fulfilling prohpecy. Plz help.

 

P.s. years ago he found text n pix from other guys in my phone but has since forgiven me.

Link to comment

If you have been together 5 years and don't use condoms, you have every right to be suspicious of him cheating by finding a condom in his wallet. Has he given you any other reason to be suspicious?

 

Make him tell you why the condoms were in there. If you have been together for 5 years, the issue shouldn't be why you were in his wallet. Maybe you shouldn't have been in his wallet, but the condom issue is WAY more important.

Link to comment

Strange you've been with a man 5 years and you get chewed for being in his wallet. My husband tells me to get things out of his. He has nothing in there, never has and I know never will. He has never cared a bit if I look in his wallet, his e-mail, his bedroom drawers, suitcases, he is an open book. A man that is truly innocent will open his world to you. If you feel like you are in a museum around his things, there is a problem. I'd bet money.

 

I have a cousin that treated his wife that way, and he was cheating on her the entire time with a young girl. He even ended up marrying her. And of course he cheated on her the whole time and they finally divorced.

Link to comment
Strange you've been with a man 5 years and you get chewed for being in his wallet. My husband tells me to get things out of his. He has nothing in there, never has and I know never will. He has never cared a bit if I look in his wallet, his e-mail, his bedroom drawers, suitcases, he is an open book. A man that is truly innocent will open his world to you. If you feel like you are in a museum around his things, there is a problem. I'd bet money.

 

I have a cousin that treated his wife that way, and he was cheating on her the entire time with a young girl. He even ended up marrying her. And of course he cheated on her the whole time and they finally divorced.

 

I don't understand why serial cheaters feel the need to settle down. I mean why not just be free and sleep around?

Link to comment

he has never given me a reason to believe he is cheating..hes always home or we are always on weekend vacation somewhere or doing things with my family or his family...but why have it!? when I asked him that he said he was not cheating it was just in there because it was in there and no matter what he told me i was not going to believe him. I asked him if it was for "just in case" purposes and he laughed at me. he told me I was thinking way to into it and it was just there because. He told me he knows sometimes i would randomly be in his wallet for things (money, etc) and why would he try to be hiding it there. Idk what to do?? is this a maturity thing or age thing ? I just dont know love him so much he is so affectionate, tells me I am his best friend, our families love eachother, nothing else is weird, our home, finances etc. just this issue. He tells me there are things i have done in the past that he has forgotten about and forgiven and that I need to stop worrying and truly trust him. A friend of mine told me not to nag or worry because if he is cheating it will naturally just unfold itself. True or no? THANK U!

Link to comment

Well I think it already has unfolded itself unfortunately. Nobody goes buys a condom and puts it in their wallet for 'no reason'. And no you should NOT 'just trust him'. Because he is not only NOT giving you any explanation, he is getting angry at you for questioning it. Usually people that are guilty do exactly this to avoid the matter and turn it on the other (innocent) person. I wouldn't be surprised that if you keep asking he will say YOU are ruining the relationship.

 

Also the mindset where he tells you: 'no matter what I tell you, you won't believe it' tells me he is a liar. Because why think in this was instead of just telling the TRUTH!!!

Link to comment

Honestly, I think you should ask him to show you the expiration date, just to be sure.

 

If you haven't been using condoms the whole time, there should be no reason that he should have a condom in his wallet.

 

What is just because? Just because you want it there, just in case something were to go down? Just because what?

 

There simply is no explanation..

Link to comment

To be honest.. I've never cheated in ANY relationship.. And I've been in some where we have moved past condoms.. I ALWAYS liked to keep a condom on me regardless. Its like a mans wallet and ID. Its vital. What if his buddy needs one? What if he needs to make a ballon out of one while hes drunk? What if he DOES make a mistake and needs protection? What if.. Theres tons of what ifs.. I think its responsible for guys to always have a condom.. Maybe he just likes to spank off into them, who knows. But its responsible to have.. Doesnt mean hes cheating..

 

Edit: I'd like to add, I feel safe having one around even if I have no intention of cheating.. I mean.. Hey.. what if the girl of my dream walks in swoops me up off my feet and my current girl and I have been having a hard time.. and because shes the girl of my dreams shes.. well.. Rich. She flys me on her private jet off to an exotic island and we require protection..!

 

lol srsly.. Just makes me feel comfortable to have.

Link to comment

Sorry, I'm cranky because of the new layout.

 

There are three perfectly good explanations why your boyfriend would have a condom in his wallet.

 

Five years ago, at world aids day, they were giving out free condoms, and he took one and put it in his wallet.

 

Six years ago, at world aids day, they were giving out free condoms, and he took one and put it in his wallet.

 

He attended the vagina monologues some time in the last 5-6 years, and they gave out free condoms, one of which he put in his wallet.

 

I don't think that cheating boyfriends generally put a condom in their wallets.

Link to comment

This is kind of funny because basically the same thing happened to me around Christmas time last year. My bf and I don't use condoms, one night at a party, I guess while he was at the bathroom or something, a friend of mine goes "here, a chocolate flavored condom" I was tipsy and put it in my purse... then a few weeks later my bf goes in my purse and freaks asking me * * * I'm doing with a condom in there, I explained it to him, he didn't believe me for a while, until I confronted the friend in front of him (he has serious insecurity issues cuz of a past relationship)

Now I'm not saying that is or isn't the case, but I told him the truth and he didn't believe me... and I thought it was absolutely hilarious he'd accuse me because of that, and although I didn't get mad right away when he accused me of cheating, I did eventually get mad because, well, first of all I'd never have the chance! And truly never would!

Link to comment

I need to point out that a wallet is NOT a safe place to keep a condom. Your body heat and the wear and tear from being in the wallet can cause damage to the latex. Then it's much more likely to break or can even develop tiny holes that you may not see.

For more info:

link removed

 

Skysthelimit, I hope your guy is not cheating but obviously the condom and his lack of an explanation are not a good sign. Maybe someone randomly handed it to him or he just keeps it there out of habit. Maybe he hasn't done anything yet, and maybe the thought of doing it is there. But for the sake of *your health* please don't just wait to see if his possibly cheating "naturally unfolds itself."

Link to comment

The story about the flavored condom and the fact a guy may hold one for a buddy, just likes to have one, etc., don't relate to the OP for one important reason: he didn't give a clear explanation at all for why he had it. RED FLAG.

 

Just my personal experience:

 

Lying, cheating ex: I didn't trust him. He would ask me to just trust him, would make lame excuses for things or it just wouldn't add up, or wouldn't make sense at all. Instinct told me I was right, but he messed with my head a lot.

 

Recent Ex: I got worried and didn't trust him. When I'd "find something", he would calmly explain what I found, and was disappointed that I didn't trust him enough, but didn't go on about how I should trust him. Turns out everything was indeed in my head, I was just still being affected by my last relationship's issues. I was going on fear rather than instinct.

Link to comment

i don't think that not worrying about it is a good idea. if someone is cheating on you, you should not just let it go.

 

besides that, i have heard that guys keep condoms in their wallets just for looks. like, to let guys think they are having sex. but that sounds like a pretty high school thing to do. not for someone who is in a 5yr commitment and 22yrs old. grant it, he is only 22. it takes guys a while to settle down. as a woman, i don't know why he would have a condom unless he planned to use it. i suggest you confront him in a positive and respectful way, without sounding suspicious and find out from him the exact reason why it was there. no "it just was" or anything like that. a legit reason for it being there.

 

the person above was right when they said that you snooped because you were insecure. but hey, it's natural to have some insecurities about a relationship. we all have them. but, i don't think he should have gotten so angry with you about snooping. he may be trying to distract you from the issue by blaming you for snooping

Link to comment

Yeah, I also agree with PaleSeptember. He had NO answer when he was questioned about it being there.. And the OP said she had checked his wallet before for money and it wasn't there then. So WHY was it there now? Something seems fishy. You don't just put a condom in your wallet "just because", sorry, especially since they've been together for 5 years and don't use them.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...