3 months until the wedding and I'm having serious doubts.

My fiance and I were in a long distance relatiopnship (About 2 hours flight) before I moved here to be with him. We were together for 6 months before he propsed and weve been together for about a year and a half and getting married in November.

I go and visit my family once a month or so and do wedding stuff dress fittings, visit friends etc. I was there over the weekend and everytime I go there I find myself really questioning the move and my relationship with my man. I miss my social network and the familiarity of home. I feel so isolated and alone living here and when I voice this to my partner he seems to blow me off tell me that we will move back in a few years to start a family. He seems to have a point he has a very good job here earing over $200,000 a year and i can save a fair bit as I rent out the apartment I bought earning $700 a week. My partner is very practical like that whereas I am extremely emtional and family orientated. This is where the real problem lies.

It's killing me being so far from my mum and dad, grandparents, everthing and I'm seriously considering breaking up with my partner to go back. I don't know what to do I'm so alone and isolated here and just want to go back.

I think you must talk to your fiance about this and if necessary put off the wedding. Why the rush to get married this year? You sound very alone and isolated and this should be a really happy time for you. If he truly loves you , he ought to understand that you are unhappy. Think about this very carefully before you regret getting married at this point. Can you not start a new life together back home when you feel more settled?

Speaking as someone who moved 3,500 miles to another country after getting married I can tell you that it isn't easy. But you need to make new friends where you are going, broaden your social circle and keep active. Looking back won't help you.

Part of being an adult and getting married is starting a new life and a new family. Things always change. Your parents might retire and move away, your friends marry and get involved on other things and even move away themselves.

Don't assume that what you have now is what you will always have.

If that is the real issue, what have you done to meet people and get involved in your new community? I was long distance with my husband (married about 1.5 years, relocated hundreds of miles away from the city I had lived in my whole life - for over 40 years - because of his job. Before I moved I networked with people to find out who knew people in my new city, I got in touch with different organizations in order to meet people, and I also stayed in close touch with family and friends back home. In fact, I just got home from an enjoyable one hour walk with a new friend, who I met through a friend from back home. And I had more obstacles than you because I don't drive and have a toddler - meaning, I can't do all the social things I could do if I drove and had my evenings and weekends free (i.e. when most socal things go on).

I am constrained by my son's nap schedule wen it comes to meeting other moms and I am not working outside the home. Nevertheless, I am doing all I can to connect with people - I do small things like say hi to people I run into on the local jogging path and I continue to ask friends who they know in my city. I also find way to keep myself happy on my own - I love to read, to take "power walks" and of course to spend time with my husband. I suspect there is more to this than being homesick but first try to make a life for yourself in your new home - surely your husband knows people there too (my husband is also fairly new to this city).

I hope my story helped you!

Baty - I don't drive either making things excally harder and you're totally right I havn't made an effort to meet new people etc. I'm just waiting for these 2 years to pass (my partner agreed to move back after 2 years). I am very shy and find it hard to meet new people. I just want my old life back to be honest.

I'm italian and an only child plus only grandchild so it makes it even harder for me. I lived with my parents until I was 29 and am now 30. My mum developed hodgkins lymphoma one month after I was born and the chemotheropy made her barren.

Professor Plum- I don't know I just really wanted to get married. I liked the idea of it. Spending the rest of my life with someone, sharing our dreams and goals together. having a family etc. My partner proposed after 6 months and I hadn't spent that much time with him but was swept up in the moment I guess and since then have really stuck my head in the sand and avoided most of my negative feelings and doubts towards the wedding until now when they have all come flooding back with evengance.

If you really feel that unhappy, put off the wedding for a year and see how settled you feel then. If you both intend to return in two years, I would wait until then before you married but that is me talking. I reiterate you must discuss these fears with your partner. We all bury our heads in the sand at some stage but it rarely helps matters in the long term. As long as you can reassure your partner it is not him you have doubts over, he ought to understand.

Professor Plum- I don't know I just really wanted to get married. I liked the idea of it. Spending the rest of my life with someone, sharing our dreams and goals together. having a family etc. My partner proposed after 6 months and I hadn't spent that much time with him but was swept up in the moment I guess and since then have really stuck my head in the sand and avoided most of my negative feelings and doubts towards the wedding until now when they have all come flooding back with evengance.

You said it yourself...you like the IDEA of being married. I don't think you are ready to get married quite yet. Especially since you haven't lived on your own for more than a year. IMO, it sounds like you need to experience life a little bit before jumping into marriage. Also, only 6 months then an engagement?

All of this sounds too soon. I would say give it a bit and postpone the marriage for now. Figure out what you want out of life. It sounds like you need to grow independently for a little bit.

Oh don't get me wrong my partner is fantastic and I want to marry him. He is amazing in so many ways.

I just really miss my family. We are really close and I love them dearly so moving away has been really traumatic. I think i've made up my mind that i'm going to move back. I'll probably live here another 6 months and go back home. I really dislike being away from them.

Oh don't get me wrong my partner is fantastic and I want to marry him. He is amazing in so many ways.

 

I just really miss my family. We are really close and I love them dearly so moving away has been really traumatic. I think i've made up my mind that i'm going to move back. I'll probably live here another 6 months and go back home. I really dislike being away from them.

If your partner is so fantastic and you want to marry him and you agreed to live in his city for a few years, then I think you have to honor your commitment to do that unless he decides he also wants to move - are you thinking of a commuter marriage so that you can be closer to your family?