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Thread: I told him to leave me alone

  1. #1
    PaleSeptember
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    I told him to leave me alone

    Well, I did it. I told my ex of two weeks that I need space to get over him, and that I don't want to see him anytime soon. He said he was sorry. I told him if he wants to work things out between us then call me (and said that's if I even want to, that is, by then), but otherwise I need space and I'll call him if and when I can be just a friend to him. He said ok, and that he understands.

    I told him this after he started discussing that he's getting me a birthday present soon. His response to why, was that he still considers me a "good friend" and so he wants to get me a gift. It's so hard telling him those things, because I want us to be together, and he knows it.

    Last edited by PaleSeptember; 09-03-2010 at 06:33 PM. Reason: edited sentences

  2. #2
    PaleSeptember
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    ugggggh this really bites, I want him to come back to me. I'm about to start crying.

  3. #3
    SA2000
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    I did the same a week ago. It really sucks but if you think about it atleast you don't have to worry about being strung along and feeling terrible later for a longer period of time. I told my ex that we should not talk anymore which she agreed to. We have not spoken since. If she calls I will know why. If she doesnt call I can heal. Either way I am in a better position for the future.

  4. #4
    PaleSeptember
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    Last thing I just told him was that I could have kept some contact with him but he isn't making it easy, and that maybe it's easy for him to be just a friend but I'm coming from a different place than him. He said "I know" and suddenly went offline. Good thing, though, because I was starting to get emotional and angry.

  5. #5
    PaleSeptember
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    Quote Originally Posted by SA2000 [Register to see the link]
    I did the same a week ago. It really sucks but if you think about it atleast you don't have to worry about being strung along and feeling terrible later for a longer period of time. I told my ex that we should not talk anymore which she agreed to. We have not spoken since. If she calls I will know why. If she doesnt call I can heal. Either way I am in a better position for the future.
    I thought I could do limited contact, but I have to do this for myself now. Every time I talk to him, it feels like underneath it all I'm waiting for him to change his mind.

  6. #6
    PaleSeptember
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    I know you shouldn't do NC to try getting an ex back, but it's better this way and wouldn't hurt any chances, right? It's better this way than to keep in little contact, chatting about random pointless things, so soon after a break up? Plus, and most importantly, I can move on and not keep reopening wounded feelings.

  7. #7
    bwhite00
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    When my ex gf told me to 'leave her alone' it compelled me to contact her even more!

    Now if you want a better word track, try this 'We both need space, Im sorry but I cannot be friends right now. I wanted you as a boyfriend (or girlfriend) so being friends is not fair to either of us. Please do not contact me unless it is to talk about how we can resolve things'.

    Then go nc until he comes back to you. Depending on how close you were and for how long, he will come back.

    Trust me, my ex pulled the 'leave me alone' line on me MANY times and all it did was OUTRAGE me - so don't overdo it.

    It was her panacea to change the subject when I got a little too close to her heart.

    Just tell him you both need to not contact each other for an indeterminate amount of time.

    The kicker is: do you want him back?

    He knows not to contact you unless he's willing to man up about your relationship. So after making that clear to him, make no mistake, if he contacts you... It's more than friendly.

    And if he doesn't contact you?

    Well then let the healing process of NC & EnA work it's magic.

    Either way, you'll be fine but please...

    Take it easy on the 'leave me alone'! My ex drove me NUTS with that...

  8. #8
    Eclipse11
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    Aw PaleSeptember...you will feel better soon than this and NC will work it's magic and I'm sure that if you wish it, you and him can be friends again down the line, just not now at this time...that's how I see it with my ex-boyfriend, he was sad as well, so was I...but I said, it was not like we would never see eachother again, we could be friends eventually when things had settled down and we were healed...
    You have done the right thing, don't worry about that...and he understands, he knows you were not being malicious...it's because you needed space to get over him and trust me, you will be feeling better soon - Eclipse x

  9. #9
    PaleSeptember
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    Thanks for the support everyone.

  10. #10
    Nothisdoormat
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    Quote Originally Posted by PaleSeptember [Register to see the link]
    Last thing I just told him was that I could have kept some contact with him but he isn't making it easy, and that maybe it's easy for him to be just a friend but I'm coming from a different place than him. He said "I know" and suddenly went offline. Good thing, though, because I was starting to get emotional and angry.
    PaleSeptember, I can relate to how you feel. The game of "string-along" is cruel and selfish and you had every right to get angry. I felt the same way last week when I called my ex out on his "game." As a result, I've had a peaceful, calming week without the relentless stream of phone calls, and am looking forward to it remaining this way.

    You will be sad and miss him for awhile, and slowly the pain will subside. Time to get back to you - later for the ex. If he doesn't love you, he doesn't deserve to be your friend either. Friends don't hurt their friends nor do they mislead them. Once I finally pounded that concept back into my own head, it's been easier, since I was already farther along in my healing process than I realized thanks to my journaling where I was always "real" with myself about what I was feeling/sensing (red flags) yet still was holding out for the best outcome. Actually, I got it.

    -Sole

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