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Thread: "Not sure how I feel"

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    I think you handled that perfectly. In these forums we're usually trying to talk people into backing off and doing exactly what you did.

    My heart goes out to you, and I can appreciate how hard this is.
    Thanks. Don't know if I confused timeline....we still have not talked after the "breakup" call... I am reasonably sure this is not "over" though. I think she needed space and as hard as that is for me (LDR and all) I will simply give it to her. I'm pretty sure of this because how could she possibly go from "We do need to start talking about marriage" and "I have no doubt I'd have a good life with you, but I just want to be sure"... to never speaking to me again? She even said "I might be making a mistake (i.e. breakup), and I'm scared about that." I certainly left the door open for her to contact me and was EXTREMELY polite and understanding. No argument, no hate or disgust. Told her there was no way I could tell her how to feel.

    In the end I guess I'm in NC mode with her at the moment. She obviously needs time, space, and to think about what she's feeling... I will not contact her, and I have not...

    What do you think the odds are that she WILL contact me??

  2. #22
    Platinum Member anggrace's Avatar
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    So it sounds like you didn't put up much of a fight when she broke it off, saying you understood and then not contacting her. I can appreciate the cooperative nature of your response, but sometimes when people express feelings of uncertainty concerning the relationship, they are looking for solid reassurance. Did you express not wanting to loose her or reassure her of your commitment to her? Even if she still asks for time and space, it couldn't hurt to make one last good effort to let her know how strongly you feel about her. It's a huge commitment to wait like that for someone. Especially when your ready to move forward with your own personal goals such as a family, etc. Speaking from experience. Every bit of reassurance means so much when your in that position.

    Im suggesting this assuming you haven't done so. I may be wrong and if you have, then I think you're doing the right thing by giving her space. If she doesn't contact you in a while, Id give her a call though. Again, she may be testing your commitment and how serious you are about her. Best of luck.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by anggrace
    Did you express not wanting to loose her or reassure her of your commitment to her?
    Oh, yes, I was quite clear about "I can see a future for us" and, she even said, "I know I'd have a good life with you (i.e. she knows I want to marry her), but that SHE wants to be sure. As she is so immature with relationships (had not had that many serious ones...) she wanted to "Be sure."


    Originally Posted by anggrace
    Every bit of reassurance means so much when your in that position.
    I ALWAYS have reassured her that things would be great between us. Supported her etc. We talked about "fighting fair" and supporting one another. I think she honestly is totally confused and thinks already that she is making a mistake by splitting. I honestly think she just needs some time to think out her feelings and wants to be sure before she commits to carrying on with the relationship, that "I'm the one..." So, I honestly do not know what to do... Yes, I still love her dearly, but I needed to give her some space to think and become "un-confused" and let her feelings resurface... It was becoming quite a round-and-round discussion of her "Not sure it's right" and "I have nothing to compare it to..."


    Originally Posted by anggrace
    If she doesn't contact you in a while, Id give her a call though. Again, she may be testing your commitment and how serious you are about her. Best of luck.
    I think I needed to back away by "breaking up" but I think that will only be to allow her to think about things. I very much want her back, and would certainly welcome her back with open arms... She just needs time and some thought to figure that out. It was very much hurting me to know the "pain" she was in agonizing over "I don't know" and the more I tried to reassure her, the more confused she was...

  4. #24
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    Well...she's back out on link removed as of today...

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