Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 19

Thread: "I knew she was the one because she was different than the others"

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    42

    "I knew she was the one because she was different than the others"

    Hey all,

    Two years ago I met a wonderful girl at my University. We are both 27 (she is turning 28 next month) we are both in love and life is good.

    Lately she has been pushing me to get married reasoning that we get along perfectly together. I am hard pressed to disagree. I work from home most days and she isn't working yet (just graduated) we spend a crazy amount of time together.

    Here is the thing. Even though we are both 27 we have had radically different dating lives. She started dating as a teenager and has had several (like 6) long term relationships. She is my first serious relationship.

    Whenever I hear a friend or colleague get engaged I ask him what made him pull the trigger and the answer I get more than any other is that his current girl was so different from all the others.

    Seems logical but I don't have any "others". I have 8 dates (three of them were blind dates) that just never went anywhere (only 2 of them resulted in a 2nd date). I have contemplated breaking up with her, dating other girls and seeing if I can arrive at that conclusion. I am worried that will damage the relationship.

    I am also worried that if I get married without having done that, there will always be a nagging doubt that I should have dated more girls. That I would make the biggest decision of my life without comparing my current relationship to another one.

    Anyone have any advice?

    Joe

  2. #2
    Silver Member SapphireNoir10's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    12,005
    Gender
    Female
    This is a classic case of GIGS, grass is greener syndrome.

    I understand where your coming from. If you marry her, you'll always wonder what it would have been like to date someone else, sleep with someone else, and you may risk cheating/leaving her at a later date.

    At the same time, being single, free, isnt that great, trust me.

    In my life I've been through several rubbish relationships, and although they've taught me valuable lessons, if the first person I'd seriously dated had been lovely, I wouldnt have cared about them being my only bf.

    If you feel this way, maybe you should break up with her, she deserves someone a 100% in the relationship, who loves her and sees a future. If you have a foot out the door thats not fair on her. you can't break up with her, sleep around, get back together with her, it wont work like that.

    But, a warning, from someone who knows, if the next girl isnt as great, or you don't find someone else as good, then don't be suprised if she wont take you back.

  3. #3
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    450
    Heh - you're always going to think that even if you do have additional partners.

    That said, my personal view (and this is after having been with my share of women), if you find someone who is willing to put up with you and you with her, and you share an intimate closeness - I'd be hard-pressed in telling you to walk away from that.

    The thing is that sometimes you have to have bad relationships to value the good ones, unfortunately. Unless you can see what a bad relationship looks like and learn from it so that you don't have to go through it. I've told my younger cousin(s) pretty much the same thing. If your relationship seems golden, value it and don't let that girl go, bro. It'll be your friends who end up being envious (unless of course you have a WWIII type relationship).

    Maverick

  4. #4
    Platinum Member _Asti_'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Age
    33
    Posts
    4,325
    Gender
    Female
    My whole motto has always been that you don't need to experience other relationships to know what you have in front of you.
    I have only ever been in one relationship, and we are engaged and will be getting married in the spring.
    Did I think from the start over 6 years ago he was the one? No. But as time passed, I realized how amazing the relationship was, how great of a partner he was and all of those things that made me go "Yes, I want to marry him and spend my life with him..."

    We clicked. We're compatible. Our goals and values are the same. We communicate well. We're good to each other day in and day out. We don't have any issues.

    What is me going out and testing out other men going to do? I know all of these things already, seeing what else is out there won't do a single thing, except perhaps make me lose something that is really great.

    He was in one other relationship prior to me [he is 29 currently...] but when him and I speak about relationships, we just keep saying how lucky we are compared to our friends and family members. I can compare my relationship to others. I sit and listen to people whine and complain, heck just read around on these boards and see the issues people have! You don't necessarily need to go out and see what else is out ther if you're happy and satisfied. It won't solve anything, unless you are looking for more out of a relationship that she isn't providing and are unsatisfied because that alone is a reason for ending a relationship.

    You risk losing her, and if you feel that you would be okay with letting her go and not getting her back because you think something out there will be better, then let her go and find someone who doesn't make you question what else is out there.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    2,615
    Originally Posted by joe83

    I have contemplated breaking up with her, dating other girls and seeing if I can arrive at that conclusion. I am worried that will damage the relationship.
    Um, you think dumping your gf so you can date other girls *might* damage the relationship?

    I think if you are OK with losing this woman totally from your life, and understand that there is no guarantee that she would ever accept you back, then go for it. Your gf deserves someone who is fully committed to her, and thinks she is the best thing that ever happened to him.

  7. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    42
    Thanks for the feedback everyone. I probably should clarify that I do NOT *want* to do this. I don't know if the doubts I have are because of her (probably not) or because I haven't had another serious relationship (probably). I am not sure I will break up with her (in fact I am leaning against it) but I don't know how long I can "just date her". She is turning 28 and she feels like her biological clock is ticking especially since she told me she wanted to be married for 2-3 years before having children.

    Joe

  8. #7
    Platinum Member _Asti_'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Age
    33
    Posts
    4,325
    Gender
    Female
    Do you feel ready to marry her? Or ready for marriage in general? I think part of being in a relationship is finding someone compatible with your relationship goals.

    Part of remaining in this relationship will have to be accepting that she is ready for the serious and real thing, and perhaps that is where you are getting the feeling of "Is this is it..." because she's looking for marriage and you know by remaining with her, she wants the commitment and the family as soon as possible. If it's too soon, I think its partially ok and normal to start to question things if you haven;t experienced anything else, and headed straight for marriage with this relationship.
    Perhaps thats the bigger issue here, that she's pushing forward and you're just happy with being in a committed relationship for now. She knows what she's after and is probably assuming that you feel the same and want the same.

  9. #8
    Silver Member SapphireNoir10's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    12,005
    Gender
    Female
    Two years is fairly soon, and, shes in no rush to have kids, she can have them up to forty.

    Is it because shes pushing you into it you feel uncomfortable?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member yeawutever's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Age
    32
    Posts
    6,290
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by SapphireNoir10
    Two years is fairly soon, and, shes in no rush to have kids, she can have them up to forty.

    Is it because shes pushing you into it you feel uncomfortable?
    Not really... I heard of couples who gotten married in less than 1 year of dating. Then again, everyone is different.

    OP I think you should have a serious talk with her. If she's ready for this next step and you aren't then sadly you might have to break up because don't think she'll react positively about the news you're about to give her. I don't know if she'll continue dating you but the only way it's an honest discussion with her.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member _Asti_'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Age
    33
    Posts
    4,325
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by yeawutever
    Not really... I heard of couples who gotten married in less than 1 year of dating. Then again, everyone is different.

    If one person isn't on the same page, then it can certainly be too early for the relationship.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •