Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: not sure i did the right thing

  1. #1
    onthebound
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Age
    33
    Posts
    360
    Gender
    Female

    Question not sure i did the right thing

    so.. she broke my heart a while back and we stayed friends. it's been hard on me because we still talk all the time. she doesn't live in my area, but is here visiting for the weekend and we were supposed to hang out tomorrow. we haven't seen eachother face to face since we were kids. so.. i just kept getting nervous and overthinking the whole thing. will i feel any different about her when i see her? will i feel worse afterwards? i didn't know what to think, so i came on here looking for advice. everyone said no contact is the best policy, and their explanations made sense at the time.. but now i'm honestly not so sure. i told her 2 days ago that i couldn't see her on saturday and that i needed some space, but now i'm kinda regretting it. i do still think i need space (ie: not talkingn to her as frequently), but i don't know if not seeing her on saturday was the right call to make for my situation.

    every situation is different. she didn't mean to break my heart, she just didn't think it was going to work out and i disagreed. i wasn't looking to punish her by not talking to her, i just wanted to make things easier on myself. but now i feel weird about all this. i honestly don't know if i've done the right thing. i'm sure a lot of you will say NC is still the best way to go, but are there no exceptions? can we not just talk about things, try to make sense of it and remain friends? she has been a good friend to me, all things considered, and i don't want to throw that away.

    i just don't know what to do here. i've been sitting here for 10 or 15 minutes with this txt typed up:
    are you busy? i'd like to talk for a bit if you can call. i don't know if i did the right thing. just trying to make things easier on myself but i feel weird about this.

    should i send it? or maybe just show up to the place we were supposed to meet tomorrow? she will still be there with her brother.

    i'm really confused. any advice is appreciated.

  2. #2
    sonicfan287
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Montville, CT
    Age
    28
    Posts
    932
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    89
    Hey,

    I wanted to respond to this because this is almost just like my situation, except it seems that you have a lot more history with this person. If a lot of time has passed, you probably won't feel quite the same when you see her again, but it's impossible to say you won't feel anything as far as feelings go. I know exactly where you're coming from though. Its hard to believe the best solution is NC when you've been so close to someone for so long, but Im starting to realize more and more that it may be.

    The problem is there is no black or white in this situation, same for me. You ask if what you did was right, but only you know the answer to that because you need to do right by yourself. This isn't so much a moral issue of where it's right or wrong to see her or talk to her. Its something you know, and only you. Are you ready to see her or talk to her?

    It seems like youve put considerable thought into this which is a good start, although also a sign that you're probably not ready to see her yet. I know this because I was doing the same thing, but I foolishly accepted an invite to hang out shortly after my breakup. What ended up happening was a series of emotional breakdowns on my part, but strangely enough she still wanted to see me. Since then we've stopped because she didn't want t hurt me anymore and while I haven't been intentionally doing NC, it's kind of worked out that way since she barely messages me and when she does, I usually have nothing to say so I give her a very frank/friendly answer.

    When youve been good friends with someone though, its always worth trying to save that and not just throw it away, so to give you a couple pieces of advice, you need to go whats right by you, not what you think may be right overall or right for her, because we don't know what that is. Also, at this point I would say you should maintain contact with her like you have been. Once you decide to go NC, the trick is to stay NC, and thats a big commitment, so either keep in touch with her or tell her "Im sorry but I need more time" and use that time away from her and see how you feel. This is more to help you and hopefully this post was helpful because I wish I had taken steps like this with my ex.

  3. #3
    onthebound
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Age
    33
    Posts
    360
    Gender
    Female
    thank you, sonic. i think you said some wise things there. i do want to keep her in my life to some degree, i just need a little less of her is all. i think i'm just gonna txt her tomorrow and tell her i'll be there. it will be easier now i think, 'cause instead of being there with her, i'll be there with my friends. so i won't feel obligated to stay with her the whole night, i can kinda bounce around. i'm just gonna tell her i do need space, but still want to be friends. i like talking to her, i just needed to find a middle ground so it isn't quite so hard on me.. and i think i'll be okay seeing her if it's not as big a deal as was originally intended. and if, for some reason, things go sour.. i can always leave.

Top Threads
Should I delete my ex husband in Facebook?
The title says it all. We dated for 3 years married for4 and divorced in 2007. All he does is post pictures of him and his girlfriend and has a band
Why do I love someone so terrible?
Where do I start..... I absolutely fell in love with him and it happened unintentionally. All of my friends and family keep telling me I deserve
Broke NC because I had to. Need help.
Hey guys, I've been posting on this board a couple times this month mostly because I was proud of myself for competing a month of NC and starting
Dating detox...thoughts?
I never used to believe that people should wait until they are completely healed from something before embarking on the next similar "thing." This
Does no contact ever work?
So long story short, I was used, stood up multiple times, lied to, and played by the same guy in a short amount of time. I allowed it because I had
Why Would One Delete/Hide Their Match.com Account?
I'm pretty sure you know why I ask, so judge away. He had account for 6 months, activity drastically dropped off as of two weeks ago. Today
Not sure if i have the right to be annoyed or not
So my wife of 5 years (and 3 kids) separated about 2 months ago now for various reasons the main one being she cheated on me. She is now in an open

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Dating younger guy 24 years difference
I am 50 yrs old dating a 26 yrs old guy. We been dating each other for a couple months things are great between us. He told me he will always be
Boyfriend gets very angry if I mention his ex, is this normal?
Hi everyone! My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5months. He broke up with his ex and a year and a half ago. 7 months after they
Should I let my boyfriend stay overnight with his friends?
Hi there. Firstly thank you for reading this post. I am a new member to this forum, and also will soon be new immigrant of the UK so basically there
Is this abuse?
Iím desperate for some advice. Iíve been with my partner for nearly 2 years and everything has been ok, except from when he drinks. I really do not
Is there hope for me?
Me and my girlfriend of two years had been talking about moving in together lately. We didn't actually go look at any place in person, but browsed a
Bringing up trust issues at the start of a new relationship? My situation...
Haven't been on these boards since my last break up a couple years ago, and here I am about to begin a new relationship with feelings from the last
Whats my next move - Dating a girl fresh out of a relationship
Hey guys, So heres the deal. Met a girl in class and I asked her out. Her answer was "maybe" because she didn't want to say no to me but just
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •