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Thread: not sure i did the right thing

  1. #1
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009

    Question not sure i did the right thing

    so.. she broke my heart a while back and we stayed friends. it's been hard on me because we still talk all the time. she doesn't live in my area, but is here visiting for the weekend and we were supposed to hang out tomorrow. we haven't seen eachother face to face since we were kids. so.. i just kept getting nervous and overthinking the whole thing. will i feel any different about her when i see her? will i feel worse afterwards? i didn't know what to think, so i came on here looking for advice. everyone said no contact is the best policy, and their explanations made sense at the time.. but now i'm honestly not so sure. i told her 2 days ago that i couldn't see her on saturday and that i needed some space, but now i'm kinda regretting it. i do still think i need space (ie: not talkingn to her as frequently), but i don't know if not seeing her on saturday was the right call to make for my situation.

    every situation is different. she didn't mean to break my heart, she just didn't think it was going to work out and i disagreed. i wasn't looking to punish her by not talking to her, i just wanted to make things easier on myself. but now i feel weird about all this. i honestly don't know if i've done the right thing. i'm sure a lot of you will say NC is still the best way to go, but are there no exceptions? can we not just talk about things, try to make sense of it and remain friends? she has been a good friend to me, all things considered, and i don't want to throw that away.

    i just don't know what to do here. i've been sitting here for 10 or 15 minutes with this txt typed up:
    are you busy? i'd like to talk for a bit if you can call. i don't know if i did the right thing. just trying to make things easier on myself but i feel weird about this.

    should i send it? or maybe just show up to the place we were supposed to meet tomorrow? she will still be there with her brother.

    i'm really confused. any advice is appreciated.

  2. #2
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Montville, CT

    I wanted to respond to this because this is almost just like my situation, except it seems that you have a lot more history with this person. If a lot of time has passed, you probably won't feel quite the same when you see her again, but it's impossible to say you won't feel anything as far as feelings go. I know exactly where you're coming from though. Its hard to believe the best solution is NC when you've been so close to someone for so long, but Im starting to realize more and more that it may be.

    The problem is there is no black or white in this situation, same for me. You ask if what you did was right, but only you know the answer to that because you need to do right by yourself. This isn't so much a moral issue of where it's right or wrong to see her or talk to her. Its something you know, and only you. Are you ready to see her or talk to her?

    It seems like youve put considerable thought into this which is a good start, although also a sign that you're probably not ready to see her yet. I know this because I was doing the same thing, but I foolishly accepted an invite to hang out shortly after my breakup. What ended up happening was a series of emotional breakdowns on my part, but strangely enough she still wanted to see me. Since then we've stopped because she didn't want t hurt me anymore and while I haven't been intentionally doing NC, it's kind of worked out that way since she barely messages me and when she does, I usually have nothing to say so I give her a very frank/friendly answer.

    When youve been good friends with someone though, its always worth trying to save that and not just throw it away, so to give you a couple pieces of advice, you need to go whats right by you, not what you think may be right overall or right for her, because we don't know what that is. Also, at this point I would say you should maintain contact with her like you have been. Once you decide to go NC, the trick is to stay NC, and thats a big commitment, so either keep in touch with her or tell her "Im sorry but I need more time" and use that time away from her and see how you feel. This is more to help you and hopefully this post was helpful because I wish I had taken steps like this with my ex.

  3. #3
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    thank you, sonic. i think you said some wise things there. i do want to keep her in my life to some degree, i just need a little less of her is all. i think i'm just gonna txt her tomorrow and tell her i'll be there. it will be easier now i think, 'cause instead of being there with her, i'll be there with my friends. so i won't feel obligated to stay with her the whole night, i can kinda bounce around. i'm just gonna tell her i do need space, but still want to be friends. i like talking to her, i just needed to find a middle ground so it isn't quite so hard on me.. and i think i'll be okay seeing her if it's not as big a deal as was originally intended. and if, for some reason, things go sour.. i can always leave.

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