Ex just text 'I Miss You'. How do I respond?

Its been 3 months since our breakup. She has tried to contact me several times which I already mentioned in another post a couple weeks back. Last time she claimed to want to be friends, but others thought it was possibly a way to make contact to reconcile.

During this time apart, Ive been really working on myself and trying to get my own affairs in order, I figured if we were to ever enter back into a relationship, a lot of things would have to be different.

There is a possibilty that Id give it another shot, however it would have to be done in the right manner.

First off, does anybody have any ideas of how I would respond to that text?

Im not reading too much into it because 'I miss you' doesnt mean 'I want you back'

Thanks

Im not reading too much into it because 'I miss you' doesnt mean 'I want you back

Whew! Thank goodness you realise this becoz you are damn right!

She seems to be cracking but only early days yet...If you jump straight on it she may very well just run off again....

I'm going to suggest "I see, and what do you plan to do about that?

Others will hopefully chime in.....You have time...

Regards

K2*

Whew! Thank goodness you realise this becoz you are damn right!

 

She seems to be cracking but only early days yet...If you jump straight on it she may very well just run off again....

 

I'm going to suggest "I see, and what do you plan to do about that?

 

Others will hopefully chime in.....You have time...

 

Regards

K2*

 

Yeah come on, what a woman says and what a woman does are two completely different things. Ive learned to follow actions

 

Haha, so you think I should go with the tongue in cheek reply?

 

I guess it makes the subject not so serious like that.

I'm glad you're leaving the "I miss you" open to interpretation, as it doesn't really indicate a level of seriousness. She might be throwing out a feeler for reconciliation or she might just want to see if you are still a "safety net."

I don't know the context of the relationship (writing from my mobile so I can't look it up as I write this) but I think you could either ignore it as part of your healing process (the NC philosophy, which I agree with) or else send a vaguely oblique "Thanks. You too" message that doesn't reveal any level of seriousness on your part. It might prompt her to call if she wants to talk about things more seriously. Sounds like a lot of changes would be necessary if you were to try again.

UPDATE; just saw the responses from other posters, and the "what are you going to do about it?" I guess to me this message sounds a bit too flirtatious or like a booty call. (Just my own experience ). Depending on how you think she'd interpret it you might want to go with something more passive.

I am not sure you need to reply. Trust me I know it is hard but you are right it isn't "I want you back". I am speaking from my own experience but this message for my ex was a way to see if he still had me on the hook. He did genuinely miss me but once he knew I would reply to him that I was still there, he would disappear again. This again is my own experience and I am sure it isn't the case for everyone.

You need to be honest with yourself about what you want. Personally I found these kinds of messages and conversations didn't change anything with us but rather unraveled any healing that I had already accomplished.

I would answer her directly. If you miss her, tell her. Simple as that. BUT you should be direct and let her know that it's not a good time for you right now to be even be friends. Maybe further down the road you'll be ready for a 'friendship' with her.

She may not even realize it herself how she comes off. She may be genuine and want to be friends and not know how difficult it is to do after being together in a different situation. Give her the benefit of the doubt and give her the truth. The truth may hurt, but leading her on/blowing her off hurts more.

Yeah come on, what a woman says and what a woman does are two completely different things.

Yeh well males do it too....Its just a human trait...

"Actions speak louder than words"~Very true quote for good reason.

Haha, so you think I should go with the tongue in cheek reply?

Made you feel instantly a bit better didnt it?

Yes I do becoz any sort of sorrow, pain or sadness is not attractive, ergo if another new guy comes along without those associated feelings, you are toast my friend*

And Freaked* makes some very very good points....Her EXperience is certainly not an isolated case by a long way....I got it for months but did she ever come back? No, she stayed with the new guy and the contacts eventually stopped....

Just my opinion...

K2*

I'm glad you're leaving the "I miss you" open to interpretation, as it doesn't really indicate a level of seriousness. She might be throwing out a feeler for reconciliation or she might just want to see if you are still a safety net, as it were.

 

I don't know the context of the relationship (writing from my mobile so I can't look it up as I write this) but I think you could either ignore it as part of your healing process (the NC philosophy, which I agree with) or else send a vaguely oblique "Thanks. You too" message that might prompt her to call if she wants to talk about things more seriously. Sounds like a lot of things would need to change if you were to try again.

Im no safety net.

I was actually really good to her and her family during my time with her. Ive had quite a few offers since we broke up so Im not about to jump at anything here.

I used to mess around and wind people up like crazy, I have done for years. I used to with her in the beginning but it seemed like I slowly lost that, especially towards the end of our relationship. This time off has been great because Ive gotten back to that light heartedness and I dont want it to ever end again. It makes the days more enjoyable and oftentimes me and my people have a riot

Therefore I think I'll go with something funny like kalgan suggested.

Its all very well for me to tell her I miss her too. But that is just two people saying they miss each other. If we're going to have contact, let it be for a purpose. I need to send a response that questions if shes trying to get me back, or simply sent a passing thought in text message.

ps, at times when ive missed her, ive never sent any messages.

Yeh well males do it too....Its just a human trait...

 

"Actions speak louder than words"~Very true quote for good reason.

 

Made you feel instantly a bit better didnt it?

 

Yes I do becoz any sort of sorrow, pain or sadness is not attractive, ergo if another new guy comes along without those associated feelings, you are toast my friend*

 

And Freaked* makes some very very good points....Her EXperience is certainly not an isolated case by a long way....I got it for months but did she ever come back? No, she stayed with the new guy and the contacts eventually stopped....

 

Just my opinion...

K2*

 

Haha it did make me smile a little!

 

Funny thing is, I used to give responses like that all the time. I was never serious! but it seemed the life got sucked outta me!

 

I dont feel threated by any new guys to tell the truth. At risk of sounding in love with myself, nobody does it better than I do baby

 

For real though, I actually saw her father last week in my gym, which was quite a surprise. Since the break up Ive trained very hard, bumped by calories up and gained almost 20lbs. He also asked how I was getting on with work, I mentioned I was going back to the U.S to make some more records next month. Im sure he will have relayed all of this information onto her.

 

If it turns out to be a case of just checking to see if Im still around, that is fine. As I have no expectations

I would probably just ask exactly what it is that she is missing so much? I hope my X doesn't contact me anymore. She was the dumper so as far as I'm concerned she needs to vanish. Getting something from her would be like a sucker punch to the stomach.

"Thank you"

That's all you need say. It places the ball squarely back in her court and gives nothing away.

"Thank you"

 

That's all you need say. It places the ball squarely back in her court and gives nothing away.

So what you're saying is, if I text back saying 'thank you' and she doesnt respond further, then it was obviously just a passing thought?

I actually miss her a little too but Im not sure I want to risk saying it.

Having said that, even if I say back 'miss you too', that also doesnt mean I am interested in having a relationship.

I just want to respond in a way that finds out what her motive is.

If she texts back then see what she says. If she doesn't, you now know all you need to know. But that message is entirely neutral without being rude and if she wants anything more she will have to initiate it.

I'm agreeing with DN here too...so now you have some choices...

But I will also say that yes, texting back 'I Miss You Too' is probably not the best response...

Good Luck....Keep us updated if you so feel like it*

Ever Forward

K2*

Its been 3 months since our breakup. She has tried to contact me several times which I already mentioned in another post a couple weeks back. Last time she claimed to want to be friends, but others thought it was possibly a way to make contact to reconcile.

 

During this time apart, Ive been really working on myself and trying to get my own affairs in order, I figured if we were to ever enter back into a relationship, a lot of things would have to be different.

 

There is a possibilty that Id give it another shot, however it would have to be done in the right manner.

 

First off, does anybody have any ideas of how I would respond to that text?

 

Im not reading too much into it because 'I miss you' doesnt mean 'I want you back'

 

Thanks

just say : " its nice to hear that" nothing else

If she texts back then see what she says. If she doesn't, you now know all you need to know. But that message is entirely neutral without being rude and if she wants anything more she will have to initiate it.

I guess you're right. I really wanted to send the funny text but it did sound a little flirty and I dont want her to think Im interested and would jump right back.

Ive just text back saying 'thank you'.

Kinda feels like ive closed it off though. If I text somebody saying I missed them and they text me back saying thank you, I'd assume they were over me.

If I was feeling brave, I would text them back asking if they missed me too. Im not sure she will do this, we will see.

I dont feel like I could be hurt by her no matter the response. I feel really comfortable with it and could talk to her without wanting to reconcile. Ive excelled the past couple weeks healing. I figure it like this, unless major things have changed, there would be no reasons for us to get back together. We would just be wasting each others time.

The thing about these situations I hate is, if she doesnt text back, or since I didnt try to find anything out, I am going to be left wondering what the point in her text message was, right?

If she texts back you will get more information but she has to give it not have it dragged out of her.

I dont feel like I could be hurt by her no matter the response. I feel really comfortable with it and could talk to her without wanting to reconcile.

This is your Ace-In-The-Hole so to speak....With that then you'll be fine*

The thing about these situations I hate is, if she doesnt text back, or since I didnt try to find anything out, I am going to be left wondering what the point in her text message was, right?

Ha! Yeh probably, but like DN says, if she doesn't give more then you'll know she was just having a bad moment or some such thing...

Carry On Soldier*

K2*

boarderman, I don't know the whole story behind your breakup, but your post sounded familiar. My ex and I broke up in Feb, I begged, pleaded to work things out (don't know why, all of my friends and even his friends told me I could do better!). He didn't budge one bit. I left the country to move on. We were contacting each other until April, when I decided I need to follow NC. I did and was moving on. A month later, out of the blue, he started to message me. He started with "Hey, I miss you." or "I always miss you." After a few days, I asked him what he missed about me. One, I was curious to what he would answer. Two, it would make him think of all the good times we had (maybe a little evil, but it's called for after what he put me through). In July, we tried to work things out. A few weeks later, after I found out he was looking for other girls in nightclubs while he tells me he wants to marry me, I ended it with him.

So in response, maybe you can ask your ex what she miss about you. Hopefully her answer will be detailed, and it'll give you a chance to see what she remembers the most about you and the relationship.

Judging from one of your previous posts below, I would hazard a guess that her contact with you was simply more of her dysfunctional, attention seeking behaviour which is pretty typical of someone with low self-esteem. To respond to her would simply give her the ego boost she wants but will solve nothing. She clearly hasn't learned anything in the time apart otherwise she wouldn't just send you vague messages like that which really say nothing much...just another clichéd dumper line.

Wow! Well in light of all that I'm glad you just went with 'Thankyou'...

Yeah, then again she may be baiting you so you'll say "oh I miss you too". Then she can lean back, smile, gloat and think "yeah, he still loves me". Great ego boost for HER then disappears again. Don't give her what she wants. I agree with DN. A simple thanks is probably just right.

Thanks guys.

Yeah, I detailed several of her actions in a previous post. Honestly right now, none of this behaviour could hurt me anymore. I feel really lifted

For so long, she would display these type of actions and if I executed anything even remotely similar, she was so quick to accuse.

Its so difficult to tell when actions are genuine. I dont play games and wont be played with. Ive noticed a lot of women and men also appear as though they want their ex back. They say and do all the right things that makes it appear as though they want you back, without ever coming out and saying the words ' I want you back'. You're putty in their hands and then you slip through as soon as they have achieved what they set out to do.

Im not saying this is the case for everybody. Some of this behaviour by others trying to reconcile may be very genuine.

After the previous contacts shes made, she obviously still seemed very hurt by the situation.

I cant say for certain what her motives are, its hard to decipher. Actions like her previous really put me off her, because again it makes it feel like its all about her.

She is really dysfunctional, yet she had me convinced it was me with the problem. As I mentioned in a previous post, I responded badly to quite a few of her behaviours and I was previously told on this board that I should have handled it better. Rather than trying to teach her not to behave like that, since a relationship isnt a classroom.

Anyway, no reply yet. We will see.....

I think the worst part about this is she could not reply and then I will be left wondering why she made contact. And we can speculate, but we will never know the reason.

One possibility if she doesn't reply is she doesn't know how to respond? She messages you with 'I miss you', you reply with 'thank you'. What can she say to that? You're wondering why she made contact, it's likely she's trying to gauge your feelings. Maybe she does want to reconcile but doesn't want to completely lay all her feelings on the table and get rejected. Sending that message is just her being cautious. If you are truly ready to move on, tell yourself, whatever! and stop thinking about this. Keep thinking about her reasons will drive you nuts.

One possibility if she doesn't reply is she doesn't know how to respond? She messages you with 'I miss you', you reply with 'thank you'. What can she say to that? You're wondering why she made contact, it's likely she's trying to gauge your feelings. Maybe she does want to reconcile but doesn't want to completely lay all her feelings on the table and get rejected. Sending that message is just her being cautious. If you are truly ready to move on, tell yourself, whatever! and stop thinking about this. Keep thinking about her reasons will drive you nuts.

I agree totally. The thank you that you gave her should pretty much be like a brick wall stumping her. You may not hear back. It's a hiccup in your life. Hold your breath for 10 seconds, release then get back to your regular programing. Forget all about it.