Is it possible to be in a relationship while trying to heal?

I started dating my current boyfriend (1yr & 16mos) while my ex-bf was still living with me. My relationship with my ex-bf when I started dating my current bf has been dead for almost 2-3 years so I thought it was really all over. Anything and everything my ex-bf did for those last 2-3 years either grossed me out or I didn't care, but he WAS still living with me.

I never realized that I was on a rebound though my current bf pointed it out when we first started hanging out. And I denied it because I didn't really think that I was until now....a year and 16 months later.

A year and sixteen months later, I realized that I got issues. Issues like not having enough (male) friends, insecurity, and jealousy. I have just recently started reconnecting with old friends (mostly female) who have been introducing me to some of their friends, male and female, singles and couples. I have also introduced my boyfriend to everyone I met.

Now, I'm starting to enjoy hanging out with my group of friends without the bf more than when I'm around the bf. Is this a bad sign?

Is it possible to work my issues out even while in a relationship? Do guys find it hard to be just friends with a female when she has a bf? I'm asking because whenever I talk to guys and they find out that I have a bf, then they stop talking to me or I get the cold shoulder. It's like all of a sudden a good conversation turn ice cold. What the hell???

Is it possible to work my issues out even while in a relationship? Do guys find it hard to be just friends with a female when she has a bf? I'm asking because whenever I talk to guys and they find out that I have a bf, then they stop talking to me or I get the cold shoulder. It's like all of a sudden a good conversation turn ice cold. What the hell???

No, it's not hard to be friends with a female who has a boyfriend at all, IF all you want is to just be friends with her. If you want more, then you're likely to lose interest immediately and give her the cold shoulder that you're noticing.

Why the interest in making these new male friendships? Why not just make friends with people without thinking about their gender. I think if you do that, you'll find that very often the opposite sex would rather be more than friends.

I think you can work on problems while in a relationship. You don't HAVE to have your boyfriend there all the time, you are allowed to hang out with people while he isn't there.

I do agree with pl3easehelp though, why do you want to make male friends all of a sudden?

It sounds like they want more or are on the track to thinking of more and when they discover your are already taken, they lose interest.

I'm also going to ask... why the importance of gender in making friends?

What are your intereactions with these men that you are trying to be friends with like? Are you quite flirty? Are you enjoying the male attention? Things like may make them feel that the conversation is taking a very different direction, and thats why they back off when they find you have a bf!

It's also good to try and have a balance of going out on your own and going out together... also going out together with other people and going out just the two of you.

I find that I do enjoy male attention and interaction. I was deprived of it as growing up, my dad was not physically or emotionally there. I went to an all-girl school. Again, the lack of male interaction. I grew up with mostly females in the family and I'm sick of the hormones!

At this moment, I'm finding myself wanting to break up with the boyfriend because he hasnt really made an effort to see me (besides at work) to talk about my issues. He has been avoiding it. * * * * . I'm really frustrated.

 

It's also good to try and have a balance of going out on your own and going out together... also going out together with other people and going out just the two of you.

I think finding the balance is also challenging.

Here's a quick update, as of 8-23-10:

We made plans days ago to see his friends on Friday night, but I canceled at the last minute because one of my girl friends invited us to to go to a birthday party and to go drinking. So, I asked the BF if he wanted to go and he said not really. He'd rather go see his friends. So I said, OK. We should make it a friends night out then. I ended up going with my friend and he ended up staying home.

The next day, we hung out together to watch a play and it was really fun!

Yesterday, we hung out again and watched a musical and had a great time! But the drama came when I called my mom (who is ill) at around midnight to see if my sister came home to look after her. My mom said, no, and that my sister was going to be home later. So I told my mom that I will go home, but I was completely torn because the BF is going out-of-town for an entire week to go on his annual vacation/reunion with friends. I ended up sending a text message to my sister to see if she would come home and she did. So, I ended up staying at his place and taking him to the airport.

I'm going to miss him too much and somehow, I feel insecure that he would meet someone who is smarter and not jealous. This makes me want to make myself distant. I know I'll be OK while he's gone for the week. It's just killing me how I haven't heard from him yet. I wish he'd send me a text message every day and every night.