i have to vent about online dating

hey everyone,

So I've been doing the online dating and Im not having much luck yet. I need to vent about a few things that annoy me, I'm sure a lot of you will agree with me and maybe there was a thread like this before. Maybe some of you guys with online dating profiles can learn from this.

here goes:

1. please put up a decent photo of yourself! Not from 50 feet away, not from weird angles, not of one body part! And I don't want to see pictures of your dog or of a beach scene. And please, no sunglasses or hats or big group photos.

2. READ MY PROFILE. I have an age limit, for example. My age limit is 29. Why are you messaging me if you're 35, 40, 45, 50, or (yes this has happened) 55??? 30 is understandable but if my age limit is 29 why the hell are you messaging me if you're old??

Example 2: I need someone who lives close by and I state this. Why do you message me if you live in another state??? How the heck am I supposed to see you?

3. I am sick of men who "love to travel." How are we supposed to date if you are in another country? One guy I talked to said he was going to South Africa in a week for a month. So why are you on this site? And I cannot drop everything I'm doing in my life to come travel with you. I need someone who I can actually see.

4. Men only looking for hook-ups who message me. Once again, read my profile. I am looking for a long-term relationship. Why are you wasting your time and mine?

5. Weird messages I get. One guy told me to send him a photo of me barefoot because I was wearing ballet flats in a photo and he says that's not sexy. Is that a joke??? One guy messaged me saying I have the same smile in all my photos. what??

6. Stalkers. If I don't respond to your message I'M NOT INTERESTED. Stop messaging me!! One guy messaged me for MONTHS before I had to block him. Yes, I saw your message. Give up.

7. Fill out your profile!!! Why do you leave nearly everything blank? I understand if you want to be a little mysterious but you need to provide at least some of the important information.

8. Guys who respond to my message with one sentence. If you're not interested then just don't message me back at all or say you're not interested.

9. models/ meat heads. You're not all-that, get over it. I don't need to see half-naked photos of yourself. I hate cocky men.

FEEL FREE TO ADD TO THE LIST!!

Your #5 is quite entertaining.

i enjoyed this =)

Agree with all, especially the ones who don't read the profiles. I am 39, looking for guys without kids who live nearby (say within 100 miles). I get guys from other countries, dads, older men (once got a 75 year old man).

I have to add the guys who only respond because of my looks. Yes I am pretty, yet I'll probably be pretty as I age because my mom is still pretty. However, looks only go so far.

Guys that email me to complain about the other women on the site. Do guys think this makes them look better?

Guys dating out of their league then get upset when I reject them. I get it, guys try to date pretty girls, but when you are specifying only pretty thin women contact you and you are ugly and fat, that tells me you are a jerk.

Clingy guys. Just because we went out on a predate doesn't mean I'm only dating you. Predate doesn't mean a relationship.

I never had luck with online dating.

There are good guys and then there are a lot of not so good ones.

The guys you speak of simply send out mass messages hoping to catch some women that is lonely, horny, low self esteem or just plain desperate.

As a guy I know what you mean as there are plenty of women I speak to that complain about the same things and unfortunately guys like me are painted with the same brush even before they read my message or profile. This is not fair but true all to often.

If you can tighten your settings on who can message you and that will reduce some of it. Then when you decline a guy block him right away so he can't stalk you or message you again by mistake in 2 weeks.

Some guys have no game at ALL and it shows in their writing. I just say "NEXT" and move on. None of it is real anyways until you meet. I look at it as a way to meet women I may not otherwise run into in my life.

Hang in there, there are a few of us online.

Lost

Depending on what site you use you can block all people outside of a certain location/age range. You can also block all people who don't state on their profile that they are looking for a long term relationship OR have ever contacted a profile for a casual encounter.

Once I did this my headaches mostly stopped. Still, I got the ones who simply don't take no for an answer, which is highly irritating.

I've tried OKCupid, POF, and now link removed. POF and OKCupid have some good e-mail filters but surprisingly link removed (which is not a free service!) doesn't have filters.

newwave,

I also hate it when you rejet a guy and he gets all mad.

I try to have hope, I have a date tomorrow so let's see how that goes. But a lot of times you meet in person and there's no chemistry so I don't know if i should bother getting excited.

I've tried OKCupid, POF, and now link removed. POF and OKCupid have some good e-mail filters but surprisingly link removed (which is not a free service!) doesn't have filters.

 

newwave,

I also hate it when you rejet a guy and he gets all mad.

 

I try to have hope, I have a date tomorrow so let's see how that goes. But a lot of times you meet in person and there's no chemistry so I don't know if i should bother getting excited.

The worst guy was a guy who I reject because he had kids. He sent me a fairly decent response and I emailed him back stating I don't date fathers. He had stated that he was supporting three kids and paying his ex money to stay at home. He was also pretty nasty talking about his ex to boot. I was very polite but said it's something I couldn't handle. At least I am being honest. Anyway he sent me a response calling me every name in the book and he was going to "get" me. Then of course he blocked me. It was creepy. Actually, a few guys who responded to me said they understoof why I didn't date dads because they admitted their kids come first.

The worst guy was a guy who I reject because he had kids. He sent me a fairly decent response and I emailed him back stating I don't date fathers. He had stated that he was supporting three kids and paying his ex money to stay at home. He was also pretty nasty talking about his ex to boot. I was very polite but said it's something I couldn't handle. At least I am being honest. Anyway he sent me a response calling me every name in the book and he was going to "get" me. Then of course he blocked me. It was creepy. Actually, a few guys who responded to me said they understoof why I didn't date dads because they admitted their kids come first.

woww...yeah no matter how nice you are some guys are just jerks. its good that you're honest because then you're not leading him on. I don't want to date a man with kids either and I've had this creepy divorced dad send me a 5 page letter saying how I'm perfect for him.

When I was doing online dating, I HATED it when people would NOT read my profile.

I am childfree as well as infertile (don't ovulate) so I put "no kids" AND I repeated myself in my profile. Then I get all these messages from guys who "want to start a family". UGH! Did you even read my profile paragraph? I can understand skimming the details but at least read the paragraph.

I'm opposite from you OP in that I like older men, LOL. My problem is that I got a lot of emails from guys who were my age (no thanks), even though my age range was higher. I didn't get that. When I said "No thanks, did you see my age range?" I'd get blasted about "why do you want an old man when you can have ME?" That arrogance was sickening. Just respect my choices and move on. no need to fight about it.

For me I want kids and I get men who don't want kids or who are unsure lol.

I think thats what it is... guys think that they're so great and they can be an exception. Like if they're good looking and think that I'll forget about my standards or something.

woww...yeah no matter how nice you are some guys are just jerks. its good that you're honest because then you're not leading him on. I don't want to date a man with kids either and I've had this creepy divorced dad send me a 5 page letter saying how I'm perfect for him.

I'm always nice and honest, and some of these guys still don't get it. I'm sure they'd make a great boyfriend/husband just not for me. I'd rather be honest now than have them send many emails and get their hopes up.

For me I want kids and I get men who don't want kids or who are unsure lol.

I think thats what it is... guys think that they're so great and they can be an exception. Like if they're good looking and think that I'll forget about my standards or something.

For some reason the unsure guys don't bother me. I know people are told that guys who are unsure or against marriage/kids are always red flags if looking for that but I disagree. I think some people are a little reluctant to admit they actually want marriage and/or kids because it sometimes sounds desperate. I also believe that in many cases even the most anti marriage/anti children guys often do get married and have families. That's not to say they'll always change their mind (or admit they weren't honest) but it's possible. Maybe I am too optimistic on this because I have seen people change in real life and feel it can change.

For some reason the unsure guys don't bother me. I know people are told that guys who are unsure or against marriage/kids are always red flags if looking for that but I disagree. I think some people are a little reluctant to admit they actually want marriage and/or kids because it sometimes sounds desperate. I also believe that in many cases even the most anti marriage/anti children guys often do get married and have families. That's not to say they'll always change their mind (or admit they weren't honest) but it's possible. Maybe I am too optimistic on this because I have seen people change in real life and feel it can change.

I get worried if a guy says he's unsure if he wants kids. I know I do want kids one day. It shouldn't sound desperate because it doesn't say that you want them right now. I don't want to be with a guy who's unsure to find out down the road that he doesn't want them. I guess I'm pessimistic lol.

at least you get messages...

I get worried if a guy says he's unsure if he wants kids. I know I do want kids one day. It shouldn't sound desperate because it doesn't say that you want them right now. I don't want to be with a guy who's unsure to find out down the road that he doesn't want them. I guess I'm pessimistic lol.

I think it's because I've known people who said they weren't into kids/marriage and they were. If my experience had been the opposite I'm sure I'd be one of those who'd say people never change.

For me I want kids and I get men who don't want kids or who are unsure lol.

I think thats what it is... guys think that they're so great and they can be an exception. Like if they're good looking and think that I'll forget about my standards or something.

I think it's because my age honestly, lol. I got lots of messages from older men who wanted someone "younger" with whom to have a child. The way they put it, it didn't even sound like they wanted a relationship, just a womb!

I don't understand the arrogance either. It's much better to find someone whose standards you match then to CONVINCE them that "You're the right guy". That's an uphill battle and 99% of the time, it's futile. Not to mention disrespectful, IMO.

Okay ladies I see a lot of negative comments about the guys you been in contact with or have messaged you.

Have you had any good responses? There have had to have been some. I read every word in a womans profile to see if I even want to message her let alone meet her. Just because you are pretty doesn't mean you are for me. Substance means a lot as well as honesty.

I am sorry you all have to weed through so many jerks that don't take no for an answer. In real life these guys would never have the guts to approach you let alone be so brash talking to you. They hide behind the keyboard and say things that are hurtful because they are little men with no respect. Just tell them "Every word you write just reinforces my choice not to talk to you" "Good Bye" then block the jerks!!!

C'mon tell me a positive story.

Lost

Ok, I have a good story.

I met my boyfriend online! He messaged me.

It was really cute because it was pretty plain but he went into his interests and home life, and the similarities to mine were striking. He basically was like "Hello! I'm from (my state), I'm glad you like dogs, I have two wonderful ones." Then he listed a lot of his interests and commented on mine that I had listed in my profile.

I don't know, the message was just really low-key and genuine. Not full of romance/sparks or weird quotes from obscure books (although that's not bad!). I just got a good, honest vibe from him. So I messaged him back.

He was open right from the beginning. All the "uncomfortable" stuff I didn't really have to dig because when it came time to take about it (his past divorce, our sexual histories) he just offered the information. I liked how he was very direct and forthright in his communications...no games. He was really genuine but sarcastic (I liked this) and joked with me a lot, which I liked. I had always wanted to find someone who would playfully tease me and I could tease back.

We met fairly quickly and the rest is history.

Needless to say, it wasn't awkward. I think I was more nervous than he was. Our compatibility carried over to real life seamlessly.

Unfortunately I never met a boyfriend through online dating but have met some great guys. One guy looking back would have been a great partner, but at the time I was still in my "he must be hot" stage and when I met him I didn't give him a chance, though he liked me. He was a great guy who met his now wife a few months later.

The guys you speak of simply send out mass messages hoping to catch some women that is lonely, horny, low self esteem or just plain desperate.

Or, alternately, we know that the chances of getting a woman to reply (whether the message is detailed or generic) are vanishingly slim, and it's a lot more practical.

I can understand how mass messages would seem practical, but I think they actually hurt your chances.

Just take a minute or two and write a short message. It doesn't have to be long/heart-felt but it should be genuine. Just comment on her interests or something, do something to show that you've read her profile and are interested.

It may be a little slower than mass messages but I think it works a LOT better.

I can understand how mass messages would seem practical, but I think they actually hurt your chances.

 

Just take a minute or two and write a short message. It doesn't have to be long/heart-felt but it should be genuine. Just comment on her interests or something, do something to show that you've read her profile and are interested.

 

It may be a little slower than mass messages but I think it works a LOT better.

I do too. I can spot mass messages in a heartbeat. Ones where they mention my profile and are specific tells me he's interested in me, not my looks or anything else.

Fudgie,

That is a great story! I am very happy for you and your boyfriend. Yeah!!!

Newwave,

I have met a few women that are like you once were. I am pretty good looking but they were lookng for a guy that was way more than their husband or last bf to show them they could do way better. For me in the end it was better they chose not to see me again.

Blue Spiral,

I actually have nearly a 40% return on messages I send out. I read their profile carefully, look at the pics and then write a message that is usually 3 or 4 sentences long. I never compliment them on their looks but rather find something funny in their profile or picture to comment on. If I am interested in something they do or like I ask about it. If their profile is a little thin then I ask them to tell me something about themselves that wasn't in their profile. The title of my message is almost always funny or sarcastic to get them thinking. I messaged a girl with a PhD and my title was "Hey smarty pants" We are meeting for dinner in a few days btw.

The reason I do better than some is not that I am all that good looking but I know who to message. I stay close to my age and I can usually spot drama queens and women looking for ego boosts. If you read their profile carefully you can almost always tell if she lives in the same world as you. Keep it simple, no chessy lines and don't offer to show your six pack and you will be surprised at how well you can do.

Lost

Newwave,

I have met a few women that are like you once were. I am pretty good looking but they were lookng for a guy that was way more than their husband or last bf to show them they could do way better. For me in the end it was better they chose not to see me again.

I wll readily admit 10-15 years ago I was all into the hot model guys and if a guy didn't look like that I dumped him or didn't give him a chance. I have since outgrown that but wish I was never like that.