Jump to content

Recommended Posts

this post is going to be a bit of exaggeration but i'm angry, afraid, hurt and i wont shut up. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (a kind of anti depressant) is is in the process of ruining my life.

 

it's not over yet. i havent thrown in the towel, but right now things are bleak.

 

I'm not taking these medications but someone i very much love is. She recognizes the problem and will soon start weening herself off of them , but in the mean time she no longer loves me anymore. She admits that the past 3 years have been the happiest of her life, and i know they have been of mine.

 

I acknowledge that there are probably people out there who need these. Who have dangerous problems that need treatment or who's lives are so unbearable that any kind of side affect would seem mild next to the status quo.

 

But there are also people out there who are the most lovely, kind, and caring people in the entire world, whos lives may not be perfect but are still worthy of love and admiration, who are being changed by these drugs and can no longer appreciate what they once did in other people. Who are no longer capable of the emotional intimacy that made them beyond perfect, but flawed chaotic stars.

 

I'm sure many of you have experienced cruelty from someone who once loved you but facing it so unnecessarily seems doubly cruel.

 

I know this is hardly objective but I will at least bear witness to my experience.

Link to comment
has she consulted her doctor about the medication?

 

her doctor is also on the medication and she told her she could ween herself off of it but in the long term she suggested considering a different SSRI.

 

she didnt tell the doctor that she stopped loving me because she was too shy but she did tell her she felt less emotion towards her dog (which is true)

Link to comment

i didnt even realize that it had anything to do with the medication at first other than perhaps affecting her mood temporarily, but then i found dozens and dozens of accounts of the same experience on the internet, and articles as well. It seems like these things are prescribed way too casually, and without regard to the damage it can do to peoples lives and their loved ones

Link to comment

on the subject of the doctor being on the meds herself, from what i can tell from people's accounts it's very difficult for the person taking the drug to see the situation from outside it's perspective. They usually never think that it has anything to do with the drug but that their relationship has just lost it's emotional spark.

 

Other people have made posts about how after going off of the drug (for days weeks or months, it varies) they realize in retrospect what it did to them. and regain their sexual/emotional capacities

Link to comment
Are you telling us everything? Have there been problems in your relationship?

 

Chaotic isn't good.

 

It depends on your perspective. Some people have emotional problems but you still love them for who they are. There are somethings that i could do better from a romantic perspective (we've talked about it) but they're the kind of flaws that would usually be brushed aside by someone in love. Most of the accounts I have read have described this very same process and researched articles as well. If a person is no longer capable or is inhibited from feeling romantic love then the persons flaws stand out a lot more and often get blamed for the situation (or seem to the person as if they are the situation). This might seem like an excuse but when many many people have gone from loving happy relationships to divorce in a a few weeks or months after taking the drugs then you can see the patterns develop. This has been recognized by researchers. You need your brain to be functioning a certain way to love someone and these drugs inhibit certain emotions.

Link to comment

I am coming off SSRI's. It was a nice four years, I have to admit...nice and peaceful.

 

If I think I need to go back on them, I won't hesitate.

 

My husband, unlike you, LOVES me on SSRI's. He is very uneasy that I'm going to try without them. The reason I am going off them is a sexual dysfunction. It is now to the point that sex is painful. I looked up side effects and just as I suspected, this could be the problem.

Link to comment
I am coming off SSRI's. It was a nice four years, I have to admit...nice and peaceful.

 

If I think I need to go back on them, I won't hesitate.

 

My husband, unlike you, LOVES me on SSRI's. He is very uneasy that I'm going to try without them. The reason I am going off them is a sexual dysfunction. It is now to the point that sex is painful. I looked up side effects and just as I suspected, this could be the problem.

 

I love my girlfriend too, it's just that she stopped loving me (She says so). At first i thought they were a good thing too because her migranes decreased and she told me that she was happier with them. But then later she told me that she wasnt happier with them and went off them briefly. I honestly confused a lot of the problems that happened when she went off them as problems caused by lack of the drug, but i realize now after reading more about it and talking to her that she felt the way she did before going off of them and that she wasnt off for long enough to regain her previous mental state. She had mood swings when she went off and I kind of talked her in to going back on (although i didnt insist on it) . And now that she's back on she had a temporarily better feeling but soon she went into health problems anxiety and revealed that she didnt love me any more (romantically). From what i understand of going off of them there is a withdrawal period, and also your sexual disfunction and emotional state will last for a varying period of time

Link to comment

the other thing that is suspect about the whole situation is the FDA has approved her drug only for major depression but she was being prescribed as a way to holistically treat her migraines by getting rid of her minor depression.

 

and now the doctor wants her on a different SRI to prevent her anxiety which she didnt experience until after she was already on the drug

 

 

also the anxiety must be at least in part related to the relationship problems we're having as a result of the drug

Link to comment

Only thing that I missed a lot on the drug is the lack of sexual high. It's like the sex works but is not really that satisfying. But when it got to the point recently of severe pain, that finished me off. I only started the pills because I had complications at home, combined with my lifelong tendency to have mild to moderate depression.

 

One thing that irked me this week is my husband whining to me that I need to get back on my pills. The reason is I challenged his opinion on something. He knows very well that I will do this on or off Zoloft. And he apologized a little later, he knew it was wrong. I told him I am trying very hard to make this work and he hurt my feelings terribly.

 

Did you hurt your girlfriend's feelings when you told her to take the pills again?

Link to comment

i did the same thing your husband did and i really feel sorry for it now. im sure it hurt her feelings a little but she had already hurt my feelings by telling me she wasnt sure if she loved me. But to be honest our whole recent episode might have been inevitable given that she's been on the drug for a year now. I dont think it always happens instantly so from my perspective (which is a very biased one) id say ween urself off of the drugs before its too late and let your husband know about the potential consequances. Obviously you should consult a doctor but mild depression doesnt seem worth risking your whole relationship and capacity to romantically love someone

Link to comment

she's also been taking the smallest dose, and i think this made the whole thing occur gradually and i also hope that the side affects wont last too long after she's off of it but ive read that sometimes it appears to be permanent or last months (i dont think this is usually the case)

Link to comment
she's also been taking the smallest dose, and i think this made the whole thing occur gradually and i also hope that the side affects wont last too long after she's off of it but ive read that sometimes it appears to be permanent or last months (i dont think this is usually the case)

 

I am on 50 mg. of Zoloft, the smallest effective dose. After 4 years it will feel strange at first to re-enter the world. I hate the timing, turns out my husband is about to lose a second job in two years. Sort of tempting to stay on them, but I really do want to get off them. I miss some of the things I had before, some of my emotional and sexual capacities.

 

Hopefully after your girlfriend gets all that out of her system she will feel what she once did. I really hope you get to keep your relationship going.

Link to comment

This story has a temporarily happy ending. Although I was really lonely and worried all day because my girlfriend had wanted some personal time with her friends (before I told her about the medication she wanted a 2-3 week break of no contact). I met with her at the end of day and she was really sweet and caring.

 

I tried to some of the things we had talked about to show that i wasn't just blaming everything on the medication and she's going to start weening herself off of it tonight. I don't anticipate the withdrawal will go 100% smoothly, and I also dont know how long the medicine will affect her after she stops taking it but she seems to love me now and this suggests that it isnt all biological but there is some element of interpretation.

Link to comment

I expect it will take awhile after the very last of it to completely wear off. I imagine she is rather concerned about what she will go through. If she cries or something, just hug her and let her know you will be there during this transition. She needs something solid, something to count on right now.

 

I am down to half a pill every three days now, and so far I'm ok. No brain zaps or anything. I always hear those horror stories. I hope that is just people that stop cold turkey.

Link to comment

How long was she on them? I don't know if she actually stopped loving you, but it may feel to her like she did...especially if she's even being indifferent to her dog. Antidepressant medication is almost a misnomer. A more apt description would be anti emotion medication. These drugs aren't able focus only on feelings that bring you down. They attenuate ALL feelings - good and bad. You wind up with a kind of emotional monotone. You won the lottery! "Oh, okay." Your mother died! "Oh, okay." Nothing stirs you anymore. I have a feeling things may go back to normal after the effects wear off, but that can take several weeks. Good luck.

Link to comment
I expect it will take awhile after the very last of it to completely wear off. I imagine she is rather concerned about what she will go through. If she cries or something, just hug her and let her know you will be there during this transition. She needs something solid, something to count on right now.

 

I am down to half a pill every three days now, and so far I'm ok. No brain zaps or anything. I always hear those horror stories. I hope that is just people that stop cold turkey.

 

if this was the case it would be a lot easier on me but right now me even talking to her or hanging out with her 'frustrates' her in her terms. she really wanted to go on a two week break (even before she knew about what the medication was doing) but now we're kind of hanging out sporadically. I'm pretty emotionally incapable of being away from her in my fragile state and she doesnt want to be around me so that her negative feelings towards me dont stifle her romantic rebound. It wouldnt be so hard for me if she hadnt said things that sounded cruel and unempathetic (she admits she feels like she lacks empathy right now). All she wants to do is hang out with her other friends. I think she still sees us being together after she gets off of the medication and still sees us as a couple now but the things she does makes me insecure about her motivations. shell probably read this post which is ok because ive been for the most part pretty open about how she's making me feel its hard for me to keep from saying things and it stresses her out

Link to comment
How long was she on them? I don't know if she actually stopped loving you, but it may feel to her like she did...especially if she's even being indifferent to her dog. Antidepressant medication is almost a misnomer. A more apt description would be anti emotion medication. These drugs aren't able focus only on feelings that bring you down. They attenuate ALL feelings - good and bad. You wind up with a kind of emotional monotone. You won the lottery! "Oh, okay." Your mother died! "Oh, okay." Nothing stirs you anymore. I have a feeling things may go back to normal after the effects wear off, but that can take several weeks. Good luck.

 

she's been on them for about a year, i think her recent more strong, startling lack of empathy and care is a result of her temporarily going off the medication and going back on (which is partially my fault although not entirely for selfish reasons). She told me that it felt more so after and that her current state of mind is different then what she felt before (although her romantic love for me had be depreciating). I don't think she really fell out of love with me either and i think things will be better after she's weaned off but im currently very insecure over the way she treats me and my fears can sometimes outweigh my rationality

Link to comment

one other problem is that when im with her in person she seems nicer than when we're talking on the phone or on the internet. there's an internet disinhibition effect that makes people less empathetic to people not in person because we are emotionally hotwired to people's faces, in a biological sense.

 

so when we talk on the phone or off line it it seems like she has even less empathy towards me

 

also a lot of our interaction right now is not in person. she thought that we should have no contact with the break (again the idea conceived before she found out about the medication), and it would seem somewhat logical because when we're not together she treats me really poorly.

 

the couple times weve spent together recently in person she was really sweet and it was very uplifting for me but after both times she said something about not wanting to hang out the next day

Link to comment

As with everything else in life, everyone reacts differently.

 

I gained 100+ pounds on Zyprexa, and switched to Risperdal. My doctor warned me that I might continue gaining, because it's a med known for weight gain.

 

I actually lost weight, and I couldn't be happier. I'm currently at 217, compared to the 295 I was at in 2008. And the only thing keeping me from losing all the weight is probably soda and sugar intake. I'm a sugar addict, can't help that.

 

Everyone's body is wired differently. I reacted horribly to abilify, and tried to kill myself. Then there are people that, for them, abilify is a miracle drug.

 

What works for one person doesn't always work for another.

Link to comment

ok it took me forever to update this because so much is happened. We broke up and i went through all the inevitable pain involved. I went through 999999 different states of mind about what i should do with the situation.

 

My main idea throughout this whole period was that if I just waited out the withdrawal period her love would return (or at least i would know it is gone). I also assumed we would have to do sexual things to get it back (just based on what i read about the biology of the situation).

 

From reading this forum though( link removed)

I'm getting the impression that her ability to love anyone is not coming back any time soon. Her attitude the whole time has been that she no longer wants to be in an exclusive relationship with anyone and i should accept her for who she is and move on. Our major conflict has been over whether i should move on or wait it out.

 

I now realize that if she does get back the way she is it wont be for a while and there's no point in thinking of her as my girlfriend if she's going to have to refall in love with me at a much later date anyway. My plan now is just to be friends with her and be content with that and if she falls in love with me again in the future so be it.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...