Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 6 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 57

Thread: Am I jumping to onclusions?

  1. #1

    Am I jumping to onclusions?

    I'm a married man of 8 years and love my wife to bits and up until this point there have been no issues. I have always been one to trust my instincts and never really had any major reason to doubt my relationship with my wife but please advise me what you make of the following events.

    I travel the country with my job and from time to time phone my wife in the morning to say hello. This one day when I phoned she mentioned that she would be going out for lunch with work friends and would be finishing work at 12:15 to go to the atm and then off for the emal at 12:30 and I thought absolutley nothing of it until I got home that evening and said hi to wife and asked her how her day had been and how the lunch had gone with her friends. She said it had gone fine and that she had finished work at 12:30 has planned and had a nice meal and left about 14:30ish. So after taking my coat off and hinging it up I spotted what looked like a piece of paper on the floor in the cloak room and picked it, opened it to see what it was and it was an atm receipt with a time time stamp of 11:30 that same day. I asked my wife had she been to get money out today from the atm and she said she had. I asked her what time she went and she said 12:15 ish.. Now I know things wrong with technology but atm machines have to be accurate don't they? I told her I had just found this receipt with 11:30 on it and how can this be so and her reply was the machine must be wrong. I felt a sickly feeling in my gut and no this can't be right and pressed on with the theory that atm times have to be correct.

    She denied and denied and denied it

    Now some 8 months later. after me still 100% with her explanation my wife said OK I was at the atm at 11:30 but could not say anything to you because I had already told you on the phone I was finishing at 12:15 and there were other people around me in the office when you had phoned and that really she had planned to finish at 11:30 just after the the rest of the office had left to make there way to the location for the meal. She then said her plans were to collect our daughter and walk her to the afternoon nursery then from there make her way to the meal. I said why didn't you tell me this last night and she replied I forgot. Now we have a daughter that is 4 years old and we have a child minder that takes care of her whilst we were both in work. So with this in mind I asked did the child minder know you were calling early to collect our daughter. She replied no I just called and let her know that I was taking her home first for some lunch then I take her the school. Now to be clear I am not saying anything about my wife behind her back I would not do that I love her to much to bad mouth her but something is bothering me that is an issue with trust and communication. The issue is simply this if my wife loves me, trusts me and believes in honesty then why did she not to say something light hearted when the atm receipt was found instead of a major, major denial and blaming the atm that went on for this long. It is a small problem maybe but is niggling me as to what are her real values in marriage. I do not like the idea of lying in a marriage it makes for a rocky foundation I'm certain. This is making me feel uneasy, my wife is not good at communicating her emotions were as I am an open book.

    Now 3 months on and my wifes office party.
    My wife went to her office party the other night and went with her sister who also works for the same company. the problem is that when she got home and walked through the door with her sister they were both laughing and I first thought they are merry and/or may have had too much to drink. Then my wifes sister started telling me in between laughing that they had been dancing with 2 lads from there office and that my wife had to lock herself in the toilet. Now I know my wife has not done anything wrong but wonder what position did she put herself in to have to lock herself in the toilet. My wife would not say who she was dancing with and would not say. So I asked why was she and her sister dancing with 2 lads on there own. My wife then started looking in her hand bag for a tissue and tipped the contents out onto the coffee table, what fell out amongs other things was the instructions from a box of condoms. I asked her why this was in her bag and she said my 4 year old must have put it in there from our bedroom drawer.. There were no condoms just the instructions.


    Am I jumping to onclusions?

  2. #2
    Silver Member SapphireNoir10's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    12,005
    Gender
    Female
    I think none of these things point to cheating. You sound a bit overly paranoid as in just because she finished work earlier than she said, doesnt mean shes cheating.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    42,206
    My wife then started looking in her hand bag for a tissue and tipped the contents out onto the coffee table, what fell out amongs other things was the instructions from a box of condoms. I asked her why this was in her bag and she said my 4 year old must have put it in there from our bedroom drawer.. There were no condoms just the instructions.
    So her explanation is that your four year old happened on the condom instructions while casually looking through the bedroom drawer and thought: "hmmm, not sure what this piece of paper is about but it sure looks like it belongs in Mom's handbag, so I'll just put it in there for her without saying anything."

  4. #4
    Silver Member SapphireNoir10's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    12,005
    Gender
    Female
    Stranger things have happened. Also, why the instructions? wouldnt you throw those away? and if you had something to hide in your bag from your husband, you wouldnt empty it out infront of him.

  5.  

  6. #5

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    42,206
    I bet the dog ate her homework when she was a kid.

    I would not be at all satisfied with that explanation. Nor the one about the atm.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Mauxly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    2,024
    Gender
    Female
    You have her under a microscope. I'm a big believer of trusting your gut, however, none of these things are red flags. This started prior to the ATM incident, you wouldn't even know about the time discrepancy if you weren't making her account for every minute of every day. So what changed a long time ago that made you so distrustful? Did she become distant? Unhappy? That is what your gut is zoning in on and you are turning it into fantasy of infidelity. You should focus on that.

    The condom instructions thing is a none issue. No one would.save the instructions. It is something a child would do, tear up a box and put some of the contents into a bag.

    The thing that worries me the most is your need to account for her every moment. This is highly controlling behavior and borders on abuse. I'm sure that you love her and would never want to hurt her. But you can't control women this way. It breaks our spirit.

    Please talk to her. Stop accusing and grilling her. Just talk to her about the overall health of the relationship and your mutual happiness.

  8. #7
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    149
    I agree that you sound overly paranoid. If there have been no other problems/concerns in a 8 year marriage, it's a bit puzzling why you would get so suspicious about an ATM receipt with the time a little off that you would start an investigation over it. So while I don't know if she's cheating or not, to answer your question, I do think you're jumping to conclusions based on the information you've provided.

  9. #8

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    42,206
    One of the reasons that people get away with cheating is that when you find circumstantial evidence that in itself isn't conclusive you will be accused of being controlling or paranoid. That leads you to put away your suspicions unless you actually find your spouse in the act - and even then you are likely to be blamed for it.

    Now it is possible that she isn't cheating - but the evidence you have is strong grounds for suspicion and you should be very wary especially as she will now be even more careful to cover her tracks if she is in fact cheating. Don't be lulled into complacency by starting to blame yourself - I think your suspicions are rational and her behaviour is, to say the least, very sketchy.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    16,367
    I think you have some reason for suspicion based on the fact that she is lying to you. As you mentioned, why is she lying about things that are so trivial (really) if she is doing nothing wrong?

    So if I were in your position, I would most likely be wondering what she is hiding too. It may not be cheating. It may not be anything all that important, even. But you also mentioned your wife has trouble expressing her feelings - is it common for her to tell white lies to avoid talking about stuff?

    Are you a jealous guy?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Brownstone322's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Virginia, USA (The 757)
    Posts
    2,244
    Gender
    Male
    "Evidence" presented in this particular forum if often weak (and, of course, completely one-sided). The "evidence" in this case is extraordinarily weak.

Page 1 of 6 1234 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •