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Thread: Text Message Discovery

  1. #1

    Text Message Discovery

    Hi Everyone,

    I've been seeing this guy for four months. He left his long time girlfriend of 8 years to be with me, moved out of the house they just bought and everything. We have a connection like I've never had with anyone else before. In the past two weeks he has seemed a bit distant and so I brought up how he was feeling about them spliting, as they are finishing out the mortgage term and then dividing it up so they still have to talk. I've been really understanding and I get that it is a special circumstance. He's just about finished moving all of his stuff out of their old house. Two nights ago we had a few drinks and some friends over and once they left we were getting ready to go to bed and as he was in the bedroom waiting for me I felt the urge to go into his phone and check the messages. That night we'd been working together too, and while we were working he had sent her a message explaining how the night was and how he missed her and loved her. He assures me that nothing has happened between them since the split but this really hurt because I feel he broke my trust. I want to try and work things out, but I don't know if that's the best idea. He has repeatedly told me that it's just been a few messages and that it's hard because they really built a life together before. I get that, but do I need to let him take time to get over her? Should I just bolt because it's getting screwed up? Part of me thinks so, but at the same time 8 years is a long time and he did leave his whole life to be with me. Obviously there are going to be some remaining feelings on his side of things with her. But it hurt me really bad to know that he was keeping that from me. I talked to him yesterday and we discussed how things need to be open and honest and that stuff like that is not okay. He promised up and down that they had not slept together or anything else and that he had not been seeing her. I believe this because we spend so much time together. Is it just a text message and I'm blowing it out of proportion? Or is this a fundamental breaking of my trust that I can't bounce back from. He's the only guy I've ever dated that I can see myself spending the rest of my life with. I've never even considered it before. Are these special circumstances or is he just screwing with me?

  2. #2
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    It sounds like he's doing the same thing to you, that he did to her. I'm not sure why you're surprised by this?

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by HeartGoesOn
    It sounds like he's doing the same thing to you, that he did to her. I'm not sure why you're surprised by this?
    Exactly.......

  4. #4
    Gold Member Maroney555's Avatar
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    I wouldn't put up with this. I think he is taking advantage of you...and her.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SpottiOtti's Avatar
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    Specific situational factors aside, the guy just got out of an eight year relationship with someone he had a lot of ties with. If you had met this guy randomly, would you consider dating him?

  7. #6
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    You can't get out of an 8 year relationship without carrying any emotional baggage with you. Starting a relationship with someone who abruptly ended this long-term relationship to be with you, is giving you a great front-row view of what it's like to be caught in the middle of this situation. Any break-up needs some time to heal, and being in the middle of this emotionally-intense situation is harmful for you, even though you are not directly involved in this. That being said, the fact that he texted her to say how he misses her and loves her, suggests to me that he does indeed still love and misses her.

    You said that they haven't slept together, but this doesn't exclude him loving her and wanting to be with her - don't confuse the two! You deserve to know, and you should confront him about how he feels, not just about what he does (or doesn't do). It sounds like you've been very understanding with what he's going through and showing him support. That's great, but you need to know if he is convinced that he wants to move on and be with you.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Crazyaboutdogs's Avatar
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    Unfortunately this is the drawback of being with someone who walks away from a relationship to be with you. They do not have much of a sense of loyalty and integrity so you will never quite know if they will betray you like they betrayed their ex. Are you sure he is really that worth it? What makes him so special that you would accept a man who would betray his long-term partner.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Longview01's Avatar
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    Sounds like you are about to get what you deserve

  10. #9
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    [QUOTE=Longview01;4576236]Sounds like you are about to get what you deserve

    Agreed!!!!

  11. #10
    Gold Member theartofruin's Avatar
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    All the text message says was he loves her and misses her? That doesn't mean he's done anything. It'd be pretty weird if he didn't still love her and miss after eight years, but that doesn't necessarily mean he wants to go back to her.

    I won't be nasty to you with regards to karma because that's not what you came here for, but to get involved with a man like this then you kind of have to expect it to happen to you too. If he did it to his girlfriend of eight years then he can do it to anyone. Grass is green syndrome and all that. Trust me, I learnt the hard way with my ex too, and as much as it's killing me right now I do kind of deserve it. If things do go pear-shaped and your man leaves you (to go back to his ex or whoever) then just consider it a painful lesson learnt, and never steal another woman's boyfriend again!

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