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Thread: Caught wife cheating with another woman

  1. #11
    Silver Member SapphireNoir10's Avatar
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    Im so sorry. Our old next door neighbour had a similar situation. He was married for fifteen years to a woman who had 2 kids from a previous marrage and 2 kids with him. One day he discovered she was having an affair with another woman from work. Although he wanted to make it work once he confronted her she told him she was a lesbian and had been her whole life (confusing yes!)

    You need to sit down and talk to her. Explain that you know, feel hurt and betrayed and want to know WHY she has begun this affair.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member sidehop's Avatar
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    I'm very sorry you're going through this. It must be so difficult too considering you two have a child together. I hope she will be honest with you and can work things out even if it's going to take some time.

  3. #13
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    Obviously having sex with the opposite sex regularly is a lot easier for a lesbian to pull off than a gay man.

  4. #14
    Member frankenstrat's Avatar
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    Yeah, she works with her but she's not supposed to be going on the trip with her or at least that's what she told me last night before I found out what was really going on. Think I might just give her a call and ask her exactly who is going on the trip & the phone number of the hotel she's staying at.

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  6. #15
    Member frankenstrat's Avatar
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    Thanks for the kind words everyone. I do want to talk to her and see where we stand but will have to wait a few days to do it. We've been married 8 years & together for 11 total and I don't think she's a lesbian or has ever been interested in woman at all except as a friend. I'm thinking this might be a mid-life crisis she's going through and hopefully we can resolve it. Even after this I still love her and want to work things out. I hope she feels the same way but only time will tell.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member iBroken's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by frankenstrat
    Yeah, she works with her but she's not supposed to be going on the trip with her or at least that's what she told me last night before I found out what was really going on. Think I might just give her a call and ask her exactly who is going on the trip & the phone number of the hotel she's staying at.
    I dont think this will get you ahead by any means? Shes not going to tell you this lady is there. She already told you that she wasnt going. But that doesnt mean it is true.

  8. #17
    Silver Member SapphireNoir10's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by frankenstrat
    Thanks for the kind words everyone. I do want to talk to her and see where we stand but will have to wait a few days to do it. We've been married 8 years & together for 11 total and I don't think she's a lesbian or has ever been interested in woman at all except as a friend. I'm thinking this might be a mid-life crisis she's going through and hopefully we can resolve it. Even after this I still love her and want to work things out. I hope she feels the same way but only time will tell.
    I dont mean to worry you, I think you have the right attitude towards this all. But sometimes people truly can realise later in life they are no longer attracted too men/women or they actually are now a lesbian/gay.

    My aunt is a lesbian and she is with a woman in her forties that was married three times to men and has two children. She is now lesbian and left her husband for my aunt.

    Im just saying. I hope it is just a midlife crisis, and I hope you can work things out. But please just hope for the best, but maybe prepare for the worst.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by iBroken
    I dont think this will get you ahead by any means? Shes not going to tell you this lady is there. She already told you that she wasnt going. But that doesnt mean it is true.
    What he could always do is call the number to this lady's work, just to see if she is in the office. If she's out of office, it could very well be she is on the trip as well.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Welcome to ENA,
    It doesn't really matter if she is cheating on you with a woman or man, it is still cheating. Go to link removed and read up on some of the information there.
    I know how you feel right now and it does suck. Do not contact her employer, the other woman or confront her yet! You need to plan for the worst and hope for the best right now. This means getting information about your finances, credit cards, checking balances and savings. Start looking into your options in your state as far as divorce and adultery. Is your state a "no fault" state"
    Your wife is living a fantasy with this other person while you and your child are reality. This is why she is colder to you and is ignoring your child. Your wife is becoming more and more selfish as this goes on so you must be prepared for her to say and do things you would never think she would do. Basically she is not the woman you married right now and may never be that person again. Accepting that will help you in the long run.
    When she returns try and get as much proof as you can without her knowing it. Once you get more proof it will be time to decide what to do. If you want to try and work things out perhaps you should suggest to her that you noticed your marriage isn't what it should be and you would like the two of you to see a marriage counselor. If she refuses you should insist that your family is far to important to allow it to continue like it is and you want it to be stronger and more loving for all of you. This will give her the chance to end it by her choice, not because you caught her and made her end it. If it is to be real she must decide to end it as she decided to start it.

    Your other option is to confront her with the proof. I think you will find she will not react the way you expect her to. She has changed.

    Lost

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by frankenstrat
    No, I sure didn't forward the text's or emails. Was so shocked at the time I didn't even think of doing that but if the chance presents itself again I'll be sure to do it. Good idea about notifying her HR dept but her lover works in the HR dept so that's probably not the best route to take.
    That would be even more of a reason to contact the HR department. As someone that works in HR, trust me when I tell you that they of all people are not likely to protect someone in a situation like this.

    I do agree with Ashtaroth though that you should speak with your wife first before contacting the HR department. You can always save that for later.

    If you have access to you and your wife's cell phone records, now would be an excellent time to check them.

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