Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Need constant reassurance from my boyfriend?

  1. #1
    thankyou
    Member thankyou's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    55

    Need constant reassurance from my boyfriend?

    hi, i recently have noticed that i am constantly asking my boyfriend of 6 months for reassurance of how much he loves me, how he finds me more attractive than any other girl, how he's never loved someone as much, and other foolish things like if he's only turned on by me..

    i know this sounds very silly, but it's most confusing for me because i don't have low self esteem, and i'm actually very confident. It would be one thing if i was shy, or insecure... but i'm really not at all.

    I'm starting to think it goes back to trust issues, like i always need to ask if we had sex if he thinks he'd enjoy it more than he had with any other girl previously- i know that sounds so immature of me, but he is always telling me things like that, and i know that i'm his first love, since before he only had hookups or one night stands that didn't mean anything. He treats me great and will always reassure me without a doubt in his voice. So i do know he loves me- but what's wrong with me? like why would i need to always hear that i'm the most special to him/how much he loves me? The questions i ask usually are comparing me to his past girls, making sure his experience with me has been better- do you think it's because i have trust issues or because i really am insecure? It's annoying because i don't like feeling so needy. I'm normally pretty independent and not the clingy type.

    Just looking for opinions and different points of view to help me understand. Thank you!

  2. #2
    hellohello1
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    296
    Thanked
    2
    i have been in your shoes before. its not fun. i dont really know why you feel that way but please please do whatever you can to not appear needy towards him. i did this and after a while it got to the point wehre my boyfriend broke up with me. i totally regret it. i know you stated you dont have low self esteem, but you must have some insecurities or else you would know how much he loves you. if you want assurance from him being needy will only turn him off after a while.

  3. #3
    -Sanguine-
    Platinum Member -Sanguine-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    somewhere over the rainbow
    Posts
    3,028
    Gender
    Female
    It's because he cheated on you. I know exactly how you feel unfortunately. There's probably always going to be that little twinge of doubt in the back of your mind.. like if you're good enough for him because he needed to look elsewhere. But you are good enough. You just have to keep reminding yourself that he's with you because he wants only you now. No one else. Right now he is okay with reassuring you, but trust me, eventually it will grow old and he will become annoyed with it.

    It's fine to get a bit of reassurance but not all the time.

  4. #4
    thankyou
    Member thankyou's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    55
    Quote Originally Posted by -D- [Register to see the link]
    It's because he cheated on you. I know exactly how you feel unfortunately. There's probably always going to be that little twinge of doubt in the back of your mind.. like if you're good enough for him because he needed to look elsewhere. But you are good enough. You just have to keep reminding yourself that he's with you because he wants only you now. No one else. Right now he is okay with reassuring you, but trust me, eventually it will grow old and he will become annoyed with it.

    It's fine to get a bit of reassurance but not all the time.
    thank you, that really helped, especially since you know my situation from the last time i posted about the cheating issue.

    I hate the thought of him getting annoyed by it eventually, and that scares me, so i definitely will just ignore the urge from now on, unless it's something that is truly necessary to ask. I guess inside i know the answer to every question i ask, but for some reason I feel the need to hear it... though I'm not sure why.

    Did you ever realize that it would get annoying and stop? ...If you did, were things better/ did you end up feeling better in the long run?

  5. #5
    LovelyLust
    Member LovelyLust's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    tn
    Posts
    15
    Gender
    Female
    This is so weird b\c I was just about to post something very similar to your post but i wanted to look and see if anyone had already posted something on the topic...but in my opinion it is an insecurity issue, i say this from experience b\c i know that the reason that I ask these questions and get mad when my bf says something about a past gf is b\c im afraid i'm not i guess as good as the last girl. Im always comparing myself to his past gf's and trying to do things that they didn't do or trying to be better. thats just plain ol insecurity. Before I got with him i never did things like that im very independent and maybe a little over confident but these days i've not been myself. I just want to make sure he's happy in all we do. the past girls didn't make it to the present for a reason and I want to be the one here forever. Since you already know that he loves u without a doubt just be yourself im sure thats why he's with you and noone else. Good luck hun!!

  6. #6
    -Sanguine-
    Platinum Member -Sanguine-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    somewhere over the rainbow
    Posts
    3,028
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by thankyou [Register to see the link]
    thank you, that really helped, especially since you know my situation from the last time i posted about the cheating issue.

    I hate the thought of him getting annoyed by it eventually, and that scares me, so i definitely will just ignore the urge from now on, unless it's something that is truly necessary to ask. I guess inside i know the answer to every question i ask, but for some reason I feel the need to hear it... though I'm not sure why.

    Did you ever realize that it would get annoying and stop? ...If you did, were things better/ did you end up feeling better in the long run?
    There was a point in time when I was feeling REALLY insecure about our relationship for some reason (this was even before he had cheated, or maybe before I found out..) but I had been noticing he had been withdrawing and not himself and so I felt really needy and I would become emotional and I would just long to hear him say he loved me or tell me I was beautiful and he wouldn't. And the more I pursued him, the further he pushed away.

    I guess you could say I never really asked him all the things you say you ask your boyfriend, but I certainly wanted to. There would be times I would tell him he was handsome and compliment him and he wouldn't return the favor so I knew I should stop. I realize now that he will say nice things to me and make me feel good, on his own terms. The other day he randomly sent me flowers, just cause.. and it was so nice that I didn't have to ask him to do it or even hint at it.

    Look at it this way. When you ask him those questions, he's not going to say anything but what you want to hear (not to say he doesn't mean it). But wouldn't it be worth more to you if he said it on his own? Without you having to ask? I think that would be a better reward in the end.

  7.  

Top Threads
Can't find agreement
My fiance's mom was killed by a drunk driver when he was eleven and since then he has been uncomfortable with a significant other drinking. I agreed
The girlfriend of a Nightclub Manager
Hello everyone! I'm looking for honest and real advice here. Just give it to me straight. So, I'm the girlfriend of a Nightclub Manager. He manages a
Are early stage of love as "real" as long term love?
For a long time, I believed that love in LTR were somehow more authentic, valid or real than love at the beginning of a relationship. When I see
Just a little down.
I'm not really sure what I'm looking for aside from venting, but I'm feeling down about something. Maybe you can make me realize I'm sensitive or
My girlfriend wants to throw a party at my place without any of my friends
We're in our mid 20s and have been in a relationship for 2 years. We're planning on moving in together when she's more financially stable, which
Should I take back my cheating X
Hi everyone. I have just opened a new account on here but did have a different account last year and had loads of really good advice on this forum so
Can two people with different activity levels work out?
My boyfriend and I had a discussion about this recently as I voiced my concerns. You see he is an active guy! He loves being outdoors and is very
Featured Threads
Don Juan President
I'm the president of Don Juans. I know all the top moves to make with females and I've had sex so many times. If a man needs advice ask right here.
Talk Dirty to Me!
OMGosh this is rampant. I have been serial dating in hopes of finding a long term relationship. BTW, nn the past two weeks I have been doing really
Is it wrong that I don't drive my parent's car to drive myself places as of now?
I am 20 and I have my driver's license but I don't have my own car yet so I have to rely on my parents and the bus to get me places but my parents
Friendship changes, how to deal?
Hello All, My friend and I are close. We consider our friendship like a brother & sister type. Lately, I've been noticing he has been treating me
Online Dating Descripton Sets Off Red Flags For Me, But Maybe Not for Others?
I have someone who has been giving me attention with Online Dating (yes, I thought I'd give it a gentle go. Dip my toe in the water even though I was
Help
Hi, I'm 37 and I have been with my partner for about 5 years and we have been married just under a year. About 5 months ago my now wife had an
Did you ever get over your first love? Post your stories!
Hello, I've been feeling kind of down lately because I always hear people saying that you never get over your first love, or you'll always compare
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •