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Thread: I am tired of being strong

  1. #1
    anu1560
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    I am tired of being strong

    I am tired of being strong. Tired. Its like one bad thing after another. Its never ending. First, one of my good friend was shot by police. Couldn't even get over it and bf breaks up with me. Hadn't healed properly and I have this disgusting car accident. Now I have nightmares about the car accident. I am dealing with the medical bills and the hundreds of paper work to get my credit card company pay for the accident and damage of the car as they covered for it. Don't even know how much I have to pay out of my pocket. My medical insurance company is declining to pay for the medical bills. Have to send them more paper works before they will process my claims. Worried about money all the time. Cannot tell mom and dad because they are old and do not want them to worry about me. I am just tired. Too tired. Just wish I was dead in that accident. I cannot take it anymore. I am tired of taking care of myself and being strong. I need to be taken care of. I don't want to be strong any more. I need someone to take care of me. I want someone to take my worries or atleast share my worries. I do not want any more bad lucks. Three bad luck in last 5 months is more than I can handle. Enough is enough. I just need a hug from someone who will tell me 'its going to be ok. you are going to be fine. don't worry. I am there for you.'

    Last edited by anu1560; 07-21-2010 at 01:29 AM.

  2. #2
    Stay_home
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    You've been having some very unfortunate luck as of late. I'm sorry to hear about that and hope that at some point you're able to lift yourself up and keep it moving. Malcom X once said, "stumbling is not falling," we all stumble sometime. If there isn't anything else encouraging about this post, the fact that you're alive, you're breathing. Ill luck happens to us all sometime and like the rain that pours overtop of your roof, it'll pass in time. When it does pass, you have that experience to refer to and you know how survive the encounter if ever it should came again. Do as you been doing, be strong and hold your bearing, the storm will be over shortly.

  3. #3
    anu1560
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    Thanks a lot NormalSin. Yesterday was a bad day. I was just too frustrated. I have been strong for so long. I have been handling and taking care of myself for so long that sometimes feel the need to be taken care of. I am very independent. But feel the need to depend on someone. I have really nice friends but do not want to burden them all the time with my bad luck stories.

    Yes. Everyone who saw the car after the wreck told me I am lucky to be alive. I know I am lucky to be alive. But I just want all this to be over. I am so scared to go out now. It feels that the moment I will go out. something bad will happen again. Its just too many bad incidents in last few months. I just want to be normal again. I am trying so hard to get over each of the incident. But things keep popping up.

    When will the storm pass. Its kind of wrecking everything I have in my life. I have been so patiently waiting for it to stop. It just gets worse and worse. I am waiting and waiting. I am just so tired now.

  4. #4
    mgirl
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    It's going to be okay, it is going to pass.

    It sounds like you've got some sort of shock or stress disorder from the car accident. I had something similiar after my most recent one (not as bad as yours), and i am over it now. If i can get over it, you can too

    Just keep writing letters to the insurance company. I had a claim refused and i fought it and fought it. In the end, i won of course.

    Maybe just try to focus on one thing at a time.

  5. #5
    anu1560
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    Yeah. I am going to fight this storm too. I am now scared to sit in a car even though someone else is driving. I start screaming if my friends brakes a little later (again thats in my mind I guess). I need to get over the fear. Have not touched the wheels since the accident. Still have problem sleeping at night because the whole incident keeps floating in my mind and I get frustrated. Trying to do STOP THOUGHT PROCESS. Its just too many things. Dealing with them all alone is the worst part of it.

  6. #6
    quirky
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    Aww sweetie I feel for you. Here's a cyberhug (((((((anu1560))))))
    I know it feels rotten, it will all pass though. Dunno much about how to get over the accident fear.. maybe you can do an internet search? Also..it's ok to give up for a bit, if you need a day or 2 or 3 to wallow in self pity maybe it's ok you know? Might help you recharge. Or at least help you acknowledge and validate your feelings, you don't have to be superwoman. I will say something though about the papers they ask. Do not take it personally. I do that a lot and it becomes a global issue in my mind, like I lose faith in mankind and I just make it worse. They are a business and they just want the papers, they'd ask the same to anyone else.

  7. #7
    anu1560
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    Thank you quirky for the cyberhug.

  8. #8
    mca1975

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    Sorry you are going through this. It is tiresome being strong, we cannot be strong all the time, it makes you weary. Make sure you have your break-down moments where you just sob. I find that helps. Have a good cry and a rant to a friend always helps, or a post on here.

    Things will change, but as Winston Churchill said "if you're going through hell, keep going" because when you come out of the other side and are happier, you can feel proud that you pulled through even if it was alone.

    Your parents would be devastated if you were not around, so please do not say things like you wish you were dead.

    Try and write a list or a letter getting your feelings out, just to keep. It does help. Also make a list of what needs sorting and do one at a time. I think its called compartmentalisation and it will help you to feel in control.

    Do you not having anyone who could give you a hand with the forms?

  9. #9
    marshmlofluff
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    Here is another virtual hug. If I were there, I'd give you a real one, too.

  10. #10
    anu1560
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    Thank you Marsh and MCA. I feel strong again. Trying to get control of my life again. Slow but steady.

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