"A man chases a woman until she catches him."

My dad tells me this all the time, and it still confuses me. And he does it like some wise old Chinese dude at the top of a cliff or something. Just says it, nods knowingly and takes off. What is this...the woman likes a guy, so she toys with him to lead him into her cage and bam...just like that? Why the game? Or is there really no truth to this? Anyone heard this before?

that is beautiful

and so true to the nature of true love.

With all due respect to your Dad, it's a bromide that has misled too many people and stopped relationships before they even started.

I think you are taking him a bit too literally.

With all due respect to your Dad, it's a bromide that has misled too many people and stopped relationships before they even started.

In what sense does it stop relationships?

Many people like the comfort of absolutes and to see the world through them. You even see it on these boards all the time. "What do men think when...", "What do women mean when..." People like the comfort of there being "rules" out there that are followed, because it makes life easier to understand and interpret. That tends to be why people attach themselves to statements like the one your father gave you.

but DN, don't you think this is pretty true in most situations (it wasn't the case in my first relationship but I have seen around in life and that is generally true)

Back in caveman days, the woman did the majority of the day-to-day work, but she was ill-equipped to (1) protect against attacks and (2) hunt for meat. Therefore, she had to seek out the most qualified males who could do those things. Evolutionarily speaking, woman learned to seek out the most appropriate man and get him to choose her. Existence solved!

In what sense does it stop relationships?

but DN, don't you think this is pretty true in most situations (it wasn't the case in my first relationship but I have seen around in life and that is generally true)

It assumes a scenario that a woman knows a man is interested, lets her chase him and then gives in - she has now caught him. Good stuff for a Harlequin romance novel but not for real life. Too many chances of it all going pear-shaped.

Him chase her?

T'other way round. My brain-fade.

It seems to me that the statement is a description of human behavior, not intentional game playing.

Men throughout history have been pursuers. In general, people want what they can't have. Combine those two in the context of the beginning a romantic relationship and you get something like the adage in question.

The other problem with it is that women then believe they don't have to do anything - the man will do all the pursuing and that is the main flaw in the argument. Too many shy guys need encouragement.

And it really is disempowering women.

Back in caveman days, the woman did the majority of the day-to-day work, but she was ill-equipped to (1) protect against attacks and (2) hunt for meat. Therefore, she had to seek out the most qualified males who could do those things. Evolutionarily speaking, woman learned to seek out the most appropriate man and get him to choose her. Existence solved!

That's an extremely romanticized view of the caveman days. I highly suspect if we could send video cameras back in time, we'd see lots of raping and pillaging--much like we observe now in less developed/modern societies. We wouldn't see a bunch of women "choosing" mates.

The other problem with it is that women then believe they don't have to do anything - the man will do all the pursuing and that is the main flaw in the argument.

Not too far removed from reality then, methinks.

Not too far removed from reality then, methinks.

Stereotypical hetersexual mating rituals tend to dissempower women to the extreme. You see remnants of that all accross these boards all the time. I'd be rich if I had a dime for every thread about "Please help--men don't ask me on dates and I'm lonely" or "I want to get married but my boyfriend won't pop the question And then people reply to these threads assuming that these mindsets are a "given", that the women in question should continue to be subject to them and do the best they can to "attract" men into asking them on dates, or "encourage" their boyfriends to ask for marriage. When in fact they should be advocating that women actually take control of their lives and seek out what they want, just like men are encouraged to do so.

Stereotypical hetersexual mating rituals tend to dissempower women to the extreme. You see remnants of that all accross these boards all the time. I'd be rich if I had a dime for every thread about "Please help--men don't ask me on dates and I'm lonely" or "I want to get married but my boyfriend won't pop the question And then people reply to these threads assuming that these mindsets are a "given", that the women in question should continue to be subject to them and do the best they can to "attract" men into asking them on dates, or "encourage" their boyfriends to ask for marriage. When in fact they should be advocating that women actually take control of their lives and seek out what they want, just like men are encouraged to do so.

Stereotypical hetersexual mating rituals tend to dissempower women to the extreme. You see remnants of that all accross these boards all the time. I'd be rich if I had a dime for every thread about "Please help--men don't ask me on dates and I'm lonely" or "I want to get married but my boyfriend won't pop the question And then people reply to these threads assuming that these mindsets are a "given", that the women in question should continue to be subject to them and do the best they can to "attract" men into asking them on dates, or "encourage" their boyfriends to ask for marriage. When in fact they should be advocating that women actually take control of their lives and seek out what they want, just like men are encouraged to do so.

Kinda like what DN said, about one sex thinking they're supposed to sit back and have the other sex fall into their lap. It's lazy thinking, but I think it's become too widespread to dispel. Maybe I'm a pessimist like that.

All these evolutionary arguments are getting so ridiculous. If evolution was that simple, we'd all be the same but we're not. I'm a woman and I enjoy a bit of a chase. Does that mean I've devolved?

Evolution is a complex concept. Things aren't that cut and dry, not even when it comes to simple organisms let alone humans.

Moving on...

I think it's easy to say this and this should take place during a courtship, but certain dynamics work between people, that's why they're together -- nothing's wrong with that. The issue is, as mentioned before, realizing what works and doesn't work for you.

Kinda like what DN said, about one sex thinking they're supposed to sit back and have the other sex fall into their lap. It's lazy thinking, but I think it's become too widespread to dispel. Maybe I'm a pessimist like that.

Well, actually, when I want a guy to chase me, I usually make myself a good bait. There's an art to that. When done properly, it actually requires more effort.

I'm more a 50/50 girl anyway. I like the chase, but I like being chased. It's a good game if the two people do it right. and of course, if those two have the right personality for it. If you're a serious type, then obviously stay away from girls who play game. It's pretty simple...

I think it's manipulative.

If you like a guy, then respond favorably to his advances or pursue him yourself.

If you don't like a guy, then ignore him and move on.

I think it's ridiculous to think that a manipulative woman can "toy" with a man's heart, act like she's not interested, and then have it somehow work out in the end. Real life doesn't work like that. You need to be true to your feelings from the start and NOT play games. God, I hate games...and genuine people do. They trivialize everything.

The majority of the time, the guy feels ignored and feels like his feelings are not being reciprocated and he moves on. Where does that leave you? All that manipulation and trouble could have been skipped had the interested woman just responded favourably and the relationship would have begun in a healthy way.

As I see this, a guy does chase a woman. We chase and we get the gal. However, once we're with her, then we've gotta be with her in a relationship, etc..That's not bad or anything but, for myself at least, there are times that when she's nagging, critiquing, and having me be with her, that's like ......well, who really got who?

The guy is no longer chasing at that point. He has been captured to be now a relationship guy.......

Don't know if that quite put the finger on it but it's a feeling I've had sometimes....

I have never heard that saying but it would be applicable when a guy chases a girl that wants to be chased. I think that the statement just recognizes the true power in the situation where one is chasing and the other is being chased.