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Has your relationship survived cheating?


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I guess I just want to know if there's anyone out there who has been cheated on or has cheated... and you and or SO decided to work on your relationship and you were successful?

 

I've been feeling really good about our relationship and things feel like they're really on the right track lately. He's really done his part to make it up to me and hasn't given me any reason to think he's done it again. I've also stopped sharing my insecurity with him and have put more trust back into our relationship and it seems to be paying off.

 

I know of the horror stories already.. "once a cheater always a cheater", etc. But I want to know if there's actually couples out there who have overcome it and are just as strong as before or close?

 

I'll also add (and I know this makes it no better) that he didn't physically cheat on me. I found a conversation on chat that was overly flirty. It was during a period of time where he apparently was having a hard time. And he stopped talking to her before I found out about it. I'd say they talked a few times over the course of a month. I still know that makes it no better and doesn't justify it. But had he physically cheated on me, I wouldn't be with him right now. He's really made an effort to make it up to me, and I believe he's truly sorry.

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I know people who have survived cheating a long term marriage, but not anyone (personaly) who stayed with someone who cheated on them while dating. In my opinion, if you don't care enough about me in the first year or so to not cheat, then there's no future. I've never been cheated on but I think it's astounding when people cheat in the beginning since that's the "rosiest" time of all. Just my opinion.

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I know people who have survived cheating a long term marriage, but not anyone (personaly) who stayed with someone who cheated on them while dating. In my opinion, if you don't care enough about me in the first year or so to not cheat, then there's no future. I've never been cheated on but I think it's astounding when people cheat in the beginning since that's the "rosiest" time of all. Just my opinion.

 

Yeah, I can see where you're coming from.

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My ex cheated on me twice. First time was at our 4 months mark, second time was at our 2 year mark. I'm sure there other times in between and I stayed with the man for 4 years.

 

I'm not saying it wouldn't work but the ONLY instance it will is if he truly regretted doing it. That is the only way it will work. If he does then great, I'm happy for you. My ex 'seemed' like he was but after about 6 months it go to where I couldn't bring it up, he didn't care that he was doing things to make me question him. Just be careful IF that starts.

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My ex cheated on me twice. First time was at our 4 months mark, second time was at our 2 year mark. I'm sure there other times in between and I stayed with the man for 4 years.

 

I'm not saying it wouldn't work but the ONLY instance it will is if he truly regretted doing it. That is the only way it will work. If he does then great, I'm happy for you. My ex 'seemed' like he was but after about 6 months it go to where I couldn't bring it up, he didn't care that he was doing things to make me question him. Just be careful IF that starts.

 

Thanks for the tip. I'll look out for that. If he starts doing things to make me question, I'll definitely be rethinking the relationship.. but so far so good.

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My ex cheated on me twice. First time was at our 4 months mark, second time was at our 2 year mark. I'm sure there other times in between and I stayed with the man for 4 years.

 

I'm not saying it wouldn't work but the ONLY instance it will is if he truly regretted doing it. That is the only way it will work. If he does then great, I'm happy for you. My ex 'seemed' like he was but after about 6 months it go to where I couldn't bring it up, he didn't care that he was doing things to make me question him. Just be careful IF that starts.

 

hey, I'm just curious...what are the dates that you have posted? Oh and congratulations on the engagement=]

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I have been with my DP for six years this year. In the beginning of our relationship he cheated on me twice (All in the first year). It was HARD WORK... especially when every single one of my friends pretty much ditched me for staying with him.

I chose to stay and work things out and I am SO glad that I did. Our relationship has been like wine and the older we get the better we get. We are expecting our first baby next feb, and have had a GREAT relationship since we both worked through our issues (I had some of my own and so did he obviously)

Personally, I think it's VERY personal if a relationship can work after cheating. Some don't, some do. It depends if BOTH parties are willing to work things out...

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I'm not surprised there are only a few responses from people who stayed together after infidelity. It requires both partners to drastically change.

 

I can report that my marriage is in it's 15th year. Found out about my wife's infidelity in year 12 (long distance affair began in year 2, up until I found out about it). Recovery has not been easy for either of us. For me, I had to get to a point where I realized I could live without her. She had to decide whether to meet my expectations or lose me.

 

She's already done the worst thing she could do to me. If it happened again I would be disappointed but I would get over it much quicker. She's not a bad person and I think she regrets what she did. It reinforced her low self esteem and she now suffers from depression.

 

We're still together. Each day that passes restores my faith in her. In some ways things are better. I no longer idolize her and so I find it easier to speak my mind.

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i would never forgive a cheater, as i could never forgive myself, cheating just ruins everything, the thoughts of what they were doing vivid in your mind and what also is the biggest hate for me is the devious ways they went about it!

 

i do speak from both sides here and if i could curse on here to amplify how i feel about cheating and the devastation it causes then i gladly would!

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hey, I'm just curious...what are the dates that you have posted? Oh and congratulations on the engagement=]

 

I'll answer that on behalf of my fiancé

 

It's the day we met, the day we started dating, the day we met in person, the date I proposed, and the date we're to be married.

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I really tried, and for a little while he did too. But then the overall disrespect that made him think cheating was ok the first time resurfaced. It fell apart, miserably.

Never again. I honestly think there are two types of people in the world, those that do, and those that would never consider it. I'm in category two, and deserve someone like me.

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I'll answer that on behalf of my fiancé

 

It's the day we met, the day we started dating, the day we met in person, the date I proposed, and the date we're to be married.

 

Too ee's babe, not one.

 

I really tried, and for a little while he did too. But then the overall disrespect that made him think cheating was ok the first time resurfaced. It fell apart, miserably.

Never again. I honestly think there are two types of people in the world, those that do, and those that would never consider it. I'm in category two, and deserve someone like me.

 

I think that's the main thing for making it work, you have to earn that respect and trust back. Well said Mauxly. I couldn't respect my ex afterward, no matter how hard I tried to tell myself I could, and from there the trust issues arose.

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I definintely don't believe once a cheater always a cheater. I agree with someone above, it's a very personal thing.. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt. It just depends. Theres no way to get the answer from strangers, and not even from the people who know you best. The only way is for YOU to know, and for you to evaluate the relationship and decide whether or not you think things can change and he can be faithful.

 

I am an example. I dated my current boyfriend for a month and on our one month he cheated on me. It was horrible but i immediately broke up with him. After a month, he proved his loylaty and i took him back....not knowing what to expect, but taking my chances. It's now been six months and he has changed completley. No cheating, no flirting, treats me amazing, is loyal, and doesnt even look at other girls.

 

I think a lot has to do with giving the situation time after it happens.. i honestly believe that if i hadnt broken up with him, he wouldve cheated on me many more times by now/ be very unfaithful. But since i broke up with him, he saw how it was without me, and realized i was worth way more to him than he thought. He didnt want to lose me, and now he strongly regrets what he did- but it's in the past.

 

I'm not saying you need to break up with him for a while now, as every situation is different, especially since he didnt actually do an ACT of cheating on you physically. Doing it over a chat online and actually doing as much as touching and communicating with someone are two very differnet things. I think this is something you guys can get over, just make sure that you dont "forgive and forget" immediately becasue there needs to be a consequence for what he did or theres a strong chance it could happen again- since he didnt really suffer for his actions at all. Talking it out helps, see if what he says adds up, and that he's not hesitant to talk about it. He should do whatever it takes to get your trust back.

 

Good luck. Anything is possible.

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I am an example. I dated my current boyfriend for a month and on our one month he cheated on me. It was horrible but i immediately broke up with him. After a month, he proved his loylaty and i took him back....not knowing what to expect, but taking my chances. It's now been six months and he has changed completley. No cheating, no flirting, treats me amazing, is loyal, and doesnt even look at other girls.

 

Just out of curiosity, how do you prove your loyalty in a month when you're broken up? I wish you the best of luck, but I don't really consider 6 months of no cheating to be particularly impressive. Hope he can continue on the right path.

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I am an example. I dated my current boyfriend for a month and on our one month he cheated on me. It was horrible but i immediately broke up with him. After a month, he proved his loylaty and i took him back....not knowing what to expect, but taking my chances. It's now been six months and he has changed completley. No cheating, no flirting, treats me amazing, is loyal, and doesnt even look at other girls.

 

Ya no disrespect, but 6 months is not a long time.

 

My ex cheated on me and was a SAINT for 6 months.......and beyond...until she did it again.

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Just out of curiosity, how do you prove your loyalty in a month when you're broken up? I wish you the best of luck, but I don't really consider 6 months of no cheating to be particularly impressive. Hope he can continue on the right path.

I totally get where you're coming from, because no i dont think 6 months really has "successful" written on it. But for us, it is because of the transformation he's made.

In the month we were broken up he, for the first time, realized that he cared more about me than any other girl he'd been with, or been around. He actually felt stronger about me, and realized that i was the first person that wasnt just another "hookup".

 

After a month and a half exactly, he came to my house and balled in front of me for the first time, telling me he loved me (though i didnt say it back, becasue i wasnt foolish enough to think that meant he was changed) but then we sat there for 4 hours and talked and he explained to me his past and some serious emotional issues he'd had because of some events that took place in middle school, and why that was the reason he cheated- so that he wasnt getting too close to me, as he had just started letting me in before we broke up. He had talked to one of his bestfriends about it though, and faced the issue and for that month while he tried getting me back, i saw something new in him. Though i wasnt convinced, i gave it a second try and decided to date him again, with a lot of my friends support who also saw the change in their friend of many years.

 

I wasnt particularly happy with my decision to date him again, but i figured i'd get over the hurt the second time if he did it again, and i'd regret never knowing what wouldve happened if i gave up on him.

 

I cant really explain it, but since the second time, he is a completely different person. We've dated 6 months and havent gotten even close to sex, while our relationship is more based on harmless fun, and getting to spend time together just talking. I am the first girlfriend to meet his parents, meet everyone of his town friends (we go to a private school in a different town) and the first girl he said i love you to, or even had a relationship that lasted more than a month. (especially without being physical)

So for me, i feel that he really is a different kid now than before.. with the information i gave you, i hope that you see more where i'm coming from in my specific situation. But yes, its true that i cant really say i know for sure that this is a permanent thing, but i'm not exactly planning to marry him, so for the time being, and as long as we date- i really have gained trust back in him. As many of his friends say in surprise, he doesnt even talk to girls anymore, and every fight we've had has been my fault.. he just doesnt do things that hurt me, or are wrong to me as most my friends boyfriends do.

 

I'm open to opinions though, as i'm still trying to figure out if this will be a long term faithful relationship. What do you think?

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Ya no disrespect, but 6 months is not a long time.

 

My ex cheated on me and was a SAINT for 6 months.......and beyond...until she did it again.

No disrespect taken, but can you tell me your story more specifically? I'm very interested in it, since i'm still trying to figure this out myself.

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I'm open to opinions though, as i'm still trying to figure out if this will be a long term faithful relationship. What do you think?

 

Well, as long as you aren't intending to marry this guy as you say, and aren't that physical (I think when you are intimate that's when it would hurt the most), then I don't see the problem.

 

But, just me, I would never, EVER marry someone that cheated on me when we were dating. I don't care what sob story they came up with or how many tears streamed down their cheek.

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