Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: To be 2nd place... feeling 'not good enough.' Unrequited love.

  1. #1
    Nomadic Intent
    Member Nomadic Intent's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Gold Coast, Australia
    Age
    35
    Posts
    153
    Gender
    Male

    To be 2nd place... feeling 'not good enough.' Unrequited love.

    I'm sure many here have felt the pain of unrequited love. It has too many ways of paralyzing us, making us vulnerable until eventually it tears our hearts out.

    3 years ago, during my healing over an unfaithful ex, i promised myself i would never ever let myself feel 'not good enough again'. During the 3 years i have done well - accomplished dreams and met some great people - all on my own.

    Long story short is that i met a girl during her most vulnerable time - post breakup - she was the dumpee. Problem was i was smitten as soon as i laid eyes on her. Red flags were that i was the rebound guy as she made all the moves, asking me out etc.

    But for the first time since the messy breakup 3 years ago, i let someone in emotionally, i let her in.

    She then tells me she's not ready for a relationship as she was still healing. She wants to be single for a while. She then left town to return to her hometown a good 15 hours drive north. Meanwhile i had to return to my hometown, 8 hours drive south.

    It's been 2 months now and we've communicated very little. But i find today she's been seeing somebody, a guy from her hometown. Now, after 3 years of working on myself, i feel like the guy my ex-fiance had walked away from, the guy who 'was not good enough'.

    The cliche is that time will heal this wound - but i don't know if i can recover from 'not feeling good enough' anymore. Will it ever come back?

  2. #2
    pat7x
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Quebec City, Canada
    Posts
    37
    I totally get what it is that you're saying! I'm going pretty much through the same thing right now. I guess the answer is yes someday we will! When? When we will find someone who believe we are the best person on earth for them... until then, I guess we will have to live with the doubt and heal... Eve when I doubt, I know in my heart that i'm good enough for someone, and I'm sure you do too, just gotta find her

    Anyways, Good Luck, and have faith, it will get better!

  3. #3
    andreacroyston
    Member andreacroyston's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Colorado
    Age
    27
    Posts
    24
    Gender
    Female
    I've always been 2nd best.. Sometimes not even 2nd. More like 20th.. Really sucks but maybe one day I'll be good enough to be someones first choice!!

  4. #4
    Nomadic Intent
    Member Nomadic Intent's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Gold Coast, Australia
    Age
    35
    Posts
    153
    Gender
    Male
    Thanks for the thoughts.

    If its not too painful to post, i'd like to hear your stories on unrequited love or being in that dreaded 2nd place.

  5. #5
    Brigadoon
    Gold Member Brigadoon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Ireland... that damp place :(
    Age
    37
    Posts
    645
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2
    Quote Originally Posted by Nomadic Intent [Register to see the link]
    But for the first time since the messy breakup 3 years ago, i let someone in emotionally, i let her in.
    Just because you let the wrong one in doesn't mean that you shouldn't be giving yourself kudos for opening up.
    Getting your heart mashed is a horrible experience but that bolded part just shows how far you've come and one day you're barely even going to remember this girls name because you'll be with the right one - and won't you be glad you were brave enough to do it?

  6. #6
    dancingcolors
    Platinum Member dancingcolors's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Kauai, Hawaii
    Posts
    1,200
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    YES! you are definitely good enough. and so am I. I am recovering from terrible unrequited love. it does make you feel like there is something wrong with you. that you aren't loveable. My ex, loved the one before me, and the one after me, but says he just couldn't love me.

    Somedays I go round and round, why couldn't he love me. I know I am good enough.

    My friend has a theory, that these people can't handle a truly great love, so they go on to a lesser love, that they can handle emotionally.

  7.  

Top Threads
Crying
IM A 63 YEAR OLD WOMAN ,and my life has turned upside down. I cry day and night. For some damn reason I'm lost , alone and just cant figure things
Feelings towards an old flame...I am married.
Having a little trouble understanding these feelings. I hope someone can help me! So I've lived a few hours away from my hometown for 3 years
Loss of my dog today
Today I had to put my little dog Brownie to rest due to end stage kidney failure. He was an 11 year old miniature poodle. My chest feels hollow like
Too many point of views
I have way too many perspectives on life. I have too many point of views. But I feel like if I don't have a perspective, I'm living a worthless life
I dont even know anymore
Honestly I don't even know what I am feeling anymore, I go through long periods of not feeling anything and it's like I am just watching my life
Starting seeing a girl from work as she was fresh out of a relationship
. I was seeing this girl who had recently broken up with her boyfriend of 5 years and was since March living in Washington for University. We were

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
The ex that wouldn't go away
I am engaged to the woman of my dreams. After a couple dates I told everyone I was going to marry her. She told her friends the same. My only hang up
Crying
IM A 63 YEAR OLD WOMAN ,and my life has turned upside down. I cry day and night. For some damn reason I'm lost , alone and just cant figure things
SO (girl of 23) doubting our relationship, won't let go of ex
So currently going through a very complicated situation with my SO. I started seeing this girl in November of last year, while she was still with
My friend has no life...No job and currently lives at home. At nearly 30
One of my very good friends has always been the impressionable type. When I encouraged her to have stronger boundaries, to be less passive and to
Ex is getting married
Hi, I went into no contact with my ex around 14 weeks ago. I had decided that there's nothing left for me to do or say that would bring her back to
Friendless and Lonely
Hi all, I've decided to turn to an online forum for advice on a current friendship issue. I want to say thank you in advance to those who take the
Swapping childcare, she stopped responding...
Background: I struggle with intimacy and relationships in general. Coming from abuse and neglect means I've always struggled with trusting others
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •