Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: To be 2nd place... feeling 'not good enough.' Unrequited love.

  1. #1
    Nomadic Intent
    Member Nomadic Intent's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Gold Coast, Australia
    Age
    34
    Posts
    153
    Gender
    Male

    To be 2nd place... feeling 'not good enough.' Unrequited love.

    I'm sure many here have felt the pain of unrequited love. It has too many ways of paralyzing us, making us vulnerable until eventually it tears our hearts out.

    3 years ago, during my healing over an unfaithful ex, i promised myself i would never ever let myself feel 'not good enough again'. During the 3 years i have done well - accomplished dreams and met some great people - all on my own.

    Long story short is that i met a girl during her most vulnerable time - post breakup - she was the dumpee. Problem was i was smitten as soon as i laid eyes on her. Red flags were that i was the rebound guy as she made all the moves, asking me out etc.

    But for the first time since the messy breakup 3 years ago, i let someone in emotionally, i let her in.

    She then tells me she's not ready for a relationship as she was still healing. She wants to be single for a while. She then left town to return to her hometown a good 15 hours drive north. Meanwhile i had to return to my hometown, 8 hours drive south.

    It's been 2 months now and we've communicated very little. But i find today she's been seeing somebody, a guy from her hometown. Now, after 3 years of working on myself, i feel like the guy my ex-fiance had walked away from, the guy who 'was not good enough'.

    The cliche is that time will heal this wound - but i don't know if i can recover from 'not feeling good enough' anymore. Will it ever come back?

  2. #2
    pat7x
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Quebec City, Canada
    Posts
    37
    I totally get what it is that you're saying! I'm going pretty much through the same thing right now. I guess the answer is yes someday we will! When? When we will find someone who believe we are the best person on earth for them... until then, I guess we will have to live with the doubt and heal... Eve when I doubt, I know in my heart that i'm good enough for someone, and I'm sure you do too, just gotta find her

    Anyways, Good Luck, and have faith, it will get better!

  3. #3
    andreacroyston
    Member andreacroyston's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Colorado
    Age
    26
    Posts
    24
    Gender
    Female
    I've always been 2nd best.. Sometimes not even 2nd. More like 20th.. Really sucks but maybe one day I'll be good enough to be someones first choice!!

  4. #4
    Nomadic Intent
    Member Nomadic Intent's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Gold Coast, Australia
    Age
    34
    Posts
    153
    Gender
    Male
    Thanks for the thoughts.

    If its not too painful to post, i'd like to hear your stories on unrequited love or being in that dreaded 2nd place.

  5. #5
    Brigadoon
    Gold Member Brigadoon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Ireland... that damp place :(
    Age
    36
    Posts
    645
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by Nomadic Intent [Register to see the link]
    But for the first time since the messy breakup 3 years ago, i let someone in emotionally, i let her in.
    Just because you let the wrong one in doesn't mean that you shouldn't be giving yourself kudos for opening up.
    Getting your heart mashed is a horrible experience but that bolded part just shows how far you've come and one day you're barely even going to remember this girls name because you'll be with the right one - and won't you be glad you were brave enough to do it?

  6. #6
    dancingcolors
    Platinum Member dancingcolors's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Kauai, Hawaii
    Posts
    1,200
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    YES! you are definitely good enough. and so am I. I am recovering from terrible unrequited love. it does make you feel like there is something wrong with you. that you aren't loveable. My ex, loved the one before me, and the one after me, but says he just couldn't love me.

    Somedays I go round and round, why couldn't he love me. I know I am good enough.

    My friend has a theory, that these people can't handle a truly great love, so they go on to a lesser love, that they can handle emotionally.

  7.  

Top Threads
Forbidden love. He is Muslim, I am not. Never hurt like this
I don't want to go into too much detail but I met someone (lets call him John) a while back now (he is Muslim-this is important). It was all very
Had sex with me i was really drunk he was sober
So it happened a number of years ago and still it flashes in my mind everyday since. I was out with my friend the night it happened at some point I
How to cope in the modern era
Act "as if" everything is great, all the time. Never admit weakness, fear or failure. Never express negative emotions, act extremely happy and
I cry everyday
I cry everyday and I cannot do anything about it. As if there's a dark whole in my chest. Recently it became even worse due to breakup but its been
A little confused as to what to do?? please help
Hi Everyone my boyfriend suffers from bipolar type 1 I think t's called so it's not so much the hypomanic phase but the more depressed side of the
I Feel Rejected
I haven't felt a pain this extreme in so long. It all started with this guy I fell for pretty hard. He was basically what I imagine my dream man to
Another depressed bastard...
I am having the worst time trying to manage my depression. I have lived with it for more than 30 years, but only started doing something about it

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Tired of Being His Provider??
Okay so I found this site through Google. This seems like a pretty common topic and I suppose I just need to vent. My husband has been unemployed
Beautiful women who works at lush...
So there is this a girl who works at this place. I've been in there twice now and she is a stunner. Its one of those girls who you have to look twice
Being left for another man by my ex girlfriend
My and my ex gf broke up 7 months ago back in late April. We had bad fights and she stated she was unhappy. She then proceeded to have an active
Wondering?
Ok, I posted before about my situation but I would like to further talk. This woman I became involved with 3 years ago TOLD me she had feelings for
Break up Advice Needed
Hi all, I really need some advice on my recent break up with my girlfriend of almost five years. A few months ago I started to feel unhappy and
She's getting ready for marriage. She thinks that it is what I want. My fault.
So, I am pretty much in a difficult situation. I have been with a girl for the past 4 years. In these 4 years, after a while I realized she really
Venting - Advice...?
Hello, Im a 36 year old male, married with 3 kids. My wife and I are pretty much like roommates. There is zero sex life and its from both ends
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •