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Thread: What does it mean when an ex contacts you out of the blue?

  1. #21
    Bronze Member muchacha_abril's Avatar
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    Don't respond. Don't waste your time opening doors that have been closed for long. And also, all he probably needs is a favor. Or maybe he's bored and just decided to text you. Both of which are not really good reasons to text him back.

  2. #22
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    please don't reply if it happens again..

    they are just selfish **** who needs their ego stroked.

  3. #23
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    Ughhh, this is still pestering me. I am a very private person, and recently shared this with someone close to me. I explained to them that I received a text from the ex, and that I had sent a fairly harsh text reply back. My friend thought my reaction was a bit overly harsh, (I didn't say anything drastic, just basically a 'I'm not interested in whatever it is you are after' kind of reply).

    My friend commented on how incredibly strong she thought I was for resisting the urge to reply differently, and now it has me wondering if I made the right decision. I have been seeing someone else and it is nowhere near as fulfilling as the relationship I had with this guy, but he (the ex who texted me) acted in such a reckless way with regards to my feelings towards the end, that I had to end the 'relationship' because I was sacrificing too much, and settling for less than I deserve.

    But now I still don't know!! And I don't know what he was after when he texted me? I wish I knew, but I was too proud to 'take the bait' so to speak. I'm thinking about sending an email now, but I think that would be bad. Feeling weak and like he was the right one for me. Just don't think I can sacrifice my pride and dignity. Or maybe I am being too proud? What should I do? Help! Advice?

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=Traveler27;4372266]I have been seeing someone else and it is nowhere near as fulfilling as the relationship I had with this guy, but he (the ex who texted me) acted in such a reckless way with regards to my feelings towards the end, that I had to end the 'relationship' because I was sacrificing too much, and settling for less than I deserve.

    But now I still don't know!! And I don't know what he was after when he texted me? I wish I knew, but I was too proud to 'take the bait' so to speak. I'm thinking about sending an email now, but I think that would be bad. Feeling weak and like he was the right one for me. Just don't think I can sacrifice my pride and dignity. Or maybe I am being too proud? What should I do? Help! Advice?

    When you are confused, don't contact. You are seemingly regretting the contact that you did make.

    By the way, I think that Josh might have been right in saying ...

    Originally Posted by JoshHimself
    Sometimes our intentions are well, I dont know him personally, seems like he was just trying to check up on you. I dunno
    It could have been his ego contacting you ... who knows? But your reply pretty much shut him down. I think you need to look at the relationship you are in now and decide if it's what you want versus thinking back on this past relationship. That is gone now.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Ms Darcy
    When you are confused, don't contact. You are seemingly regretting the contact that you did make.

    By the way, I think that Josh might have been right in saying ...



    It could have been his ego contacting you ... who knows? But your reply pretty much shut him down. I think you need to look at the relationship you are in now and decide if it's what you want versus thinking back on this past relationship. That is gone now.
    Thanks for your reply. Are you saying that it may have just been his ego? That he was seeking to appease some of the guilt so to speak? It just drives me mad not knowing what he was after.

  7. #26
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    I don't know if you necessarily did the wrong thing. A little over a year ago I had a terrible breakup, where the girl cheated on me with another guy and I didn't know about it until she ran away with him (he was always "just a friend"), and was pretty cold blooded about the whole thing. She then proceeded to try to reach out to me over phone, text and email several times after the break up. It was maddening. I ignored it for awhile until I was sick of it, and really unloaded on her. I haven't heard from her since, which is definitely for the best even though I was pretty busted up about the whole thing long after that.

    Angry last words suck, but sometimes they are necessary to move along. And I wouldn't go too in depth about his intentions, because you never really know. What matters is how his actions affect you. Especially if the other person doesn't understand the hurt they have caused. It's up to you to decide if your ex falls into that category. If he does, I wouldn't feel bad about it. You just stood up for yourself. Nothing wrong with that, even if it isn't very satisfying after it goes down.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Live-N-Learn's Avatar
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    It is best not to respond in most cases because they are not reaching out to reconcile. If you do respond it is best to say something like this:

    Having a busy summer, doing really well.

    The best revenge is living a happy life without them.

    Your response has put you into a funk because you really do not know why he reached out to you. Sorry, but now you have to either let it go or contact him and apologize for being kinda bit*y if you want him back.

    If you don't want him back then let it go.

    What you are now going through is exactly why we tell people over and over on this site not to break NC unless they are seeking reconciliation.
    Last edited by Live-N-Learn; 07-25-2010 at 05:33 PM.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Hell_On_Heels's Avatar
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    I'd think if he was truly sorry or had something important to say, he'd email you or let you know in some way besides a text. Maybe it's just my age here, but to me texts are the most casual (borderline rudest) form of communication there is.

    Your reply was fine. If he's up to no good, you shut him down. If he has good intentions, he'll find another way to let you know that. JMHO

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Traveler27
    Thanks for your reply. Are you saying that it may have just been his ego? That he was seeking to appease some of the guilt so to speak? It just drives me mad not knowing what he was after.
    I'm saying that only he knows what he wanted.

    What is more disconcerting is that one little contact from him seems to have sent you off the rails hon. You ended this relationship, you are dating someone else. If you would entertain getting back together with your ex, the bigger point is that maybe your head and heart are not really in this relationship with the new guy.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Ms Darcy
    I'm saying that only he knows what he wanted.

    What is more disconcerting is that one little contact from him seems to have sent you off the rails hon. You ended this relationship, you are dating someone else. If you would entertain getting back together with your ex, the bigger point is that maybe your head and heart are not really in this relationship with the new guy.
    Oh Ms Darcy, I know it is disturbing to me as well. I wanted this character out of my life. He really got a strong hold of me, charmed me, convinced me of his love and devotion and then began pulling away. He is an emotionally unstable person that I should stay away from -- and have. But the stupid text is haunting me now. My head and heart are still with this maniac that played with my deepest emotions, professed his love (and even proposed marriage), and the pulled away when I least expected it. I suspect his ex-girlfriend entered the picture at some point during our 'relationship', and that maybe he might have reconciled with her briefly.

    I just don't know. I am definitely not over him. I never felt such a strong connection with anyone, but I don't want to get hurt again (or damage my pride).

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