Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: Being "propositioned" by married men (or women)

  1. #1
    sophie274
    Platinum Member sophie274's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    4,828
    Thanked
    198

    Being "propositioned" by married men (or women)

    Have any of you had this happen to you, and how did it make you feel?

    This just happened to me for the second time in my life - a married man I met where I am studying was sending me inappropriate text messages basically fishing to "have an affair" with me. To be honest, it really upset me. First of all, it always makes me sad to hear of people cheating on their spouses, and it shakes a bit of my faith in the basic goodness of human beings. And secondly, I just felt so disrespected and dirty, insulted that he would think I would ever do that kind of thing.

    This happened to me before, when I was 19 and he was 40 years old and I had a long-time boyfriend and has just planned a babyshower for his heavily pregnant wife. It was a bit of a traumatic experience for me - I had a panic attack actually. I just felt so disrespected. I wanted to throw up - especially since he first tried to discredit me by saying I was crazy and imagining things (he said explicitly sexual things to me so there was no room for misinterpretation) and saying I had been hitting on him (categorically untrue).

    Anyway, I talked to someone about this and she felt surprised that both of these incidents really upset me. So I'm curious if anyone has had the same experience, or wants to share their experience with this sort of situation.
    Last edited by sophie274; 07-06-2010 at 06:33 AM.

  2. #2
    DN

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    42,515
    Thanked
    4
    The sad fact is that there are creeps and betrayers in the world who have no sense of morals and ethics. Just as people will steal money others will try to steal sposes. Just as people will betray their friends or country, others will betray their spouse.

  3. #3
    sophie274
    Platinum Member sophie274's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    4,828
    Thanked
    198
    Quote Originally Posted by DN [Register to see the link]
    The sad fact is that there are creeps and betrayers in the world who have no sense of morals and ethics. Just as people will steal money others will try to steal spouses. Just as people will betray their friends or country, others will betray their spouse.
    Yes unfortunately. I just hate that they picked ME - I worry that it says something about me, or that I seem like the type of person to do that sort of thing. Someone said perhaps it's because they think I am naive or innocent.

    Twice in three years isn't so often, I guess, but then again I rarely socialize with married men/women because of my age.

  4. #4
    DN

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    42,515
    Thanked
    4
    No, it's nothing to do with you. This is totally about them.

  5. #5
    arwen
    Silver Member arwen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    The Netherlands
    Age
    36
    Posts
    5,935
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    Yes, it happened to me when I was studying. I was out with a group of friends from a friend, and one of the girls brought her bf along. That bf spent the entire night hitting on me, practically in front of her (but secretly enough that she didn't really notice).

    I was SO embarrassed! I did nothing to trigger this, of course we were out and I was dressed up, but really not overly sexy (boot cut jeans, spaghetti top, I even remember today and it's 10 years ago ).

    DN is right, this is NOT you. It tells everything about them though. Urgh. Ignore the text!!!

  6. #6
    wheatgrass82
    Bronze Member wheatgrass82's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    australia
    Posts
    256
    Gender
    Female
    that would upset me in exactly the same way hey .. i've been in similar situations and i remember i told him exactly what i thouoght

  7. #7
    lavenderdove
    Platinum Member lavenderdove's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    13,251
    Thanked
    895
    Sophie, this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the character of the married guy.

    I've had this happen, and married guys who randomly hit on women are doing just that... randomly hitting on any and any woman they find attractive. They're playing a numbers game. If they hit on 20 women, maybe one will take them up on it, another woman without morals or a woman who is weak or naive enough to think the guy is looking for love and not just a roll under the the covers.

    These type of men know they're married and a lot of women will say no, so they just hit on a lot of women until one says yes! And in many ways, they aren't THAT picky because they know they're just using the woman for sex and nothing else, so they just strictly look for any woman who is sexually attractive to them and hit on them in hopes they'll say yes.

    But i do know how you feel though, like you've been slimed. That's because you have morals and bond with people and are outraged that someone would betray such a bond. But 5% of the population are sociopaths who don't bond with anybody and just try to take what they want, so they're huge cheaters. That's one out of 20 people, and they're out there trolling for anything they can get. And there are lots more who are 'normal' but didn't develop proper morals, those who were very spoiled as kids and think they are entitled to anything you want even if they have to cheat to get it when bored or angry at their wives.

    So you add that up, and unfortunately that makes for a lot of cheaters. It doesn't mean EVERYONE is a cheater, because there are plenty of good guys with morals who would never cheat in the same way you wouldn't. You just have to be careful and weed out the sociopaths and people without morals, but there are usually other clues in their lives that expose them if you get close enough and date for a while.

  8. #8
    MissyM
    Bronze Member MissyM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    397
    Gender
    Female
    It happened to me and I'm ashamed to say that I was extremely flattered by the attention at the time and considered an affair. As above I figured I would be no more than a notch on the bed post but I was vulnerable at the time. Nothing happened in the end but I have heard since that his wife finally came to her senses and left him (after numerous affairs).

    I cheated on my last partner and although I know no one will understand but I do not consider myself a bad person, a slime or a sociopath. I think I just craved attention which I couldn't get from my partner and so in that respect I guess you could call me a coward for not ending the previous relationship before starting a new one. One thing you should know is not every person who cheats is laughing at the person they are cheating on. I almost had a nervous breakdown and felt completely out of control with life. I will never forgive myself for what I did to my ex but I know that I am better off in my new relationship and in turn my ex is no doubt much better off with someone who can be faithful to him and not want anything more.

  9. #9
    lostandhurt
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    California
    Age
    52
    Posts
    6,052
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    1198
    It has happened to me several times and a few times friends wives sniffing around looking for something. I just played it off, even with my friends wives. I know what they wanted but I never allowed it to go there and steered them towards a helpful conversation so they wouldn't try it with someone else.
    I never told any of my friends although I kept a close eye on their wives to make sure they stayed true.
    It is nice that someone else finds you desirable but it isn't real. What happened to you is only as worse as you allow it to be. Doing the right thing even when no one is looking is the sign of good character, honesty and respect.

    Lost

  10. #10
    Batya33
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    40,657
    Thanked
    1691
    It happened to me a few times and when it happened at work it scared me, actually because I also learned that he had acted violently towards one of his (female) bosses. I thought about whether I prompted that attention and concluded that I hadn't, in any way. Please don't blame yourself - you were the victim in my opinion.

  11.  

Top Threads
He took my sisters virginity!
Well.. Here goes nothing. I don't have anyone to talk to and hoping to get some insight. My mind is confused and my heart is completely
Where do I start?
Ok, well I am a 23 year old male that married a 33 year old female dancer. I was 20 when we started talking. We first met on the internet and
Sex chatting and pissible hook-ups
I dont know what to do..... my boyfriend of a little over 5 years sex chats with other girls... and now ive come across so many websites such as ok
Am I reasonable to stay with him?
I've been dating a wonderful guy for the past 6 months or so. He is everything I could ever need or want in another human being - kind, considerate
I screwed up...
So this is a bit of a long story but I need to start from the beginning for it to make sense. My partner and I have been together for around a year
Confusing situation with cheating ex
Hey there. Before I start this is a confusing and shocking situation. So nearly 2 months ago I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me for
Featured Threads
He took my sisters virginity!
Well.. Here goes nothing. I don't have anyone to talk to and hoping to get some insight. My mind is confused and my heart is completely
Dating after working in the sex industry
Hey all, I'm coming out of a difficult time in my life where i worked as a sex worker. I just wanted some opinions on how to handle this when I begin
My boyfriend hangs out one on one with his ex am I right to feel uncomfortable?
Hi everyone, I posted here before about how my boyfriend and his ex are close friends. Long story short, they date for two years, realised they were
What does this mean?
I'm a 24 year old man and I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 5 years. But I'm feeling like this relationship is built on blind trust
Is this just "The 21st Century Woman?"
For the past 5 years, every woman I've dated (ages 25-32 we'll say) has had to stress to me immediately, before anything gets going, that they are
Venting I guess... I miss having sex.
So... I don't know if there is any real advice that can be given here. But I'm sure people here can at least relate and maybe share their
My boyfriend curses at me but says he's joking?
Hi everyone, My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months and while everything has been great so far except that he curses at me but says
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •