First date

I went on a first date last night with a guy I met out on the weekend. We met for some drinks for a couple of hours. It seemed to go ok, i may have been a little shy to start with but dont think it was necessarily an issue. Towards the end he kissed me a few times and dropped me home at my place as it was raining. A couple of hours after I got home I sent him a text to thank him for a nice time, said it was nice to see him again and I was off to bed now. I didnt hear back from him, which is fair enough maybe he had gone to bed or something, but nothing all day today either. I know he is prob in work but the last couple of days we have sent quite a few texts to each other whilst we have both been in work and he is normally quite quick to respond.

I just thought he would have said something by now in response to the text, even if it was just, thanks I had a nice time too, speak to you soon.

I dont know am I jumping the gun? I just dont have a good feeling about this, which is a shame as I liked the guy and had a good time.

Should I send something else and ask how his day has been or just leave it?

Maybe jumping the gun a little. I would hold out on sending another message (it's odd how you wouldn't have had these little odd dating problems before mobile phones) and see what comes back. Maybe after the weekend if nothing - send one next week saying - hope ya had a good weekend etc..

Even though it seems like everything went well on the date, you never know how the other person really felt about it until you hear from them again (or don't hear from them again). It is weird how you can get a really good vibe from someone on a first date and then not hear from them again. It has happened to me too. Probably has happened to everyone at one time or another. I hope you hear from him but if you don't, try not to take it personally. He really doesn't know you and you need a bit of a thick skin when you date. One day without hearing from him is really not enough time to gauge his interest level. I wouldn't call him again. It would come off as too eager IMO. Let us know when you do hear from him.

Ok thanks guys, I really hope I do hear from him again. It just seems really odd, I mean I had a couple of glasses of wine and he just had cokes as he was driving so I may have been slightly tipsy whereas he wasn't but I didnt do anything stupid or make a fool of myself and again why did he stop and kiss me 3 times if he wasnt interested. Its just weird but yeah I just dont get a good vibe now. I know if it was me and he had text me that last night and I was in bed or whatever I would definitely have text him back at some point during the day, it only takes a matter of seconds however busy you are.

I am just really impatient when it comes to waiting for things I just want to know whether he is interested or not. I hate dangling around.

Unfortunately, as Puddincup said, it's sometimes hard to tell on a first date whether the other person is enjoying himself as well or not, or, beyond that, thinking that he may want a second date.

As hard as it is, I would try to just put him out of your mind so you don't feel like you're waiting around. I think he will contact you if he is interested in a second date with you - given that he has not even acknowledged your text I would not really advise you to ask him out on a second date (although I'm not against women asking men out in general). Hopefully he gets in touch.

Think of it this way: being patient is being good to yourself. The more patient you are in general -- the more you stay in the moment and the less you are "waiting", the better your life will be. It is hard to do. I used to be much more impatient but the older I get, the more relaxed I am about getting what I want. I figure that it will eventually come my way.

You have expressed your interest in him. I am sure you did nothing that would make him not want to be with you again. Don't blame yourself. Accept the weirdness of dating and that either way, it will be ok. If he doesn't call you, he has lost out on the greatness of you. It is his loss.

oh girls its hard - i want to say something like hey you've gone all quiet on me, are you ok? Not sure whether you had a good time last night? Its no worries if you're not really feeling it, but you know where i am if you want to do something again.

Is saying that really going to make a difference to the outcome if he did quite like me?

I don't think that's such a good idea. It makes you look too eager which is not where you want to be, especially at the beginning. The other person needs to step up too. You emailed him, now go about your life. You will either get a message or you won't. Try not to obsess on this and DON'T email him again. If he's on the fence, another email from you will definitely turn him off.

I don't think that's such a good idea. It makes you look too eager which is not where you want to be, especially at the beginning. The other person needs to step up too. You emailed him, now go about your life. You will either get a message or you won't. Try not to obsess on this and DON'T email him again. If he's on the fence, another email from you will definitely turn him off.

Yes I know you're right really, its just quite hard for someone like me to do, lol. I kind of just want to know one way or another but i know that may put him off. Maybe I should just delete his number then I wouldnt be able to do it even if I do have a weak moment!! Thanks Puddincup.

Ok sorry but I ended up texting him, said its fine if he's not feeling it, be good to stay friends. I am rubbish at this but just had to do what made things easier for me. It was about an hour ago and he hasn't replied again so its all over now anyway. I have deleted all his messages and numbers so wont be sending him anything else!! Ah well onto the next I guess. Dating is just so wearing...

... Ah well onto the next I guess. Dating is just so wearing...

Yea I concur - dating is weird - I've had the situations where I thought the other person (ladies in my case) gave off good vibes and would want to pursue maybe another date, but then there's no contact or one contact and then nothing more.. Still - their loss.

Ok sorry but I ended up texting him, said its fine if he's not feeling it, be good to stay friends. I am rubbish at this but just had to do what made things easier for me. It was about an hour ago and he hasn't replied again so its all over now anyway. I have deleted all his messages and numbers so wont be sending him anything else!! Ah well onto the next I guess. Dating is just so wearing...

I am going to be brutally honest with you, form a guys perspective, he's not interested.

Guys tend to fall harder for women they are interested in. He would have replied or called you back that same day. His interest level is really low or not there at all.

I am sorry, I know this sucks!

I am going to be brutally honest with you, form a guys perspective, he's not interested.

 

Guys tend to fall harder for women they are interested in. He would have replied or called you back that same day. His interest level is really low or not there at all.

 

I am sorry, I know this sucks!

Hi thanks Yates, yes i kind of got that feeling when he didnt reply back last night. Its just weird how he was so into kissing me and stuff. I just think its rude as well not to bother saying anything. We had a couple of fun evenings together and I made it easy for him by saying its not a problem, hope to stay friends. I would never just ignore someone like that even if I wasnt interested.

Betty, I'm sorry this happened. I know it took you some time to get back out there and am glad you have, but I think if a man is really interested you will usually hear from him at the end of the date even if just to ask if you got home okay or whatever. Definitely by the following day.

And no one will ever contact you just to tell you they are not interested. Honestly, would you? So I don't think he meant to be rude or to hurt you.

Anyways, I hope he doesn't put you in too much of a slump - there are more guys out there waiting to meet you

And no one will ever contact you just to tell you they are not interested. Honestly, would you? So I don't think he meant to be rude or to hurt you.

 

Thanks Miss Kitty, good to hear from you. With regards to the above yes I would contact someone to say I wasn't interested. I mean not totally out of the blue but if they had text me like I text this guy a couple of times and they offered friendship as I did then I would gently explain that I didnt think a relationship would work but would be glad to stay friends. I find it hard to ignore peoples texts as I think its just rude but different folks and all that I guess.

Thanks Miss Kitty, good to hear from you. With regards to the above yes I would contact someone to say I wasn't interested. I mean not totally out of the blue but if they had text me like I text this guy a couple of times and they offered friendship as I did then I would gently explain that I didnt think a relationship would work but would be glad to stay friends. I find it hard to ignore peoples texts as I think its just rude but different folks and all that I guess.

I understand. But most people would not do this (unless it was someone they had spend a fair amount of time with). I hope your next experience is a better one - I really do. I know you've had a tough time.

Well I have one more option, lol, I have been talking to this guy which I met on a dating site for a few weeks. He has kind of suggested perhaps meeting up sometime next week. I know we have gone the wrong way about it and text and things for too long as I am already quite attached to him, as in I really enjoy hearing from him and would miss the contact if it stopped. Thing is I'm petrified to meet up with him now as the last 3 guys I have been on a date with I have either not heard from at all or had some minor form of communication with but have never met up again.

Yikes, where am I going wrong!! I never used to have this problem, lol x

I don't want to hurt your feelings, but it sounds as if you're pushing too hard and coming off desperate. IMHO, guys prefer to pursue, at least in the beginning.

You truly have to be in a place in your mind when you meet up that you can accept that he might just fade away and not call. You have to be able to be strong enough to say, ok, that one didn't work out, maybe the next one will.

I'm impatient too, but acting on my impatience has never served me well.

Thanks Malibu, yes I would like to be in a relationship now and perhaps I am pushing too hard. I dont know I just had a good time with this guy the other night and text him to say thanks. I knew I wouldnt hear from him again after he did not reply the first few hours so I kind of figured that it wouldnt make any difference to said the other text the following evening.

I will try and be more patient next time and definitely wont be the one to contact first again.

Also with this guy from the other night I definitely dont think I came accross as desperate during the date. It was just a normal couple of drinks and chit chat about things. I would consider it normal to send a text afterwards to thank the other person for a nice time, especially considering he went out of his way to drop me home as well afterwards. I agree the second text was not what should normally happen in such situations but I knew that it wasn't going to work out and really I just wanted him to say something about it but he didn't. I dont know from no on I am contacting no one and just keeping quiet, lol..

I tell them thank you at the end of the date. Then, the ball is squarely in their court. Trust me, if they're interested, they get in touch within a day or two. If we can't wait that long to hear from them, I think it comes accross as desperate.

I don't think a guy who drops you off at home is "going out of his way". Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I want to be treated well right from the get go and I think men actually want to treat women chivalrously (stupid word, but you get my point). They will go to amazing lengths for a woman they really want - that's when I know I've found someone special. Not that I want them to jump through artificial hoops, just show me with ACTIONS that you're interested, you know what I mean?

Yes I know what you mean Malibu, Im not sure sending the thanks text changed the outcome of this one, I think it must have been more of something to do with the date, although very odd seeing as he wanted to kiss me a few times. Anyway I do get what you mean and if I go out with the other guy next week I will definitely let him make more of the moves afterwards and will thank him before I go home.

Betty, my dear, you don't really know what is going on with the other person in the first few dates. I mean, he could have just been dumped by a girl and got out there to see if he was ready to date again. Any number of things could be going on.

I'm more concerned that you are worrying so much about some guy you barely know after a date. There have been tons of guys I went on a first date with and although we had a good time, I never heard from them again. It's a numbers game, with so many factors playing into it. Try not to let it make you obsess.

Betty, my dear, you don't really know what is going on with the other person in the first few dates. I mean, he could have just been dumped by a girl and got out there to see if he was ready to date again. Any number of things could be going on.

 

I'm more concerned that you are worrying so much about some guy you barely know after a date. There have been tons of guys I went on a first date with and although we had a good time, I never heard from them again. It's a numbers game, with so many factors playing into it. Try not to let it make you obsess.

Ok thanks Ms D you are right I dont know whats going on with him. I think my self esteem has taken a bit of a beating in the past year. I do need to pick myself up and not care so much what other people think. Also I have never really dated like this before...i.e going on several dates with different people in a matter of weeks / months. I have always tended to go out with one person and we have ended up seeing each other for quite a while. Thats why it feels so weird now that I am going on these dates and none of them are really interested. I feel like I must be doing something wrong but as you said I know that this is not necessarily the case. Thanks for the kind words.

I tell them thank you at the end of the date. Then, the ball is squarely in their court. Trust me, if they're interested, they get in touch within a day or two. If we can't wait that long to hear from them, I think it comes accross as desperate.

 

I don't think a guy who drops you off at home is "going out of his way". Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I want to be treated well right from the get go and I think men actually want to treat women chivalrously (stupid word, but you get my point). They will go to amazing lengths for a woman they really want - that's when I know I've found someone special. Not that I want them to jump through artificial hoops, just show me with ACTIONS that you're interested, you know what I mean?

I agree with every single word of this.