Does The Spark Ever Come Back?

My boyfriend and I talked this weekend.

Over the past couple of months I've been feeling like he's been drifting from me. He does things that seem out of character. He puts less importance on our relationship.

So, as a result I've become kind of cold and distant which is not at all the way I was when we started dating. I've felt really hurt, angry and lonely these past couple of months.

So, I asked him this weekend what was going on and he said things seemed to be stagnating. He said the spark was gone. Although I agree, I just feel so heartbroken. I want us to have a good relationship. I don't want a breakup. But I can't stay with someone who's not passionate about me.

He said we would try until the end of July and see how things played out. I just feel like I'm sitting in limbo. I don't know what to do to get the spark back. Is it possible?

Have you been in a relationship where the spark has gone out? Were you able to fix it and how?

I feel for you I am going through the same thing with my gf right now.. I have posts..but the out of character.. the lack of effort and interest.. not talking or sharing feelings. and the in limbo thing.. its the worst.. its like waiting on death row.. if you need to talk about it you can send me a message.. in the end i hope things work out for the best. hang in there.. have patience try not to smother with pressure.. good luck

I'm not with my bf anymore. But we were together for 6.5 years. During that time the spark went out on and off throughout the relationship. The spark was strong the first three years. Primarily because the first two years we were LDR. The third year the spark was strong and we were finally able to see each other 3-4 times a week. Unfortunately at that time I also ended up pregnant and had an abortion that summer(without telling him). And after that the spark had went out... A lot of it was due to the abortion and me feeling insecure and unstable in the relationship. I became distant, irritable, and a lot more cold than usual. This went on for most of our 4th year together. I often argued with him. Got sick of him, etc. Then our fifth year after having an LDR during the summer, when I came back in the fall the spark came back, and it came on and off our fifth year. Different things contributed to the spark coming on and off that year. Some of the things that made it go out: school, stress, feeling overwhelmed, family issues, etc, his instability. Some of the things that made the spark come back: not seeing each other as frequently, having great dates, spending time reconnecting, etc.

This year the spark was strong a majority of the year. What helped was again seeing each other only twice a week. Going on dates. Spending nights just talking and being intimate(without sex). Having romantic get-aways.

Sometimes the spark is lost for whatever reason, it CAN always be brought back. It does take effort though and both people have to want it.

Unfortunately we took a break this Sunday, but up until then this year by far had been one of our best in terms of maintaining the flame.

I feel that I am in that phase with my boyfriend...but both of us are both too scared to admit it, for the fear of it becoming a reality, once uttered. It has been going on for a year where our communication level has gone down. We used to rely so much on communication, conversations and REALLY talking to each other...but I find that I am the only one who seems to initiate anything that has something to do with the future of our relationship. I am at a loss.....I would love to believe that the spark is natural, that you don't have to do such crazy things to get it back. But I am a firm believer that the spark can be brought back by just communicating together again, with feelings all displayed out in the open, unexpurgated, like how people would when they first meet. I think that's the only way to bring back the spark...to communicate again, to get that comfort back, and with that comfort, all other things come to place ( sex life, talks about the future, new adventure etc ).

I'm kind of reaching that stage, I can smell it coming.. after one year of being in eachother's pockets, albeit a very happy amazing year, but now i feel he is a bit different, he needs more time to himself. I feel I'd given up many of the things i used to do on my own to spend time with him, as he never let me be alone during the past year, and i liked it. But now, i feel he is getting bored with me. My solution is i guess to do some things separately, regain some of the life we've had before the relationship. try to integrate all that in our relationship, so we don;t take what we have for granted.. i guess..

sparks are fleeting in the grand scheme of things. Relationships should be built on friendships, with intermittent sparks and bursts of enthusiasm and romance by both, one or the other partys at random intervals.

Nobody can maintain a spark for too long because you learn that there's more to the person - the fantasy dies a little and reality kicks in - it's up to you to recreate that spark, but it's unrealistic to expect to have it at the same time.

So you try, and eventually (hopefully not too long) they reciprocate, and it's cyclical. But throughout this, the friendship and connection grows and you connect on a deeper level.

The spark is great, but it's more important to feel like you have a life partner, someone who truly understands you, and who's willing to put that effort in to get that spark back at times, to remind you of the highs of yesteryear.

I agree with D24...the spark doesn't always have to be there...although in a perfect world, we all wish it was. If this is somebody that you can see yourself with forever (and vice versa), why not keep going regardless if that flame/spark is there? You need a best friend, someone that cares about your well-being, someone who will always be there for you. I think that's the definition of a partner.

And really, the spark comes and goes. There are some times when I really don't feel like seeing my boyfriend or maybe I'm not so attracted to him that day...but the next, it's full blown fireworks. You really need to maintain it. You can't be lazy when it comes to relationships; if you know that the spark is dying, you need to do something that instance! Either make yourself busy so he has time to miss you, or try something new together.

You guys are now in a cycle where he's distant and you're cold...and now that is your relationship. Hardly much of a relationship anymore, is it? So what you need to do is revert to how you used to be when you guys were very much in love and feeling those butterflies. Perhaps plan a romantic date for you two? Or do something really sweet for him?

If someone in my life says that they need a spark in the relationship, I tell them go get the fireworks and set it.

I don't believe in sparks. I believe in respect. If you respect the relationship, you and the other person will find a way to make it fun. Just gotta bring it back.

For those that don't want to do the work to make the relationship work and expect it to be like Disney, gooooodluck.

^ agreed here.

I think you need to realize that sparks cannot help you through the bad times... the ones that will make you closer with them. I think one of the issues I am having with the person I was interested in is that neither one has decided to go to a deeper level. You can't force it,and it will not always be there for everyone. But time, communication, friendship, respect for one another and that all too important connection is important. Reality does set in, the mask is removed and you will finally see them for who they truly are. The question should be... are you both willing to understand that any relationship has a give and take balance? It's more than a spark that will get you through a long term sustainable relationship.

If the spark ever come back, it means you deserved it. Good luck!

Well, as for me, I have got , or shall I say, me and bf have got the spark back... after talking again and again about things, life is spicier than ever.. I feel the trick was to approach topics tactfully ( e.g. not to sound criticising or pesimistic or negative), and to talk about a topic, for example sex, when we were not involved i that activity, for feelings might have been hurt and defensiveness would have kicked in). Another example of the same tactic was , say, for the sake of argument, the dullness of doing the food shopping; that topic was NEVER approached when we were doing the food shopping, but some other time.. etc.. I suppose we have to be lucky too to have a partner who is as willing to be in the relationship annd make it work as we are..