Okay, a bit of background. Both early twenties. Both first loves. We were together 2 and a half years. I was madly in love with him but there was a lot of hot and cold on his part and he often put his friends way before me. In the end he said he didnít want a relationship 4 months ago. We still spoke almost daily for the first 2 weeks. The last time we spoke on the phone he said we could meet up soon. Said he still loved me, his feelings hadnít changed, he just couldnít handle a relationship. Then I never heard from him again. Cold, hard NC on his part.
I made a few attempts at contact, with weeks between each attempt which were all ignored, so I eventually went full NC and have been that way for about 2 months now.
So Iíve just had a completely strange week. The NC was working well for me, I was healing nicely minus a few moments of over-analysing or getting upset. Iíd made peace with the idea that I was never going to hear from him again and I was thinking of him less and less.
Then Sunday night, for the first time in months, I was laying in bed and I could remember what it felt like when he hugged me. I know that might sound weird to you all, but Iíd completely forgotten how it felt no matter how hard Iíd tried, and suddenly it just came to me, and I started crying for the first time in about a month. It was strange.
Then Monday I woke up feeling fine. I was sitting at work and I got a call from a blocked number. I answered and they hung up. Instantly I thought Ďthat was him. Heís checking to see if thatís still my numberí because Iíd told him I was going to change it to try and move on (but never did because I thought Iíd never hear from him.)
Two days later on Wednesday, I happened to glance down at my phone, and for the first time in FOUR MONTHS he was initiating contact. He text me, telling me how heíd been trying to decide for a while whether or not to contact me because he thought Iíd be angry and that heíd have no right. The text seemed a bit nervous, and he ended it with Ďxís, something he never used to do to anyone but me (heís not a very affectionate person), and had never done since the split.
I left it hours before responding before making a tiny bit of conversation. I eventually told him I could no longer text as I was at work but asked if he would like to chat at a later date. He said he definitely would and that heíll talk to me soon.
Now I feel like an idiot. Part of me thinks I shouldnít have replied after he ignored me sometimes. Part of meís hoping he calls and wants to meet him. Part of me hopes he forgets and never calls ever again. I change my mind from one minute to the next!
And now heís done this, I miss him, for the first time in months. And I feel so sad that itís come to this. I loved this boy so much, why did he have to treat me so badly?
I know him well enough to know that he wouldnít have bothered contacting me unless he still cared or had feelings for me. Believe me, thatís just the way he is. But Iím just not sure I can bear speaking to him, as much as I miss him.
What do I do next, do I call him or wait for him to initiate? I donít want reconciliation any time soon but I like the idea that years down the line we might figure things out.
And another thing; anyone have any ideas why heíd get in touch after all that? Friends and family insist he probably regrets things (I was a good girlfriend to him) but that I should stay away.
Any input would be hugely appreciated!
I still canít believe Iíve heard from him after he blocked me out for four monthsÖ