Telling my boyfriend my "number"

My boyfriend asked me my number (sex partners) on friday. I told him (18) and he said "thats not bad" He has been with less. I think in comparison it is a lot of people ( I am 21) but I also don't feel ashamed about it. I am curious why he wanted to know (he is not the first partner to ask me) but I just hope he appreciates me honesty. He is so understanding and does not judge at all but I am still worried. He didn't act any different since then, but I am just worried!

If he wasn't ok with the response, he should not have answered the question.

Personally, I've answered such questions with 'That's a little personal, I'm not sleeping with anyone else and I'm not sure how any good could come from answering the question.'

He likely wanted to know to feed his ego, a lot of guys want to know that they've had more partners than their current partner so they feel as though they are the 'more experienced'...even though number of partners has almost nothing to do with sexual experience.

I'll never understand why guys ask their GF's this question. Sure as heck not one I'd ask or even want to know.

I'll never understand why guys ask their GF's this question. Sure as heck not one I'd ask or even want to know.

100% agreed.

Well he's not acting funny, so I'd say he's probably fine with it and appreciates your honesty. Don't sweat it.

I can see why people would ask (guys and girls) but NEVER ask if you think you may not like the answer! It cracks me up to see guys ask this question and then get all upset! Well...don't ask if you can't handle it! haha.

Well...don't ask if you can't handle it! haha.

Darn right! I wouldn't want to know...one woman I dated had told me that she had slept with 20 guys before me and I couldn't help but lose some respect for her...also couldn't resist the urge to yell out '21' when we got it on.

Darn right! I wouldn't want to know...one woman I dated had told me that she had slept with 20 guys before me and I couldn't help but lose some respect for her...also couldn't resist the urge to yell out '21' when we got it on.

 

This pretty much encapsulates the very contradictory view many straight guys have towards female sexuality. They celebrate when they give it up ("21!") but simultaneously lose respect for the women at the same time. It makes no sense...

Darn right! I wouldn't want to know...one woman I dated had told me that she had slept with 20 guys before me and I couldn't help but lose some respect for her...also couldn't resist the urge to yell out '21' when we got it on.

 

Whoa...she told you right out?? You didn't ask?? Wow that's weird! Was she proud of it or something?

 

Talk about a no-no thing to do. >

Don't ask

Don't tell

It never

ends up well.

This pretty much encapsulates the very contradictory view many straight guys have towards female sexuality. They celebrate when they give it up ("21!") but simultaneously lose respect for the women at the same time. It makes no sense...

Amen to that.

Though if a guy asks, and insists on an answer, and you give it....and he responds like that...at least you don't have to waste your time to find out what kind of guy he is.

Well, it is good to know. That number can tell you a lot. Nothing wrong with it.

I think it's reasonable to ask, because the answer is important and might make him break up with you. You wouldn't want someone to stay with you simply because he doesn't know the truth. Your relationship would be a lie.

If your number is 30 and his number is 2, you might want to break up with HIM. It's not necessarily a good/bad thing, it's just a way to see if you're on the same page and at the same point in life.

But I think it's safe to say that anyone with 100 partners is in some way insecure, dysfunctional, or unstable.

I mean numbers don't really mean that much though. Someone could have been in a LTR at a time when their partner was racking up their numbers. I mean maybe I've slept with more people but my partner has had more sex than me... who knows. Or maybe I've slept with plenty of people but I'm terrible in bed. You never know. I just don't see how it is a question worth asking and again I'd really rather not know.

Are you a virgin? Nope? Me neither. Rock n Roll.

I don't know why people are so scared to ask or reveal this information. If a person is not ashamed of what they did, what do they have to hide? Seriously. If you really love a person, IMO, you don't need to base your relationships on illusions or ignorance. No reason not to know...if you're really that close. I wouldn't worry about it. Your bf is still with you, so it's probably fine. Don't make it a self-fulfilling prophecy by being insecure about it.

I mean why not? Because it brews jealousy. I mean there is almost no way it can't. It's like if I'm dating a girl I don't need to know that her ex had a 20" dong. Just like if I'm dating a girl with A cups she doesn't need to know that my ex had D cups. What does it matter? You are with the person because you like them now. I mean I understand knowing about what made them who they are. Sure I will ask about serious relationships. I don't need to know about the time you went to the frat party got ridiculously bombed and hooked up. I just don't really care.

So again it's not that I'm ashamed of how many people I've been with. It's just personal information that a partner doesn't need to know... and I can't see how it can do any good. I mean is there anyone who asks that question and honestly just wants to know? I doubt it. They ask... they kind of have a number in their head... and when it is way off either way it changes their opinion somehow.

 

Are you a virgin? Nope? Me neither. Rock n Roll.

I so agree with that. Amen!!

i agree one million percent.

If his actions havent changed then there is not need to be worried.

I happen to ask every girl that I date for a significant period what their number is, I do not judge them for their number but it helps me understand their journey and can be a good indicator of their level of sexual experience.

Ive asked it ...never again...killed the relationship...her number 27..she was 35

It's like if I'm dating a girl I don't need to know that her ex had a 20" dong.

My motto is "Size doesn't matter, as long as I'm the biggest she's ever had."

If she's not that impressed with me, or if she secretly wishes I was more like one of her exes in some way, then i'd rather find someone who does think I'm the best, and she should go find what she's really looking for. I don't want to feel like I'll never be able to do things for my wife that somebody else did for her.

And it's not just about penis size, but there are simple statistics involved. If 1 out of 20 guys is bigger than you, or 1 out of 10, or 1 out of 5, and she's been with 50 guys, then you don't have to ask because you already know.

And no matter how the topic comes up, a girl telling you her ex was bigger than you is disrespecting you, probably for a power play. Some women have this mythical idea of the penis that is bigger than all other penises; it's kind of like women who fantasize about marrying a billionaire and then their life will be perfect. One time a girl told me that she laughed at some male strippers because they "weren't really that big" and she was expecting them to be hung like horses. I told her that if she wasn't impressed with men who get paid to look good naked, then I didn't feel like getting naked in front of her anymore. "No, I didn't mean it like that, blah blah blah." Save it. You're not impressed with anybody, it doesn't hurt my feelings that I'm not good enough for you. It's not me, it's you.

There are plenty of women who will like you for who you are, so don't waste time with one who secretly wishes she was with someone else. And people who jump from one partner to the next don't know what they want anyway, so don't take it personally that they aren't happy with you. If you don't know what you want, then you won't be happy with anything you get.

Nobody honestly has to "try out" 50 people before they find one they really like, so those people aren't really looking for someone to hold on to. And what advantage is there to having more partners? Fond memories of sex with other people? Experience? Learning how to please other people isn't necessary in being able to please the 1 person you end up with.

Most people might not agree, but I don't subscribe to the idea of "I'm not ashamed of my past, I don't regret sleeping with all those people." If you have no regrets then you would still do everything the same and you haven't learned anything. I don't keep fond memories of exes, because all those memories resulted in a breakup, and it's unhealthy to fool youself into thinking that a bad thing was good for you.

It's a pointless conversation to have. Just because a girl's got a big number doesn't mean she doesn't value sex. Some of you may think that because of bad experiences with women, but please, don't generalize.

And...why's it not a big deal when a guy has had a lot of partners? Did I miss that thread?

Any woman can get laid anytime she wants. There is nothing for her to brag about because all she had to do was let everyone know they could have it, and somebody took it. She didn't even have to be mentally or physically aroused to do it. She didn't even have to move.

That is one reason why men brag about being able to sleep with a lot of women - because for men, it actually requires effort and skill. It's not something anyone can do.

A key that can open any lock is called a Master key. A lock that can be opened by any key is called a worthless lock.

But did any of us say that it's good for men to sleep around? I don't see any posts on this thread saying that, other than my above answer to your question. That still doesn't mean I condone it.

To me a more important question is "How many partners did you TURN DOWN?" If you slept with everybody you could, then your number is "all of them" and the details aren't important.

Hopefully you didn't even sleep with everyone you WANTED to. Otherwise it would seem like your version of sex is no different from an animal's.

Anyway I'm not trying to criticize anyone, but people have all kinds of different opinions about sex. If your partner feels the same as you do, then it doesn't matter what other people think.

i never ask, and never will...it seems ptless, why dwell in the past on something you cant change or do anything about it..even if she told me it wouldnt chang my mind about her now...but i really dont care to know either.

""I'm not ashamed of my past, I don't regret sleeping with all those people." If you have no regrets then you would still do everything the same and you haven't learned anything. I don't keep fond memories of exes, because all those memories resulted in a breakup, and it's unhealthy to fool youself into thinking that a bad thing was good for you."

I wasn't in relationships with all of those people... I don't have regrets because I try not to have them. When I first started having sex it was a few people here nd there then a lot, then i just slowed way down. I think it was my lifestyle,points of view, etc.

What I have learned is that I am no longer interested in flings, where I once wanted that NSA type of relationship very much so.

"Hopefully you didn't even sleep with everyone you WANTED to. Otherwise it would seem like your version of sex is no different from an animal's. "

Of course I slept with everyone I wanted to!! I don't sleep with people I do not want to sleep with... I have turned down a lot of men and pursued a lot...

and I hate that key analogy. You don't have a master key if you are trying every lock, of course you're bound to get lucky.

Men ask because they want a woman who is selective. My first gf had 75 when I had 2. I learned ALOT from her. with her having so much experience she tought me alot. I would never be with someone like that now. I want someone who chooses me because of me not because i'm the next in line. when your 22 it doesnt matter when your 32 it matters.