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Thread: My Co-worker is constantly staring at me.. Is he gay??

  1. #1
    KIDD
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    My Co-worker is constantly staring at me.. Is he gay??

    Ok so I've been working at this new job and everything has been fine so far. I'm getting along well with everyone except with one guy. I won't say we're not getting a long. I just sense this weird tension with him whenever he's around or we're together. When I speak to him, he hardly ever looks at me in the eye. He has this straight serious look on his face and I'm just trying to figure out what is going on with him. I think he's kinda cute,I just wish he would open up a little more with me like he does with other co-workers. I haven't told anyone I'm gay at my job so I don't think anyone really knows about me. They may have picked up on some things but I don't think a lot of people know about me yet.

    So anyway, I keep finding him staring at me a lot of the time. In a way it's kind of creepy. I don't know what it means exactly. I don't understand why another straight man would stare at me so much. I notice sometimes when I catch him looking, he tries to look away and sometimes he'll just continue to look at me with this blank expression on his face.When conversing with me, he just seems so serious most of the time and with other co-workers, he's very friendly and goofy. I don't understand why he's this way with me and what does the staring mean. A friend may have suggested perhaps he likes me with all of the staring, but I don't know..

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    FathomFear
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    Is there a particular reason why you're not out at work? Changing that would be the easiest way of avoiding that dilemma.

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    KIDD
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    Quote Originally Posted by FathomFear [Register to see the link]
    Is there a particular reason why you're not out at work? Changing that would be the easiest way of avoiding that dilemma.
    Personally I don't feel the need to come out at work. I just feel like it's not really necessary and I really don't want everyone in my business. Plus since I'm new there, I'm not sure if everyone is really cool with homosexuality even though mostly everyone seems nice. I just don't want weird tension from homophobic people if they are some at work.

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    chiefoptimizer
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    Have your cake and eat it too!

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    Mr D
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    I suggest that the next time he is staring at you, you walk over to him, sit or stand close to him and say to him quietly, "why is it that you always stare at me, but yet, everytime we talk its like im not even there?

    If he responds to you with an answer you will know what to say. Dont let it get between you, simply finish with,"i dont want this to affect our professional relationship, but it was just something on my mind"

    Later on the same day I would speak to him again and see what happens. To start with I would talk to him a little then gradually increase the amount of time you talk to him.

    If he is staring at you because he likes you then i guess you dont need any advice. Just a nudge to point you in the right direction.

    Hope this helps you
    Good Luck!!

    Mr D

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    mdog
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    hm...well why dont you just start talking to him..about how his day or hows it going..b/c if he does like you..hes probably nervous..Ask him to hang out..or whatever.. then tell him outside of work that you are gay..and if hes ok..he might come out too..

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    oneconfused
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    so what happened?
    don't mean to be in your business, but have been playing the starring game too and wanted to see how it all worked out for you. Hope all is well

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    Lucy__lou
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    I think he's attracted to you. I think he's shy and hasn't fully admitted to himself that he's attracted to you (or guys in general). Usually inappropriate attention from Gay or Lesbian or Bisexual young people happens when they haven't yet come to terms with the true (sexual/romantic) intrigue they will have towards someone of the same sex.

    Since it's your job, and you don't want to make things bad or weird or tense between you, avoid confronting him, or humiliating him if you can. That can only put an uncomfortable distance between you.

    Try being the extroverted one, even if you're not usually. Persist and be friendly at him until you hold no mystery or intrigue to him. Persist and be unconditionally nice to him, even if he's acting weird. Persist and he will eventually relax around you, and before long you will have forgotten that he was ever a weirdo.

    (and consider coming out. Being closeted corrupts the character and suffocates the soul)

    p.s. nice avatar

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    KIDD
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    Quote Originally Posted by oneconfused [Register to see the link]
    so what happened?
    don't mean to be in your business, but have been playing the starring game too and wanted to see how it all worked out for you. Hope all is well
    Nothing new has happened, he continues to stare and act funny with me and to be honest, I'm losing interest and getting a little annoyed with it now. It's funny,it seems like the staring has increased. I feel a little intimidated by him when he stares because I catch him staring at awkward times like when I'm working and I'm busy.He's a little more open with me now but not a lot. A couple of days ago, I sort of was having a problem with something and he came up to me and asked me if I needed help, but other than that it's still some awkward tension between us. I've tried to make conversation with him but he quickly answers with short replies and quickly walks away saying he has to do something to do.. so whatever.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lucy__lou [Register to see the link]
    I think he's attracted to you. I think he's shy and hasn't fully admitted to himself that he's attracted to you (or guys in general). Usually inappropriate attention from Gay or Lesbian or Bisexual young people happens when they haven't yet come to terms with the true (sexual/romantic) intrigue they will have towards someone of the same sex.

    Since it's your job, and you don't want to make things bad or weird or tense between you, avoid confronting him, or humiliating him if you can. That can only put an uncomfortable distance between you.

    Try being the extroverted one, even if you're not usually. Persist and be friendly at him until you hold no mystery or intrigue to him. Persist and be unconditionally nice to him, even if he's acting weird. Persist and he will eventually relax around you, and before long you will have forgotten that he was ever a weirdo.

    (and consider coming out. Being closeted corrupts the character and suffocates the soul)

    p.s. nice avatar
    I'm coming out more and more but I'm not really sure if I'm comfortable with coming out to everyone at my job. I just don't want any uneasy tension going on there..

    As with my co-worker I have been talking to him a little more, like I've mentioned it's not easy conversing with him but I see that he's opening up with me just a little bit more. I do think he may be attracted to me, because just yesterday I saw him clock in and I said hey wassup man. It looked like he was struggling to look me in the eye as he stumbled his words and whispered wassup and walked away lol.

    Other times now if he see me in the hall or from a distance, he'll kind of walk over in my area and hoover a little bit around me like he wants to say something or expecting me to say something. I'm just finding all of this funny because I'm not sure if he wants me to say something to him or what. He confuses me lol.

  10. #10
    True2Form
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    It seems like he is interested, and I agree that he is probably shy. Be gentle, even if you get bored and lose interest. Just be a good ole nice guy with him.

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