This is the modern world

My grandparents, on both sides, got divorced in the 1960s and 70s. My parents are divorced, it happened when I was 17. I know plenty of people who have parents who aren't divorced, but many times they are extremely unhappy in their marriage. My parents are still single, but have been in a couple relationships since they split. None of them have worked out thus far, in fact my mom was coldly dumped by email. That was rough.

Why should I have any belief that some day "things will work out" for me? I'm 23, have been in 2 serious relationships, one 3 years long, one 6 months long. I was single for the 4 years between relationships. I really thought I had it right with the last ex, I at least expected it to last more than 6 months! The reason being that I had spent the previous years playing the field, and never liked anyone enough to date them (much less fall in love). I have to be crazy about the person, otherwise I feel like I'm wasting their time. Why else would someone be dumb enough to start a LDR? She was like a dream come true. With my background, I'd say it's pretty extraordinary that I have ANY hope. It's not as if I'm an exception.

People can say "Oh, but you're so young!" SO? If I'm destined to live a life full of failed relationships I'd almost opt out of the whole thing. I should become a monk.

Seems that everyone is breaking up this year. Even Al and Tipper split!

This is the modern world.

The honest truth is some people will last in a marriage, some won't. Some people will be happy being single and some won't. Some people will always strive for what they want or feel they deserve and some won't.

All you really need to decide is what will make you happy and what you're willing to give, and past that you have no control over anything that anyone else does or feels. Once you understand that internally as a part of life, I think you'll be much more content and resolute with your place in the world.

Hope this helps.

It's not even the modern world - people have been living unhappy marriages, cheating, divorcing since the dawn of man. It is a sick, sad cycle and the only way to break it is to find another person who doesn't want to play games anymore, either, and is just looking for a partner in life. But everybody is drawn in by the romance and the passion, they find something new, they cave to desires, and they start the cycle again. It never ends.

It's just a part of life. Nothing lasts forever, so enjoy the moments while you can. At some point, all relationships, friendships, hardships and any other kind of 'ships' may sink to the bottom of the sea. It's just the reality that we live in. Now, you can either go out on your shield or lay down and give up. Nobody wants to end up divorced or heart-broken and drowning in sorrow. But we can't start giving up on each other.

Whenever I hear a woman say that she's not dating anymore or that she's given up on men. I take that personally because I feel like she's given up on me, you and every other willing brother out there that's trying to find out where she's at to hold her hand. Same applies to you, by you giving up and dropping out, you'd be short-changing all the other women out there who may be looking for someone just like you. That could be another great wife to your being the husband. Look, you're going to go through life and you're going to have a lot of relationships with all different kinds of people. But it's your choice whether or not they're bad or good ones. Some people stay in bad relationships because they gave up on themselves. They stay in things that are no good for them because they stop believing in themselves. And you may not ever get married or have a family. But at least you can say that you did everything you could and you tried.

People forget to see relationships as journeys and grow from them. Instead, they panic about lasting forever- looking at divorce stats and odds trying to figure out if they'll be cheated on and dumped. There is nothing proactive about this.

Build yourself. Surround yourself with people you consider good for you. Enjoy them while they are good for you and learn when they're not.

Panicking about being hurt or getting a divorce when you're single is such a waste of energy.

People forget to see relationships as journeys and grow from them. Instead, they panic about lasting forever- looking at divorce stats and odds trying to figure out if they'll be cheated on and dumped. There is nothing proactive about this.

 

Build yourself. Surround yourself with people you consider good for you. Enjoy them while they are good for you and learn when they're not.

 

Panicking about being hurt or getting a divorce when you're single is such a waste of energy.

This is a great post.

I have a pretty amazing relationship, I believe. Even if we do split today, tomorrow, years down the road due to death...like life, it's a journey. The experiences and memories are worth it.

Some people fall apart and have to try again. Some make it work. And that's a worthy goal worth shooting for.

My boyfriend's parents are a truly inspiring couple. Their success is enough of a reason for me to try.

People forget to see relationships as journeys and grow from them. Instead, they panic about lasting forever- looking at divorce stats and odds trying to figure out if they'll be cheated on and dumped. There is nothing proactive about this.

 

Build yourself. Surround yourself with people you consider good for you. Enjoy them while they are good for you and learn when they're not.

 

Panicking about being hurt or getting a divorce when you're single is such a waste of energy.

Don't worry, I'm not panicking. I've not given up, but am taking an indefinite hiatus. If someone has genuine interest in me, then so be it. But I'm not looking for love. I'm out. That's just the way it has to be right now.

Also, these aren't divorce stats, I could care less about stats. It's my life, the lives of my parents and my peers. On the plus side both my older sisters are happily married, so I know that it evens out somewhere. I'm waiting for it to even out for me.

Being jaded about relationships is like being a big sticky ball of tape rolling down a hill...negativity will stick to you and you'll never be able to have a healthy view about love.

My parents' marriage is abusive. All of my cousins and family cheats and divorces. I know tons of people unhappy in relationships. I heard about the Gores too. It is all around...sure.

Don't act as if relationships just happen to people. The cases you mention involve people choosing to give up...much like you are. You really do have a choice about what happens to you, in terms of finding someone and being happy as long as physically possible.

Keep an open mind, I know it seems scary.

Being jaded about relationships is like being a big sticky ball of tape rolling down a hill...negativity will stick to you and you'll never be able to have a healthy view about love.

 

My parents' marriage is abusive. All of my cousins and family cheats and divorces. I know tons of people unhappy in relationships. I heard about the Gores too. It is all around...sure.

 

Don't act as if relationships just happen to people. The cases you mention involve people choosing to give up...much like you are. You really do have a choice about what happens to you, in terms of finding someone and being happy as long as physically possible.

 

Keep an open mind, I know it seems scary.

I'm trying to keep an open mind. I haven't given up on love, but for the time being I can't be on the search for it. It's going to be a while before I can open up again.

I never gave up. Everyone else did. I never dumped anyone, I've been incredibly persistent. And for what? To learn "life lessons," to "grow from my experiences." Yayy.

When I was young I was on swim team every summer. One day at practice I got really tired and wasn't feeling well. I wanted to take a break from swimming laps. The coach wouldn't let me stop, she said it would "build character."

I threw up in the carpool ride home. Lesson learned.

You will never find happiness if you can't drop your bitterness. It seems like you hold grudges and feel really screwed over but everyone goes through stuff like that. Your success will come from dealing with it and moving on without feeling victimized.

IphigeniaSaysHi:

Wow, I didn't realize I was playing the part of a victim so much. And who am I holding a grudge against? My swim team coach from when I was 6? I'm on good terms with my ex-gfs, so... It's more disillusionment with society that I'm dealing with at the moment.

I KNOW everybody feels screwed over and feels this way sometimes, that's why I posted on the Healing page. Doesn't pretty much everyone on here feel screwed over in some capacity?

I'll admit, I can be bitter at times, but no more than the average person. I'm doing my best.

IphigeniaSaysHi:

 

Wow, I didn't realize I was playing the part of a victim so much. And who am I holding a grudge against? My swim team coach from when I was 6? I'm on good terms with my ex-gfs, so... It's more disillusionment with society that I'm dealing with at the moment.

 

I KNOW everybody feels screwed over and feels this way sometimes, that's why I posted on the Healing page. Doesn't pretty much everyone on here feel screwed over in some capacity?

 

I'll admit, I can be bitter at times, but no more than the average person. I'm doing my best.

It is just a sense I'm getting, I could very well be wrong! I think what I have learned from this site is that the only person you can change or control is yourself, and a lot of people feel helpless when it comes to relationships and I think they lose the big picture.

I've been resentful, negative, and thought the same things as you in your post...I don't think they serve me well. I don't think they will make you happy, either. Sometimes it takes a little tough love from yourself on those thoughts to pull out of a pattern of negativity.

IphigeniaSaysHi:

 

Wow, I didn't realize I was playing the part of a victim so much. And who am I holding a grudge against? My swim team coach from when I was 6? I'm on good terms with my ex-gfs, so... It's more disillusionment with society that I'm dealing with at the moment.

 

I KNOW everybody feels screwed over and feels this way sometimes, that's why I posted on the Healing page. Doesn't pretty much everyone on here feel screwed over in some capacity?

 

I'll admit, I can be bitter at times, but no more than the average person. I'm doing my best.

Sometimes we have to do better than our best. Sometimes, we have to push ourselves past what we think we can do to find out what we're truly capable of doing.

You do come accross as bitter, moreso than the average person. Society is not going to change. However, you have a choice as to whether you'll choose to be a victim to it. What do you have control of? Yourself, your behavior and your feelings (Yes, your feelings. You can decide how to feel on lots of things.)

You can be a Daria all you want, but at the end of the day, Daria was still always alone. Aren't you worth more than that?

Hex reminds me of a point, too...the "world" is only what you create. You know how some people dress as Darth Vader and go around with Wookie friends and sort of live in their own reality? That is sort of what we all have the right to do. You're never going to meet all of this society you feel is holding you back or making life miserable so you can't blame them for said misery.

Hopefully this makes you feel more in control and hopeful, not bashed.

No, I don't feel bashed. I need all the advice I can get.

On a more fun note, I'm about to go jet skiing, and if there's one thing that will make a person feel alive and glad to be on the planet it's that!

Thanks for the input y'all.

Sometimes we have to do better than our best. Sometimes, we have to push ourselves past what we think we can do to find out what we're truly capable of doing.

 

You do come accross as bitter, moreso than the average person. Society is not going to change. However, you have a choice as to whether you'll choose to be a victim to it. What do you have control of? Yourself, your behavior and your feelings (Yes, your feelings. You can decide how to feel on lots of things.)

 

You can be a Daria all you want, but at the end of the day, Daria was still always alone. Aren't you worth more than that?

I would also like to add that there are an incredible amount of bitter posters on ENA, as well as people who completely ignore all the advice they're given by other posters. I try to listen, at least.

We all have our good days and our bad days. Today was the latter.

And Daria was cool as hell. La la la la la

people who completely ignore all the advice they're given by other posters

Yes, I've noticed that.

And then there is "kill the messenger" ....sometimes. LOL

H

And who am I holding a grudge against? My swim team coach from when I was 6? I'm on good terms with my ex-gfs, so... It's more disillusionment with society that I'm dealing with at the moment.