"It wasn't meant to be"

Am I the only one who gets annoyed at that statement.

Why do people say it wasn't meant to be? Surely it was meant to be for a while?

I've always hated that phrase too. I think people somehow abdicate responsibility for what they themselves might have done to impact the relationship when they say stuff like that. Or sometimes people say it to other people to try to lessen their sadness. To me, it's almost as bad as "there's other fish in the sea." Duh! I know that, but I wanted that particular one!!

I hate "it wasn't meant to be." It's annoying and doesn't make any sense. Is anything really meant to be? I mean, come on. 100 years ago people got married young and usually never dared divorce. Were they all meant to be?

Yeah, it annoys me too.

People say it as a way to get you to move on. If it "wasn't meant to be," then you can just move on and stop thinking about them because some cosmic force doesn't want you to be together. It implies that someone/something has set out a plan for you, so you shouldn't really worry about anything. This very much conflicts with my beliefs and human nature, so I just nod and smile whenever I hear that.

I suppose I've always taken it more as trying to say that it's okay to move on because if you're at this point then you obviously weren't right for each other, therefore it's better off not being, rather than hanging on to something that's dying because you hope that person is the one - but if they were the one, you probably wouldn't have broken up.

Do you hate it because of the inherent truth of it?

People always feel awkward around death, breakups, really bad news when something bad happens to someone else, and they don't know what to say, because really, sometimes there is nothing to say other than i'm sorry that happened.

So they come up with phrases like that to try to make you feel better, but it doens't usually work. So they are just social stock phrases like, sorry for your loss, or don't worry you'll find someone else or he/she wasn't worth it etc. They have to say something when confronted with your pain and loss, so those things pop to mind.

It can be annoying to hear, but they are usually said with the best of intentions (i.e., the person is trying to make you feel better or minimize your loss).

You know there is no magic words to say when you've had your heart broken... would you rather your caring friends say "suck it up and deal?"

I think the phrase "it wasn't meant to be" when it comes from a really good friend who loves you is = I'm really sorry you are hurting so much, I really have no way to make it better but know I'm on your side... I'm here and maybe its really best that that person isn't anymore... at least for now. I don't have better words to say than that. I know it doesn't make it better but I haven't left you.

Appreciate that someone took the time to acknowledge that right now you are so unhappy about things. Appreciate you have someone to be there with you.

Don't knock what was actually said... not everyone has away with words but I can assure you that is a better statement than... "well he was hoping he'd find better than you..."

i don't think there is such a thing as "meant to be"

you can make any healthy non-abusive relationship work but you have to be willing to put EFFORT into it.

people give up too easily

I hate "it wasn't meant to be." It's annoying and doesn't make any sense. Is anything really meant to be? I mean, come on. 100 years ago people got married young and usually never dared divorce. Were they all meant to be?

hahah i love you

hahah i love you

Whoever you are hater13, I love you right back. Haha.

Do you hate it because of the inherent truth of it?

And it is the truth.

H

It's not exactly on my top 5 list of things I want to hear post-breakup. But...it's true. "It wasn't meant to be", "This is a blessing in disguise", "It was for the best".

Yeah, that's fine and dandy, TRUE and all - But shhh. Let me drown in my pool of self-pity for a little bit.

It's a played out cliche, I'd rather not hear anything. "Meant to be"; give me a break, life is too complex.

I think there used to be a song: "What will be will be" (the future's not ours to see...)

Anyhow, I found this:

link removed

I think people somehow abdicate responsibility for what they themselves might have done to impact the relationship when they say stuff like that. Or sometimes people say it to other people to try to lessen their sadness. To me, it's almost as bad as "there's other fish in the sea." Duh! I know that, but I wanted that particular one!!

Next time I somebody says that to me Im going to hurt them. Other than the obvious cases, there is no way you can give up something so important to you that easily.

I hate "it wasn't meant to be." It's annoying and doesn't make any sense. Is anything really meant to be? I mean, come on. 100 years ago people got married young and usually never dared divorce. Were they all meant to be?

i don't think there is such a thing as "meant to be"

you can make any healthy non-abusive relationship work but you have to be willing to put EFFORT into it.

 

people give up too easily

I know! Some people dont take relationships seriously. They go into it thinking that its not gonna last then they think its okay to give up and leave.

It's a played out cliche, I'd rather not hear anything. "Meant to be"; give me a break, life is too complex.

Agree.

Yep my ex told me that plenty of times and I hate her for it.

I think there used to be a song: "What will be will be" (the future's not ours to see...)

 

Anyhow, I found this:

 

 

 

link removed

i totally agree with this. thanks for the article...

que sera sera

Do you hate it because of the inherent truth of it?

I was actually thinking of the exact same line!

Sometimes, people say this because they actually mean it. I told this to a friend once, but because I really saw that there was no possible way that their relationship can work out. They were just too different, and by different I mean their own morals are different!

Do you hate it because of the inherent truth of it?

Short and to the point and correct!

I hated this expression as well...and all the other ones which basically spoke the truth which we don't want to face.

However, as the time passes, they actually help. The reason they are used is because time and times again they prove to be right.

Although its annoying because its so overused and seemingly comes out of people's mouths without them really understanding your situation, I think there is some truth to it - and it is about compatibility.

If you are at the point when you are so unhappy that you decide to break up, then that is warning bells right there. Crisis, hurt, tears, depression, doubting, resentment, negative gut feelings etc. are not normal things to be feeling in a healthy long term relationship. I think 'meant to be' is just another way of saying that there is a lack of compatibility - and that is something that you can't magic out of thin air, regardless of how much work and effort you put into a relationship.

Some personalities are just naturally compatible together - and because 'compatibility' is such a vague term and concept to describe then its morphed into this weird cosmic phrase about being 'meant to be'.

When you walk into a room there are naturally some people you gravitate towards and get on with and some that you won't. And its hard to pin point what it IS about a person that makes you able to naturally gel. Think of the people in your life - there are your friends, and there are people you don't speak to anymore, friendships that fizzle out, people you never got on with even though they are popular with other people, people at your work who you naturally seem to get on with better than others etc. And its hard to say WHY you can 'click' with someone more than you can someone else. Its compatibilty, and its such a fragile and hard to understand concept.

Think of your relationships with your very best friends - When you find a person with whom you are truly romantically compatible with, I would hope that I feel the same way about them as I do my best friends - I.e. that it doesn't even cross my mind to leave them, and it doesnt feel like I always have to try and make things 'work' - they just do - and you can't put a finger on why it does, you just click and gel and have an amazing time together, and it does not seem like an effort, and it does not make you depressed, and it does not make you cry, and the thought of not being with them doesn't cross your mind at all. With my best friends it has never ever crossed my mind that I don't want them in my life anymore, or that we run out of things to talk about, or that silences are awkward, or that things they do annoy me, or that I don't want the best for them, or that I am insecure/resentful etc. They just WORK, for whatever reason. In that sense, our friendship is 'meant to be' because we are effortlessly compatible.

If you are not compatible/meant to be, then no amount of work can fix it and it will eventually come to an end, as most things do in life.

Sorry if all of that made no sense. I'm trying to get my thoughts in order.

So right, Ding

If you are at the point when you are so unhappy that you decide to break up, then that is warning bells right there. Crisis, hurt, tears, depression, doubting, resentment, negative gut feelings etc. are not normal things to be feeling in a healthy long term relationship

Except that some people, despite the grief and ongoing pain, remain in the "this is meant to be for me" mode.

H

Right, I'm here to confuse things for everybody, and I'll use my breakup as an example, as I know it quite well!

There may be people on here bored of me banging on about my breakup, but tough!!!

My ex told me that she "guessed it wasn't meant to be". I've read a number of posts on this topic about this being true, mainly down to lack of compatibility.

Ok, well, I disagree with "it wasn't meant to be". Peoples actions or inactions within relationships can make or break relationships, even if they seem to be thrown together in with some form of divine intervention. In my case, it felt like two lost souls had met after a long time of searching. Melodramatic? Maybe, but tangible things we had in common, along with the almost overwhelming physical attraction, chemistry and connection felt like a once in a lifetime occurrence. So it did seem as though "it was meant to be".

But I messed up. Not intentionally, but down to lack of experience and insecurity, and poor decision making ( which I often read is a sympton of mild depression, which hits me from time to time ).

There was 1 crucial point in our relationship, when things were awesome, and we were just about to take things to the next level, when I made utterly the wrong decision. Our growth together faltered, and then took a steady decline, with both of us trying like mad to recover, but ultimately she lost her attraction for me, as she thought I wasn't interested. I had a chance to show her how much she meant, and absolutely cement an amazing match, but I played it cool, at a crucial time.

So I genuinely think we were like something out of a Hollywood movie, but my actions ruined it.

Discuss

we were like something out of a Hollywood movie

Hollywood (and Bollywood) movies are pure fiction, intended for entertainment.

"Wrong decision"? Probably not. Subconsciously maybe you made the right decision.

The high-octane, "overwhelming" stuff is like a too-bright fire, burns out very quickly.

H