What really pisses me off...

I guess I'm just blown away from my ex's lack of respect towards me, I know its been a few months since we split but I can't believe it.

We ended up getting our own place in March, we were engaged to be married, but it all fell through in a blink of an eye. She left me for another man 20 years her senior who was going through a 21 year divorce and has a son older than my gf.

Anyway, the 2nd day of the breakup she decides to bring him over so they could crash for the night. I'm thankful I didn't kill anyone, but I immediatley called the police to have them removed. Unfourtantley the Police said she was allowed to have him over? It didn't make sense, but he ended up not spending the night only she stayed in tears crying about the whole situation, blah blah blah.

Now I work late, at midnight, I would have to call her everytime to get him out of the apt so I could sleep. Lemme tell you, it would take them 30 minutes, since I would call, for them to get out. Why can't you set an alarm at 12 and get out? Talk about a lack of respect and consideration for the other party.

He went out of town for the week, and to me it felt liked we were reconciling because she confessed I was her true love and the only one for her. We'd have long makeout sessions, no sex, and I of course at this time begged to keep her. Trying to convince her we can work this out...

So the last day she lived in that apt, her bf and friend were taking the couches out, and all she did was kiss me goodbye, and you could tell she wanted to stay badly...but I don't know.

She claimed she wanted to still be friends, and believe me I tried. I was an idiot. I bought her flowers, got her a mug with a cute little chick stuffed animal in it, gave her 50 dollars to cover some of her bills, made daily starbucks runs, it was crazy. I was still in love with her, and I tried everything to get her back. I wrote her letters about how their relationship wouldn't last, advised her of rebounds, age gap problems, all sorts of stuff to try and get her to her senses.

And not ONE THING did she ever give back to me. In fact I had to FIGHT to get her to let me borrow her mattress topper because I had nothing else to sleep on. In fact she promised me I could borrow it when she took her mattress out. Heres the phone call:

Me I borrow the Mattress topper I have nothing to sleep on"

Her i can't"

Me

Her I can't tell you.."

*she repeats this about 20 times, until I finally get something*

Her just my frame on my bed broke and I need it"

Me: "but you made an agreement for me to borrow it"

blah blah blah, it all gets angry from there.

Of course I yelled at her on her BS, still got the topper though. But ever since she left, I have stayed NC. I'm still very angry and hurt that I was lead on yet again, and to be totally disrespected like that. I kind of wish i was meaner, because I sat and did nothing. I wish I showed her that you don't walk all over me.

That's the frustrating thing, all the things I could of done...

I have heard some weird behavior, but I have to say I cannot relate to or understand the kind of behavior your ex displays at all. It is so alien to me, I have to think there is something abnormal, or at least extreme, going on inside her head. Perhaps it's as simple as her not coping well with high-stress relationship issues, which just causes her to be all over the place.

Buddy, that does sound crazy. Why couldn't you kick her out when she started bringing her bf over? I'm sorry, I just don't understand making out with such a slimeball.

I couldn't kick them out because she was still on the lease. You want to know more heartache?

When she started seeing this guy, they immediatley made plans to move in together. So she had the whole month of April free rent in this new place, but she still decided to live in the place we had for the month...making my life a living miserable nightmare. Why did she torture me like that?

And Ms. Darcy I know she is nothing but slime, but I loved that girl and deeply cared for her. I didn't want to see her go because I knew she was making a big mistake. I couldn't just fall out of love with her instantly, it would be nice but I couldn't.

She had alot of issues, and it stemmed from her sexual abuse from her step dad who later got arrested and thrown in jail. She no longer can see him, but still loves him and blah blah. She was also abused before that by her mom's friend.

Her mom isn't the greatest role model either, she's very nasty, rude, inconsiderate, miserable, negative, unreasonable, and a complete fool (my ex had alot of her qualities sadly, I guess you have to look at how the mom handles things to see how the child is going to grow up). I say that she does not have one redeeming quality, its sad. My ex and her would fight hardcore, where my ex would throw her against blinds that would cut her mom's skin! My ex would also run away from home if problems happened at home, and would live with a friend for months at a time...while she is still in high school. She's a smart girl, but she got the worst of grades in high school. Her mom also married an older guy so I don't know...

Also speaking of that, her mom left the man she married and had 3 kids with to have an affair with this old dude. Like mother like daughter...

The 2nd day if the break-up she brings her new man back to the place you shared together? Are you kidding me? Honestly that is some weird thinking going on there.

The way to try to look at it is that by making out with you she hasn't exactly been faithful to him either, regardless of whether you had full-on sex or not. Not only does that not give them a great foundation on which to build their relationship but it also shows her true nature - that she is unstable when it comes to relationships and doesn't seem to have any loyalty to anyone.

Relationships break down all the time and sad though it is when this happens there are dignified and compassionate ways of handling thing, neither attribute applies to your ex. It certainly sounds as though she is somone who who will hurt, then hurt again. Hard though it is, try to think of this as a blessing in disguise. You have dodged a bullet ... now you have the chance to find somone with more morals and loyalty.

Exchange, I didn't see your latest post before I replied. Your ex obviously has serious issues. She has had a sad upbringing and it is easy to see why she has the temperament she has. However, you still didn't deserve to be put through the emotional torture that she put you through and unless your ex is willing to get professional help for the issues that she has she will most certainly go through life behaving in much the same way. Although it is sad that your ex has to live with these issues now is the time for you to put yourself first. I know you are still hurting but she has left you for somone else so this is your chance to move on to someone who can make you much more happier.

Thanks for the reply jellybaby, and yes I know the ball is in my court. The NC is really helping me heal, and I haven't felt that phantom pain in my chest for weaks and have lost all feelings towards her again. If she was to come back to my doorstep, I would not let her back in.

I know this was the best thing that happened to me, and I will find someone who will deserve the love I will bring to her. I could list the things I did for my ex, I sold my Wii and car to get her a 5000 dollar engagment ring. Gave away my tax return so I could get her a coach bag and wallet that she really wanted. I sacrificed alot, even my family to be with her. I tried my utter best to help her with those issues, but I guess I can't change someone...

She is mental and has taken the absolute pi** out of you.

I would be thankful you are broken up, weird girl. Go get yourself a normal girl.

If you thought this was bad, being in the relationship was worse. I can't even count all the times she threaten to break up with me and when she would throw her engagment ring at me just because I didn't respond to a text message in a minute or something ridiculous. Or those nights where she would storm out to sleep on the couch, and I would beg for hours to forgive me over something so petty like coming home 10 minutes late.

Or how she hated my Dad, who is a great man, and she didnt like me talking to him. I remember going back to my old house, saw my dad and the only thing I said to him was "What's up?". I told that to my ex, and she nearly stabbed me with a knife. Or the times when she tried to run me over with her car because I was trying to be friends with a co-worker she did not approve of.

The sad part about all this, was I was warned in the first week from all my friends to break it off with her.:splat:

I hope you got that ring back!

I too was completely disrespected by my ex during the breakup, and she too has some of the same issues you described... but none of the things she did really even border on the crazy your ex has displayed.

Its good to hear that you know how much better off you are. And its fine to be pissed off, hold on to that for a while and use it to help push yourself to better yourself. It will fade in time.

Seriously, you are so much better off!

Well everytime she threw it at me I got it back. However 2 weeks before we broke up, she threw it again.

I have yet to find it in the apt. We looked for 3 days straight to no avail.

I have combed the carpets, checked everywhere it may have landed but nothing.

It sucks for sure.

There are plenty of people who had a hard life growing up who grow up to be decent human beings as adults.

So her bad background doesn't justify you tolerating any more of her abuse. I don't know too many people who would dare to bring a new lover home the day after a breakup! That takes a lot of nerve and a HUGE level of insensitivity and selfishness.

She's proved herself again and again to be more selfish than anything else. Consider yourself lucky you didn't actually marry her and have children, or you'd have her stuck in your life for another 20 years. You now have free rein to go find a NORMAL and decent woman who won't behave this way. It will hurt for a while, but you will be fine and so much better off without a user/abuser like this in your life.

 

Or how she hated my Dad, who is a great man, and she didnt like me talking to him. I remember going back to my old house, saw my dad and the only thing I said to him was "What's up?". I told that to my ex, and she nearly stabbed me with a knife. Or the times when she tried to run me over with her car because I was trying to be friends with a co-worker she did not approve of.

 

Oh wow, this brings back memories of my own relationship!

Seriously, you dodged a bullet with this one. Imagine if you guys had stayed together...it would be pure and utter torture for you.

You are well and truly moving on now so whatever you do, stick to your NC guns and keep on moving. Going by some of your other posts you did a lot for this girl and got nothing but abuse back. Your ex has serious issues but like you say you can't change someone ... and you can't help someone unless they are willing to help themselves. Thank your lucky stars that you aren't the new guy in her life who has yet to go through what you went through. This is a new beginning for you, you are well rid of such phsychotic behaviour. There is someone out there whose path you are destined to cross who will bring you the happiness you deserve.

Oh and I hope you find the ring ... just don't tell the ex!

I have no idea if this is the case, but the way you describe her actions sounds similar to someone who may have borderline personality disorder. I don't want to diagnose her, but maybe it's something for you to look into. I understand that the breakups can be particularly devastating due to how much the partner has been broken down and abused over time.

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I agree, you dodged a bullet. Despite caring for her, you really do not want someone like that in your life. Trust us. Bad things would have happened. Not may have happened, would have happened.

If she contacts you, DO NOT give in and start something with her again.

Exactly the same thought occurred to me, Cadence, but I felt reluctant to bring it up.

but the way you describe her actions sounds similar to someone who may have borderline personality disorder. I don't want to diagnose her, but maybe it's something for you to look into.

No it is not her fault IF she has BPD, but at the same time it is very difficult for such people to have anything resembling a stable relationship.

H

No it is not her fault IF she has BPD, but at the same time it is very difficult for such people to have anything resembling a stable relationship.

Yes, we definitely only know her from how he describes her, so my suggestion might not correspond to reality.

If he thinks he may have been involved in that type of relationship, my understanding is there is quite a community of people who can give him support and advice based on their similar experiences.

And if it's not accurate, maybe it will help someone out who reads this thread in the future.

It seems like BPD is the new depression.

It's a very serious, (self) destructing and sabotaging mental illness. It's not something that's treatable with meds, although they can help. It can take years, sometimes decades of therapy to alter their mindset and behaviors- But as with anything, the person has to WANT the help and put in the dedication to make changes.

It's really scary to be in a relationship with someone afflicted with it. My ex-ex had BPD, and did not seek help. He was one to rage inwardly, not outwardly. If they aren't getting help(self or therapy), they will NOT have a satisfying and fulfilling relationship. Not with you, not with the next guy, NOT WITH ANYONE. These people are filled with an inner torment you wouldn't believe, and a huge big black void that no one can fill. I could go on and on about this, but I will spare you guys lol.

It is not their fault they have borderline, but it is certainly their responsibility to seize their life and make healthy and happy adjustments and changes. Sadly, many don't, or give up too soon.

Just read that article about BPD, and yep that is her exactly. The funny part was is she went through those stages in the year and a half we were together.

Since it was my first serious relationship, it felt great to be at the center of attention from her, it helped my confidence alot and I truly thought I was being loved from her. Sure there were many warning signs from the start, but I overlooked them because not only did I not know any better but I was deeply infatuated and glossed over those problems initially.

Then the clinginess came, and when that happened I would have to change how I would act around her. She would seriously be pissed if I did not wake up with her at 6am to take a shower with her, and would give me a cold shoulder throughout the day and spout out bs that I didn't love her. Her clinginess made the relationship so unbearable to the point where I wanted to end if myself, but I still loved her and wanted to help her as much as I could. When we moved out she became more independent, and I was very happy about that...but it still wasn't enough.

When she broke it off, it was like talking to a completely different person. I didn't even recognize her. She was so cold and distant, its as if she totally forgot our time together or the love we once shared.

The cruelest part about the breakup? How she took him to our favorite restaurant the 2nd day they became a couple. Then she ended up sleeping with this new guy at a Motel 6 a week in. She was doing everything we used together with this new guy, it was just such a slap in the face. They would profess their love for each other a week into the relationship, but she almost broke it off with him because the son did not approve of this new girl his dad was with.

I guess another thing that really frustrates me is how much of a good and positive person she could be, if only she wasn't stubborn enough to accept she has issues that she needs to work on. That's why I stayed as long as I did, because I knew that person was there but it never came out. She'd always say how she was going to see a therapist all the time, but never did anything about it.

Of course she listens to other people's opinions WAY too much. She never really thinks for herself and she claims that other people see what she can't? Its ridiculous, and that's when all these doubts would come up was from what other people would say.

It was funny when the older guy she works with was like her father figure, called her a (expletive) when she broke it off with me. She valued his opinion so much, and to say that...was a shock because he didn't like me too much eventhough he never once met me. He bought her Relationship and Dating for Dummies books too when she broke it off, which I thought was funny as hell.

I just hope I will find that one person who will be just as enthusiastic and positive about life as I am.

damn she don't know shes doin but i'll take over and never let someone like u go ever but im too unattactive though...

wow she sure stomped on your heart hard and mushed it to a pulp.

What she did ^ is pretty messed up. You GOT to stay away from her.

OMG. She's really something else that woman. I can't believe she got some nerves to bring her boyfriend to where you and her both lived at! i believe she wanted either to you to get angry or both fight in her "honor". She's such a attention seeker.

Let her go. She isn't worth your time or money anymore. -__- Just thank gosh or whatever you believe in she showed her true colors before you got married, and had kids.