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Thread: Giving space vs chasing when you took the relationship for granted

  1. #11
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    lovers lane
    go afte rher,,,, dont hasitate, could be nice for her to see you cry, it will add up to all her tears ...don;t give up...

  2. #12
    Platinum Member faithful14's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    i agree with jenna

  3. #13
    Member Strawbridge's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Originally Posted by jenna-is-here
    If what she is telling you is the truth (or you are hearing it correctly), I think you should go after it. Consistanly and hard for a set amount of time. If she does not budge, then have a deal with yourself that you will back off then (maybe two weeks)?
    Jenna this is exactly how I feel. I'm getting all this advice to leave her be 4 a while from friends, but while this is happening I feel like it is reinforcing the fault in the relationship. That I was never there for her (mainly because I didn't consider us in a relationship and she did). Against most advice here I feel like I really need to go after her. But then again you say unless I get a clear "no".
    Somewhere in my heart I feel like I need to go for it in whatever way I can. Only problem is I have never ever chased a girl (i've always just fallen into relationships) before so am a little clueless as to what is chasing compared to what is stalking and annoying. I am tempted to turn up at her house tomorrow night with a picnic basket and take her for a drive down to the coast or something, because I know she always complained that we never did except go out for dinner and watched dvds all the time.

    I'm just not sure whether to do it tomorrow or leave it another week, as I only contacted her a week ago.

  4. #14
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    I can very much relate to your situation Straw. Please read my story, as I think we are very much in the same boat.

    What I can say is if you are going to make this grand gesture ( I would go for it, but maybe wait a while ), then you NEED to make sure you are in the right frame of mind and behave correctly.

    The only hope the dumpee will ever have for reconciliation is if they basically press the 'Reset' button on themselves, and are once again the person the dumper fell for initially, that is to say witty, confident, relaxed, charming etc. They fell for you like that and they can do again. However, at this moment in time, you are ( in your own words ) a mess. If you meet her like this, you will unintentionally, be clingy, needy, maybe weepy, and will probably try to talk about the relationship, all of which will torpedo your chances.

    Go for it, but give it some time, and heal beforehand.


  6. #15

    Join Date
    Nov 2019

    She doesnt owe you a chance

    I had to be blunt with the title. Considering I am the woman on the receiving end of being taken for granted.

    He had professed to me being his first and only love for more than half his life to anyone and everyone that would listen. We dated as teens and when we reconnected it seemed like destiny. Our families came together and were so excited for us. My love begin to match the love he claimed to have for me and then everything took a turn. I found myself somewhere I didnt deserve to be but hung on there even as long as I could.

    Once I checked out the emotions went through a transition too. I went no contact after sending him one last text five panel text since he was not answering my calls. Ending with "you took me granted...you will have to live with this...lord knows I deserve so much better than this" Once I did that I begin to accept letting go though it hurt like something I cant explain.The first 10 days were hell on an emotional rollercoaster. I journaled, cried, sleeping to sooth the pain, sleepless nights, isolated myself, only went out when required meditated and slept. Yes...pure depression. ...I kept hoping that I would hear his special ringtone though I wasnt holding my breathe..the rollercoaster started to get less scary and painful. I really begin to reflect on all I have been through. Now I think "I gave him so many chances to correct himself and it only got worse. I did the right thing and I will never allow anyone to take me for granted again. If he really cared he would have valued me without me having to ask."

    Having that being said I am still no contact...and I dont feel I owe him a thing. A talk, meeting, phone call, text reply nothing. Giving space allows for healing and prespective...protecting our newfound peace and heart is a priority. Not listening to the likes of a man that didnt appreciate us when we gave our love. We want to feel safe loving and trusting you alll with our hearts. Once that trust and security is gone...all the space in the world or effort in the world cant mend it in most cases. In fact it may result in us pushing you away. We will never look at you the same.

    Good luck...some damage just cant be undone.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Thread is 9 Years old. It would be best to start one of your own.
    Originally Posted by TMAllen
    I am the woman on the receiving end of being taken for granted.
    He had professed to me
    We dated as teens
    Our families came together

  8. 11-26-2019, 03:56 PM

  9. #17
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Originally Posted by BruinNeeraj
    Hey Strawbridge .. update??
    Strawbridge hasn't logged onto this site in 5 years.

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