Parents not OK with us getting engaged

So me and my girlfriend have been together for 1 year and a few months. We both sat down with my dad trying to convince him getting engaged is the right thing to do. I just turned 25 and my girlfriend is turning 22 in a month. However, she is still in school and has 1 year left - graduates next April. My dad doesn't want us to get engaged until she is done school. Of course we went to my dad for his approval and blessings. This talk was back in March. Now I tried to talk to my dad and compromise after my dad and mom met her mom and dad. They got along great.

At this point though, my dad still wants us to wait. I already got the ring and we just want to get engaged as we are old enough to make our own decisions. I wish my parents were more supportive, her parents are very supportive for us to get engaged.

I am very frustrated and thinking about just getting engaged but then me and my dad would be on bad terms and force me to move out.

Any advice would be appreciated

Go for it. It's your choice. I hate it when parents don't respect the decisions of their children.

I wouldn't get engaged while you are living with your parent(s).

Do you think you are ready?

What's your issue with waiting? It sounds like you are already planning on getting married. That is all being engaged is. You have committed to get married. You are engaged.

What is your dad's reasoning for waiting? I can see asking you to wait on getting married. For money reasons or timing reasons but why does he want you to wait to promise to get married when you already have. What is the difference a ring makes?

I know my dads logic is completely flawed. I will just get engaged and will move out if I have to I have waited long enough

I know my dads logic is completely flawed. I will just get engaged and will move out if I have to I have waited long enough

But what IS your dad's logic?

he wants my girlfriend to focus on school and finish school so she can get her degree then we can get engaged and then married 2 months later

he wants my girlfriend to focus on school and finish school so she can get her degree then we can get engaged and then married 2 months later

So you plan on getting married right away? I can understand your dad wanting to wait until after she graduates for you two to get married.

Ultimately, it is none of his business if you aren't dependent on him.

he wants my girlfriend to focus on school and finish school so she can get her degree then we can get engaged and then married 2 months later

So he's not saying don't get married or don't get engaged. He is saying focus on school and then do those things. How long until she finishes school?

Why don't you just get engaged now, then get married 2 months after she finishes school?

Same difference.

Also, getting engaged really doesn't mean jack to anyone other than the two people who have made that verbal commitment to each other. I don't really see how you need your father's blessing on the timing of your engagement.

no we plan on getting engaged NOW and marrying when we are ready late next year

Why don't you just get engaged now, then get married 2 months after she finishes school?

 

Same difference.

 

Also, getting engaged really doesn't mean jack to anyone other than the two people who have made that verbal commitment to each other. I don't really see how you need your father's blessing on the timing of your engagement.

WOW thats true words said!! My dads being an

no we plan on getting engaged NOW and marrying when we are ready late next year

What is the time difference between what you want and what your dad is asking for?

about 1 year

about 1 year

Okay. Now you have to ask yourself if waiting 1 year is to much to ask for a good healthy relationship with your father. I know it seems controlling and it doesn't have the best logic to you but it is your dad. You only get one. A year really isn't that long at all. And if it's a good healthy relationship then a year will only make it stronger.

For me a year isn't to much to ask for. You girlfriend isn't going anywhere.

I still feel like at my age I can make the decisions I want. I also think hes just trying to prove his power and authority over me and I feel like thats wrong and not fair. I told him it does not make me happy that he does not approve us getting engaged now and he shows no remorse. Surely I can try to talk to him next month about it again to see if he has a change of heart but I don't have alot of hope for it.

My bro married by the time he was 30 because of my dads advice and they are still struggling to have a good healthy relationship...

My bro married by the time he was 30 because of my dads advice and they are still struggling to have a good healthy relationship...

Parents give advice.

They don't control your life.

They also have no say over your heart.

If you want to get engaged, do so. If you want to wait, wait. It is your call to take your relationship to that level, not your father's.

Parents give advice.

 

They don't control your life.

 

They also have no say over your heart.

 

If you want to get engaged, do so. If you want to wait, wait. It is your call to take your relationship to that level, not your father's.

Thank you so much

I still feel like at my age I can make the decisions I want. I also think hes just trying to prove his power and authority over me and I feel like thats wrong.

I'm 25 and I feel that at my age my parents can't control my actions. But I don't live with them and haven't since I was 18. Also I DO listen to them. If my mom or my dad expressed a lot of concern of a choice I was making I would think about it. What your dad is asking for isn't unreasonable. Your girlfriend is still pretty young and is still in school. And your father isn't asking for you to change your relationship or stop seeing her or not to get married he is just asking you to wait for a year.

I think at 25 you should be mature enough to figure out if this is some silly power game or something your father really cares about. At 25 you should be able to realize that your father doesn't have authority over you and so listening to him is something you do out of respect and love. I don't know your dad so I can't tell if he is trying to control you. But I can say what he is asking for is well on the normal, sane, rational side of what parents ask of there children. And even if he is trying to control you he can't anymore. So if you listen to him you are making a choice.

One year isn't long. You talk about adult choices. To me an adult choice would be to put something you want off to help keep your family healthy happy and together.

the choice is up to me

either wait or go against my family and suffer the consequences

my dad threatened to kick me out if I dont listen to him

my dad threatened to kick me out if I dont listen to him

And he has the right to do that.

I understand his concern. You aren't financially stable and still living at home yet you want to be married within a year from now?

And he has the right to do that.

 

I understand his concern. You aren't financially stable and still living at home yet you want to be married within a year from now?

what does my finances have to do with getting engaged?

what does my finances have to do with getting engaged?

Being married? It has a lot to do with it.

Do you expect your father to support you and your new wife?