Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: How do you deal with a sulker?

  1. #1
    Mellie
    Platinum Member Mellie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    1,197
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    18

    How do you deal with a sulker?

    I dunno whether it's because he can't see my point of view and doesn't want to argue, or if he uses sulking as a punishment to get his own way (definitely feels like the latter), but I really struggle with the silent treatment and wonder how other people deal with it. I'm pretty angry at the moment and my instinct is retaliation, e.g. if he sulks for two days, I'll sulk for four, but I know how childish that sounds. I just get so sick of it (doesn't happen very often, but when it does it drives me nuts). I'm sure he's just pushing my buttons.

  2. #2
    Hermes
    Platinum Member Hermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Ireland
    Posts
    5,517
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2809
    Children sulk. He needs to grow up.

    Just act with indifference the next time he tries this on. And, if it becomes ingrained pattern, then it is time to take a long hard look at the relatinship.

    H

  3. #3
    DN

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    42,515
    Thanked
    8
    Much depends on what the arguments are about and how they are conducted. What one person sees as sulking another sees as needing time to get over it so as not to make a bad situation worse.

  4. #4
    catfeeder
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    18,567
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    4041
    I would treat it the way I'd treat a child throwing a temper tantrum--ignore it.

    If you don't live with the guy, this is simple. Just don't call, don't write, and live your life. If he wants to speak with you again, he knows how to reach you. Uhm... if he doesn't? You've just spared yourself a breakup with an ego--so what's to lose, exactly?

    If you live with the guy, just carry on. If you're making a dinner, let him know when it's ready as you normally would, but fail to fix his plate and fail to notice if he doesn't eat. If you've got a question, ask it. If he doesn't respond, just sound cheerful and say, "Okay, well I'll just decide this for both of us, and I hope you'll like the outcome."

    If you interpret sulking as manipulative and respond to it with a wall of your own, you position yourself in a no-win standoff that can erode your relationship. If you operate normally and don't let it phase you, then you not only win, you leave the door open for him to normalize when he's done with his problem.

  5. #5
    Hermes
    Platinum Member Hermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Ireland
    Posts
    5,517
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2809
    he can't see my point of view and doesn't want to argue
    Very childish.

    H

  6. #6
    Mellie
    Platinum Member Mellie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    1,197
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    18
    Thanks for your comments. I can see how ridiculous it is to give the cold shoulder in retaliation, but... I dunno. Whilst the nicey nicey route does seem to be the way to go, looking at it from another angle (my narked one, namely), I don't see this as great behaviour and I don't want to give any kind of positive endorsement of it.

    No, we don't live together. It's a very LDR. I think I'll just make a point of having as nice a time as possible and not sit here waiting for him to snap out of it (sounds so easy), or give that impression anyway. I'm tempted to call him on it though when he does dain to speak. I definitely see this as me being punished and I don't think it's good where one person tries to get the upper hand by making the other as miserable as possible. It wasn't an argument as such, but a difference of opinion - on something I was wearing. I know, I know. Doesn't sound great. It's an intercultural relationship and sometimes when these issues crop up, it can be very hard. For 99% of the time we get on brilliantly and love each other very much. We see eye to eye on most things. But when issues do crop up, this is how he deals with them. We've never had an argument as such - this is what happens instead. And no, I don't always or even usually back down. I'll compromise but I won't be steam rollered. He always goes off to his 'cave' then comes back again right as rain. Part of me thinks he's just cooling off, but the other says no.

  7. #7
    catfeeder
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    18,567
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    4041
    If it's an LDR, then just leave it alone. What you interpret as sulking could be his definition of letting things cool off.

    I'll admit, I was really surprised to learn how often things can resolve themselves when I can back off and stop putting my hands into everything. When I pick things apart and keep them stirred, I cause more damage instead of allowing them to heal.

  8. #8
    Gath
    Gold Member Gath's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Seattle
    Age
    37
    Posts
    729
    Gender
    Male
    Quote Originally Posted by catfeeder [Register to see the link]
    If it's an LDR, then just leave it alone. What you interpret as sulking could be his definition of letting things cool off.

    I'll admit, I was really surprised to learn how often things can resolve themselves when I can back off and stop putting my hands into everything. When I pick things apart and keep them stirred, I cause more damage instead of allowing them to heal.
    I agree cat, there's plenty of times I'm angry about something, and if I let things lay for a bit, I realize it was a silly thing to get charged up about.

  9.  

Top Threads
Flirting for Career Advancement
Hello Everyone, I just put my plans to propose to my girlfriend on hold because of this issue. We discussed this in the past and I understand
Should you be forced to delete someone off social media?
Ok so here's the back story: My boyfriend broke up with me suddenly after dating for nearly 2 years and refused to talk to me after. He wouldn't
Seeing my boyfriend for the first time :P
I was on the phone with my boyfriend earlier today so while we were talking he was also talking to his cousin and, yes this is guy I lied about my
Boyfriend bad finances and Parents Disowning
Hey Sorry this is going to be a very long post so here it goes. My boyfriend of 8 months has some finances struggles because he often is too
Boyfriend ignoring me after text row
Hi My boyfriend of 8 months and I recently started seeing each other again after a month apart (I wanted a break as I felt he was putting
Found disturbing emails in boyfriend's secret account
I'm at a loss and not sure where to go from here. A few days ago before my boyfriend was to drive me to the airport for a 5 day business trip, I
Should I be mad about this?
So my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. My brother and him are very close and for Christmas my brother made my boyfriend a beautiful
Featured Threads
I love you, but I'm not in love with you.
So my fiancÚ of 7.5 years has decided she isn't in love with me anymore so has broken up with me. Our situation is very complicated we have a 2.5
How far should I go with unfriending/blocking on social media?
Hi all, I'm going hard no contact. She originally unfriended me on Snap and Twitter. I recently unfriended her on FB and IG. I also went a step
missing atm
I think what I miss at the moment is having a friend to talk to like we used to. She became the only person I really talked to for the better part
Mum boyfriend inapropriate
Hi everyone, thought i would share an update on whats happened so far. Thankyou all for helping me out yesterday, everything you all said was really
Girlfriend always mad at me
Me and my girlfriend have been togetehr for almost a year. I love her more than anything and i know shes not cheating on me or anything like that
I [F/26] found underwear in my boyfriend's [M/30] pocket.
I've been with my boyfriend for over a year. Recently, my boyfriend asked me to look for some money, so I looked everywhere and I couldn't find it. I
Ex gf text me out of the blue
I guess I just want some feedback and honest replies as my head is completely gone again. Me and my ex gf have been in no contact for a few months
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •