Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: How do you deal with a sulker?

  1. #1
    Mellie
    Platinum Member Mellie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    1,197
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    18

    How do you deal with a sulker?

    I dunno whether it's because he can't see my point of view and doesn't want to argue, or if he uses sulking as a punishment to get his own way (definitely feels like the latter), but I really struggle with the silent treatment and wonder how other people deal with it. I'm pretty angry at the moment and my instinct is retaliation, e.g. if he sulks for two days, I'll sulk for four, but I know how childish that sounds. I just get so sick of it (doesn't happen very often, but when it does it drives me nuts). I'm sure he's just pushing my buttons.

  2. #2
    Hermes
    Platinum Member Hermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Ireland
    Posts
    5,517
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2806
    Children sulk. He needs to grow up.

    Just act with indifference the next time he tries this on. And, if it becomes ingrained pattern, then it is time to take a long hard look at the relatinship.

    H

  3. #3
    DN

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    42,515
    Thanked
    8
    Much depends on what the arguments are about and how they are conducted. What one person sees as sulking another sees as needing time to get over it so as not to make a bad situation worse.

  4. #4
    catfeeder
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    17,677
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    3316
    I would treat it the way I'd treat a child throwing a temper tantrum--ignore it.

    If you don't live with the guy, this is simple. Just don't call, don't write, and live your life. If he wants to speak with you again, he knows how to reach you. Uhm... if he doesn't? You've just spared yourself a breakup with an ego--so what's to lose, exactly?

    If you live with the guy, just carry on. If you're making a dinner, let him know when it's ready as you normally would, but fail to fix his plate and fail to notice if he doesn't eat. If you've got a question, ask it. If he doesn't respond, just sound cheerful and say, "Okay, well I'll just decide this for both of us, and I hope you'll like the outcome."

    If you interpret sulking as manipulative and respond to it with a wall of your own, you position yourself in a no-win standoff that can erode your relationship. If you operate normally and don't let it phase you, then you not only win, you leave the door open for him to normalize when he's done with his problem.

  5. #5
    Hermes
    Platinum Member Hermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Ireland
    Posts
    5,517
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2806
    he can't see my point of view and doesn't want to argue
    Very childish.

    H

  6. #6
    Mellie
    Platinum Member Mellie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    1,197
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    18
    Thanks for your comments. I can see how ridiculous it is to give the cold shoulder in retaliation, but... I dunno. Whilst the nicey nicey route does seem to be the way to go, looking at it from another angle (my narked one, namely), I don't see this as great behaviour and I don't want to give any kind of positive endorsement of it.

    No, we don't live together. It's a very LDR. I think I'll just make a point of having as nice a time as possible and not sit here waiting for him to snap out of it (sounds so easy), or give that impression anyway. I'm tempted to call him on it though when he does dain to speak. I definitely see this as me being punished and I don't think it's good where one person tries to get the upper hand by making the other as miserable as possible. It wasn't an argument as such, but a difference of opinion - on something I was wearing. I know, I know. Doesn't sound great. It's an intercultural relationship and sometimes when these issues crop up, it can be very hard. For 99% of the time we get on brilliantly and love each other very much. We see eye to eye on most things. But when issues do crop up, this is how he deals with them. We've never had an argument as such - this is what happens instead. And no, I don't always or even usually back down. I'll compromise but I won't be steam rollered. He always goes off to his 'cave' then comes back again right as rain. Part of me thinks he's just cooling off, but the other says no.

  7. #7
    catfeeder
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    17,677
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    3316
    If it's an LDR, then just leave it alone. What you interpret as sulking could be his definition of letting things cool off.

    I'll admit, I was really surprised to learn how often things can resolve themselves when I can back off and stop putting my hands into everything. When I pick things apart and keep them stirred, I cause more damage instead of allowing them to heal.

  8. #8
    Gath
    Gold Member Gath's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Seattle
    Age
    36
    Posts
    729
    Gender
    Male
    Quote Originally Posted by catfeeder [Register to see the link]
    If it's an LDR, then just leave it alone. What you interpret as sulking could be his definition of letting things cool off.

    I'll admit, I was really surprised to learn how often things can resolve themselves when I can back off and stop putting my hands into everything. When I pick things apart and keep them stirred, I cause more damage instead of allowing them to heal.
    I agree cat, there's plenty of times I'm angry about something, and if I let things lay for a bit, I realize it was a silly thing to get charged up about.

  9.  

Top Threads
I pushed my girlfriend to the floor
Hello reader, I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years. At one point we broke up for 2 months but got back together after we realised our
Girlfriend never wants to see parents again.. need advice
Hi, I've been dating my girlfriend now for 4 years and had moved in together around the 3 year mark. Our relationship is kind of up and down, we
Am I Being Body Shamed by my boyfriend?
Let me just start by saying I am a pretty tiny person. I would say I'm "model-skinny" so to speak, but I don't starve myself by any means. I am
Live together, I want to move out but stay together, he says all or nothing
Hello! I am 24, he’s 23. We have lived together for about a year and 8 months. We have one roommate, his best friend. The first year we lived
My boyfriend lied about another girl
Hi there I've been with my boyfriend for around 6 years now. Things are generally good between us and we both love eachother very much. Three
A Sad Story if there ever was one.
It's my fault by in large, for the way things are now. I understood they were shot from early on, but I thought I could, in a godlike manner
My Girlfriend "flirts" online with other men
Hi guys, Good day to you, may i check if the following situation is normal please: 1. Girlfriend adds tons of random FB guy friends she does
Featured Threads
Which credit card debt should I start paying first?
Have $500 to pay one first and wanted to ask which one I should pay first The one that I owe $ 700 or $2900? Thanks a lot
Am I Being Body Shamed by my boyfriend?
Let me just start by saying I am a pretty tiny person. I would say I'm "model-skinny" so to speak, but I don't starve myself by any means. I am
My girlfriend constantly makes flirtatious jokes about other guys to me. Help?
So, my girlfriend constantly (and I mean constantly, we're probably talking maybe 5 times or so every time we hang out?) makes comments about other
He's just not ready?! - What I've learned and your views please
Dear All, I've read so much around this and feel I've made a good strong decision but I'm looking for your thoughts. 4 weeks ago I met a guy
Am I getting cold feet?
My partner and I have been engaged for about a year now and have been together for over three years. We are an older couple so we both know what we
What should I do about my controlling parents?
I am 20, still living with my parents and they control my life. They won't allow me to online date but I do it anyway. They check my phone every day
Should I reach out to him after he disappeared?
I went on handful of dates with a guy, and after our last date I decided not to initiate any more (it was like 50% me before) and see what he does
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •