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Thread: Why do guys ask you out then make up excuses?

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    goodkarma_1
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    Why do guys ask you out then make up excuses?

    ok, so there's this guy that will ask me out every so often (the pattern seems to be like every other week) but then makes up excuses like he got sick or decided to stay home and bbq lol. Its not a total bummer because I'm not head over heels for him, I just want to understand why they arrange for a date then make excuses. I'm sure its because he found something else better to do or someone else that he would rather spend time with. Why even bother to ask a girl out you know? Maybe to see if she would go just to satisfy his ego? I guess I'm just kind of confused and feeling rejected. I was with my ex for years so all this dating and figuring out all these different personalities is new to me.


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    savignon
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    I think the reason anybody keeps doing any behavior is because they can. If you're not interested in a guy who doesn't follow through, then say "no thanks" next time he asks you out. If you keep saying yes, he knows you'll be around if and when he decides he'd like to see you.

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    jettison

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    Personally, I think it's because he doesn't really love women. He loves the idea of women, and he loves to imagine that perhaps a woman adores him, but he doesn't really love them. If he did, he wouldn't be backing out like this and in this way. He may also have some self-esteem issues which don't limit the cajones it's taking him to ask you out, but do limit the confidence he has in himself for making a good connection with you in reality.

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    goodkarma_1
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    Quote Originally Posted by savignon [Register to see the link]
    I think the reason anybody keeps doing any behavior is because they can. If you're not interested in a guy who doesn't follow through, then say "no thanks" next time he asks you out. If you keep saying yes, he knows you'll be around if and when he decides he'd like to see you.
    I agree with you. We have hung out before just not on an "official date". We hung out as a group and since he's asks me out twice and changed his mind both times. The reason I agree to go out is because I'm always getting advice to look outside of the box and try something new so I'm trying here IF he does ask me out next time I will defiantly say no thanks, I have plans etc. so he sees that I'm not at his beckon calls. Guess I thought I would give him a second chance because stuff does happen but the second time made it clear

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    goodkarma_1
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    Quote Originally Posted by jettison [Register to see the link]
    Personally, I think it's because he doesn't really love women. He loves the idea of women, and he loves to imagine that perhaps a woman adores him, but he doesn't really love them. If he did, he wouldn't be backing out like this and in this way. He may also have some self-esteem issues which don't limit the cajones it's taking him to ask you out, but do limit the confidence he has in himself for making a good connection with you in reality.
    Interesting, thanks. From what i get from him I don't think that he suffers from low self esteem, he's much of a flirt. But I think you called it correct that he loves the idea of woman and enjoys being adored. He is good looking and a quite a smooth talker and these are the kind of men that think they are a gift to woman..in most cases. Its always the one that you don't want that want you and vice versa. I hate the fact that I'm attracted to "tools". My ex was the definition of a tool which is why I'm no longer with him Being single and as I learn more about myself I'm starting to see a pattern. I want to break this.

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    oldenoughtoknow
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    Quote Originally Posted by goodkarma_1 [Register to see the link]
    I agree with you. We have hung out before just not on an "official date". We hung out as a group and since he's asks me out twice and changed his mind both times. The reason I agree to go out is because I'm always getting advice to look outside of the box and try something new so I'm trying here IF he does ask me out next time I will defiantly say no thanks, I have plans etc. so he sees that I'm not at his beckon calls. Guess I thought I would give him a second chance because stuff does happen but the second time made it clear
    Just a suggestion. If he does ask you out again, say no thanks, but don't make up an excuse that you have plans or whatever. Stand up for yourself and say "no thanks, you've cancelled on me twice. That's over my limit." Put him in his place, under no uncertain terms. Every time you stand up for yourself, it's really a nugget of self-improvement. He might learn from it too - sometimes jerks (for whatever his reasoning/justification is) need a wake up call (or two) for them to get that their behavior is not acceptable. And, if you're still interested, he might try to make it up to you. It's a win-win-win.

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    top bloke
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    If you dont really like this fellow then as above dont go out with him. I wouldnt want to have the company of people who act like that...so what is the point of accepting...ask yourself this question.

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    goodkarma_1
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    Quote Originally Posted by richpart [Register to see the link]
    Just a suggestion. If he does ask you out again, say no thanks, but don't make up an excuse that you have plans or whatever. Stand up for yourself and say "no thanks, you've cancelled on me twice. That's over my limit." Put him in his place, under no uncertain terms. Every time you stand up for yourself, it's really a nugget of self-improvement. He might learn from it too - sometimes jerks (for whatever his reasoning/justification is) need a wake up call (or two) for them to get that their behavior is not acceptable. And, if you're still interested, he might try to make it up to you. It's a win-win-win.
    hey richpart, thanks! That's good advice. I think i tend to be "too nice" because I don't want to come off as B and more so I don't want the guy to know I'm upset about it and think I cared about him or whatever. I guess bad on my part. Your right, I'll make it clear that he cancelled twice and no more. I hope he contacts me again lol :P

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    goodkarma_1
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    Quote Originally Posted by top bloke [Register to see the link]
    If you dont really like this fellow then as above dont go out with him. I wouldnt want to have the company of people who act like that...so what is the point of accepting...ask yourself this question.
    I don't dislike him, I just thought I'd try to get and see what happens. I've known him for months and we have fun together (but again we are in a group) so I thought id try going on a date and get to know each other outside of a crowd. I know there is no point in accepting, I see that now. I agree.

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    BriarRose
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    Is usually because they are seeing others.

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