Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 13

Thread: Why do guys ask you out then make up excuses?

  1. #1
    goodkarma_1
    Bronze Member goodkarma_1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Sunny Cali!!
    Posts
    331
    Gender
    Female

    Why do guys ask you out then make up excuses?

    ok, so there's this guy that will ask me out every so often (the pattern seems to be like every other week) but then makes up excuses like he got sick or decided to stay home and bbq lol. Its not a total bummer because I'm not head over heels for him, I just want to understand why they arrange for a date then make excuses. I'm sure its because he found something else better to do or someone else that he would rather spend time with. Why even bother to ask a girl out you know? Maybe to see if she would go just to satisfy his ego? I guess I'm just kind of confused and feeling rejected. I was with my ex for years so all this dating and figuring out all these different personalities is new to me.

  2. #2
    savignon
    Platinum Member savignon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    USA
    Age
    40
    Posts
    6,094
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    4
    I think the reason anybody keeps doing any behavior is because they can. If you're not interested in a guy who doesn't follow through, then say "no thanks" next time he asks you out. If you keep saying yes, he knows you'll be around if and when he decides he'd like to see you.

  3. #3
    jettison

    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    West Bay
    Posts
    5,708
    Thanked
    2
    Personally, I think it's because he doesn't really love women. He loves the idea of women, and he loves to imagine that perhaps a woman adores him, but he doesn't really love them. If he did, he wouldn't be backing out like this and in this way. He may also have some self-esteem issues which don't limit the cajones it's taking him to ask you out, but do limit the confidence he has in himself for making a good connection with you in reality.

  4. #4
    goodkarma_1
    Bronze Member goodkarma_1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Sunny Cali!!
    Posts
    331
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by savignon [Register to see the link]
    I think the reason anybody keeps doing any behavior is because they can. If you're not interested in a guy who doesn't follow through, then say "no thanks" next time he asks you out. If you keep saying yes, he knows you'll be around if and when he decides he'd like to see you.
    I agree with you. We have hung out before just not on an "official date". We hung out as a group and since he's asks me out twice and changed his mind both times. The reason I agree to go out is because I'm always getting advice to look outside of the box and try something new so I'm trying here IF he does ask me out next time I will defiantly say no thanks, I have plans etc. so he sees that I'm not at his beckon calls. Guess I thought I would give him a second chance because stuff does happen but the second time made it clear

  5. #5
    goodkarma_1
    Bronze Member goodkarma_1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Sunny Cali!!
    Posts
    331
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by jettison [Register to see the link]
    Personally, I think it's because he doesn't really love women. He loves the idea of women, and he loves to imagine that perhaps a woman adores him, but he doesn't really love them. If he did, he wouldn't be backing out like this and in this way. He may also have some self-esteem issues which don't limit the cajones it's taking him to ask you out, but do limit the confidence he has in himself for making a good connection with you in reality.
    Interesting, thanks. From what i get from him I don't think that he suffers from low self esteem, he's much of a flirt. But I think you called it correct that he loves the idea of woman and enjoys being adored. He is good looking and a quite a smooth talker and these are the kind of men that think they are a gift to woman..in most cases. Its always the one that you don't want that want you and vice versa. I hate the fact that I'm attracted to "tools". My ex was the definition of a tool which is why I'm no longer with him Being single and as I learn more about myself I'm starting to see a pattern. I want to break this.

  6. #6
    oldenoughtoknow
    Platinum Member oldenoughtoknow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Age
    56
    Posts
    2,923
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    1
    Quote Originally Posted by goodkarma_1 [Register to see the link]
    I agree with you. We have hung out before just not on an "official date". We hung out as a group and since he's asks me out twice and changed his mind both times. The reason I agree to go out is because I'm always getting advice to look outside of the box and try something new so I'm trying here IF he does ask me out next time I will defiantly say no thanks, I have plans etc. so he sees that I'm not at his beckon calls. Guess I thought I would give him a second chance because stuff does happen but the second time made it clear
    Just a suggestion. If he does ask you out again, say no thanks, but don't make up an excuse that you have plans or whatever. Stand up for yourself and say "no thanks, you've cancelled on me twice. That's over my limit." Put him in his place, under no uncertain terms. Every time you stand up for yourself, it's really a nugget of self-improvement. He might learn from it too - sometimes jerks (for whatever his reasoning/justification is) need a wake up call (or two) for them to get that their behavior is not acceptable. And, if you're still interested, he might try to make it up to you. It's a win-win-win.

  7. #7
    top bloke
    Platinum Member top bloke's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Australia
    Age
    48
    Posts
    2,442
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    11
    If you dont really like this fellow then as above dont go out with him. I wouldnt want to have the company of people who act like that...so what is the point of accepting...ask yourself this question.

  8. #8
    goodkarma_1
    Bronze Member goodkarma_1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Sunny Cali!!
    Posts
    331
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by richpart [Register to see the link]
    Just a suggestion. If he does ask you out again, say no thanks, but don't make up an excuse that you have plans or whatever. Stand up for yourself and say "no thanks, you've cancelled on me twice. That's over my limit." Put him in his place, under no uncertain terms. Every time you stand up for yourself, it's really a nugget of self-improvement. He might learn from it too - sometimes jerks (for whatever his reasoning/justification is) need a wake up call (or two) for them to get that their behavior is not acceptable. And, if you're still interested, he might try to make it up to you. It's a win-win-win.
    hey richpart, thanks! That's good advice. I think i tend to be "too nice" because I don't want to come off as B and more so I don't want the guy to know I'm upset about it and think I cared about him or whatever. I guess bad on my part. Your right, I'll make it clear that he cancelled twice and no more. I hope he contacts me again lol :P

  9. #9
    goodkarma_1
    Bronze Member goodkarma_1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Sunny Cali!!
    Posts
    331
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by top bloke [Register to see the link]
    If you dont really like this fellow then as above dont go out with him. I wouldnt want to have the company of people who act like that...so what is the point of accepting...ask yourself this question.
    I don't dislike him, I just thought I'd try to get and see what happens. I've known him for months and we have fun together (but again we are in a group) so I thought id try going on a date and get to know each other outside of a crowd. I know there is no point in accepting, I see that now. I agree.

  10. #10
    BriarRose
    Platinum Member BriarRose's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    7,570
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    4
    Is usually because they are seeing others.

  11.  

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Top Threads
How do I broach this conversation?
So over Thanksgiving I reconnected with a man with whom I was very, very close from the end of high school through my junior year of college. Long
She introduced me to her parents so soon. Is this strange?
I met this girl online a few days ago. She invited me over and we did have sex. Her parents came home and she introduced me like I was already her
Feel so mad I want to laugh
So if you guys saw my post the other day, I slept with a manger at my work who used to be my manager and is also quite older than me. We'd been
BF just said:"guys will have sex with anything that moves"
Shocker. Last night when we were about to go to sleep, he said something like "yeah, if there is a hole, guys will slay it. Just have to try it ya
Timing for Dates
I was wondering what everyone's thoughts were on "last minute" date plans or tentative plans that aren't confirmed until last minute. I'm a planner
Married man at work flirting with me? Now he is not acknowledging me, confused
There is this really cute guy who works in my office hes 35 but he looks and acts like he is 25, i just found out today that he has kids, i did also
I fear my girlfriend is trying to disguise herself as being single
To keep this as compressed as I can, this woman was dating somebody in August who she was very into. (She made it clear on facebook pretty much every

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Tired of Being His Provider??
Okay so I found this site through Google. This seems like a pretty common topic and I suppose I just need to vent. My husband has been unemployed
Beautiful women who works at lush...
So there is this a girl who works at this place. I've been in there twice now and she is a stunner. Its one of those girls who you have to look twice
Being left for another man by my ex girlfriend
My and my ex gf broke up 7 months ago back in late April. We had bad fights and she stated she was unhappy. She then proceeded to have an active
Wondering?
Ok, I posted before about my situation but I would like to further talk. This woman I became involved with 3 years ago TOLD me she had feelings for
Break up Advice Needed
Hi all, I really need some advice on my recent break up with my girlfriend of almost five years. A few months ago I started to feel unhappy and
She's getting ready for marriage. She thinks that it is what I want. My fault.
So, I am pretty much in a difficult situation. I have been with a girl for the past 4 years. In these 4 years, after a while I realized she really
Venting - Advice...?
Hello, Im a 36 year old male, married with 3 kids. My wife and I are pretty much like roommates. There is zero sex life and its from both ends
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •