Has anyone ever been in a postion were they think they are okay and nothing is bothering them but sometimes still think about sucide and want to go through with it ? But that something is always stopping you from doing it ? Sometimes, I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up again. I just dont want to wake up anymore. Wake up to what. I have nothing to look forward to when I wake up. Really dont. Sometimes, in the back of my mind I think that i'm better of being dead then alive and I dont even know why I'm here anymore when i'm better of being dead then still hanging around. Still dont understand the reason. Why am I still here. To a point I really dont care who I hurt and who I dont. I've been hurt to many times to care about who or who I dont hurt.
I was on my meds a couple of weeks ago for only 3-4 days but I dont wanna take my meds bc I want to fight this off. I cant stop obbessing over small stuff. I just want to go somewhere far away and lock myself up in some sort of Pscyh Ward and not get out until I die. That's were I belong before I do something crazy. I hate this. I hate with what I have and cant get rid of it. Nothing ever gets better for me. It always gets worst. I'm not afraid to do this anymore. I was afraid but not anymore.