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Thread: Do most people feel guilty when they cheat?

  1. #1
    Apollo10
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    Do most people feel guilty when they cheat?

    Recently I learned that my long term girlfriend has been lying about cheating on me.. Fact is, she seems to rationalize it in her head as if she is separating herself from the act..Like each time it occurred she can press the reset button and, for her, it was like it never happened.

    Should I forgive her?
    She continues to lie about it to my face to the point where I think she believes the lie.

    Do ppl that cheat love the ones they are suppose to be committed to?

    Do most people feel guilty when they cheat?

    How can a cheater stop themself?

    Is it wrong to accuse when lacking proof but when there is also a strong 'gut' feeling?

    Should cheaters be dumped?

    Is it better to just come clean and save from guilt?

    Has anyone on this site been wrongfully accused of cheating?
    Cheating on someone you felt you had a future with?

    Any thoughts or opinions?

  2. #2
    indy123
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    Should I forgive her?
    Can you put it behind you and move on and not let it affect the future AT ALL.

    Do ppl that cheat love the ones they are suppose to be committed to?
    I cheated and i love my ex more than anything else in the world .

    Do most people feel guilty when they cheat?
    Not at the time but now hell yea!

    How can a cheater stop themself?
    By getting a massive wake up call and then realising you have been an idiot.

    Is it wrong to accuse when lacking proof but when there is also a strong 'gut' feeling?
    Not when there is past history and strong suspicion

    Should cheaters be dumped?
    Depends on the circumstances. Serial cheater or just a one off? Personally im a sucker when its comes to cheating and i try to forgive and forget.

    Has anyone on this site been wrongfully accused of cheating?
    Yes but often with good reason although they have been wrong.

    Cheating on someone you felt you had a future with?
    Yes and it was a seriously big mistake.

  3. #3
    shhh
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    Should I forgive her?
    She continues to lie about it to my face to the point where I think she believes the lie.
    -do both of you still want to be together?
    -is there proof that she did cheat other than hearsay?

    Do ppl that cheat love the ones they are suppose to be committed to?
    - i think they have a conflict with commitment

    Do most people feel guilty when they cheat?
    -probably when it sinks in them the impact of how much they hurt the other person

    How can a cheater stop themself?
    -maybe they're more suited for polyamorous relationship, but a few kicks in the face and realizing the value of their relationship they've put at stake.

    Is it wrong to accuse when lacking proof but when there is also a strong 'gut' feeling?
    -i would stay silent until the evidence shows up

    Should cheaters be dumped?
    -i wouldn't dump the so just because they bruised my ego. i would end the relationship if both dont see a relationship that would advance.

    Is it better to just come clean and save from guilt?
    -its better to be honest with themselves.

    Has anyone on this site been wrongfully accused of cheating?
    -yes

    Cheating on someone you felt you had a future with?
    -no

    Any thoughts or opinions?
    -a truth and a lie are both the same when believed.

  4. #4
    iBroken
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    Your girlfriend feels guilty - thats why she doesnt talk about it.

    check the forums at link removed - there is alot of useful articles in the forums and in the healing libraries

  5. #5
    Apollo10
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    All excellent replys..

    Problem is that she hasnt admitted to it..

    Right now that is what I need in order to move on. I cant work on forgiving her until she respects me to where she can say that she made a mistake. Hiding and lying is not making me feel any better about it.. In fact I think she may still be doing it..(small red flags and things that she says that dont feel right)...

    I have been true to her this whole time.

    How do you get the 'cheater' to feel comfortable to open up to cheatee?

    I need this or I am walking away.

    I deserve that much.

  6. #6
    SadAndy
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    Just a word of warning if I may. My now ex cheated on me for 6 months, 5 yrs ago and didn't stop until I found out. I went against all of my gut instincts and tried to forget about it but it never goes away. Once the trust has gone you're screwed.

    Anyway, she told me it had gone on for 'a couple of months' and it was only by thinking about a few things that she then admitted it was more like 6 months.

    She never wanted to talk about it. Was she ashamed? No it was simply inconvenient for her to deal with.
    Did she change? No, she waited for 2 years and then restarted it.

    The only change to come out of it the first time was that she simply became more devious in her ability to hide it.

    BEWARE!

  7. #7
    Iceman26
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    Should I forgive her?
    She continues to lie about it to my face to the point where I think she believes the lie.

    How can you forgive someone that won't admit to doing wrong?

    Do ppl that cheat love the ones they are suppose to be committed to?

    That is a broad question. Yes, I think people that cheat can love their partners, they only love themselves and what they are doing more than their partner.

    Do most people feel guilty when they cheat?

    That probably depends on how they feel about the partner they cheated on.

    How can a cheater stop themself?

    By recognizing the factors that made them cheat, seeking help/guidance for them so that they can avoid them in the future.

    Is it wrong to accuse when lacking proof but when there is also a strong 'gut' feeling?

    I would say it isn't very helpful to accuse anyone of anything until there is proof.

    Should cheaters be dumped?

    Depends on the cheater and the relationship, i.e. the factors involved, marriage, children, etc.

    Is it better to just come clean and save from guilt?

    Yes, but that is easier said than done.

    Any thoughts or opinions?

    Yes, get out of this relationship you are in and find someone that will treat you better.

  8. #8
    thesadgirl
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    Should I forgive her?
    I don't think so if she can continue to lie. I told my boyfriend the truth when I kissed someone else. A relationship must be founded on trust to succeed. If she can't be honest with you, she is not sorry she did it. Therefore she is not willing to accept she did wronge and change her behaviour. If she isn't sorry...then she is not sorry...

    Do ppl that cheat love the ones they are suppose to be committed to?

    It depends. I know I loved my boyfriend, but I did kiss someone which was a HUGE mistake.

    Do most people feel guilty when they cheat?
    I did. It ate me up for months until I just told him. He may break up with me over this...

    How can a cheater stop themself?
    Yes.

    Is it wrong to accuse when lacking proof but when there is also a strong 'gut' feeling?
    No. Gut feelings are the Real thing. Don't try to push those aside.

    Should cheaters be dumped?
    Yes.

    Is it better to just come clean and save from guilt?
    Well...I came clean for two resons. One, I felt guily. Two, I see my man as the one I will be with all my life, my ideal relationship consists of zero lying. I wanted to be completely honest with him so that he can decide what he wants to do. It's not my place to choose here. I made the mistake.

    Has anyone on this site been wrongfully accused of cheating?
    No.

    Cheating on someone you felt you had a future with?
    As you know, I did

    Any thoughts or opinions?[/QUOTE]

  9. #9
    happygal
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    check out the forum at link removed

  10. #10
    arcadefire
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    My advice, if you really want her to fess up, is to come with hard concrete evidence of her cheating on you. Catching her red handed is the only way some people will come out and flat out admit to it. Then you realize just how disgusting they were with their lies and deceit towards you.

    This relationship is not worth saving. She threw it away the minute she cheated on you.

  11.  

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