Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11

Thread: Girlfriend has a lot of emotional baggage

  1. #1
    ronsmith
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    18

    Girlfriend has a lot of emotional baggage

    A girl I've been dating exclusively for 8 months pretty much dropped a bomb on me today. She started talking about an ex, a forbidden love, she had a relationship with her much older teacher when she was still a minor, and she started crying, I'm assuming because she's still in love with the teacher. Now I just want to know whether this is a good reason for breaking up with her in your minds. She also said that this professor was better in bed than I was (I asked her though).

  2. #2
    Mauxly
    Platinum Member Mauxly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    2,025
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    4
    Quote Originally Posted by ronsmith [Register to see the link]
    She also said that this professor was better in bed than I was (I asked her though).
    Yikes!! Don't ever ask that question again. And in this case I believe a white lie would have been appropriate. How do you recover from that?

    Nearly everyone has baggage, emotional trauma that you will have to deal with if you love them enough. The question is, do you really love her? Are there things about her that override this, make it worth some of the work you may both have to put into overcoming this?

    If you are looking for a perfect person, with a squeaky clean past, you'll be looking for a long time. Heck, we can't even find a presidential candidate that fits the bill. If over the last half century an entire nation hasn't been able to find a leader who hasn't made some huge blunders in the past, it's hardly likely that you'll find that woman.

    But there are a few things we need to know before we can answer this. How old are you guys? How long ago was the relationship? Why do you think she is still in love with him? Exactly how old was she when it happened?
    Last edited by Mauxly; 04-30-2010 at 01:39 AM. Reason: Because I missed a detail in the original post, asked a question that had been answered.

  3. #3
    misssmithviii
    Platinum Member misssmithviii's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Southern CA
    Age
    25
    Posts
    1,850
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    133
    Whoa whoa, that's quite traumatic to your relationship to feel inadequate/incompetent compared to some other guy (the professor).

    I cried when I spoke of my ex to my man a long time ago bc I had a bloody split lip and my man had literally saved me from the ex.
    Not because I was overcome by emotions from what should be the past.

    I would be greatly concerned if my man cried over talking about an ex; it'd make me question why he hadn't resolved this emotionally already.

    How long ago was her relationship with her professor?

  4. #4
    misssmithviii
    Platinum Member misssmithviii's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Southern CA
    Age
    25
    Posts
    1,850
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    133
    Ok I re-read your post... ok so you've been together for 8 months, she was with a pedophile who she says is better than you sexually, and still cries about her "forbidden love" with him, as opposed to crying about how an older man got involved with her (rape trauma etc etc).

    Hmmmm... sounds like she's got some unresolved issues that I personally would be weirder out by. It's your decision to break it off if you want, but either way I'd be concerned of her state of mind...

  5. #5
    emma34
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    1,435
    If u r weirded out by it and don't feel its worth working on then ya I'd say u could break up with her. Sounds like she is not over what happened, and that is really inappropriate what she said about how he's better in bed.. Geez..

  6. #6
    ronsmith
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    18
    main things that bother me is that she was with a pedophile, she knows this, and she actually really liked him.

    It just makes me feel that she is really perverse and ionno, immoral. And she has a lot of other problems too.

    The only thing is that we are living together and I can't afford to live by myself right now (we split the cost). I'm almost trapped in this living situation (signed a 12 month lease)

  7. #7
    misssmithviii
    Platinum Member misssmithviii's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Southern CA
    Age
    25
    Posts
    1,850
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    133
    :\ Being trapped in a financial living situation is really difficult... perhaps talk to a friend, a guy you trust who shows great work-ethic so you know you won't be stuck - have him take her place if you're really this uncomfortable with her now (which, I would be too!).

  8. #8
    mmmd
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    246
    this is bad news.

    find a way to bail.

    sorry dude.

  9. #9
    Cardinal
    Gold Member Cardinal's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Houston
    Posts
    1,276
    Gender
    Male
    She trusts you enough to tell you something like that about her past.

    She also trusts you well enough to answer honestly. There are many men who will be better in bed than you are, and many who will be much worse. Big deal.
    Remember that she didn't have to tell you any of it. And there is also little reason to get caught up in her emotional baggage.

    Assumptions will make an ass out of both of you.

    Impact on your current relationship is not clear without time and further discussion.

    I take it you might have other reasons for wanting to break up and move out? The two things you mentioned in isolation wouldn't be enough for me. That she "she has a lot of other problems" may not bode too well though. Depends if you want to deal with all that or simply cut bait. We are all messed up in some ways. Some people are just more messed up than others and pose big risks.
    Last edited by Cardinal; 05-01-2010 at 11:33 PM.

  10. #10
    Juxtapoz
    Silver Member Juxtapoz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    303
    Gender
    Female
    I'm with Cardinal on this one. Plus I think it's a bit unfair to just break up with her because of her past. If it's still resonating within the present, then obviously she's having some issues she wants to address, and maybe she thinks turning to you (her boyfriend and possibly a support system as well) might help her resolve these feelings. It's easy to think, oh how can you feel good about someone considerably older than you who *probably* took advantage of you at such a young age? Sounds like a complicated situation that deserves more shed light before making any assumptions.

    Do you love this girl? If you do, you'll find a way to accept this thing about her, communicate, and know her more. Otherwise you can cut your losses now, find some other perfect girl until she shows you something you deem unattractive or "immoral", then find yourself right back in the same place.

  11.  

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Top Threads
Need advice
Hello everyone, I am engaged, and about to get married this year. I absolutely love my fiancÚ, he is a great guy. However we have certain
Ladies& Gents, Desperately need advice: Girlfriend was pregnant with married man
I've been together with my girlfriend for over half a year now. i really like her and the day we got together was the happiest i've been for a long
Broke up as he's confused feelings for ex
I met someone a year ago we began speaking and seeing each other all the time .Daily messages . He'd been split from his ex for a year. She had
Point of no return?
Hiya, Thanks for all the information it's awesome! I'm in a web of confusion at the moment. I stopped my five year relationship myself a year ago and
He Ate My Tea!
Yeah, so you know when you're really looking forward to something nice for your tea...? So, my SO came up to me and asked which of the packs in his
"Almost Boyfriend" went to cousins wedding with other girl, not me..
Hey everyone, so I've been dating this guy, lets call him Gabe for 1 month now. We've gone on more 5+ dates and have hung out almost every other
Seeking Advice on Relationship Conflict/Lying
Hi there, this is my first time posting to a relationship forum but I guess I'm seeking the clarity/insight I need to move forward with my

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Whatever Happened to.....
Hey there, Does anyone know whatever happened to ENA old timers Brownstone, TiredTiger, SuperDave, mhowe, John Galt, Shane Falco, etc? I'd be
I Need Urgent Help With This, Please!!!
Sorry this is long, just want to explain the whole thing. I've been dating a guy for about 3 weeks. The first two weeks we hung out as "friends"
Being a "little man"
So I've been carrying this chip on my shoulder that has been a hindrance to my self confidence that I wanna get rid of. I'm 5'6, with hands and feet
So we broke up, but while I was breaking up with him his phone rang...
So I broke up with this guy who I thought was absolutely wonderful and trying to support as he was going through so much, divorce, business
No contact rule to get ex back.
So ive used the no contact rule to get my ex of 2 years back one other time after we had a short break. Our relationship only allowed us to see each
Am I being too harsh or a push over?
First post so here goes feel like I don't have anyone to turn to about this. Been in a relationship for about 6 years now all has been great for
You find love when you stop looking ??
I don't know how many times I've heard this expression. What do the people of ENA think of this statement? I get pretty annoyed when somebody
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •