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Thread: BF Wants to Take Long Weekend Trip with Female Friend

  1. #21
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    I think he used an email because in his mind it's no big deal and apparently she talks to him at work via Google Chat (My company blocks google chat so no dice for me...)

    What really bothers me is that I asked him how he would feel if I went out of the country with a male friend, and he said he would be perfectly fine with it. Whatever makes me happy. But a part of me feels that he only says this because I have never done such a thing...because it is INAPPROPRIATE in my mind to even suggest/plan such a thing. But it boggles my mind that he so readily says he is ok with these. He even said that he does not have a single jealousy streak as long as it's with a friend and not just some random guy.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Miss Firecracker's Avatar
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    This man knows right from wrong, and he is choosing to hurt you. She is in his heart. Please don't stand in the way. Let him go. You can surely do better.

  3. #23

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    Wait a minute...

    Let me make sure I've got this. A married friend who happens to be a girl asked her friend she's known ostensibly forever to join her for a few days in Spain.

    ...So what?

    Darlin, he could cheat on you in your house, in your bed. He doesn't have to go anywhere to break your trust. I know a lot of uh, PEOPLE, here are telling you that it's okay to feel how you feel, that it's "normal" and "understandable"

    Well, I'm not. How you're feeling is not right. Just because it's normal doesn't mean it's right, IF you truly trust your boyfriend. If you believe in your heart that he's a person who will uphold the trust you've placed (And, I certainly hope you have put trust in him after so long together) in him, then he could go to the corner market or Spain or the Klingon homeworld with this girl or ANYONE, and you'd be fine.

    All you're doing is putting a choke collar on your boyfriend for no legitimate reason and guaranteeing that he'll internalize the fact that he can't be honest with you, can't share things with you because you'll turn into Girlfriend-zilla. Then he'll grow to resent you because he can't be honest with you, and then he really will cheat, or just bounce and leave you wondering what happened when you're posting in the Healing after Break Up forum.

    So, to review, OP, if you trust him, then shut up and TRUST him. Let him KNOW you trust him. If you don't, then this trip and this girl aren't the problems in your relationship and you'll need to look a hell of a lot deeper to find out what they are and if they can be solved.

    Hope this helps.
    Last edited by hexaemeron; 04-29-2010 at 06:56 AM.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Crazyaboutdogs's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Miss Firecracker
    This man knows right from wrong, and he is choosing to hurt you. She is in his heart. Please don't stand in the way. Let him go. You can surely do better.
    I agree. This woman's marriage is on the rocks and she is putting the moves on your boyfriend. Doesn't she have any female friends she can invite on this free trip...why choose him thus leaving you out in the cold. This woman is out to destroy your relationship and your bf seems to be more interested in her feelings than yours. While he may be thinking "oh goody, I get a free trip" the stage is being set for the possibility of cheating. Sure they can cheat anywhere...but a weekend getaway really does set the mood. He can't go away with you but he is happy enough to go away with her. I suspect if he had to pay his own way he might not be as eager to go...and that still says a lot about him...that he will choose a free vacation with someone who clearly doesn't care that he has a girlfriend, over his girlfriend's comfort level.

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  6. #25
    Bronze Member Unity's Avatar
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    Honey I think your relationship is done. He's acting like a child about the whole thing, like you're his mommy who won't let him have a playdate. He should have put a stop to this whole thing right from the start.

    I would like to address an above comment: of course, he could cheat on her at home, in normal surroundings. The point is that it would be much harder for him to do that than when he's sharing a room(!!) with someone in a foreign country. Trust isn't the issue here. It's simply a matter of respect.

    That kind of behavior is unacceptable.

  7. #26

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    I can completely understand how you’re feeling. And it wasn’t really appropriate for him to go to her, like a child, and complain about “you” not being comfortable with the idea. In all honestly, he’s twisting everything around to even hopefully get you to agree to his terms… I’m appalled that he doesn’t see anything wrong with this idea and shows neither concern nor respect to your opinions about it.

    Now I don’t agree with the poster who says you’re out of line to be feeling jealous and insecure about the ordeal. Unfaithfulness doesn’t seem like the only concern, and her boyfriend may not be the only reason she’s concerned. Take into consideration that this woman is in a marriage (even if it’s on the rocks), in all honesty why isn’t she taking her husband and trying to save their marriage instead of your boyfriend? Or even a female friend to just relax with and not have “another” man in her life when she needs to work on her “men” issues anyways?

    When people go onto vacations like these, they figure what happens there, stays there. It’s really hard for the partner back at home to know if anything did happen, because obviously, they don’t have that chance of finding any evidence… I honestly believe with what Crazyaboutdogs had just said, his behavior is showing a lot of different things about him that I would be uncomfortable with.

    In all honestly, I would try to write out some things/organize my thoughts together and talk to him. Be honest about what you’ve told us here. Perhaps, you two really need to start questioning some significant ideas you have in order to keep your relationship together, or decide if you’d rather not continue it.

  8. #27
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    I am completely in favor of couples having close friends of the opposite sex, spending time with them, etc. but, no, not overnight in the same room, unless it was a true emergency.

    She's not being supportive of your relationship by wanting him to go, knowing you are uncomfortable with it. That's my personal standard for drawing the line between acceptable and unacceptable friends of the opposite sex. (and same sex too but with the opposite sex, the "unsupportive" can easily lead to a playing with fire situation).

    Sure he could cheat on you anywhere but I think committed couples should not play with fire and put themselves deliberately in situations where the other person is going to get strong mixed signals, like in this case, especially since she's in such a vulnerable situation.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Miss Firecracker's Avatar
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    Gosh, I wonder why her marriage is in trouble. Pathetic woman!

  10. #29

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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I am completely in favor of couples having close friends of the opposite sex, spending time with them, etc. but, no, not overnight in the same room, unless it was a true emergency.

    She's not being supportive of your relationship by wanting him to go, knowing you are uncomfortable with it. That's my personal standard for drawing the line between acceptable and unacceptable friends of the opposite sex. (and same sex too but with the opposite sex, the "unsupportive" can easily lead to a playing with fire situation).

    Sure he could cheat on you anywhere but I think committed couples should not play with fire and put themselves deliberately in situations where the other person is going to get strong mixed signals, like in this case, especially since she's in such a vulnerable situation.
    Then you are essentially admitting that marriage is a prison. You put a ring on my finger and I promise to police you, watch your every move, refuse to trust you even though I say I do, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, for as long as we both shall live.

    "Those who surrender freedom for security will not have, nor do they deserve, either one."
    Thomas Jefferson

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Miss Firecracker's Avatar
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    If you think of marriage as a prison, then you should never get married. Some people just simply are not meant to be married.

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