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Thread: BF Wants to Take Long Weekend Trip with Female Friend

  1. #11
    Platinum Member arcadefire's Avatar
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    Your reaction is completely normal! I would hate to hear my bf even ask me about this sort of trip.

    I see two things wrong about this situation. One is that your bf should really be thinking about doing this sort of trip with you, not his friend who is a girl, and lack of funds shouldn't be an excuse. Second, his friend's reaction about how you are insecure or jealous is absurd. If she is a mature and respectful friend, she would have definitely not have insulted your relationship with your bf - it's none of her business butting into it like this.

    If I were you, I'd definitely consider why you are in a relationship with him, since he clearly doesn't respect your values or your special relationship with him.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by sophie274
    I think it's very inappropriate for him to talk to her about how he wants to come but you are objecting, and for her to be egging him on as you say. I think it is disrespectful towards you for him to be demonizing you like that to his friend.
    I have brought this up to him too. I said it really bothers me that you are telling her that I am the one objecting to the trip and he seemed confused why he shouldn't "well, you are the reason why I can't go. I already told her I was happy going". Ugh....I hate feeling like he can tell her anything about me and somehow she became the "victim" in this situation because I gypped her out of a trip companion. I think throughout this whole situation, he sees absolutely nothing wrong with his behaviors. In fact he is harboring resentment towards me for questioning his faithfulness.

  3. #13
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    Hell no. Even if he is not cheating and doesn't intend to cheat - it is not appropriate for two involved people to spend a weekend together in the same room. The fact that he is defending her over you is a BIG RED FLAG. My ex would do similar things (no weekend long trips, but a LOT of "defending" other girls who he says doesn't mean much to him) and although it was not cheating, it was definitely not an act of being faithful. He is not single and neither is his friend. He can't have his cake and eat it too.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by DN
    Careful that you don't get your way and then dump him. That would not be fair at all.
    What do you mean?

    Nevermind, I got it.
    Well I think nothing is going to happen right away but however we resolve it, I know there is always going to be a wedge between us because of this so called trust issue that he thinks I have and this "inappropriateness" issue that I think he has. I don't think we are ever gonna get over the hurdle which makes me feel like there is no future....but no, I don't think I can decide to just leave like this. After all, I so fervently believed that he is the one for me. Of course only time can prove that statement right or wrong.

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  6. #15

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    Is it not indicative of his regard for you that despite not seeing anything wrong in going on this trip with his friend (which I agree with you is not appropriate) he has dropped the idea even if grudgingly?

  7. #16
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    This whole situation is 100% inappropriate in every way, and your bf is 100% in the wrong here for even entertaining the idea of going on this vacation. You should make it real simple for him and tell him that its up to him if he wants to go on the trip with her, but if he does go not to expect you to be there when he gets back.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member arcadefire's Avatar
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    I'm worried that since your bf doesn't believe he's doing anything wrong at all that he will resent you for not letting him go on this trip, which could be an issue in the future of your relationship with him.

  9. #18
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    Have any male friends that will lavish you with a fancy trip? Seems to me that things would be particularly different had the shoe been on the other foot. Ask him how he would feel had YOU be going on a trip with a male friend, without him. I wouldn't expect him to be okay with it, but since he gets the goodies you should be okay with it. This is a huge no, no, and if you don't agree with it (like a normal person) then do not stand for it.
    I don't always react with the "best" come backs so I'm not hinting what you should do, but let me tell you something ... had I been you, and his friend asked what my deal was, and why I was acting jealous, I would be giving that woman a call or a person to person visit. She must be as blind as he is about the whole thing.
    I can understand them two being friends, it's fine for guys to have girls as friends and vice versa. However, going on a trip with one especially cross country is not so great. It's for her work, maybe if he had the same job, or was on the same mission I would say it would possibly be okay. But he is going for leisure and leisure only, no business. This would be perfectly fine had he been single, but he is in a committed relationship with you making this unacceptable.

    If my boyfriend ever decided to pull this stunt, I would tell him exactly how I felt. I would tell him hell no I do NOT agree, and if he plans on staying with me he should probably consider declining her over friendly invitation. Besides your feelings should come first most of all. If this is something that's going to hurt you, and bother you, he should take that into consideration. What really gets me is the girls response when she says "if something were to happen, it would have happened already." Hmm ... I wonder what she thinks after their dining alone, and spending a few days by themselves with just the two of them, and going to bed in the same room. Sounds like she is looking for a rebound to help get over her own marital issues. I wouldn't trust her, but that's just me.

    Last but not least what is an email? Could he not ask you in person, or bring it up in person first? Why start with an email, why not go to your face and tell you first. That really boggles my mind.
    Last edited by KeepMe; 04-29-2010 at 02:37 AM.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by arcadefire
    I'm worried that since your bf doesn't believe he's doing anything wrong at all that he will resent you for not letting him go on this trip, which could be an issue in the future of your relationship with him.
    He definitely has already. He may not tell me when he is completely sober but after a few drinks tonight he brought it up.
    I think this is going to be an issue, even though like DN said, after all he did consider my feelings and decides not to go, but there is always going to be a problem in the future, whenever this kind of...opportunities....arise again for his consideration.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member misssmithviii's Avatar
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    Sounds more like he's interested in a relationship with her rather than you...
    I agree that you should let him do as he pleases, tell him it's up to him but to leave him either which way because in all honesty, whether he goes or not - his actions leading up to this point are ridiculous! He's defending this chick, diminishing your feelings, disrespecting you (which is incredibly intolerable in my relationship), and is more adamant about his relationship with her than he is about his relationship with you.

    There is no respect for boundaries on his part here; I'm sorry but that's not a compatible trait.
    Plus, you have been wanting to go on a trip with him for awhile now and he chooses some girl over you? That's how I look at it. It's not like they're hanging out with some friends, it's not like they eat their lunch in the lounge at work together or anything it's spending some serious, quality time together in the same room, accross the world and there's supposed to be no romantic undertones? Yeah right.

    Even so, what he's doing is non-negoitiable in my book. He's disregarding YOU, disrespecting YOU and ridiculing YOU to this other chick. You need to stand up for yourself and not put up with that. Whether he goes or not, once again - his attitude is in the wrong place. His initial willingness IMO is already a huge red flag.

    If you take anything from what I've said I hope it's that you respect yourself.

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