~Need to move on now~

ok i was in the getting back together forum....

hoping that we would get back together, we was together 3 years and had our ups and downs but always worked them out. Anyways turned out he didnt love me anymore and left me.

he recently told me that he met someone but was upset becuase he found something out about her that made him want to cry and that he hates women.

turns out she was married cheating on her husband and got pregnant and had an abortion, all this in like 2 weeks of seeing him, so he says...i have a feeling it had been going on alot longer than this...mayb before he left me and hense the reason he left, i asked him about this and he never answerd me, and so now i am thinking yes he was and he wont tell me the truth for whatever reason...

i am hurt by all this, i did nothing but support love respect and cherrish this man, together 3 years to just leave me and get invloved with a married women and even worse get her pregnant, eventho he told me he didnt want children or marrage until he was at least 30, hes 26 atm.

i now know i do not want this man back in my life, but at same time i am still very hurt by all this, i dont know how to get over the fact that he has done this. And i know you all will say he isnt with you he never did anything wrong, but it doesnt feel that way to me, it feels like he had little respect for me to just go with someone else that quick and sleep with them that quick, when i have not even gone on a date yet...

please help any advise to get over this, i dont want him back anymore so thats not the problem its the healing from the hurt, trying not to think about it and to let go move on, how do i do that when i am so hurt by the things that have happened, i feel like our 3 years together meant nothing....and he doesnt even think about me anymore i dont even exist...

i txt him and said i was shocked i never said i was upset as i didnt want to look sad and pathetic to him, i said i was shocked he had moved on and with someone else. he replyed with

' not exactly moved on once you love some1 you never stop loving them just do it in a diff

way'

i am also upset as we was texting as friends and he just sprung this on me...here is the convo we had below... i was happy we was talking and was kinda getting used to the fact we was just going to be friends now, but now i dont think i can even talk to him again...heres the txts below:

Me @08:19

u stuck in s.africa?

me @ 09:12

sorry i didnt txt u bck the other week been busy. yes it was nice being in touch

without being mean. im glad ur doing that course. i went to thorpe park the other

day reminded me when u fell off the vortex haha x

him @ 12:56

thats ok how was thorpe park then i havnt been since we went lol x

me @ 13:34

its was ok 8 of us went. i went in that saw maze oh god neva again they have live

actors grab you and everything ive neva been so scared.the saw rollarcoaster was

gud tho, hoping to go again 23rd may peter andre is going to be there x

him @ 14:01

peter andre eh lol so was the saw attraction quite good then sounds scary lol x

me @ 16:16

yeh was pretty scary that maze i thught it was going 2 be stupid but it scared me lol

not been able to sleep it freaked me out, they propper chase u grab u and shout in ur face. so

how have you been? hows the course going? x

him @ 16:36

the course is really intense. we have constant assessments its quite stressful lol

missing home tho. only have 2 weeks remainging thankfully what you up 2 ? x

me @ 16:51

aww well it will all be worth it. 2 weeks isnt 2 long. ive been working just finnished

now, on way home might go swimming later. im now a full member use the gym nd pool its

great x

him @ 17:01

aw thats cool how much is that costing ya then gyms are usually expensive x

me @ 17:06

£35 a mth i got discount for being nhs staff. its usually £40. its worth it tho i feel

so much better. we shud have gone together i actually enjoy it. neva mind.

so whats your plans when you get back, have you got work? i know how much u was stressing

about it, im glad course is going ok x

him @ 17:58

no work yet. i met somebody 2 weeks b4 i came out here and i found something out about her

that makes me want to cry i * * * * ing hate women

me @ 18:07

oh ok thanks never realised u moved on so quick. hope it works out for u. im sure whatever

it is isnt that bad

me @ 18:42

what have you found out that makes u want to cry?

me @ 18:46

and well u have moved on ur with some1 else u only broke up with me end of jan. ive not

even gone on a date ive put them off. i didnt think it wud bother me but we was

2getha ages and u can just go with sum1 that quick, im shocked thats all

him @ 18:37

not exactly moved on once you love some1 you never stop loving them just do it in a diff

way

him @ 18:50

its been 4 months (my name)

she was married

she cheated on her husband

got preg and had a termination

me @ 18:51

nice

him @ 18:53

yeah

me @ 18:54

is it that anna?

him @ 18:55

no

me @ 18:56

well good luck with that. i hope everything works out for you x

him @ 19:25

thanks (my name) i think its over anyway

me @ 19:29

i am truelly sorry to hearw hat happened. were not all like that

(his name) so dont give up hope x

me @ 21:26

you should be relieved she doesnt sound like the most honest person and u

didnt want children till yoiu was 30?

him @ 21:29

going to bed (my name) got an early start im an hour ahead night

oh ps, he broke up with me end of jan, so this is very quick in my eyes, how do i get this out my head and move on now, please help... thanks ](*,)

it is just all confusing right now, and i am hurt he even thought it was a good idea to tell me, i wasnt ready for that at all and i wasnt expecting that, i didnt even ask if he was with somebody so what ever possessed him to tell me is beyound me

will he ever regret this and feel guilty about the way he has treated me, will he miss me knowing i never once in the whole time lied or deceived him and this women did it in a mear short time of 2 weeks............

does he not see what he gave up...

basically had a winner and chased the skriller...........had a diamond and opted for stones, thought grass was greener but actually full of * * * * ...

i will never understand this.....

i txt him this yesterday and he never answerd, i just wanted answers for closure but i guess he dont feel bad or guilty and i will never get my answerd i so desperatly wanted to then let go

heres what i sent.....

u left me 19th jan so it hasnt been 4 mths yet. i wud just like a bit of truth from u, u was seeing anna b4 u left me wernt u? it just all makes sense now how u were acting towards me. i dnt want a row but wud be nice if 4 once i was told the truth thats all, u owe me that at least i was good to you. im not sure what went through ur mind leaving a perfedctly decent women and a bright future for married women who has pretty much done u over in a short space of time, i was pretty sure u had more self respect and higher morals than that, i feel bad for you...who was it u confinded in bout it...yes me..funny that eh. its horrible how things have turned out but im not bitter becoz i know i deserve better. i do hope your ok tho... its not nice being hurt makes u stronger tho..

i sent this yesterday and like 4pm and he never answerd, i feel hurt he was texting as friends almost like he was bigging me up seeming interested in what i had been up to, to then bring me down and tell me my worse fear, why do men do this???? did i not mean anything at all, did he not think this would hurt me???

i dot get what he was trying to achieve with this

i do not like him very much anymore................i want to erase the past and i wish i never let him be in my life because now i just feel so messed up...

Is this the case of the grass is greener syndrome??????????

I crymeout, ive been following up alot on your threads. My by left me about the same time you did and i am just as much devastated. i cry my eyes out. maybe i am lucky my bf does not reply to my txts although it kills me inside because we both still love each other. I will not give you any hope becuase that is not what we both need right now. instead we need to shift that energy of love onto ourselves.

You need to have goals for yourself. Dont look so much into the future becuase if your like me, i do it and to think of myself alone without my ex brings me to tears still. yes even after 4 months. and looking back at the memories we had does just as much damage. Just live for today and surround yourself with people. Also id advice you not pushing it anymore. If he msgs you just reply. maybe bluntly but friendly and seldomly. He might get the picture because i fear he is now friendzoning you and if you want him back, this is not the place to go.

I hope all works out! Keep your head up =)

i do not want this guy back you got me wrong...but thanks hun

i want to move on, i am just having a hard time taking all this recent news in and trying to make sense of it in my head, and since he wont tell me the whole truth i feel stuck and confussed...........

too much has happened for me to take him back now, even if he came begging and pleading, hes destroyed any chance of ever having me in his life...........i do not look at him the same way, i thought he had more respect than that, i do not even like this person anymore....

but thats not saying i am not still hurt, i am and i am trying to heal hense being on the healing threads, any help would be greatly appreciated...

Sory i get you now. Well i think you got your point accross to him that you are very hurt and i think he is being quite selfish by telling you about him getting with someone else. Id still stick with not replying and whn your wounds are healed, you should call the shots as to when you will consider being friends with him.

It sucks feeling this way but i keep this quote in my head when im down, "dont make somebody your priority, when all you are to them is an option"

Not sure im much help as this is all new to me still

thanks hun yes he is being very selfish and hiding the reasons i want answerd for whatever reason. i think this is cruel i totally see him in a different light now, which is good i feel as i can forget with the hoping of one day working things out, as now i could NEVER have him back knowing what hes done........

its unforgivible to me.....

i still have him on hotmail i am wondering if i should take him off, i kept him on so he can see my pics and updates that i have been getting on with my life and that i am not at home every night crying about him.

i must repeat i do not want him back, and i am not usually a revengeful person but there is part of me that wants him to regret what hes done to feel bad and to realise what a great thing he gave up......

a loyal loving caring partner is had to find, and the grass isnt always greener aye? so he has found out.....

i think that what hurts the most is after all that time together he can not find it in his heart to wish me well like i did him, to say sorry for all the wrong hes done me, to admit hes been an arse. to accept how he treated me was unforgivible.............

i guess i will never see the day when that will happen.........

hi crymeout,

i've been following your previous threads since the original heartbreak and i'm sorry that this most recent news has effected you so profoundly.

in respect to your ex sending you this message.... yes... it was very untactful, but perhaps he never meant to do it to hurt you more. having read what you wrote about you keeping you on your hotmail - showing you going out and having fun, moving on and living life.... perhaps when you reached out with the happy birthday text - he thought you had fully moved on, so he wrote this to you, as a friend. yes, again, it was a crappy move on his part... but i don't think he genuinely meant to cause you harm - he just didn't think. OR if he was thinking, he just wanted to reinforce that you both are moving on now... just like your pics confirmed you were happy living life, he wanted to let you know he was moving on and living life too.

you will never have all the answers you want in respect to your breakup and the reasons behind it. trust me, my ex has given me all the answers to all the questions i asked, but each day i come up with more.

i've been so stalled in my healing when i keep asking myself why, so i've decided to stop asking why and truly move on in my heart. i think this is what you need to do too... stop asking why, stop thinking revenge and just stop thinking about him..... this is the best thing you can do for yourself.

feel better in your healing... big hugs to you....

will he ever regret this and feel guilty about the way he has treated me, will he miss me knowing i never once in the whole time lied or deceived him and this women did it in a mear short time of 2 weeks............

 

does he not see what he gave up...

 

NO! Not if you keep telling him you're truly sorry about what he's been going through. Why should you be sorry for him? It's his causing! And wishing him well?? Don't bother to show respect to someone who doesn't return it and worse, who tells you things no one wants to hear. He hasn't given up anything because he knows you'll still respond if he gets in contact. It's ok for you to feel unbelievably angry at him. it'd be odd if you didn't. This guy shouldn't be let off the hook. Have a backbone and cut him out COMPLETELY. No facebook, no messenger, no hotmail. No he hasn't cheated, but I think it was completely tactless of him to tell you about who he was seeing and the abortion etc. He must've known that'd hurt. Whether or not he ever feels regret, I don't know. Perhaps he feels he did the right thing, but I know if he is to feel regret, it won't happen whilst you're still in the picture. Do yourself a favour, you don't wanna know what's happening in his life.

i txt him this yesterday and he never answerd, i just wanted answers for closure but i guess he dont feel bad or guilty and i will never get my answerd i so desperatly wanted to then let go

 

...

Leslie, you need to stop texting him. He's not going to give you the closure you think you need from him. It needs to come from within.

Will he regret what he's done? I think the more you send him dramatic texts, the more relieved he'll feel to not be with you. I'm just being honest. I'm so sorry for the way he's gone about this, but let's look at what he's done to you. He broke up, didn't contact you much, and then told you about his other relationship after you. Hon, I know this hurts, but what he did was to hurt you by rejecting your love. This is going to happen ANYTIME someone you love ends the relationship. So I don't think there is any need to continually vilify him because he ended the relationship.

Now, him telling you about the new relationship ... I can understand why that's disturbing and upsetting to you. But I think you also need to understand that you are not his gf anymore. See how he said, "Hey, it's been four months." It's like he's trying to be your friend and chat you up about his life when you can't do that. Sweetheart, you can't be his friend.

So, you are not his gf. You can't be his friend. Where are you now? I think you need to realize that you are a woman who is working to be whole and he has no part in your life anymore. That means you don't need answers from him - which may or may not be the truth anyways. I'm really going to encourage you to get into some therapy. This breakup isn't just about him. It's about all this hope you are pinning on men to love you and validate you and tell you are a loyal and lovable person, which simply is not true. You need to look at your relationship pattern with men as experience and lessons to help you grow rather than where you are now: "why do men do men hurt me when I do unhealthy things?" Ok, hon?

I agree with Ms. Darcy. I know it's difficult to move on without feeling some amount of closure from him, but that's exactly what you have to do. Relationships don't often end cleanly. They don't end with a long discussion about what went wrong and exactly when affairs began or feelings stopped. And while it's nice to think that he owes you an explanation of exactly what happened, he no longer does. You're not together anymore.

thanks guys

i will let this go now i have deleted his number and taken him off hotmail, he never answerd the last txt and i wont be txting again, i have made the choice even if for any reason he contacts me i wont be answering anymore....

i dont agree with the I NEED THERAPY bit, i am not unstable on my own, i do not NEED i man, i was with him a long time and had a lot of things to go through being with a marine it wasnt easy, id never date one again lol

i am just having a hard time dealing with him being with someone else and getting her pregnant and the fact shes married, its not like him at all, well its not like the guy i met,

he just isnt that guy anymore and i feel differently towards him, i no longer want him to come back and i no longer want to try work things out if he did, i dont want this man in my life.

i guess i just wanted him to feel hurt like i have been thats all, but why even waste any energy on that either. i am well and truelly letting him go in more ways than one, hes gone.........

Crymeout--if you genuinely don't want him in your life, stop texting him.

Three years seems like a long time right now, but a year from now it will seem like only a small blip. You are very young and have the rest of your life ahead of you. You will meet a better man, and the sooner you get over this guy the sooner you will do that.

You can't control how this guy feels or whether he replies. The only thing you *can* control is yourself. So keep your dignity and--I am going to say this again--cut this guy out of your life. There is nothing to be gained from sending him happy birthday messages and whatnot except pain.

Be brave.

thanks hun i have stopped with the txting and taken him off hotmail altho i am still in his network??? i am not sure why? i thought once u delete someone from your network u automaticly come off theirs too.

oh well i have come to the conclusion that he is a TOTAL ARSE, and i am better off without him, i am looking forwards to dating now and meeting new people, i now feel ready to give this a try. so i guess him telling me what he did really helped me in a way.

its changed how i feel about him, yeh i still miss him and love him but i have no desire to be with him ever again, his actions disgust me and i am ashamed of him, i feel he has lowered his standards and well i guess he has realised all too well the grass isnt greener at all, its full of * * * * ...and well hes made his bed now and he can lay in it....

im gone

Good. I guess I'm kind of glad you broke NC--it showed you what a jerk he was.

I always had the feeling he didn't respect you, and took you for granted--and when you said his Hotmail said "in a relationship" I guessed he was probably rebounding and sleeping with someone else. I kept reading your threads wanting to reconcile and wondering why someone as sweet and devoted as you would go back to a jerk. I figured you deserved better.

Now yes, let him lie in his bed with his loser married girlfriend--and you move on.

want to move one, i cant seem to meet anybody that i like, like really like

and the ones that i seems to like mayb a little and that i could build on that are not interested in me.

i feel so rejected how do i meet a guy and find that spark again ????

i get asked out on dates but not by the guys i want to date, this is really upsetting...

and it annoys me that its easier for him to meet someone that he likes as he already has, than for me to meet someone, it all seems so unfair...

and it annoys me that its easier for him to meet someone that he likes as he already has, than for me to meet someone, it all seems so unfair...

 

That's because you have standards--whereas he went dumpster diving, and ended up with a married woman who aborted his baby. How much more disgusting can it get than that?

 

You haven't done that, because you respect yourself too much, and deserve better, and have something better in store for you.

 

You will meet someone you like. And even if you don't like someone in the beginning, give him a little bit of a chance...the connection you feel for anyone after one date won't compare to what you had with your ex after three years, but once you start to build it, things will ramp up quickly.

 

It will be OK. Promise.

thanks my sweet that was nicely put i never thought of it that way lol

he sure as hell went for the dumpster the lower class silly boy lol

what i dont get tho is you say it wont feel same after one date as did 3 years, thats understandible. BUT why does this not apply to the dumper too, he clearly liked her alot to want to cry about what he found out, why dont he compair the 3 years to that of a mear BIG MISTAKE he should never have made...

what i dont get tho is you say it wont feel same after one date as did 3 years, thats understandible. BUT why does this not apply to the dumper too, he clearly liked her alot to want to cry about what he found out, why dont he compair the 3 years to that of a mear BIG MISTAKE he should never have made...

 

Maybe he wanted to cry just because he felt cheated and humiliated when he found out she was married, not because he liked her? Most likely it wasn't really a relationship, just a rebound fling to get over you, but when she turned out to be married it really bruised his ego.

 

I guess the dumpers knew they wanted to leave way before we knew it, so they are a few months ahead of us as far as grieving. In your case your boyfriend already left once, so he mentally prepared himself to leave once a long time ago and probably the second time it was easier.

 

Also, fundamentally it was the dumper who was more unhappy with the relationship and less invested. The dumper broke up because he didn't appreciate what he had, and wanted to leave and find a shiny new toy. The dumper had all the control and was able to end the relationship the way he wanted and at the time that was best for him. So then he finds it easier to move on in the short term.

 

But you--you haven't jumped into a slimy rebound, and you are doing work on yourself, and you will not ever have to carry around any regret or guilt over having ended the relationship. In a few months you will not care about your ex. And so do you know what? In the long term, it is you who will be better off than him, and you are in the better position to find happiness.

 

You'll be OK. Really.

Thanks my sweet i guess you are right, it does all make sense when you say it like that.

i wonder at times tho if he would ever try and get in touch, i would like this, not because i want him but because i would like to know how hes bad that he regrets what hes dont, that yes the grass isnt greener and that YES he lost the best thing that ever happened to him.

i do find it funny tho that it was me the one he choe to come to with his problems lol funny that eh? as if that isnt telling him something.

if he did get in touch i feel so hurt and let down that i can honestly say depending on what he says i will either not answer of answer and say i am not at all interested anymore he made his bed and he can lay in it.

i would love to make sense of the whole situation but i guess i never will get the answers that i would like.

i feel in my heart he was seeing this women before he broke up with me its just some things dont add up i still feel down about this but at least i know what the outcome deffinatly is now as i could never take him back not not in a million years.xx

i wonder at times tho if he would ever try and get in touch, i would like this, not because i want him but because i would like to know how hes bad that he regrets what hes dont, that yes the grass isnt greener and that YES he lost the best thing that ever happened to him.

i do find it funny tho that it was me the one he choe to come to with his problems lol funny that eh? as if that isnt telling him something.

I think that the sooner you accept that you won't get any answers (which you do mention after this quoted section), the sooner you'll be able to move on. It's totally normal to have questions at the end of a relationship, especially if the ending was abrupt and if there was another person involved. But he doesn't owe you answers anymore, and even if he did, it will likely just hurt you more and make you question if there was someone you could've done differently to make him stay (there wasn't).

He may regret someday or he may not, but you have your life to live, and what he feels should make no difference to you. You will know when you are totally over him, because it won't.

I got dumped three days before you did and went through all the same emotions.

And now...I don't care. I moved on and met a new guy, and at this point I genuinely don't want my ex to feel any regret--because I no longer do.

In fact if anything I want my ex to feel that he did the right thing in walking away--so that the relationship is cleanly closed, and never comes back to interfere with my new one. So that (maybe) someday I can be friends with my ex again and not worry about any emotions coming back. So that I never hurt him, or he me.

I am glad he left. So I want him to be glad he left too. And I want him to be happy, and find someone he does love, and I do not want his memories of me to interfere with that at all. That's all I feel.

I don't want him to get in touch with me, and possibly bring back any old feelings. I don't want ever to wonder what might have been.

I want my new relationship to move forward and to be the only one for me. I don't want to look back.

You just keep putting one foot in front of the other, honey. Before you know it, you will feel that way, too.

thanks i love reading these posts you cheer me up no end...

well update i txt him again but just to say how i felt and what i thought of him seen as tho he never answerd my last text asking for the truth, he never answerd but i no longer care anyways i just wanted to say what i felt i needed to and that would be that.

i asume i am right he was seeing this person all along and left me for her and its backfired, hmmmm the dates just dont add up, well time for moving on, i will say it does still hurt quite a bit but i am more angry with him and disgusted that i wont take him back now and this has helped me no end x

I hope you won't text him again in the foreseeable future.

The best revenge is happiness. Love yourself.