Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 14

Thread: Why was he so cold when we broke up ??

  1. #1
    n83
    Gold Member n83's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    893
    Thanked
    52

    Question Why was he so cold when we broke up ??

    My now ex and I did not speak for 4 days, and so I texted him to call me because we needed to get the breakup over with. He called me and was very cold and to the point - basically said that his life was a disaster, that he got closer to me and it reignited feelings for his ex that he thought were gone. I said "OK, we're done then." And all he said was "Okay." Very cold and uncaring. I called him a coward and accused him of taking the cowardly way out, and he basically agreed with me, without saying much. He told me I could just throw out his house key that he had given me.

    I should add that his ex reappeared in town right before this happened and stayed at his house, although he denied anything happened between them. She is moving back to her home country for 6 months so it would seem unlikely they're getting back together. She just came back to pack up the rest of her stuff. In fact, I had called him the night before the breakup, and spoke with his ex because she answered his phone, and she told me not to worry, that she was just sleeping on his couch and would be leaving the next day with her stuff. She even encouraged me to work things out with him because she wants to see him happy.

    I was just wondering what your thoughts were on this ?? I just don't understand why he was so cold and uncaring when we spoke. He could have been more remorseful and just said "I'm sorry, I thought I could handle a relationship but I was wrong.." or something. He was just very eager to just drop me as quickly as possible. I believe he probably did cheat on me with her and just didn't have the guts to tell me the truth.

    I am very angry right now about the whole thing if you couldn't tell ... I feel completely used.
    Last edited by n83; 04-24-2010 at 11:03 AM.

  2. #2
    jenmar
    Bronze Member jenmar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Pennsylvania
    Posts
    474
    Gender
    Female
    Some men are not able to show emotion. My ex was the same way when we broke up, I don't think that it has anything to do with the fact that they don't care, I believe it is because if they get emotional.. combined with the dumpee (the woman) being emotional it will just be a mess.

    How long were you together? and do you know how long he and his ex were broken up?

  3. #3
    mad rabbits
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    955
    Thanked
    1
    Having been both a dumper and dumpee, and both the recipient and director of such coldness on occasion...

    Dumpers are cold primarily because of guilt. This feeling of guilt makes them want to run away from you as fast as they can, so as not to be exposed to what they have done to the heart of another.

    An initial reason in a lot of cases is because they fear any warmness could be interpreted as prevarication on their part, and they don't want to give any false hope.

  4. #4
    n83
    Gold Member n83's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    893
    Thanked
    52
    We were together only 4 months but had been getting closer (I thought) .. he did display sort of hot and cold behavior though .. but earlier he had denied completely that he had any residual feelings for his ex, and said that he wished her well but had no desire to get back with her .. they hadn't been separated long before we started dating - only about 6-8ish months.

  5. #5
    n83
    Gold Member n83's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    893
    Thanked
    52
    An initial reason in a lot of cases is because they fear any warmness could be interpreted as prevarication on their part, and they don't want to give any false hope.
    Lol yeah he definitely nipped the "false hope" in the bud I wouldn't have had any hope anyways though .. if he had been nicer about it I still would have completely ended things with him forever, as I wouldn't want to waste my time with someone like this ..

  6. #6
    jenmar
    Bronze Member jenmar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Pennsylvania
    Posts
    474
    Gender
    Female
    It sounds like you are handeling this really well, that is great that you realize that this guy would be nothing but a waste of your time
    I was with my ex for about the same amount of time and I had a dreadful time getting over him.. but getting better.

    Keep up the great work!

  7. #7
    glucoze
    Member glucoze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Toronto, Ontario
    Age
    25
    Posts
    577
    Gender
    Female
    I was with my ex for 3 years.
    He was very cold yesterday with the breakup.
    Swearing, telling me he didn't care about me anymore everything you name it.
    After that I stopped contacting him. He threatened to block my number, oh well go for it.
    Its better for me because the relationship was too much, taking too much from me
    and now that he dumped me so coldly, i have nothing to worry about. Because I know, especially knowing him, he will come back pretty soon. It will be funny because I won't be around. Won't even be the guy's friend. Apparently I didn't deserve his respect.. whatever. No man will ever take my happiness from me. He is not worth my time.
    maybe he was being cold because he felt guilty, either way i'm not sticking around.
    Enough is enough! There are plenty of great men out there that I deserve and deserve me.

    I am handling this fairly well. I mean yes I gave myself a moment to let it all out..
    i.e crying, being angry. I did that for 3 hours after that I said "SCREW THIS, I am better off and I am going to be better than ever" so i went out with my girls, and had fun! Met some cute guys ahaha.
    I mean sure.. it'll take some time. But there is no way in Hell i am allowing him to affect me.

  8. #8
    Lovelace
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    279
    Any time that I've been dumped, the guy was cold as stone. And sometimes, I've said as much. But they always come around later, apologizing for how they treated me, yada yada. I can only conclude that this is how men typically handle a breakup. They're not about to get all tearful (because how often does that happen anyway?) or consoley (a hug is NOT just a hug for a recently ex girlfriend), so what options do they have? It's easier to act cold, so they do.

  9. #9
    glucoze
    Member glucoze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Toronto, Ontario
    Age
    25
    Posts
    577
    Gender
    Female
    I completely agree ^
    I think all guys act cold during a break up.
    They always come back though. ALways well sometimes.

  10. #10
    n83
    Gold Member n83's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    893
    Thanked
    52
    My experiences thus far have been the opposite .. For me, usually they have been either just somewhat emotional about it, or in some cases, VERY emotional. I have never really experienced this extreme matter-of-fact coldness. It was literally like talking to a robot, or a complete stranger.

  11.  

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Top Threads
Break up with someone I never even met
I've been talking to someone online for about 3 weeks. We really connected right away. Last Friday he told me his online dating account expired but
Need support and an answer.
My ex and I dated over 2 years ago..together for a year. Broken up now 1 year and 1 month. Since the initial breakup we stayed in touch a few months
I am confused about my ex
I am 31 years old woman from east Europe. Last 4 years I am living in Dubai and working as cabin crew.Life there is sterile and lonley and everybody
She broke up with me, and I tried to kill myself.
My girlfriend of 3 years who I was planning on proposing to told me she was through and didn't want anything to do with me after an argument and I
Unilateral breakups...
This is just something that's been on my mind today and I'm curious to get other people's take on it. So I've had two relationships end in the
A replacement Boyfriend... Rebound?
Hi Guys, I've posted alot recently about me and my ex but I want some insight as to whats going on. My ex significant other and I broke up
I over gifted my boyf and now i regret it!
Hi. I feel kinda terrible saying this. But here it is: i just went through a first anniversary with my partner and i bought him a very expensive

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Completely Confused? What does this mean?
Hi All- I was dating a guy for almost a year. We had a pretty great relationship- Things got serious. We told each other we loved each other. Even
Boyfriend told me he couldn't afford holiday, next day books one to Thailand
Basically my boyfriend of 6 months is $40k in debt (I'm debt-free). We had talked about going to Vietnam and he said he needed 6 months to save up
Not a regular here, I have a few questions...
I'll try to make this brief. Been in a relationship (23F) with a man (35) for 5 years. Typical in the beginning, though I always wondered how he
Weed or Me
Hi, I have been dating my boyfriend for a few months - he is 31 and I am 24. He has recently started smoking weed every night and I don't really
Is He Hiding from Me?
Hi All, Need some advice from those that are familiar with social media apps such as Instagram.. I'v been friends with this guy for about a
Red flag in friendship
I've been through a terrible first break up and was in a lot of pain. I was physically and mentally sick due to the stress of the break up but I'm
I broke hard NC after 7 months (B I G M I S T A K E)
No surprise, I'm absolutely devastated. She pretty much blew me off like I was a piece of trash. At first I was happy because she actually responded
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •