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Thread: Why was he so cold when we broke up ??

  1. #1
    n83
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    Question Why was he so cold when we broke up ??

    My now ex and I did not speak for 4 days, and so I texted him to call me because we needed to get the breakup over with. He called me and was very cold and to the point - basically said that his life was a disaster, that he got closer to me and it reignited feelings for his ex that he thought were gone. I said "OK, we're done then." And all he said was "Okay." Very cold and uncaring. I called him a coward and accused him of taking the cowardly way out, and he basically agreed with me, without saying much. He told me I could just throw out his house key that he had given me.

    I should add that his ex reappeared in town right before this happened and stayed at his house, although he denied anything happened between them. She is moving back to her home country for 6 months so it would seem unlikely they're getting back together. She just came back to pack up the rest of her stuff. In fact, I had called him the night before the breakup, and spoke with his ex because she answered his phone, and she told me not to worry, that she was just sleeping on his couch and would be leaving the next day with her stuff. She even encouraged me to work things out with him because she wants to see him happy.

    I was just wondering what your thoughts were on this ?? I just don't understand why he was so cold and uncaring when we spoke. He could have been more remorseful and just said "I'm sorry, I thought I could handle a relationship but I was wrong.." or something. He was just very eager to just drop me as quickly as possible. I believe he probably did cheat on me with her and just didn't have the guts to tell me the truth.

    I am very angry right now about the whole thing if you couldn't tell ... I feel completely used.
    Last edited by n83; 04-24-2010 at 12:03 PM.

  2. #2
    jenmar
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    Some men are not able to show emotion. My ex was the same way when we broke up, I don't think that it has anything to do with the fact that they don't care, I believe it is because if they get emotional.. combined with the dumpee (the woman) being emotional it will just be a mess.

    How long were you together? and do you know how long he and his ex were broken up?

  3. #3
    mad rabbits
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    Having been both a dumper and dumpee, and both the recipient and director of such coldness on occasion...

    Dumpers are cold primarily because of guilt. This feeling of guilt makes them want to run away from you as fast as they can, so as not to be exposed to what they have done to the heart of another.

    An initial reason in a lot of cases is because they fear any warmness could be interpreted as prevarication on their part, and they don't want to give any false hope.

  4. #4
    n83
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    We were together only 4 months but had been getting closer (I thought) .. he did display sort of hot and cold behavior though .. but earlier he had denied completely that he had any residual feelings for his ex, and said that he wished her well but had no desire to get back with her .. they hadn't been separated long before we started dating - only about 6-8ish months.

  5. #5
    n83
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    An initial reason in a lot of cases is because they fear any warmness could be interpreted as prevarication on their part, and they don't want to give any false hope.
    Lol yeah he definitely nipped the "false hope" in the bud I wouldn't have had any hope anyways though .. if he had been nicer about it I still would have completely ended things with him forever, as I wouldn't want to waste my time with someone like this ..

  6. #6
    jenmar
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    It sounds like you are handeling this really well, that is great that you realize that this guy would be nothing but a waste of your time
    I was with my ex for about the same amount of time and I had a dreadful time getting over him.. but getting better.

    Keep up the great work!

  7. #7
    glucoze
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    I was with my ex for 3 years.
    He was very cold yesterday with the breakup.
    Swearing, telling me he didn't care about me anymore everything you name it.
    After that I stopped contacting him. He threatened to block my number, oh well go for it.
    Its better for me because the relationship was too much, taking too much from me
    and now that he dumped me so coldly, i have nothing to worry about. Because I know, especially knowing him, he will come back pretty soon. It will be funny because I won't be around. Won't even be the guy's friend. Apparently I didn't deserve his respect.. whatever. No man will ever take my happiness from me. He is not worth my time.
    maybe he was being cold because he felt guilty, either way i'm not sticking around.
    Enough is enough! There are plenty of great men out there that I deserve and deserve me.

    I am handling this fairly well. I mean yes I gave myself a moment to let it all out..
    i.e crying, being angry. I did that for 3 hours after that I said "SCREW THIS, I am better off and I am going to be better than ever" so i went out with my girls, and had fun! Met some cute guys ahaha.
    I mean sure.. it'll take some time. But there is no way in Hell i am allowing him to affect me.

  8. #8
    Lovelace
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    Any time that I've been dumped, the guy was cold as stone. And sometimes, I've said as much. But they always come around later, apologizing for how they treated me, yada yada. I can only conclude that this is how men typically handle a breakup. They're not about to get all tearful (because how often does that happen anyway?) or consoley (a hug is NOT just a hug for a recently ex girlfriend), so what options do they have? It's easier to act cold, so they do.

  9. #9
    glucoze
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    I completely agree ^
    I think all guys act cold during a break up.
    They always come back though. ALways well sometimes.

  10. #10
    n83
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    My experiences thus far have been the opposite .. For me, usually they have been either just somewhat emotional about it, or in some cases, VERY emotional. I have never really experienced this extreme matter-of-fact coldness. It was literally like talking to a robot, or a complete stranger.

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