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Random Babblings of Nothing


candykisses

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Dam samosas. Mmm. So addicted to them. Everytime I am at school I feel the need to have a samosa. Can this be healthy?

 

LOL. Dont know why this comment is still resonating with me. “Psychology does go through the scientific method; however, there are so many things in psychology that are based off of preconceived ideas and assumptions.” For real? Preconceived ideas and assumptions like this comment?

 

I mean, what a grossly uninformed statement of directly self-contradictory clauses.

 

Please tell me I didnt spend $100,000 and work my derriere off for 5 years to explain to people what psychology is.

 

 

On a brighter note: No more school! It is liberating and frightening at the same time. What's next?

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Sounds like a lively discussion group and that's great. Your response

was spot-on and is one that regardless of how many years we've been in

this business and how many people we've given some variant of your

response to, it amazes me that there are many (perhaps even increasingly

more) people who seem not to get it. The "pop" psychology phenomenon is

huge and accounts, unfortunately, for far too many hours of television

entertainment. Keep working on it. Nice job.

 

Thanks for the kind words on the course. I'm very pleased when students

respond as you have. That's the goal, actually.

 

Best wishes for the summer,

Dr. ___

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I think I did it again.

I made you believe

We're more than just friends.

 

'Cause to lose all my senses...

That is just so typically me.

 

Oops! I did it again

To your heart

Got lost in this game

 

Oops! You think I'm in love.

That I'm sent from above...

I'm not that innocent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

Wow crazy....what an eery song... never thought in 6th grade that I'd turn out to be THAT girl.

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Why is it that I can't articulate how I feel? When someone's talking engagement and pouring his heart out to me, shouldn't I have some sort of emotional reaction instead of feeling so emotionally nonchalant about it? 'Cause people have that, right? Feelings and emotions?

 

It's as if I'm numb to it all. Really odd.

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Omgosh. I FUKIN DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. Why is everyone making this so difficult for me.

 

His psycho a-ss just called, asking me to meet him before I go.

 

First of all, see you with what time lol. Second, reality check: we weren't engaged!! Stop saying in all seriousness things like "oh..remember when we were engaged..?" to guilt trip me. It's all in your head. It's your own fault for falling for somebody so messed up, and you KNEW that I was messed up. Yet you keep coming back for more because you "can't help the way [you] feel" and " can't tell [you] how to feel." Am I justified in feeling this way? I mean, I never say "yes" when I mean "no," and vice versa. I'm always straight up and truthful about my feelings. So why don't they just forget about me and move on?

 

Feels like I've left a few things hanging. But at this point, I gotta do what I gotta do; need to get away -- from this city and all the intense, crazy people in it.

 

Gotta do what's best for me. Really looking forward to just clearing my head & having no cares for a while.

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Now listen to me baby

Before I love and leave ya

They call me heart breaker

I don't wanna deceive ya

 

If you fall for me

I'm not easy to please

I might tear you apart

Told you from the start

Baby from the start

 

I'm only gonna break break your break break your heart

 

There's no point tryin' to hide it

No point trying to evade it

I know I got a problem

 

If you fall for me

I'm not easy to please

I might tear you apart

Told you from the start

Baby from the start

 

I'm only gonna break break your break break your heart

I'm only gonna break break your break break your heart

I'm only gonna break break your break break your heart

I'm only gonna break break your break break your heart

 

And I know karma's gonna get me back for being so cold

 

If you fall for me

I'm only gonna tear you apart

Told you from the start

 

I'm only gonna break break ya break break ya heart

I'm only gonna break break ya break break ya heart

I'm only gonna break break ya break break ya heart

I'm only gonna break break ya break break ya heart

 

Break Your Heart - Taio Cruz

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You don't understand, I'm so glad

We're at the same place at the same time

 

 

Someday -

 

Nothing seems to be the way

That it used to

Everything seems shallow

God give me truth in me

And tell me somebody is watching over me

And that is all I'm praying is that

 

Someday I will understand

In God's whole plan

And what he's done to me

 

 

Someday I will understand

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Here we go again.

 

This time, I really just don't care anymore.

 

Mom, don't you want me to be happy? I've cared about your happiness for so long that I've sacrificed mine countless times.

 

Yea, I get it; you want to see me with this idea of a "non-sketchy" engineering, medical school, MBA et al. type of guy. Yea I get it..he owns a lounge and a karaoke. And because of that, you immediately dismiss him as "bad." What's with the value judgment?!?!

 

In life, it's hard to find that one person with whom you're compatible in so many respects. We are compatible in that way...on so many levels. The chemistry and "spark" between us can't be broken with a machette. He makes me...so happy. We get each other. We're alike, and we hold each other down. Not to mention, he's such a stark contrast from my last bf. He's quick, witty, funny, articulate, smart, motivated, and *gasp* completely legit! He makes me feel alive. We really can't be with anyone else besides each other. Even if he were a broke niggaa I'd still be by his side, holding him down.

 

This is what I chose, mom. No, I don't want to attend something just for appearances' sake. You know I've never been one to do things for the sake of doing things.

 

I'm the only one who has to live and breathe in this body. I'm sorry I'm not, can't be, and never will be this person that you want me to be.

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link removed

 

HAHAHah someone needs to hook them up with the situation to show them how to run their game HAHAHAH

 

Some Italian guys gave me their # today when he wasn't around... Showed him the note after. lol...I don't even get what they're trying to say -.-

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"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, and no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love..."

 

-anonymous

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let me slow it down for ya so you can catch the flow

Screw it I make it go extra slow

I gave you a taste you want some more...

 

That's right, I brought all the boys to the yard

And that's right, I'm the one that's tattooed on his arm

I'm the chick that's raised the stakes

you say, how much I cost him?

About a million dollars playa, I'm bossy =)

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Let’s see….REWIND.

 

How VT and I met… it all started last April when Mom was out of town.

 

We were in the same club, and had mutual girl friends. He and his friends kept buying us drinks. Oh how I loved this group of guys. So hot, so ballin’, so heaty. Pimpin’ is the word. I remember dancing for a bit with one of his friends, Norman. Asked for my #, I just smiled and chuckled. Lol tool. I’m at the club to dance and have fun, not to be another # in your phone. Even though I was drunk I knew what I was doing. The next thing I remember was Norman buying me more drinks, and me noticing this other guy who had like, 4 girls around him, including one of my girlfriends and one of our mutual friends. I remember walking up to him, tugging and pulling at his oh-so-strategically 3/4-buttoned shirt to see his tattoo. Next thing he knew, the other 4 girls were doing the same. 5 chicks all over him….yea no guy likes that LOL. Then I left him there with his 4 girls to have more fun with my friends. Little did I know this hot stranger would turn out to be my future boyfriend.

 

Next thing I know, I had a single red rose in my hands and I don’t even know how it got there or from whom it came. That part is still a mystery to this day. Oh well. Roses don’t hurt.

 

Fast forward to 3 am…. club closed. Don’t know how it happened but next thing I know I was in the front seat of VT’s car with 2 of his friends and a mutual girl friend. We got to a 24-hour Chinese restaurant, where we met up with all his other friends. As we got out of the car & were walking towards the restaurant, he was like, “hold on to me.” So I did. I don’t normally respond to commands and esp. not from men I barely know but hey, I don’t mind holding onto your super sexy hot built body. At that point, it was clear to everyone that we had a bond/special connection, a thing. Whatever.

 

We obviously seated next to each other. More of his friends showed up at the restaurant. One guy quickly took a special interest in me and asked him who I was. “My future wife,” he joked. Kept playfully trying to get me to tell his friend I’m his girlfriend. I remember thinking, this a guy who’s so confident that he just doesn’t give a sht what people think of him, whatsoever. Says whatever he wants, does whatever he wants. Just doesn’t give a sht.

 

Outside Carmen was having an asthma attack. Also heard his friend Mike got into a fight. Carmen’s friend drove her home (how come no one called 911?)...and we called it a night. VT drove Gracie and I + 2 of his friends home, dropping me off last on purpose. During the ride I kept shaking because I was cold and because Carmen wasn’t picking up her phone; I was getting really concerned. By then it was 7 in the morning.... I was also scared of getting into the biggest sht with my bro, whom tends to act like he’s my dad at times. I was shaking, and he held my shaking hand while driving. He stopped at a gas station and got me jumbo bottled water. Took off his shirt so I wouldn’t be so cold. MMmmMMMMmmmmm. Throughout the ride, we had amazing convo… though I have no memory of what we talked about. Even though we had a real connection and it was a fun night and I knew he was into me, I was nonchalant and “whatever” about this guy, not much to my surprise. Cuz to me, it was just that – a fun, crazy night when Mom's out of town and a fun guy who drove me home. He eventually asked for my #. I remember at one point I called him by one of his friend’s names..or was it a random name. I simply couldn’t remember his name. I couldn’t even remember if he even told me his name, lol. He was mad, but very much amused.

 

He tried to get me to go home with him, but of course I declined. We got to my house. He leaned in for a kiss… I was scared my bro would see us through the window so I was like, “I can’t right now” and got out of his car.

 

As soon as I walked into my house I got a text from him that said:

 

I slept..and woke up to several of his calls and texts, asking if I got into trouble with my bro, among other stuff. He wanted to see a movie at 10am...I preferred to sleep.

 

Later, I found out from Gracie, who gave him her # at the club, that he had texted her “hiiiiii =)” which was one of his messages to me.

 

I immediately knew…I’m dealing with a true player, real deal. But why could I care less? lol. I remember being amused. I see it and I know your game, player. But I don’t mind you come play THIS pimpette... =)

hehehe. Let’s be real....do YOU know what you’re dealing with?

 

He added me on facebook, and I saw that this dude’s wall was filled with wall posts from a zillion girls. Very very popular with the ladies, I see. I mean, he was surrounded by 4 girls at the club after all. Eh. I’ve met my match.

 

He was now actively pursuing me, constantly, daily basis. Wanted to be my “shield” in paintballing, wanted to go bonfire, go biking, go to dinner, BBQ, bubble tea, go to movies… asking me as early as Sunday for a Saturday night date. I was extremely busy with school so I kept turning him down unfortunately =( Kept calling and texting me constantly. He’s so sweet, so effin’ good to me. So sprung. Just like all them other mofos. I couldn’t be more nonchalant about it all. By now I was VERY used to “whipped” and obsessive reactions/behaviour from guys, hells yes even players.

 

Fast forward a week.. We went to his Karaoke after the club. Played drinking games...I kept winning; he kept drinking. I'm mean. Needless to say, I effed him up...bad. Then I got to talking with his friend Mike and this other dude. Found Mike really interesting. VT saw us flirting and saw me putting my # in Mike’s phone. He spent the entire time with Gracie...poor girl. Little did she know she was just a casualty in our games. Except subjectively, they’re not really games at all...it’s just the way we are wired. We both love to keep our options wide wide open. Yup, we’re one and the same. Next day..(or rather, same day technically) he called me yelling at me, saying things like “I THOUGHT WE HAD A THING” and “WHY YOU GIVE HIM YOUR #” blah blah blah. Whoaa dude, take it easy. There ain’t no ring on my perfectly manicured fingers.

 

Fast forward... good thing Mike and VT are not close friends at all, because I was stringing them both along. Mike is cool, but after chilling with him a few times and after going furniture shopping with him one time.. I realized I preferred VT. VT was right, we did have a thing. I just didn’t have that same “spark” with Mike that I had with VT.

 

One day, I had my friend’s camera and was uploading some pictures for her. I saw some pics of VT with his arms wrapped around some girl...pics which I then sent him; thought he might want those.

 

“Your girlfriend?” I joked.

 

He cracked up, saying things like “I can’t believe you thought she was my girlfriend” and “I don’t remember taking pics with her”...

 

“YOU should be my girlfriend ” he said.

 

“oh shut up V....I don’t need a bf -_-"

 

He didn’t give up....kept pursuing me for several months. I kept turning him down because of school... and also because Mom came back in town and I know she hates guys like V. She didn’t even like me dating, period.

 

Tables turnin’...I was really starting to catch feelings for this guy, at last.

 

I finally just straight up explained to him that I couldn’t be in a relationship because of school -- it was just bad timing. We kept in touch, and stayed friends......friends who flirt with each other all the time.

 

 

 

 

Fast forward to now......... Me = completely done with school, aimless, directionless, confused, existential crisis.

 

I’m sitting here, trying to assess the situation and my feelings for him while he’s at a meeting with a business partner.

 

I mean, Dubai was all very lavish and nice but it wasn't until I was with him in my hometown that I can honestly say to myself, yup, I see a future with my boyfriend. He’s witty, he’s funny...we have soo much fun together. We have that unexplainable “spark,” just like when we first met. I like that he’s health-conscious. I knew from day 1 when we met at the club that he doesn’t smoke, and ALL his friends smoke. Let’s see....what else do I like about him. He has a tough/heaty exterior. All he does is sit/stand there..and girls come to HIM. But despite the cool and aloof exterior, he’s actually a softie underneath. He’s chivalrous. I also like that he’s only a year older than me. We have the best conversations. He’s confident and charismatic. He’s not like them other annoying mofos... he can turn the tables around and make ME want to commit. We’re one and the same........I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.

 

But should I move in with him? He talked about it again this morning. I mean, he’s my first boyfriend in 2 years. I’m finally free of school obligations. I know he’s been talking about moving in with him ever since we met. He knew I was “the one” pretty fast. Now, a year later...I still feel like it’s too fast. I mean, I have no savings; no funds. I want to be financially independent and self-sufficient if I were to move in with a guy. Plus, I feel like I need some time-out after this trip to sort things out and patch things up with my mom. And, what am I going to do about JS? I kinda left him hanging. He still hasn’t given up. He's been texting me long-distance -_- Wants to go on a Bahamas trip, lol. I can care less. Man, what’s with these guys.

 

What VT and I have is pretty special. But I dunno. We’ll see what happens when we return home I guess. I'll have to come to a resolve eventually but...for now, one day at a time. Why hellloooooo Beverly Hills =)

 

I hope this confusion clears up and goes away on its own...

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they say

he do a little this

he do a little that

he always in trouble (and I heard)

he's nothing but a pimp

he's done a lot of chicks

he's messed up

 

he's always in the club (and they say)

he thinks he slick

he's got a lot of chips

he sellin' them drugs (and I heard)

he's been locked up

find somebody else

 

SO WHAT?

 

I don't care what they say

some people don't like it

cuz you hang out in the street

but you're my boyfriend

you've always been here for me

 

this love is serious

no matter what people think

 

 

And they say, I'm nothing but a golddigger, that I'm playing ya...that I got a different guy everyday of the week......

 

so what?

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I can care less that he used to deal in the past..all that matters is he's legit now. Last night VT and I had sex for the first time. I just couldn’t abstain anymore. It was hottttttt, passionate and steamy. The I wanna rip your clothes off, bang you against the wall and eff your brains out kind. There is now a ginormous rip in this top I really liked he wanted to buy me a new one... I was like noo babe...what a silly, lol. hehe then we took a shower together and just stayed up talking til I fell asleep in his arms. We talked about.....everything. From my dad to his parents’ divorce to the most random stuff...like whether you get more nutrients if you chug down milk or orange juice...kinda like how you get the effects of beer, or coffee, faster if you chug it rather than drink it slowly. I think about the weirdest things.

 

I talked to him about how I miss my dad sometimes.....a topic I’ve always avoided. It wasn’t until recently that I’ve started to want to talk about it.....and he was sooo sweet about it. He doesn’t make it awkward or think that I need pity or something... he knows just what to say so that all is right in my world. Aww. I feel safe when I’m with him. He does many many cute things for me... but the things that don’t involve money are the ones I love & appreciate the most. I'm "his baby girl"..it’s as if he makes it his duty and #1 goal to make sure I’m alright. Just like the 1st day we met when he held my shaking hand, bought me supersized water, and gave me his shirt.

 

He doesn’t love just aspects of me, or parts of me, but ALL of me. He loves that I’m fly as hell but he also knows damn well the ways in which I can be “messed up”...he doesn’t care. He takes me for what I am. Unlike the guys I dated before, he’s not in love with the IDEA of me; he’s in it for ME. That is SO important for me. It's not the concept of a pretty girlfriend he's in love with. He knows how I want my eggs and steak done, he knows what my favourite colour is, what my favourite foods are, my favourite tv shows... He’s seen me when I think I look my crappiest – when I’ve just fresh rolled out of bed, hair a mess, with no makeup on and says I look the same with or without & tells me he thinks that's my prettiest

 

What I love about us is that I can talk to him about anything and everything... and he just gets me. It was the same odd & sweet connection we had when he was driving me home that very first day we met. Such an eery, unexplainable, synchronous feeling. Last night was even better than that. I've never had it like this before. The last time I stayed up all night talking to someone was...at a high school sleepover? lol

 

I told him how I feel about him... but told him all of my concerns about moving in...eg. the family drama. He's Asian too so he knows how Asian parents can be with daughters. He's like, why didn’t you just tell me. he said to make sure I tell him if I wanna go home early because he doesn’t want me to put a strain on my relationship with my family or for them to falsely think that he's this "bad guy." I said it doesn’t matter when we go home because it wouldn’t make a difference. And he said to stop keeping him a secret & he really really wants to meet my mom and my bro....but I'm not sure I'm ready for that just yet. The ironic thing is, I am 100% sure my mom in all her presumptuous glory would love him if he were some medical school student.

 

I told him my other concerns, & he said he doesn’t care about any of it, but it is my decision ultimately and he doesn’t want to pressure me into it if I’m really not ready. He doesn’t care that I have no money right now, or that I’m commitment-phobic or whatever. He said he was commitment-phobic like me & was the biggest pimp/playboy before....until I came along and cramped up his game... it was like the first time in his life that he’s thought, dayum this girl. got him all sprung. He says it’s everything about me....it’s my voice..it’s “fukin sexy,” way I talk, my actions, everything. That I’m sweet and girly but in a womanly way, and I make him wanna protect me but at the same time “ can hold down.” He likes the way I tell him to STFU. He likes the way I have my own life. He likes the way I beat him in drinking games and poker. He likes how I accidentally called him the wrong name the day we met. He likes how I can literally just fall asleep while he was pouring his heart out to me 2 days ago – he thought it was cute & hilarious.

 

I asked him why some guys won't stop calling & one guy even calls right back after we get off the phone, and he tells me not to stay on the phone with guys because they might be jacking off on the other end...and to get rid of my voicemail cuz then they'd call just so they can hear my voice and jack off.

 

.......=/ deep, VT...DEEP. lol

 

 

 

I still don’t know about moving in with him when I have no money in the bank, though. I know he said he doesn’t care and that I don’t even technically need to work, but I care. I mean, it's the idea behind it right. He already took me on a very lavish vacation. I can easily be a golddigger and just milk him for all his worth, but I don’t want to be. I want to pull my own weight. I want to be one of those girls with careers... I dream about having my own clothing boutique in NYC one day. I dream about brushing shoulders with designers like Erin Fetherston, Peter Som, Jason Wu and Alexander Wang. I dream about sitting front row in NY Fashion Week....

 

So funny when I think about it. I went on this vacation with him merely wanting a getaway. Never thought I'd fall in love like this. It's my very first time falling in love....

 

Please VT, let's take it a day at a time =)

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This brilliant stranger was like, there is no coincidence. Have faith in synchronicity.... He’s so sweet. He was like a saviour...who came into my life at the most ghetto time, saying wise things to me. I learned so much from him. I really appreciate this person. I was so attracted to his intellect & sense of humour. Have you ever wanted to somebody regardless of who they are or what they looked like?!?!..........No big deal.

 

lol maybe another lifetime

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I tried that good boy game

But the dope boy's turning me on

It's just that he knows what I want

So bad, I love that, I can't leave 'em alone

 

So when I had a good guy he didn't do that much for me

Tried to be G but that he could never be

Always tell me that no one could compare to me

But couldn't handle it when other guys were staring at me

Now the top lays back so everyone can look at me...

 

I can't leave 'em alone

He's so good and he knows how to love me

But so hood and he's so heavy in the streets

Tatted on his chest

I like it, so what, I like it

I am what he wants, his girl and I LOVE IT...

 

(ciara - can't leave 'em alone)

 

 

 

I have just come to terms with the fact that I am probably never going to be attracted to a guy who is "quality" and "bring home material" by my mom's standards. And there's no reason why I should be just because society says I should. She's all about the externalities. If I'm only attracted to a certain type of guy and they happen to be guys with a certain "bad boy" lifestyle, then what can I do. Yea I know that as long as he hangs around his friends it's going to be instability, drama and scandal at times...but what can I do, gonna have to deal with it. It's just what I'm naturally drawn to, can't help it and no point trying to unjustify it anymore. (She wouldn't mind trading places, me by his side in his Lambo.....lol.)

 

 

Now that I think about it... this dates back to....as far back as kindergarten.

 

Even at my old age of 5 my very first crushes were on boys who were constantly getting in trouble with the teacher, lol. And then there was the misunderstood, cool, aloof and delinquent-looking little fella in 3rd grade, who was mean to the teacher and every other Jane Doe in the class, but extremely nice to me. Offered to help me carry heavy things. Did my homework for me. What a sweet boy.

 

 

Maybe it's just predestined to be this way?

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I LOVE SEX HEHEHEHEHEHE

 

so obsessed with sex now lol is this normal?

 

 

 

 

I'm really dreading going home. ugh the family drama. who knows what's going to happen with that...but I'm dreading it.

 

Might as well do it up now HAHAHHAHA

 

he's sooooooooooo good to me ahhhhHHH it's ridiculous

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