is sexual curiosity normal/healthy between children?..then versus now

I ask this question now after much thought about my own childhood some 36 years ago, and after thinking about a recent post from this site regarding a girl of 9 having contact with a male cousin age 11.

Playing doctor...we didnt actually do that. We didnt undress to examine. As 8-9 year olds living out in the wild free countryside away from the prying eyes of adults we did however play: "you show me yours and Ill show you mine."

That was mainly my friend and I (2 boys) and yes we showed each other in full and compared. We weren't and are not currently homosexual.

We were quite isolated thus making our group of available play friends small. On a school day/evening you could only travel by bike so far before supper and that made our group of friends around 5-6 strong.

My best friend and I, and the rest were girls. We learned to "neck." Honestly thinking back about it now, it was gross. How was it a bunch of little kids thought they knew how to kiss. There was much, much drool and laughter into each others mouth.

This was sometimes accompanied by "feeling up." "Feeling up" was when we put our hand down each others pants, inside of underwear, and yes in front also, and inside the girls shirt tops. The girls did it to us too. It was mutual, not forced!

In grade 4-5 we were playing in the school yard amongst some trees out of site. This is the first real kiss I had by a completely different girl. She kissed me. We have recently reacquainted and she is now a very special lady in my life.

I dont think of us as pervs as children and we all grew up to be well adjusted adults with family and kids. With some exceptions.

I get to thinking now days about child abuse and child on child exploration..'sex abuse' and wonder what is the difference between then and now. Why is it I read of a child "feeling up" another child and this Leeds to him being added to a child abuse registry etc.

When we did it, it was pure Innocent, normal, childhood stuff. Wasn't it??

Surely the girls and boys in our group weren't all offenders in need of being added to the registry. The girls did it too.

Whats the difference? And by all means add your experiences.

What you described was consentual exploration fueled by curiosity, the lack of understanding about personal boundaries, and ultimately innocence. It happened with children that were in the same age group, and presumably not by force. No "adult" took advantage of a "child".

It becomes abuse when there is force or manipulation involved- one party making another party do it- or if one of the parties involved is an adult, who should know better than a child.

Things were so different back then and it was a more innocent time. Anyone from that time needed not be convinced of it. The younger lot may not understand and Societies views and tolerance has changed.

It was a simpler time. Maud, Good Times, The Jefferson's, 6 Million Dollar Man....exploring a new controversial topic each week. Who could forget about the lovable Archie Bunker. My father WAS Archie. I'm betting many of our fathers were and they all had their favorite chair and were all number one.

Times sure have changed.

Yes, it is normal and healthy providing it is between kids of similar age and development and there is no coercion. I do not think kids are different today than they were 36 years ago as far as evolution goes. Society, now THAT is different and changed and not for the better in many cases.

I find that society's hyper-sensitivity to sex and "think of the children" mentality to justify all sorts of repercussions, laws, and social complications is extremely saddening and completely barking up the wrong tree.

I think there are things (many, even) which are very off limits when it comes to children and sexual things, but society has hyperventilated itself into an unhealthy corner in recent years. You can't even take baby pictures (like, in the tub and such) anymore without fear of being accused or prosecuted for child pornography. What the heck is that all about? When did a young child splashing around in a tub become a sexual thing other than to some sick fetishists? Must memories fade because society has taken this path to demonize anyone who takes a picture of any child in a state of partial to full undress, no matter the context, circumstances, or use of the photograph?

I'm not saying the subject of children and sexuality isn't complex, because it certainly is, but kids are curious, they experiment, and the age at which children are reaching puberty is only decreasing generation to generation. The sexual thoughts are starting younger and younger, so this curiosity will only continue, no matter what society thinks of it.

I think we do as we see.

Back in the early 70's, on our tv, there were no swear words and everything seemed so sterile compared to today. No filthy language in music as there is today, poisoning young minds into gangsterism. I learned to swear from dad. We just didnt act the same at all. We said yes please, no thank you and held doors open for folks. We had respect for adults despite the abuse we suffered from them.

There was no sexual stuff on tv like today. We had no cable or color tv and the 2 or 3 channels we got were decaf. We actually spent all day outside away from our parents if we could.

The point I'm making is that there was no sex education back then and I sure as heck didnt ask dad about THAT. We probably learned from watching teenagers or parents. Mix that in with natural curiosity and what do you have?

I never saw a girl naked back then and had NO idea what was where. Our little kiss and feel games were just that. Games. We didnt put our hand down there looking for anything because we didnt know there was anything there. No malice, coercion or intent.

It was all blind, giggling exploration. We were nervous and excited and our hands really didnt go very far.

The lack of cultural influence played a huge part I believe. We didnt see all the world going on like you guys in the states. We were in the sticks. My father didnt let us touch the stereo, so I didnt! I was 13 when I had my first little radio of my own and expose to the world of non-country music.

I'm a huge Floyd fan and just a few years ago I got a computer and found YouTube. I had no idea that The Floyd had all these videos for the old songs. I wish they were for sale somewhere. I can only see them on line. I was saddened at how isolated we were here and how I could have died and never had seen those videos of my favorite band. You would never never see them broadcast on tv here. I didnt know they existed.

I agree with the above reply about kids and innocent nudity. When I was a child there were times we walked through the house that way and played outside that way and we weren't nudists, we just weren't oppressed.

I understand the reason for the law etc., but when we were kids and our parent took nude pictures of us, they were just Innocent pictures. Period. Under today's stifling laws, my 73 year old mother would be a child pornographer. I must find those old black and white bathtub photos of me when I was 3 and even older, and burn them. And if I look at them I can be charged. The world has gone too far into hysterics. My friends were photographed that way too, who wasn't?

But I'm not here to debate that subject, though its an interesting one for sure.

When we were kids and playing around, it was that. Kids. As another person above replied, I dont think its the kids that changed so much as it is society. If I was a kid today I would be scared to death to go to "the closet" with a girl at the slumber party. .... Was 'spin the bottle' coercion?

Personally, I think society today has lost it's sanity. People get "offended" over the stupidest things, and common sense doesn't exist. It's crazy.

I agree TN Walker. So called "political correctness" gone mad. Crazy, outlandish euphemisms for things, just in case someone MIGHT be offended.

I also agree with Taikero.

Hermes

For five years of my childhood I was abused by another child, and I call it abuse for a few reasons. Although we were very close in age, this person exposed me to sexual acts that made me feel uncomfortable and sick, often tried to do things while I was sleeping, basically made me dread every time we'd see each other because I was afraid it would happen. I spent all those years feeling confused, and scared, and hurt, and dirty, and they are memories that haunt me years later as an adult.

What you described doesn't sound like abuse. It sounds like the normal curiosity that most kids have and it sounds like you had fun. I think it's very simple to tell the difference honestly. If you can look back and laugh and say it was just kids being kids and you felt safe, it's one thing. If you look back and feel so distraught that you need therapy, that's something very different. You know how those memories make you feel, let that be your judge.