I'm 23 and don't have a driver's license.

I'm actually pretty embarrassed to say that. I'd say that most of the friends I've made within the past couple of years don't even know that I don't have a driver's license; they'd just guess I don't have a car. I live downtown, a mile from my job, and I get around just fine by bus, bike, or foot.

But honestly, I never thought I'd be here. I have to ask for rides to take my dog to the vet, or for rides to the Greyhound station so I can visit home, or for rides to my best friend's bachelorette party. This is the ONE thing holding me back in my life. I'm financially independent and I've got my dream job in my dream career field--but at the same time, I'm a total dependent loser.

I originally never got my license because of some insurance complications--and then all my friends got their licenses and I just bummed rides from them in high school. I then attended a college where cars were not necessary to get anywhere. And now I'm 23 and have developed extreme anxiety about driving a car, and I've convinced myself I'll never learn how to drive.

Any tips on getting over this anxiety and getting into a car? I find myself making so many excuses about not learning how to drive (mostly that I can get around pretty well without a car--which I can, unless I need to go somewhere more than a couple miles away). And if I do get in a car, I start panicking before I even turn the car on! I know I need to get over this, but I don't know how.

Anyone had a similar experience--with anything, really? I'll take all the advice I can get!

Honestly there's absolutely nothing wrong, I met couple people that never learned to ride a bicycle (ended up teaching one person) or haven't done things that most people have.

Don't feel pressured, it's fun to drive especially the convenience if you absolutely need it. I'm not poking fun but have you driven a go-cart or anything that would resemble a car? Perhaps rather than trying to pressure yourself into getting into something you feel comfortable you can start out with something smaller?

Haha, I'm 23 and haven't gotten my license either. It'll happen soon enough, though, even if I don't drive a lot. I live in the city and have managed to get around easily enough just taking the bus or getting lifts from people. But I should get my license this summer. I'm in college, and the kind of work I'm starting to do is freelance, so if I don't have a car, it'll be much easier to turn down work offers that our kind of out of the way via bus.

It's a good thing to have, especially if you are called to be a designated driver out of the blue at a party or something.

Funny enough, my anxiety has actually transitioned over to go-carts too Never driven one!

The only reason I posted this is because I've only recently started riding my bike on main roads where there is traffic, and it's given me some confidence that driving could be doable!

I'm 23 and don't have mine, either. I failed three times when I was a teenager and vowed to not go back until I was absolutely ready. A few months later, I moved to a city for college that has great public transportation, so I don't need to drive. I can't really afford a car, and I don't need one, anyway. I do everything via public transportation - going to work, taking my cats to the vet, etc. Sometimes I'll go grocery shopping with a friend who has a car, but that's about it.

Have you thought about taking driving classes? I've been thinking about it lately; there's a place near me that got really good reviews on Yelp and say they can get you your license in just four lessons.

In a sense it's like riding a bicycle, you just have to get used to how the car you driving handles in various scenarios.

There's always the option of going to a driving school.

Oh, no worries. It took me a bit to get over my fear and anxiety with driving, and I remember the first time I took my test I failed - and cried into some fried chicken.

I'd suggest hiring a driving instructor for lessons. That will help. And you can use that vehicle for your test. Usually runs for a couple hundred dollars for a good amount of lessons, plus use of the vehicle for your test. Maybe less, maybe more, depends on who you find etc.

But they can really help you go through what you need to be able to pass, and work through your fears.

We all have something like this - if it isn't driving, it's something else. How many people do I know who won't go in a plane as adults? A lot! lol.

If you face the fear and do it anyways, you'll feel so super confident nothing will stop you. Even for that reason alone, it's good to do it.

I didn't get my license until I was 28.

Yes...I was 28 or 29 when I got my license. Similar story to you, except I went on and did a PhD in a place where I didn't need a car. You can read my story: It is Post #66 in my thread "Adventures of a Single Female Professor in the Middle of Nowhere."

Go to driving school; that will help (it was a requirement in my state). Start on small roads. Drive early in the morning on weekends. You don't need to be totally comfortable driving before you get your license; the test (at least in my state) is basically in a parking lot. Once you have the license, you can get a car and practice--that is the key thing.

I moved to a super-rural area and got a car, and then within four months of moving here I was making interstate drives home.

Just do it. Only thing you can do, since waiting around only fuels the anxiety. I postponed mine for a while, and it did me no good either. I got my drivers license about two months ago at 22, and now have my own car. Sure, it is a little intimidating at first, but once you get in there, you will get used to it. Look around the net for driving classes, and work your way up.

My sister is almost 23 and doesn't have one either. I think that when u live in a city and can use a bus or whatever is better. You don't have to pay extra monthly for insurance, car payments, gas, car problems. I wish that I didn't have a car lol but living in Montana... I need one... there isn't much options for buses here lol. But anyways Go carts... their fun! I was scared to drive one myself for the first time. It's a lot easier than you think and way super fun. I got over my fear by just stepping out of my comfort zone and doing it. As for driving a car... maybe you can talk to one of your closest friends and see if they will help you out. Just get out of the city and start somewhere quiet and secluded or something. Good Luck!

Wow, so glad to know I'm not alone I feel like whenever I tell someone I don't have a license, they assume that I'm incompetent. That may actually be the number one reason I want to do this--being more mobile is secondary. I feel a little less anxious about it now that everyone's telling me it's really not that bad.

what is it that makes you anxious about driving?

Any tips on getting over this anxiety and getting into a car? I find myself making so many excuses about not learning how to drive (mostly that I can get around pretty well without a car--which I can, unless I need to go somewhere more than a couple miles away). And if I do get in a car, I start panicking before I even turn the car on! I know I need to get over this, but I don't know how.

 

Anyone had a similar experience--with anything, really? I'll take all the advice I can get!

I've got a lot of sympathy with this - when I went to university, very few students had cars, we never had a family car and it was only when I was out in the big wide world working that I could even afford to start thinking about it.

I never got behind the wheel of a car (the steering wheel, that is!) until I was 24, and I won't tell you how many tests I had, or how old I was when I finally passed but I take the view that if I could get a licence then anyone could! I discovered I was phobic about driving, and I did have some therapy to overcome this, and general stress-reduction techniques help, too.

So, believe me, you have:

a) My sincere sympathy and

b) My assurance that it CAN be done, no matter how nervous you are to start.

I wouldn't be without the car these days!

I'm anxious about high-stress situations: city driving, merging, traffic on the highway. I've driven rural and suburban roads okay. But since I live in the city, I'd only ever be doing city driving--or I'd be getting on the highway to go somewhere else!

Well I am well over your age and haven't passed. I did take may test pretty much as soon as I could and failed, twice. I never liked driving. I went to university after failing my last test and to be honest I didn't have the money to continue to take lessons while studying. I left university and applied for jobs and I ended up working close to where I lived so I didn't have a need to drive. I can take local transport to where I need to go and I saved a huge amount of money by not driving (driving is extremely expensive in the UK) which allowed me to buy a house. I don't regret that part. I wonder if I would have a house if I had passed my test and spent money on a car for these years.

People always assume that everyone over 20 has a driving licence so when people find out that I don't they are sometimes surprised. It hasn't really caused me any problems though and even had some benefits. I think I will have to learn eventually as sometimes are car is useful and in future I may need it. I haven't so far but that will change I am sure.

What country are you in? The test in the UK is now very hard, there is a written theory, hazard perception computer test and the practical which will soon involve you finding your way to places without any directions as well as being assessed on the things you are already tested on. They say that the vast majority fail on the first test, and on average people only get a pass after around at least 45 hours of professional lessons combined with 22 hours of private practice. I don't know a single person who passed the UK test first time so if you take it and fail do not worry there is no shame in it at all! I think a professional instructor is a must. I don't know anyone in the UK that managed to pass without any professional instruction. To be honest I am pretty nervous about learning to drive as well so you are not alone.

I'm anxious about high-stress situations: city driving, merging, traffic on the highway. I've driven rural and suburban roads okay. But since I live in the city, I'd only ever be doing city driving--or I'd be getting on the highway to go somewhere else!

That's normal, even years of driving, places like Seattle, Dallas and Boston all had its share of freaky moments. I prefer not to drive in areas that's congested or during rush hours.

I'm anxious about high-stress situations: city driving, merging, traffic on the highway. I've driven rural and suburban roads okay. But since I live in the city, I'd only ever be doing city driving--or I'd be getting on the highway to go somewhere else!

I found this to start with; these days it's merely tedious and a waste of your life. Strangely, I got over it as follows:

I was doing some voluntary work in a mental health day centre; my drive home took me through a busy, stressful part of town during the rush hour, and I was used to feeling physically sick at the end of the journey. Then one afternoon they had a relaxation session at the centre, where they played a tape made by a local hypnotherapist; the last part of the tape told you that if you were driving after the session, you would do so in a calm state of mind with quick and efficient reflexes. I'd half forgotten this, until I realised that I'd been driving for 20 minutes, calm as you like, through a particularly hairy bit of the journey! Previous relaxation sessions hadn't produced this result, so if if driving's REALLY stress-inducing for you, I'd honestly give hypnotherapy a go. I got a tape for myself, and it significantly built up my confidence.

You're not alone. I've gotten my license 7+ years ago, and I'm still afraid to drive.

I really need to start brushing up on it soon.

Hey, it's OK. I got mine when I was 28. My excuse was that I had no one to teach me (which was true) and I didn't want to shell out money for driving school. But when my ex and I broke up, my dad offered to pay someone to teach me. That guy turned out to be a felon, but either way, I did learn to drive and got my license. Still don't have money for a car, but at least now I can drive to the grocery store with my mom on weekends and drive my dad to the river when I visit him. I was scared too, but eventually learned to enjoy it. I was also afraid to tell anyone for fear of being labeled a loser. My ex fiance did think it was bad, but then again, he kinda enabled it by insisting on driving me around even when I told him no.

In any case, I think you should go for it. Sign up for a few lessons and just enjoy the experience of being behind the wheel with someone safe to give you tips and advice. Then when you know what to do, take the test, get the license...and if you have money, get yourself a car. Good luck

Any tips on getting over this anxiety and getting into a car? I find myself making so many excuses about not learning how to drive (mostly that I can get around pretty well without a car--which I can, unless I need to go somewhere more than a couple miles away). And if I do get in a car, I start panicking before I even turn the car on! I know I need to get over this, but I don't know how.

If I were in your shoes I would sign up for some personal lessons. Call some local drivers-ed schools and ask if they offer that service; I'm sure most do. Having an experienced driver by your side would likely go a long way at helping you get over the anxiety. Before you know it, you'll be buzzing along the highways like the rest of us.

I'm 29 and don't have a license. I'm a city girl. i know i should get one, just in case......

Yeah, go to a real drivers ed place. Often you're the only one signed up, so you get private lessons! It's WELL worth the money! They'll even help you get the license.

One of my friends didn't get hers until she was 24. She was Japanese and spent most of her 18+ year old life travelling. No need to get a car in downtown Kyoto and she didn't have an opportunity to get a car in the states until she was older. She failed the test the first time due to parallel parking nerves. She was really embarrassed but we made her try again as soon as possible and she passed with a perfect score.

Hey Cornflake, I see you've gotten some great feedback here. I wanted to add my two cents. I know just how you feel. I felt ashamed for so long about not knowing how to drive. All my buddies in high school got their licenses and I got left behind.

Last year, I decided that enough was enough and got my Learner's license. That was the easy part. Then I drove with a friend, who made me go onto highways and rural areas. After awhile, I started with a driving instructor to learn parking techniques and to brush up. I took my first test in August 2009 and failed miserably (ran a red because I was so stressed). Took my second test in November and failed again because I missed shoulder checks.

Took my third test in January and almost passed, but screwed up right at the last minute. After having a major meltdown following that test, I decided that I would not take any more tests until I was absolutely ready, inside and out. My boyfriend went and got his full license and although he's not 25 (legal age of a supervisor in my province) he let me drive whenever we went out together. I took advantage of every opportunity to drive, and slowly but surely, the more practice I got, the better I felt.

I took my fourth test on Monday and I passed. Not only did I pass, I did really, really well. I wasn't nervous this time, because I knew the rules inside and out. Since then, I've been driving myself to work, to the store, and driving just because I can. It is so freeing and while part of me is like "why did you wait so long?" The other part knows that I followed the path that was right for me. At 17, I simply wouldn't have been emotionally mature enough to be on the road safely. We all do things in our own time, and I actually am glad that I waited.

Get behind the wheel, practice and in time, you'll become comfortable with the idea of driving. I used to lose sleep worrying about driving practice the next day, and now I drive alone, singing along to my music, perfectly comfortable. You can do it