My boyfriend is really laid back, which is great, but he's almost too laid back. To the point where he can't make decisions and it's driving me crazy. We had the whole weekend together, had plans to go to the beach, go to a festival here in town, go fishing with his friend, etc. That's fine, we came to that decision together. But when it comes to making the decisions at the last minute, that's the problem. All I ever get when I throw out an idea is "Whatever you want to do, baby." If I ask him what he feels like doing, "Whatever you want is fine wiht me."
Now, for a control freak like me, that sounds ideal, right? But it's not. I don't want to make all the decisions!! Like we planned to go to the beach yesterday b/c it was nice out. Both of us wanted to do that, cool. Before we went, we wanted to stop somewhere and eat. I asked where he felt like eating. He said "I don't really care". Ok, I say "How about that bagel place?" I get "I don't really like bagels." "Ok so where then?" "It doesn't matter to me." If he really did care, why not say it? I feel like I have to throw out all the details and come up with the next thing to do.
Then last night we were trying to figure out what to do today. We didn't go fishing with his friend last night and we didn't make it to the festival yesterday, so I asked last night if he wanted to do the beach again with some friends and then go to the festival. He said just before he wnt to bed that we'll "play it by ear" (always his answer). He said he had some stuff to help his dad with at home and when I asked him for specifics, he said he didn't know. This mroning we wake up and asks what I want to do. Asks if I am going to the beach and stuff with my friend. I told him I didn't decide yet b/c he said he wanted to play everything by ear. And then he says "Well I have to go help my dad with that stuff before noon." He hadn't talked to his dad at all from the time he went to sleep to the time he woke up! Why didn't he tell me the specifics last night? So now I feel like I had to put a hold on my plans b/c I didn't know if he was included in the plans or not but now he tells me he had set plans to help his dad by X time. How is that playing it by ear????
It's really driving me mad. When I ask him why he doesn't give me any ideas, he just says he is laid back. But then when I throw out an idea, he says he doesnt want to do that. Or when I ask him what he feels like doing, he says "Whatever youw ant to do baby". He seriously told me he says that b/c he "doesnt want to upset me". I asked him if he's scared of me or something, and he says no not at all, but that he just doesn't want me to be upset with his opinion. How would I get upset about where we grab breakfast before the beach???
I'm not a spontaneous person in a whirlwind sort of way. When it comes to getting something to eat or whatever, I can decide quickly. I like to make plans but not to the point of stone in everything. Mostly I just like to have a general idea of what we'll do around what time, just so I can know waht to expect somewhat. If we have set in stone plans, then yea, it bothers me if they get messed up. He told me today he'll be back around 2, but I know for a fact if he's not, I'll be very bothered by it b/c that is, to me, a set time. Like if you can't make it, don't say it. I have no idea if he'll be back around 2 but I know it'll bother me if he's not, even if I go out and do my own thing today, b/c I'll make sure I'm back by 2 to meet him.
I don't know what to do. He says he just likes to come to a compromise all the time, and lately it feels like he's the onyl one compromising. But how can I compromise if I'm the only one who comes up with things to do? He doesn't give me anything to compromise on! Like it bothers him that I'm always the one coming up with ideas or plans!!!
It's really really starting to piss me off. It's like this all the time. I love that he's laid back b/c I'm not so laid back all the time and it works for us, but he's way too laid back for my taste. I need even just a little assertiveness and decision making! Why can't he give me that?