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Thread: Having girl friends disappear when they are in relationships

  1. #1
    Allyo
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    Having girl friends disappear when they are in relationships

    I am so frustrated! I see this pattern all the time, where a woman gets a boyfriend and suddenly ignores her friends. Has this happened to you? Is it just as common for it to happen vice-versa, like a man getting a girlfriend and then ignoring his male friends?

    This happened with one of my best friends since we were 13. It has been more cyclical, as in she is available to hang out and loads of fun when she doesn't have a boyfriend, but completely unavailable if she does have one. We now live far away, and she stopped responding to e-mails so I don't even bother anymore.

    This happened with another recent friend of mine of about a year and a half, we became close friends and then all of a sudden she found a boyfriend. I even lent her a lot of money at one point when she was having financial difficulties after her mom died (she never paid me back). Her and her boyfriend had problems in the beginning, and she would call me to complain all the time... but now that things are going just fine, she doesn't even bother to call! The other day I asked her what were HER plans were for the evening, and she responded, "WE don't have any." I was asking HER, not her and her boyfriend! Uggh!

    This actually takes a blow to my self-esteem. When you consider somebody special or important to you it hurts to lose them. Like their boyfriends are that much greater than me? They don't miss me at all? It hurts! I currently have a boyfriend, and in fact I encourage him to go out with his friends without me. I would never let a girl friend go so easily, but this makes me feel so dispensable.

  2. #2
    Allyo
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    And to add on... my roommate is the same way! Her boyfriend cheated on her, and they broke up for a couple months. She was always down to hang out and go out dancing when he wasn't around. She would always invite friends over to the house... It didn't really seem like she was having such a bad time without him!

    Now they decided to get back together... and all of a sudden they are super serious. They spend one night in our house, and one night in his house. Which basically means - I don't see her alone, she is ALWAYS with him. I mean, I kind of don't like hanging out with her anymore - in or outside the house - since it always implies hanging out with him. How lame! Maybe it is my age or my immaturity or my spontaneity, but a routine like that seems so boring to me! If they live like that why don't they get a place together already...?!

    Okay, enough venting...

  3. #3
    Resolute
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    Generally, during the honeymoon phase the two in question usually focus on each other, nothing else. They do not forget you per se; they know you are there, they may want to spend time with you, but on their list of priorities, you do not rank as high as the significant other. The honeymoon phase starts as soon as does the relationship, usually it only lasts a couple of months, but its not a static amount of time and it can go as long as anyone could imagine.
    A piece of advice I could give you, is to not allow them to forget about you. Talk to your friends about how you want to spend more time with them and how you feel 'forgotten'. It's not uncommon for this to happen. The only thing you can do is remind your friends you are there, and their life is not their boyfriend or girlfriend. Sometimes being as up front as possible about it helps; it proves your point.

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    Ginger1
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    agreed- I try to avoid people with boyfriends. It seems to completely consume them and I hate to be the cynical one, but honestly I just want to say LIVE because you are probably not going to be dating this person in a year! sheesh.
    Luckily most of my friends don't have boyfriends and the ones that do for the most part are not obnoxious about it. My roommate on the other hand has NO friends because of her gross bf who spends way too much time in my/our room (yup I'm bitter)

  5. #5
    In the Dark
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    This happens with both men and women.

    Your friends are not wanting to spend the rest of their life with you.
    They are planning on doing this with who they find love with.
    This gives everyone a tendency to distance themselves from their friends and their friends SHOULD be happy for them.
    Not jealous that they have found someone.

    And I know some females who do put a bad rap on their friends BF just so the BF gets pushed away so the friend comes back.
    Seen it many times to be honest.

    For whatever reason you still want to play around.
    Your friends don't.

    The Fix:-
    Get a boyfriend, suck it up or find women like yourself.

  6. #6
    sidehop
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    It happens, I know plenty of people like that. They come and go.

  7. #7
    Allyo
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    Quote Originally Posted by In the Dark [Register to see the link]
    Your friends are not wanting to spend the rest of their life with you.
    They are planning on doing this with who they find love with.
    I put a high value on friendship. Of course I would think that my best girl friends would be my friends for life!

  8. #8
    Allyo
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    Quote Originally Posted by In the Dark [Register to see the link]
    The Fix:-
    Get a boyfriend, suck it up or find women like yourself.
    I also have a boyfriend, but I don't ignore my friends.

  9. #9
    g84
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    I would disagree with you Itd (i hope i didn't misunderstand).
    I don't think the OP sounds jealous or anything like that. It can be pretty hurtful when close friends suddenly act like they no longer care to spend time with you just because they've met someone. There can be a balance; friendships are important to maintain as well. Some people don't really work on creating that balance, and then friendships can be negatively affected by this.

  10. #10
    In the Dark
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    If you are their best friend you would be happy they have found someone to fall in love with.

    Even if it means they are not in contact with you anywhere near as much or not wanting to go out partying and clubbing like a single woman.

    They still consider you a friend.
    But they also want to live a happy life under the same house with someone who they can happily call their other half and this is what they are trying to do.

    EDIT:-
    OP I see now you do have a partner, you will have to understand that they are different in the way they like to place their BF as number one over their friends to the point where everything between them comes first.

    Even to the point where you may feel neglected.

    Just need to understand it's what happens.

    They will still be there in the end.

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