Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 29

Thread: Having girl friends disappear when they are in relationships

  1. #1
    Allyo
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Age
    29
    Posts
    343
    Gender
    Female

    Having girl friends disappear when they are in relationships

    I am so frustrated! I see this pattern all the time, where a woman gets a boyfriend and suddenly ignores her friends. Has this happened to you? Is it just as common for it to happen vice-versa, like a man getting a girlfriend and then ignoring his male friends?

    This happened with one of my best friends since we were 13. It has been more cyclical, as in she is available to hang out and loads of fun when she doesn't have a boyfriend, but completely unavailable if she does have one. We now live far away, and she stopped responding to e-mails so I don't even bother anymore.

    This happened with another recent friend of mine of about a year and a half, we became close friends and then all of a sudden she found a boyfriend. I even lent her a lot of money at one point when she was having financial difficulties after her mom died (she never paid me back). Her and her boyfriend had problems in the beginning, and she would call me to complain all the time... but now that things are going just fine, she doesn't even bother to call! The other day I asked her what were HER plans were for the evening, and she responded, "WE don't have any." I was asking HER, not her and her boyfriend! Uggh!

    This actually takes a blow to my self-esteem. When you consider somebody special or important to you it hurts to lose them. Like their boyfriends are that much greater than me? They don't miss me at all? It hurts! I currently have a boyfriend, and in fact I encourage him to go out with his friends without me. I would never let a girl friend go so easily, but this makes me feel so dispensable.

  2. #2
    Allyo
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Age
    29
    Posts
    343
    Gender
    Female
    And to add on... my roommate is the same way! Her boyfriend cheated on her, and they broke up for a couple months. She was always down to hang out and go out dancing when he wasn't around. She would always invite friends over to the house... It didn't really seem like she was having such a bad time without him!

    Now they decided to get back together... and all of a sudden they are super serious. They spend one night in our house, and one night in his house. Which basically means - I don't see her alone, she is ALWAYS with him. I mean, I kind of don't like hanging out with her anymore - in or outside the house - since it always implies hanging out with him. How lame! Maybe it is my age or my immaturity or my spontaneity, but a routine like that seems so boring to me! If they live like that why don't they get a place together already...?!

    Okay, enough venting...

  3. #3
    Resolute
    Bronze Member Resolute's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Alaska
    Age
    23
    Posts
    217
    Gender
    Male
    Generally, during the honeymoon phase the two in question usually focus on each other, nothing else. They do not forget you per se; they know you are there, they may want to spend time with you, but on their list of priorities, you do not rank as high as the significant other. The honeymoon phase starts as soon as does the relationship, usually it only lasts a couple of months, but its not a static amount of time and it can go as long as anyone could imagine.
    A piece of advice I could give you, is to not allow them to forget about you. Talk to your friends about how you want to spend more time with them and how you feel 'forgotten'. It's not uncommon for this to happen. The only thing you can do is remind your friends you are there, and their life is not their boyfriend or girlfriend. Sometimes being as up front as possible about it helps; it proves your point.

  4. #4
    Ginger1
    Silver Member Ginger1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    434
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    8
    agreed- I try to avoid people with boyfriends. It seems to completely consume them and I hate to be the cynical one, but honestly I just want to say LIVE because you are probably not going to be dating this person in a year! sheesh.
    Luckily most of my friends don't have boyfriends and the ones that do for the most part are not obnoxious about it. My roommate on the other hand has NO friends because of her gross bf who spends way too much time in my/our room (yup I'm bitter)

  5. #5
    In the Dark
    Platinum Member In the Dark's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Somewhere to the right of Australia
    Age
    36
    Posts
    5,001
    Thanked
    1
    This happens with both men and women.

    Your friends are not wanting to spend the rest of their life with you.
    They are planning on doing this with who they find love with.
    This gives everyone a tendency to distance themselves from their friends and their friends SHOULD be happy for them.
    Not jealous that they have found someone.

    And I know some females who do put a bad rap on their friends BF just so the BF gets pushed away so the friend comes back.
    Seen it many times to be honest.

    For whatever reason you still want to play around.
    Your friends don't.

    The Fix:-
    Get a boyfriend, suck it up or find women like yourself.

  6. #6
    sidehop
    Platinum Member sidehop's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    New Hampshire
    Age
    37
    Posts
    6,879
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    3
    It happens, I know plenty of people like that. They come and go.

  7. #7
    Allyo
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Age
    29
    Posts
    343
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by In the Dark [Register to see the link]
    Your friends are not wanting to spend the rest of their life with you.
    They are planning on doing this with who they find love with.
    I put a high value on friendship. Of course I would think that my best girl friends would be my friends for life!

  8. #8
    Allyo
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Age
    29
    Posts
    343
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by In the Dark [Register to see the link]
    The Fix:-
    Get a boyfriend, suck it up or find women like yourself.
    I also have a boyfriend, but I don't ignore my friends.

  9. #9
    g84
    Gold Member g84's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Here
    Posts
    879
    Gender
    Female
    I would disagree with you Itd (i hope i didn't misunderstand).
    I don't think the OP sounds jealous or anything like that. It can be pretty hurtful when close friends suddenly act like they no longer care to spend time with you just because they've met someone. There can be a balance; friendships are important to maintain as well. Some people don't really work on creating that balance, and then friendships can be negatively affected by this.

  10. #10
    In the Dark
    Platinum Member In the Dark's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Somewhere to the right of Australia
    Age
    36
    Posts
    5,001
    Thanked
    1
    If you are their best friend you would be happy they have found someone to fall in love with.

    Even if it means they are not in contact with you anywhere near as much or not wanting to go out partying and clubbing like a single woman.

    They still consider you a friend.
    But they also want to live a happy life under the same house with someone who they can happily call their other half and this is what they are trying to do.

    EDIT:-
    OP I see now you do have a partner, you will have to understand that they are different in the way they like to place their BF as number one over their friends to the point where everything between them comes first.

    Even to the point where you may feel neglected.

    Just need to understand it's what happens.

    They will still be there in the end.

  11.  

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Top Threads
Who is in the wrong?
This person isn't really a "friend" she is 24+ years older than me. I have a feeling I'm getting taken advantage of because of my age. I started
Confusing behaviour
I met my friend about 9 months ago but we didnít really get talking properly until about 4 months later. I think this is because I live abroad and in
Why is it so hard to make friends as adults? need some advice...
So i am a female in my late 20's. I met a new girl at work a few months ago...I wouldnt say we really hit it off right away but I thought I could
what is wrong with friend
Hello today i saw my friend and he waved to me first and then i wave back to him.and he waveed back to me and then we were going to the same place so
To talk about it or not to talk about it...that is the question
Hello awesome people of enotalone! So, my female friend, and occasional work mate, may be misinterpreting my "being nice" as something with
frienship advise please!
hey everyone, this is my first time on this site, and i would really appreciate some advice. Im a teen girl, and so is my best friend. our school is
What should I do about this friendship?
Hi! Just a heads up this is going to be really long! So I've been friends with this girl for at least 7 years I think maybe longer but there's some

Featured Threads
Who is in the wrong?
This person isn't really a "friend" she is 24+ years older than me. I have a feeling I'm getting taken advantage of because of my age. I started
I became engaged with a girl who calls herself a "free spirit"......need clarity
I met a wonderful and bright girl 3.5 years ago and she by far stole my heart. She is appositely beautiful, funny, intelligent and outgoing. She is
Has anyone ever totally given up on finding love?
Hello everyone! Well I been wanting to post this for a few weeks now. I don't really know how to say it or word it. But, who here has or knows
Today "should" have been our 6 year anniversary
Today was suppose to be our 6th year together. Today is the first time on this date that we are not together. We made this date a big deal
Shoud I break up because my girlfriend hooked up with my cousin in t
I'm jealous because my girlfriend had casual sex with my cousin before she met me. We've been dating for a year, she's very funny, caring, sexy
I'm in love with my co-worker 😥
My coworker and I started working together about 10 months ago. We work closely together all day just the two of us mainly. From the day he started
Aggressive Courting
There's this girl I really, really like, and would really want to be in a relationship with. Unfortunately, recently I messed up, and now I think she
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •