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Thread: Dating a divorced man. Can't get over being jealous of his ex-wife...

  1. #1
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2007

    Dating a divorced man. Can't get over being jealous of his ex-wife...

    Hello. I have had something on my mind for weeks now and I can't seem to come to terms with it in my head. I'm hoping for some guidance or insight from someone who may have been in my position before.

    I'm 38 and have been divorced for 2 years. I have been dating a wonderful man for a little over a year. He is wonderful to me and I know he loves me. My problem is that I can't get over his past. It bothers me to know that he was married and had a life with another woman before me. I can't stand to think about him building a life, a house, kids, and everything else that goes along with marriage with someone else. I have just spent the weekend with his sister and it seemed like she talked about the ex-wife non stop. His sister hates his ex-wife and spoke very poorly of her but we still spent a great deal of time talking about the ex-wife. I feel so immature that I'm struggling to get past these feelings but I am truly having a hard time with this. What's even more ridiculous is that I was married for the same amount of time and had 3 children. My boyfriend never feels jealousy (or never mentions it).

    I hope there is someone out there that has experienced the same feelings and can shed some light for me.....

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    The detail you add at the end DOES make this seem a little odd, yes. It's just a matter of mental discipline I think.

    And perhaps learning to change the subject very gracefully to something positive when she comes up in conversation. Or if you can't do that, have a phrase at least in your head, like: "Let's leave the past in the past."

    What would you say to reassure your partner if he had these feelings about your past?
    It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, It is because we do not dare that they are difficult. (Seneca)

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Crazyaboutdogs's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Are you generally a jealous person? Did your ex husband have a past when you got together with him? If so, were you jealous of his past? Why did you and your ex divorce? Is it possible you have some unresolved issues from your marriage which you are bringing into this relationship? I guess I could understand your feelings if you yourself had never been married, but you basically had the same life experience as he has had. This is your second time around as well as his.

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