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Thread: VERY upset and can't stop crying

  1. #1
    adequate
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    VERY upset and can't stop crying

    Hi all. I had a great day off enjoying the 80 degree rare weather in my area and I had a friend over and I sat out on my patio for the first time in my new beautiful condo. Everything was great until about an hour ago.

    I was in my bedroom when I heard this slight banging noise from the wall. I heard very slight moaning and I figured out it was my neighboor having sex. I met her and she is very nice and probably around my age or a little older (46-50) and I figured she was alone too like me. Well I was wrong! I guess I took comfort in thinking that because I did not want to face what I just realized tonight:

    I am still hurt by my ex husband leaving me 4 years ago. Some of you know my story and some of you don't but what it comes down to is I am so afraid and so hurt by what he did to me I can't ever take a chance again on love. I just want to not want to date anybody. After hearing my neighboor having sex it made me realize I am not dead yet (libido and otherwise) but wish I did not care about wanting to be with someone again. To tell you the truth sometimes I go on the breakup and divorce forumns just to keep convincing myself that is where I will end up again if I get into another relationship.

    I am so upset that I am upset. I LOVE my new condo and I don't want to feel this way now. After 4 years you would think I would over my what my ex did to me but I am not.

    Thank you all for listening .

  2. #2
    Tony01
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    Whats a condo

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    annie24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tony01 [Register to see the link]
    Whats a condo
    it's a flat that the OP owns. short for 'condominium'

    weathergirl - the bad news is that this woman has a lover and you don't. The GOOD news is that she is an 'older' lady and has a lover!!! that means you can find one as well. it's not like you've lost your last chance at love. you can get out there and meet someone. my mom remarried at 63. it's never too late.

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    Tony01
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    i agree with annie24 best thing is to go out and enjoy youself remember you only live once you never know what youll find along your way

    hope it goes well for you

  5. #5
    adequate
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    Quote Originally Posted by annie24 [Register to see the link]
    it's a flat that the OP owns. short for 'condominium'

    weathergirl - the bad news is that this woman has a lover and you don't. The GOOD news is that she is an 'older' lady and has a lover!!! that means you can find one as well. it's not like you've lost your last chance at love. you can get out there and meet someone. my mom remarried at 63. it's never too late.
    Actually I can't Annie because I am too afraid. That is what I figured out tonight. I just can't take a chance again and I was ok with it for 4 years until tonight.

  6. #6
    Crazyaboutdogs
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    I am sorry that the love sounds of your neighbour brought everything up again regarding your ex. I would have thought condos were more solidly constructed that you wouldn't hear the neighbours having sex. I feel the same way as you...on the one hand I would like to be with someone, on the other hand I am fed up with being treated with disrespect by men who have issues, and just don't want to be bothered dealing with someone else's BS. I have seen far too many unhappy people in relationships who would have been far better off not married, than in the marriages they ended up in. Part of me is relieved that I am not stuck in a horrendous relationship or marriage, and part of me is sad that I never found anyone decent to have a happy and healthy relationship with. It is hard thinking that this is it, I was meant never to find love..but then I look at many married people in miserable relationships and I realize that they never found love either, despite being married and having sex with their partner.

  7. 04-02-2010, 09:21 PM
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    annie24
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    maybe it would be a good time to sit down and figure what you are afraid of and how to deal with it.

    love is a risk, for sure. but it has rewards. if you are afraid of divorce, well, you don't have to marry again. you can simply date. i know many people who do that. what i'm saying is that you don't have to dive right into the dating/relationship pool. dip your toes in. start hanging out with some nice men again.

    have you seen a counselor about the breakup of your marriage? it might be good to have someone to talk to.

  9. #8
    annie24
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    i have a condo too and hear my neighbors having sex. i think it's funny. i also have a neighbor who vacuums EVERY saturday night at around 11 PM for the last few years now. very weird.

    anyway, it's scary to think about having your heart broken again, but i think it's even scarier to be alone for the next 50 years of your life (let's assume you'll live to 100). why did you and your husband break up? did the breakup come out of nowhere?

  10. #9
    adequate
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    Hi CAD thank you for your input. Actually my condo is the on the end and it is a ranch and the only part that is attached to the condo next to me is my bedroom. The front of my condo faces the side so it actually looks like a house but I really could not hear them moaning until I put my ear against the wall and they were going at it very hard but it was very faint. But I do realize there are so many people out there that are in unhappy relationships and I have been using that to try to make myself feel better and to try to live a happy life without even ever dating again. I guess the question is should I never date again and have that part missing or date again and end up probably getting hurt again. I don't know.

    I am sorry you never found love CAD. I have been reading your posts for years and you are so intelligent and would make a great partner for someone. That last thing you said about many married people who ended up miserable did not end up finding love either. Very powerful statement.

  11. #10
    adequate
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    Quote Originally Posted by annie24 [Register to see the link]
    i have a condo too and hear my neighbors having sex. i think it's funny. i also have a neighbor who vacuums EVERY saturday night at around 11 PM for the last few years now. very weird.

    anyway, it's scary to think about having your heart broken again, but i think it's even scarier to be alone for the next 50 years of your life (let's assume you'll live to 100). why did you and your husband break up? did the breakup come out of nowhere?
    Annie I came home one night from being out with a girlfriend and all of his stuff was gone with a note saying he wanted a divorce. He kissed my bye earlier in the day and told me to have a good time. Turns out he was having an affair with someone at work and now he is married to her.

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